problems with my girl, please help

[Nate.184]

So i started talking with this woman i went to high school with. She seemed perfect for me in every way and we just had an amazing connection from the get go. I seriously was in love with her after a few days and she said she felt the same way and that she had never been treated so well before.

She ended up breaking it of with her boyfriend of 2 yrs to be with me after only 4 days of talking to me. I made the long drive up to see her a couple weekends in a row and it was really amazing each time. The sex was great too... she had her first orgasm.

The third time i went up to see her was for 9 days. we had a few minor fights.. nothing abnormal. but she said i was smothering her a bit a couple nights before i left, which was on our one month anniversary. I even got her a promise ring while i was there because i really thought this was the woman id spend my life with and she was always telling me how strongly she felt for me as well.

As soon as i was back home things seemed a bit off for a few days. i figured 9 days together was a bit to much this early on in the relationship but thought everything would be fine. one morning i text her and she says leave me alone. a few hrs later she texts me and says she needs a break because iv been smothering her.
I did give her alot of attention and we talked alot but she had said that she liked talking alot ect. and its not like i was always the one calling either.
she hasnt hardly talked to me in the past week and iv given her TONS of space but i want some answers. she just says she doesnt want to hurt me but she cant fake how she feels. says i seem obsessed and i freaked her out. she said just chill out and do your own thing and i will see you when i come home and we will see how it goes. but she isnt sure the next time she is coming down. it will prob be 3 or 4 more weeks!!

now she is going to be driving 8 hours with a friend next weekend to get her dog from her ex. i dont know if she will see him but she is still friends with his parents.


what should i do?? im ready to tell her to be straight with me and let me know what the hell is going on but i dont want to make the situation worse. please help me

[Oldlifter]

Originally Posted by Nate.184

So i started talking with this woman i went to high school with. She seemed perfect for me in every way and we just had an amazing connection from the get go. I seriously was in love with her after a few days and she said she felt the same way and that she had never been treated so well before.

She ended up breaking it of with her boyfriend of 2 yrs to be with me after only 4 days of talking to me. I made the long drive up to see her a couple weekends in a row and it was really amazing each time. The sex was great too... she had her first orgasm.

The third time i went up to see her was for 9 days. we had a few minor fights.. nothing abnormal. but she said i was smothering her a bit a couple nights before i left, which was on our one month anniversary. I even got her a promise ring while i was there because i really thought this was the woman id spend my life with and she was always telling me how strongly she felt for me as well.

As soon as i was back home things seemed a bit off for a few days. i figured 9 days together was a bit to much this early on in the relationship but thought everything would be fine. one morning i text her and she says leave me alone. a few hrs later she texts me and says she needs a break because iv been smothering her.
I did give her alot of attention and we talked alot but she had said that she liked talking alot ect. and its not like i was always the one calling either.
she hasnt hardly talked to me in the past week and iv given her TONS of space but i want some answers. she just says she doesnt want to hurt me but she cant fake how she feels. says i seem obsessed and i freaked her out. she said just chill out and do your own thing and i will see you when i come home and we will see how it goes. but she isnt sure the next time she is coming down. it will prob be 3 or 4 more weeks!!

now she is going to be driving 8 hours with a friend next weekend to get her dog from her ex. i dont know if she will see him but she is still friends with his parents.


what should i do?? im ready to tell her to be straight with me and let me know what the hell is going on but i dont want to make the situation worse. please help me

Ah, sorry to hear this bro. I would never tell anyone what to do in a situation like this. I'm sure they have some experienced counselors on here and maybe they can help. My heart does go out to you! It sounds like you are "love" bit.

I hope things work out in your favor and you are able to move on with your life. Hang in there and remain reasonable if at all possible!






.

[notsobig32]

ok bro,

i mean this all in the best possible way, she has told you what she wants and been striaght with you. You are coming on too strong for her. You are swept up in your feelings and doing what feels right for you but it is too much for her. Just try to play it cool, give her some space and don't worry about what she is doing with her ex. You guys have been together for roughly a month, you don't have kids with her, no marriage etc, you are getting yourself very worked up.

