- Joined
- Apr 11, 2014
- Messages
- 1,079
Hello all. This seems to be a no bullshit forum. The moderators seem to be keeping shit under control over here. Unlike MD which is filled with bullshit and worthless posters. So I decided to post a copy of my journal here and see how its recieved
A few things to keep in mind with my training. I train primarily for the vent, as an exorcism for my mind. Ive done this to keep my rage under control for nearly 20 years. This involves brutal and EXCESSIVE training and is very self destructive. Results are never the primary objective. My training now is toned down and is becoming more balanced, but my mind is all extremes so nothing will ever be balanced for me. I thrive on chaos , rage and power. Its the only thing that keeps my mind right.
You wont find anything conventional about the way I live and train, eat, etc. This is a problem for many people that are accustomed to following eachother with no ability to think for themselves. Ive never been wired that way. Ive always isolated for people as theyve been very alien to me from the beginning. So dont expect me to follow any pre determined rules you may have programmed into your brain.
The purpose of me posting here is to show a different side , a darker side to this shit. Different ways to go about shit. To spread some fire as well, for whatever your individual goals may be. Im not here to judge anyone. Peoples thoughts have never affected me and I dont give a shit what you do. Aslong as you dont talk shit about me or my lifts for no good reason, or complain and make excuses , I wont have any issues with you. Its the internet, and for me strictly business. Nothing personal.
Ive been training since I was 14. Im 33 now. I had a 2 year lay off when I ruptured 2 discs in my spine ignoring pain. Lost all my size and identity for a while. Was a complete mind fuck. I was down to 155 lbs. I rebuilt myself slowly. Eventually doing heavy core work again to stabilize my spine. Then slowly coming back into training again. Eventually well exceeding my previous size and strength. This was after a doctor told me that my days were numbered and I would never lift again.
Previous to that I had tried to come back but kept fucking myself up. I had no ability to turn my intensity down. Its not in me. So I had to stay out for a while.
My training was always very extreme. I have four ruptured discs now from ignoring pain, bone spurs, carpal tunnel and numbness in hands for past 3 years.
My chest sessions were regularly 7 hours with long rest periods and Ive always done all my sets to complete failure with massive volume.
Deadlifting and back sessions were 6-8 hours when I was 185 lbs in 2003. I was deadlifting 730 lbs off the lowest setting on power rack, with the bar behind my legs. I called this the beast lift. I dont have any limits so when I start fucking around with shit, things can get out of control. I was doing every variation of deadlifting, rack deadlifting, etc , plus all my usual training and ignoring pain. After a year and half of deadlifting I had ruptured the discs. I knew I was on my way out, so I got fucking pissed off and finished myself off. Going on a training rampage. Two years later I started climbing back.
I have not used alot of hormones as of yet. I didnt fuck with hormones until about 10 years straight into my training. Around year 9 I used M1T, so you could say that was a steroid. It was legal but more potent than any injectable Ive ever used. I was stuck at 17 3/4 inch arms. I gained about 20 lbs and my arms were around 19 inches, bench went from 370 to nearly 400 (just missed it). Then took myself out for a while.
Ruptured 2 more discs upon my return but kept killing shit. Didnt really notice it. My back is so stiff anyway.
I started using hormones on and off, mostly off, after returning from my injuries. It helped to regain my old size and go beyond my previous limits. Growth was almost non existant for me after around 200 lbs without hormones. Very fast metabolism. Maintaining my weight took massive calories and growing was very minimal.
Its been a very slow process for me, but I believe that training mostly without drugs has built the strong foundation that I have now. I dont lose much size and strength at all now when off of hormones.
My metabolism is also very slow now in my 30s. Making it much easier to add size (fat and muscle). Despite all my pain and injuries I see this time as the prime time for me to get my largest. The slower metabolism, more access to food , bodybuilding focus , and other factors should allow me to really grow despite these limitations.
My largest was 242 lbs, 5'8 barefoot, 19 1/2 inch arms, 54 1/4 inch chest (under armpits), 29 legs, all cold flexed, but big waist at that point.
I later cleaned it up in the 220s and retained most of those measurements minus about 6 inches on the waist.
When I started I was around 105-115 lbs. A bone. Progress was super slow for me, but I never made fucking excuses and I would train all day, eat as much as possible and force shit to happen. Thats why I hate to hear whining and complaining. My genetics are nothing special, just good shape, but size has always been a bitch to gain. Now its easier in some ways with slower metabolism but its a slow painful process. Especially with the self destructive way I train. Its the only vent that works for me though. I need that exorcism cuz my mind is a fucking warzone. So thats how I do shit
This is just a quick summary. There is alot more I could go into but I just wanted to give some perspective of where I am coming from. If you dont like it, Sew your fucking eyelids closed
KILLLLLL THAT SHIT !!
