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Divorce - Looking For Advice

BKCE87

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Oct 19, 2013
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Well like the title says, I am looking for advice regarding divorcing my wife. I am real heartbroken and torn up right now. Can't sleep, not hungry, can't focus. I am currently deployed in Afghanistan, and found out she cheated on me. I feel pretty helpless about the whole situation as I am stuck here for another 2 months.
 
Get even and remember you can tell a tree by the fruit it bears,a apple will always have apples,a cheater will always be a cheater.
 
No desire to get 'even', that won't help anything or make me feel better. Lol also keep in mind where I am at there are 2 females where I'm at..and I wouldn't touch either with a 10 ft pole. An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. Thanks for your advice though.
 
No desire to get 'even', that won't help anything or make me feel better. Lol also keep in mind where I am at there are 2 females where I'm at..and I wouldn't touch either with a 10 ft pole. An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. Thanks for your advice though.

Can you contact counseling through your CO? May be able to use legal counsel to serve your wife with papers as this happened during your deployment for the government. See what avenues are available through the government!
 
I don't really feel the need for counseling to be honest, especially not via the military. I can get free legal support, but it is pretty tricky as we own a house/cars/property together. I am also in the middle of fucking no where on a pretty small team, in order to accomplish anything I would have to get flown to another base to see JAG. I love my wife very much, but don't think it would be wise to not divorce her..opinions?
 
I don't really feel the need for counseling to be honest, especially not via the military. I can get free legal support, but it is pretty tricky as we own a house/cars/property together. I am also in the middle of fucking no where on a pretty small team, in order to accomplish anything I would have to get flown to another base to see JAG. I love my wife very much, but don't think it would be wise to not divorce her..opinions?



well luckily this is the US, which means even though your wife betrayed your vows, she will get the house and everything else, and you will be left in the cold despite your military service (thank you for your service btw).

you shouldn't have gotten married in the first place (no man should), just be grateful that you don't have children together.
 
you shouldn't have gotten married in the first place (no man should), just be grateful that you don't have children together.
Standard Donkey is a good dude but even more jaded than I when it comes to marriage. Not every woman is a blood sucking parasite. My ex certainly is but I haven't given up on women all together. You're in a tough spot. There is obviously something going on with her that allowed her to violate your vows. You will have a hard time trusting her ever again. Did you see this coming? Just wondering if there are some character flaws that you have ignored for quite a while. Personally, I would have to move on. The stuff you're worried about is all "stuff" and can be replaced. Just don't let her fuck up your credit if at all possible. SD said it right when it comes to children....count your blessings you didn't go down that road.
 
Dont really have any good advice but wanted to say I feel bad for you brother. Cheating on you is low but cheating while your deployed is friggin dispicable.
 
I'm a vet too, do your best to push this bs to the side. Focus on your job & your team. Keep your head in the game. If you don't have kids, dump her. If you do, it gets harder...once trust is gone, very hard to reclaim. Good luck man
 
well luckily this is the US, which means even though your wife betrayed your vows, she will get the house and everything else, and you will be left in the cold despite your military service (thank you for your service btw).

you shouldn't have gotten married in the first place (no man should), just be grateful that you don't have children together.

Unless you know the laws or gone through a divorce, this is far from the truth. Even in CA you are entitled to half. If you have children and she gets custody, you will have to pay child support, until they are 18. Also, if her income is less then yours, you might have to pay alimony too for a period of time.

My advice is this, do not think with your emotions, use your head. Some marriages had affairs and they stayed together and worked it out. The thing that sucks about the military is you are gone a long time and a woman sometimes needs company, not saying that cheating is OK. But there is always that 1 guy who knows you are gone and looks at it like a challenge.

I don't know the whole story, there is always 2 sides to everything. I would be nice and try to talk to her and see what needs to be done. keep your head on your shoulders and if you do get a divorce, it will be less painful if you are nice and go through a smooth one. Remember, the way you beat someone through divorce is by not paying out as much. God Bless you and keep safe.
 
Last edited:
You don't need counseling, you need legal services. You won't lose everything, you should get half of everything, and if you can prove she cheated on you, she may get no alimony. You need an attorney.

Sorry bro. That sucks and is a heart wrenching thing to go through. Life will go on and you'll probably find that you're better off without her. Hopefully you get this straightened out well when you get back to the states.
 
Its easy to say do this and that. My wife had an ongoing affair for almost 2 years. My divorce finally just went thru. I still love her and would take her back. Love is bitch.

Dude. Stay strong. One thing for me is I found faith. Not to a religion but to a higher power. The right friends can really help and the wrong ones will make it worse. Fucking some random women didnt help me. Just made me realize what I lost. I wish you the best. Time helps everything.
 
Its easy to say do this and that. My wife had an ongoing affair for almost 2 years. My divorce finally just went thru. I still love her and would take her back. Love is bitch.
2 years??? She's moved on from you. You need to move on from her. You're holding on for whatever many reasons but you need to let go and allow that bond to die and go through the mourning process (if you haven't already).

Obviously, I don't know the details but at a glance, what you're talking about is not healthy for you (or her). You may feel strongly that you "need" her but hopefully you're not confusing need with love.

Whatever the case may be, that's tragic too, and I hope you move on happily.
 
Look around don't internalize, find a way to vent workout,shoot your gun,talk with friends. You have to find a way to think about something else at least part of the day. I had a guy tell me one time take a walk look around identify things you see, a trick to extravert yourself. Don't sit in your shit no matter what you do its still shitty, just try to not sit in it all day. Thank you for serving our country we all appreciate it and wish you luck...
 
fitnesskatz

I don't really feel the need for counseling to be honest, especially not via the military. I can get free legal support, but it is pretty tricky as we own a house/cars/property together. I am also in the middle of fucking no where on a pretty small team, in order to accomplish anything I would have to get flown to another base to see JAG. I love my wife very much, but don't think it would be wise to not divorce her..opinions?

absolutely divorce her man,,,how could you ever trust that again,,,if someone does something once they will do it again depending on state you from we live just by 101st....if you from there you can prove she committed acts of adultry you will receive the assets and get joint custody
 
fitnesskatz

well luckily this is the US, which means even though your wife betrayed your vows, she will get the house and everything else, and you will be left in the cold despite your military service (thank you for your service btw).

you shouldn't have gotten married in the first place (no man should), just be grateful that you don't have children together.

talk bout something you know,,,
 
First off thank you for your service!

2nd I went through something similar!

It will get better! Look to the things that are going well for you and embrace those.

No need for revenge but I would recommend speaking to an attorney if you feel you will get fckd in the divorce.

Time heals all! Use the weights to deal with the pain.
 

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