Try to just slow things down and let her call you. I made this mistake when i was younger and it just takes you stepping back. If she likes who you are, back off and she will come back around.

Funny enough my current "gf" is a girl who i had dated years ago and kinda came on too strong with and fell head over heels for. It didn't work out back then because of how i was with her but i ran into her a few months ago and i am much different these days. We have the best time and things are going amazing. I put the story here because i thought it was fiarly relevant.

I wish you the best of luck bro, but if you try to push her and lock her down, you are going to push her away and out of your life. This is just my opinion bro.

[eltiburonasesino]

Originally Posted by notsobig32

ok bro,

i mean this all in the best possible way, she has told you what she wants and been striaght with you. You are coming on too strong for her. You are swept up in your feelings and doing what feels right for you but it is too much for her. Just try to play it cool, give her some space and don't worry about what she is doing with her ex. You guys have been together for roughly a month, you don't have kids with her, no marriage etc, you are getting yourself very worked up.

Try to just slow things down and let her call you. I made this mistake when i was younger and it just takes you stepping back. If she likes who you are, back off and she will come back around.

Funny enough my current "gf" is a girl who i had dated years ago and kinda came on too strong with and fell head over heels for. It didn't work out back then because of how i was with her but i ran into her a few months ago and i am much different these days. We have the best time and things are going amazing. I put the story here because i thought it was fiarly relevant.

I wish you the best of luck bro, but if you try to push her and lock her down, you are going to push her away and out of your life. This is just my opinion bro.

I can sure agree with you on the part that if its been a month and there's no commitment on either part then either person has the right to walk away and see other people ... and keep in mind what they say about more fish in the sea , and not to mention you at least got to do her .

[PHIL HERNON]

At first glance..........

This is what I call a 2 for ( 4) 1 deal .............good for her only. You guys fell for it....

1. She was with her BF for 2 years.
2. She left him after talking to you for 4 days.
3. You are worried about her leaving you after 1 month to be with him?

[gordo14]

Originally Posted by PHIL HERNON

At first glance..........

This is what I call a 2 for ( 4) 1 deal .............good for her only. You guys fell for it....

1. She was with her BF for 2 years.
2. She left him after talking to you for 4 days.
3. You are worried about her leaving you after 1 month to be with him?

Where do you come up with this stuff!
Hilarious.
And to the op. Let her go.

[njpooldude]

if your having any fights..small or large within the 1st month.. its tainted...

if u fell in love in 4 days...i dont even know what to say

bottom line, she said leave her alone.. so i guess just let it be..
sorry it didnt workout the way u wanted, but hey.. u'll find a better one

[BiggJuicy]

There are lots of girls out there dude. Even ones that kind of like to be be smothered.

May the way of the Alpha be with you....

[mavs]

Originally Posted by notsobig32

ok bro,

i mean this all in the best possible way, she has told you what she wants and been striaght with you. You are coming on too strong for her. You are swept up in your feelings and doing what feels right for you but it is too much for her. Just try to play it cool, give her some space and don't worry about what she is doing with her ex. You guys have been together for roughly a month, you don't have kids with her, no marriage etc, you are getting yourself very worked up.

Try to just slow things down and let her call you. I made this mistake when i was younger and it just takes you stepping back. If she likes who you are, back off and she will come back around.

Funny enough my current "gf" is a girl who i had dated years ago and kinda came on too strong with and fell head over heels for. It didn't work out back then because of how i was with her but i ran into her a few months ago and i am much different these days. We have the best time and things are going amazing. I put the story here because i thought it was fiarly relevant.

I wish you the best of luck bro, but if you try to push her and lock her down, you are going to push her away and out of your life. This is just my opinion bro.

Great advise...
Hey Nate, what happened with this chick?

[Ehren]

Been there too, when I was younger, Bro. Passionate people often make this mistake.

But relationships are like a "see-saw". There has to be a balance for people to feel comfortable together. This balance comes from equal distance from each other. How much distance? Everyone's different.

Your girl, well she is on the very end of the see-saw. (Just came out of a relationship and fears making another mistake, another 4 years wasted).