A few things to keep in mind with my training. I train primarily for the vent, as an exorcism for my mind. Ive done this to keep my rage under control for nearly 20 years. This involves brutal and EXCESSIVE training and is very self destructive. Results are never the primary objective. My training now is toned down and is becoming more balanced, but my mind is all extremes so nothing will ever be balanced for me. I thrive on chaos , rage and power. Its the only thing that keeps my mind right.
You wont find anything conventional about the way I live and train, eat, etc. This is a problem for many people that are accustomed to following eachother with no ability to think for themselves. Ive never been wired that way. Ive always isolated for people as theyve been very alien to me from the beginning. So dont expect me to follow any pre determined rules you may have programmed into your brain.
The purpose of me posting here is to show a different side , a darker side to this shit. Different ways to go about shit. To spread some fire as well, for whatever your individual goals may be. Im not here to judge anyone. Peoples thoughts have never affected me and I dont give a shit what you do. Aslong as you dont talk shit about me or my lifts for no good reason, or complain and make excuses , I wont have any issues with you. Its the internet, and for me strictly business. Nothing personal.
Ive been training since I was 14. Im 33 now. I had a 2 year lay off when I ruptured 2 discs in my spine ignoring pain. Lost all my size and identity for a while. Was a complete mind fuck. I was down to 155 lbs. I rebuilt myself slowly. Eventually doing heavy core work again to stabilize my spine. Then slowly coming back into training again. Eventually well exceeding my previous size and strength. This was after a doctor told me that my days were numbered and I would never lift again.
Previous to that I had tried to come back but kept fucking myself up. I had no ability to turn my intensity down. Its not in me. So I had to stay out for a while.
My training was always very extreme. I have four ruptured discs now from ignoring pain, bone spurs, carpal tunnel and numbness in hands for past 3 years.
My chest sessions were regularly 7 hours with long rest periods and Ive always done all my sets to complete failure with massive volume.
Deadlifting and back sessions were 6-8 hours when I was 185 lbs in 2003. I was deadlifting 730 lbs off the lowest setting on power rack, with the bar behind my legs. I called this the beast lift. I dont have any limits so when I start fucking around with shit, things can get out of control. I was doing every variation of deadlifting, rack deadlifting, etc , plus all my usual training and ignoring pain. After a year and half of deadlifting I had ruptured the discs. I knew I was on my way out, so I got fucking pissed off and finished myself off. Going on a training rampage. Two years later I started climbing back.
I have not used alot of hormones as of yet. I didnt fuck with hormones until about 10 years straight into my training. Around year 9 I used M1T, so you could say that was a steroid. It was legal but more potent than any injectable Ive ever used. I was stuck at 17 3/4 inch arms. I gained about 20 lbs and my arms were around 19 inches, bench went from 370 to nearly 400 (just missed it). Then took myself out for a while.
Ruptured 2 more discs upon my return but kept killing shit. Didnt really notice it. My back is so stiff anyway.
I started using hormones on and off, mostly off, after returning from my injuries. It helped to regain my old size and go beyond my previous limits. Growth was almost non existant for me after around 200 lbs without hormones. Very fast metabolism. Maintaining my weight took massive calories and growing was very minimal.
Its been a very slow process for me, but I believe that training mostly without drugs has built the strong foundation that I have now. I dont lose much size and strength at all now when off of hormones.
My metabolism is also very slow now in my 30s. Making it much easier to add size (fat and muscle). Despite all my pain and injuries I see this time as the prime time for me to get my largest. The slower metabolism, more access to food , bodybuilding focus , and other factors should allow me to really grow despite these limitations.
My largest was 242 lbs, 5'8 barefoot, 19 1/2 inch arms, 54 1/4 inch chest (under armpits), 29 legs, all cold flexed, but big waist at that point.
I later cleaned it up in the 220s and retained most of those measurements minus about 6 inches on the waist.
When I started I was around 105-115 lbs. A bone. Progress was super slow for me, but I never made fucking excuses and I would train all day, eat as much as possible and force shit to happen. Thats why I hate to hear whining and complaining. My genetics are nothing special, just good shape, but size has always been a bitch to gain. Now its easier in some ways with slower metabolism but its a slow painful process. Especially with the self destructive way I train. Its the only vent that works for me though. I need that exorcism cuz my mind is a fucking warzone. So thats how I do shit
This is just a quick summary. There is alot more I could go into but I just wanted to give some perspective of where I am coming from. If you dont like it, Sew your fucking eyelids closed
KILLLLLL THAT SHIT !!