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Coping Skills

phatrr

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Sep 1, 2006
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504
I need some suggestions to better develop my coping skills.

As I've posted elsewhere, I have a confirmed medical diagnosis with a prognosis of being either wheelchair-bound, very limited body function, or dead in about 5 years (I'm really not sure which is worst-case). Each passing year sees my physical abilities decline quite a bit; I used to enjoy getting out for long hikes, but I've not been able to hike for 4 years now, and I'm even limited in how well I can walk these days. Last year I had to accept that walking for more than 15 minutes was out of the question.

I'm working hard to live as full a life as I can. I'm coaching other athletes, I'm a presenter in a series of international seminars, and have had the opportunity to travel to some neat places. I'm married to a woman who loves me, I live with a pack of Alaskan malamutes who would do anything for me, I've friends around the world. I'm changing the course of direction for my business, and it looks like I stand a reasonable shot at success.

In many ways, I'm blessed.

But, it's sometimes very difficult. There's a certain amount of pain every day; some days are worse than others. There's times when I'll be driving, and I'll have to pull over, and I break down crying.

I lost a lot of weight in a 3-4 month period starting last July. When I was competing, I was around 300, and I kept that weight on me until July; by mid-October, I was down to 250, and I haven't been able to gain any back.

I'm starting to question any reason for training.

Any suggestions?
 
Last edited:
If you can`t gain your weight back up to 300lbs, maybe that`s a good thing, 250lbs is still some good weight to walk around with everyday, but less work for the body. Reasons to train... how bout maintain mobility, maintain strength, endorphin release, stress release, cardiovascular health, etc. It`s not always about more size.

The pain you feel everyday is this physical pain from your condition, or the mental pain of visualizing your possible future and what you think that brings? I`m sure you`ve heard the saying "a worrier dies a thousand deaths, a warrior, but once". Accept fate while maintaining your goals or pursuing life. You want to break down in tears, visualize your life right now, the same condition, without your loving wife by your side, without your experience of world travel, without your great friends, sitting on the couch waiting for immobilization and death each day while collecting a govt check for disability, just enough for you to exist, and when you pass MAYBE you`ll get a marker cause nobody cares. You should be close to tears of GRATITUDE for what life has given you.

Create a more compelling future for yourself, in your own head. Read about Stephen Hawking, at the age of 21 he was given 2 years to live... he is 72 years old and STILL ALIVE! A world renowned genius! Who are you?
 
If you can`t gain your weight back up to 300lbs, maybe that`s a good thing, 250lbs is still some good weight to walk around with everyday, but less work for the body. Reasons to train... how bout maintain mobility, maintain strength, endorphin release, stress release, cardiovascular health, etc. It`s not always about more size.

Oh, I agree. Not that it hugely matters, but I compete in strongman - or did. Last comp was in 2012. I'm hoping to to get a chance to compete one more time.

I'm throwing the weight loss thing out there as a symptom - 50 lbs in 4 months, after years of carrying a certain bodyweight is a sudden, large drop. And to not gain it back strikes me as odd.

Training has always been of paramount importance to me. Again, as a symptom, that's losing it's importance.

The pain you feel everyday is this physical pain from your condition, or the mental pain of visualizing your possible future and what you think that brings?

Physical pain.

I`m sure you`ve heard the saying "a worrier dies a thousand deaths, a warrior, but once". Accept fate while maintaining your goals or pursuing life. You want to break down in tears, visualize your life right now, the same condition, without your loving wife by your side, without your experience of world travel, without your great friends, sitting on the couch waiting for immobilization and death each day while collecting a govt check for disability, just enough for you to exist, and when you pass MAYBE you`ll get a marker cause nobody cares. You should be close to tears of GRATITUDE for what life has given you.

I do acknowledge that indeed, I am blessed; through hard work, and fate, I have many opportunities in front of me.

What I'm trying to convey is that there are times despite this when I do spontaneously break down crying. Again, a symptom.

I'm not a trained mental health professional, but I think that all these symptoms add up to depression, perhaps?

I can certainly imagine circumstances worse than mine. I certainly do my best to look forward to the future, and am trying to create a future which will be rewarding in its own way. I also discuss possible futures with close friends, and share my thoughts, my hopes, and fears, trying to be as emotionally open as possible.

There's some things which are very difficult: for example, my wife and I have no family. She's 10 years younger than me, and as my physical condition regresses, more and more is going to fall on her shoulders. We live in a great house in the middle of nowhere. I have to park my 4x4 100 yards up the drive, as we don't have room for me to park by the house. The house is 3 stories.

At some point, all that ain't gonna work so well. How do I go about dealing with that part of my future?

My wife - and I love her to death - is still, I think, in denial about all of this. She doesn't want to sit down and plan, and talk, about the fact I won't be able to get into the house in 5 years.