If you move forward, she has to move back to maintain the balance. So it's your turn to move back now, so she can move forward toward your side of the "see-saw". Big space, leave her alone, go on a few dates.

Over time in a healthy relationship, you move forward together, at the same rate and the balance is maintained. But as of now, you stood up and ran across the see saw to her side in an attempt to be closer. So to maintain balance, she had to move almost all the way backward/off.

You've heard that women love "jerks", right? It's the frustration of every nice guy out there. But what is a jerk? It's a guy who showers them with attention, admiration and sex when together, then leaves them alone. Doesn't write, doesn't call except the minimum. Doesn't seem to care. Often, this makes them want to be with you moreso. Other times, women are just like guys, they want to have fun, get laid and go their own way. If that's what they want, you can't change it.

You are obviously the a nice-guy. Give her space...be the "jerk".

When you are with her, (or anyone) have fun, enjoy the sex and companionship. Let them know you care and enjoy them when you're there. Maintain contact like once a week or so if you feel THEY want you to. Then do your own thing. When they are ready again, they'll call ya. This means they are inching forward a bit on the see saw and you may too. Balance HAS TO happen together.

Good luck, Bro.

[BiggJuicy]

Originally Posted by Ehren

Been there too, when I was younger, Bro. Passionate people often make this mistake.

But relationships are like a "see-saw". There has to be a balance for people to feel comfortable together. This balance comes from equal distance from each other. How much distance? Everyone's different.

Your girl, well she is on the very end of the see-saw. (Just came out of a relationship and fears making another mistake, another 4 years wasted).

If you move forward, she has to move back to maintain the balance. So it's your turn to move back now, so she can move forward toward your side of the "see-saw". Big space, leave her alone, go on a few dates.

Over time in a healthy relationship, you move forward together, at the same rate and the balance is maintained. But as of now, you stood up and ran across the see saw to her side in an attempt to be closer. So to maintain balance, she had to move almost all the way backward/off.

You've heard that women love "jerks", right? It's the frustration of every nice guy out there. But what is a jerk? It's a guy who showers them with attention, admiration and sex when together, then leaves them alone. Doesn't write, doesn't call except the minimum. Doesn't seem to care. Often, this makes them want to be with you moreso. Other times, women are just like guys, they want to have fun, get laid and go their own way. If that's what they want, you can't change it.

You are obviously the a nice-guy. Give her space...be the "jerk".

When you are with her, (or anyone) have fun, enjoy the sex and companionship. Let them know you care and enjoy them when you're there. Maintain contact like once a week or so if you feel THEY want you to. Then do your own thing. When they are ready again, they'll call ya. This means they are inching forward a bit on the see saw and you may too. Balance HAS TO happen together.

Good luck, Bro.

I like to call that "jerk" thing, the "Alpha Male" thing. It has a better ring to it. But this guy is right. Girls don't like nice guys most of the time. Unless they are just looking for a friend. I was lucky and was raised by all women(mother, grandmother, sister, five aunts, all very close and sometimes living together, no father or grandfather) so I was let in on this secret at a young age. It doesn't make sense to most of the nice guys out there but I promise you it works, with "most" women, not all.

[sadie]

Originally Posted by BiggJuicy

I like to call that "jerk" thing, the "Alpha Male" thing. It has a better ring to it. But this guy is right. Girls don't like nice guys most of the time. Unless they are just looking for a friend. I was lucky and was raised by all women(mother, grandmother, sister, five aunts, all very close and sometimes living together, no father or grandfather) so I was let in on this secret at a young age. It doesn't make sense to most of the nice guys out there but I promise you it works, with "most" women, not all.

what "nice guys" never mention is the fact that they usually have all kinda weird baggage and or mental issues.. i have dated nice guys.. they seem to be more spun then the assholes..


OP.. maybe you rushed things a little? she was just hung up in a 2 yr relationship that she was clearly unhappy with if she would ditch him over a guy she barely knows.. so you jumped on the rebound train then got knocked off.. chances are she need to be single for a while to get over things and you not only started up a relationship but then pushed FAST.. a promise ring? ya i had someone try that after a month of being with me too.. another "nice guy" i had him return it.. maybe stepping back is good for you both.. and maybe consider why you would run full force into a relationship the way you did.. intense things tend to end intensely also..