I've always been the leader, and I have to lead her through this as well. I can't just stop leading now.

It's freaky to think about designing and building a wheelchair ramp for the front of house. For my future self. It's kind of a big mind-fuck. This whole situation is somewhat of a big mind-fuck.

I'm hoping that the field of head-shrinking has evolved to the point where there are some exercises (?) or something I can employ to develop better coping skills.

Thanks for taking the time to reply, I do appreciate it.
 
You sound like you are coping amazingly well. Anyone who reads your posts can't help but feel inspired by you. It also sounds like you are getting professional help in coping with your condition. I'm happy to hear you are still training, hopefully you are focusing on a regimen that slows your physical decline.

Best wishes that you stay strong. You have the kind of strength your strongmen competitors should dream of possessing.
 
You sound like you are coping amazingly well. Anyone who reads your posts can't help but feel inspired by you. It also sounds like you are getting professional help in coping with your condition. I'm happy to hear you are still training, hopefully you are focusing on a regimen that slows your physical decline.

Best wishes that you stay strong. You have the kind of strength your strongmen competitors should dream of possessing.
I couldn't agree more phatrr!
 
You sound like you are coping amazingly well. Anyone who reads your posts can't help but feel inspired by you. It also sounds like you are getting professional help in coping with your condition. I'm happy to hear you are still training, hopefully you are focusing on a regimen that slows your physical decline.

Best wishes that you stay strong. You have the kind of strength your strongmen competitors should dream of possessing.

Thanks TC, on all counts. I have a great team of doctors, chiropractors, and coaches behind me. I can't imagine approaching this problem in isolation.

Now I really hope that I can inspire other lifters to continue to train through adversity.

I couldn't agree more phatrr!

Ouch, thanks much.

Do you think that the behavior I've mentioned warrants investigating adding a mental health professional to my team?

Are there better ways to develop coping strategies / skill?
 
Do you think that the behavior I've mentioned warrants investigating adding a mental health professional to my team?

Are there better ways to develop coping strategies / skill?
It's always good to have a life coach or therapist or psych to sit and discuss your thinking processes with, sure. But honestly, my friend, as far as "coping", well... you got that part down pretty damn good IMO. If I were to say anything, it would be to continue to have confidence (or "faith", if you prefer) in your longevity, health, and general state of well being.

You are light years ahead of most people and you have a good outlook even while shouldering a lot. Believe, and it will happen. We all get in ruts and you're probably you're own worst critic but again, trust me, I WISH everyone I dealt with had as good an outlook as you appear to have.

Feel free to add me to your support network (as well as any staff here) but not to take the place of professional support but maybe I can suggest someone in your area or answer some basic questions.
 
phatrr, I understand and feel you. You feel like soon your life conditions will not match your blueprint of what "life should be". Your a big strong man competitor, pack leader, husband and caretaker, that is who you are and identify as BUT the future could be very very different, and you cant control that. This sounds simple, but its not, change your blueprint.

I have been home with my 2 kids since last march, my wife working and going to school. I have had many days of feeling like, its not supposed to be this way, not feeling fulfilled. I`m trying to change my life conditions, my situation by launching a new company. Your medical conditions are dictated, so the only choice is change the blueprint, the idea of how life is gonna/could be. It sounds like your doing great so far.
 
It's always good to have a life coach or therapist or psych to sit and discuss your thinking processes with, sure. But honestly, my friend, as far as "coping", well... you got that part down pretty damn good IMO. If I were to say anything, it would be to continue to have confidence (or "faith", if you prefer) in your longevity, health, and general state of well being.

You are light years ahead of most people and you have a good outlook even while shouldering a lot. Believe, and it will happen. We all get in ruts and you're probably you're own worst critic but again, trust me, I WISH everyone I dealt with had as good an outlook as you appear to have.

Feel free to add me to your support network (as well as any staff here) but not to take the place of professional support but maybe I can suggest someone in your area or answer some basic questions.

Thanks, Ouch. Greatly appreciated.


phatrr, I understand and feel you. You feel like soon your life conditions will not match your blueprint of what "life should be". Your a big strong man competitor, pack leader, husband and caretaker, that is who you are and identify as BUT the future could be very very different, and you cant control that. This sounds simple, but its not, change your blueprint.

I have been home with my 2 kids since last march, my wife working and going to school. I have had many days of feeling like, its not supposed to be this way, not feeling fulfilled. I`m trying to change my life conditions, my situation by launching a new company. Your medical conditions are dictated, so the only choice is change the blueprint, the idea of how life is gonna/could be. It sounds like your doing great so far.

Thanks Hogan. Yes, the blueprint must change, you're right: that's part of it. The other part of it is that I want to enjoy as much as possible NOW.

Thanks for the PM!
 
i really think you should get mental health help ive fought depression for 30 years i couldnt deal with it alone got better with meds
 

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