[BiggJuicy]

Originally Posted by sadie

what "nice guys" never mention is the fact that they usually have all kinda weird baggage and or mental issues.. i have dated nice guys.. they seem to be more spun then the assholes..


OP.. maybe you rushed things a little? she was just hung up in a 2 yr relationship that she was clearly unhappy with if she would ditch him over a guy she barely knows.. so you jumped on the rebound train then got knocked off.. chances are she need to be single for a while to get over things and you not only started up a relationship but then pushed FAST.. a promise ring? ya i had someone try that after a month of being with me too.. another "nice guy" i had him return it.. maybe stepping back is good for you both.. and maybe consider why you would run full force into a relationship the way you did.. intense things tend to end intensely also..

Thanks sadie, we needed a woman to chime in and interpret what we were trying to say.

[Fireman]

Originally Posted by Ehren

Been there too, when I was younger, Bro. Passionate people often make this mistake.

But relationships are like a "see-saw". There has to be a balance for people to feel comfortable together. This balance comes from equal distance from each other. How much distance? Everyone's different.

Your girl, well she is on the very end of the see-saw. (Just came out of a relationship and fears making another mistake, another 4 years wasted).

If you move forward, she has to move back to maintain the balance. So it's your turn to move back now, so she can move forward toward your side of the "see-saw". Big space, leave her alone, go on a few dates.

Over time in a healthy relationship, you move forward together, at the same rate and the balance is maintained. But as of now, you stood up and ran across the see saw to her side in an attempt to be closer. So to maintain balance, she had to move almost all the way backward/off.

You've heard that women love "jerks", right? It's the frustration of every nice guy out there. But what is a jerk? It's a guy who showers them with attention, admiration and sex when together, then leaves them alone. Doesn't write, doesn't call except the minimum. Doesn't seem to care. Often, this makes them want to be with you moreso. Other times, women are just like guys, they want to have fun, get laid and go their own way. If that's what they want, you can't change it.

You are obviously the a nice-guy. Give her space...be the "jerk".

When you are with her, (or anyone) have fun, enjoy the sex and companionship. Let them know you care and enjoy them when you're there. Maintain contact like once a week or so if you feel THEY want you to. Then do your own thing. When they are ready again, they'll call ya. This means they are inching forward a bit on the see saw and you may too. Balance HAS TO happen together.

Good luck, Bro.

I wish i had this vision about relantionships a couple of years ago.
Dont be afraid of failing cos life is all about trial and error.

ALL THE BEST.

[Gators]

Promise ring after a month of seeing each other Uh yeah, you scared the heck out of her, so don't call her, see if she calls you, play the 'game' bro, if you pursue her she will run...

[PHIL HERNON]

JUST MAYBE........MAYBE..........it happens that the person just does not like you as much as they did at first......move on.

[ajdos]

Originally Posted by PHIL HERNON

JUST MAYBE........MAYBE..........it happens that the person just does not like you as much as they did at first......move on.

Exactly- there is one relationship that never acts iffy with me...the gym...she's my love for life...like Henry Rollins said..200lbs is always 200 lbs.
Just give her the space and let it ride.
Theres an old saying set them free, if they come back they were always yours, if they dont they were never yours.

[mrs bapper]

Well bro I think I think you should talk to her and find out what exactly is going on regardless of the outcome as it will put your mind at ease you obviously love her but it seems to be mixed signals on the other side true love is hard to come by so I hope she feels the same towards you if not the world is your oster and there are plenty of other girls out there who would love to be treated like a princess by a nice guy, but in my opinion its good to be bit of a bad guy too as most women are more attracted to this, so maybe its time to change your approach stop running after her and see what the outcome is then. I wish you all the best and hope everything works out in your favour!!!

[brineal]

just tell her you didnt know what was going on so you decided to see someone else, then find someone else....

[PHIL HERNON]

Originally Posted by brineal

just tell her you didnt know what was going on so you decided to see someone else, then find someone else....

Just make up a lie.........that works....then rush to find someone else to cover the lie...........good lookin