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Big problem with GF! Need help!!

SAGE74

New member
Kilo Klub Member
Joined
Feb 1, 2011
Messages
1,351
So I've been seeing this girl for over 2 years now, we were engaged last April. I love her very much and would do everything and anything for her. Talking to a friend yesterday he told me my ex Facebooked him the other day. He doesn't know her which is wierd because she met him once doing some work for me at my house. This was 3 years ago. He's married and has kids, and was like why the fuck is this girl trying to Facebook me? He said he ignored it. I don't really care either way. So I thought it was funny so I told my fiancé. She fucking flipped!!!!! Says she's going to try to get back with me and all this bullshit. I havnt tales or seen my ex in 3 years, nor do I want to. Really bad break up, a house involved and some other shit. But now my fiancé is freaking out over a story my friend told me! This woman I'm with now has done so much for me in the last 2 years it's crazy! She wanted me to get a second degree because I always talked about. She let me quit my job, and return to school. She bought me a lotus for my birthday last year! I would never hurt her. What do I do? I can't calm her down, and her not trusting me has been an issue in the past. I gave up my Facebook acct because she freaks out any time there is a girl, which I have been friends with for 20 years comments on a post!! She has trust issues and I have nothing to do with. But goes nuts anytime a girl comes next to me. I don't know what to do!!!!
 
Honestly, if you want this relationship to worth it would be in your best interest to go to couples or pre marital counseling. You know the issue, she has trust problems, but it seems everything else is great, correct?

You need to get to the root of her test issues and make sure she knows you are here to stay and no one is more important to you than her....

Try doing some little things that show you care and let her know that your heart is all hers. And go for counseling to get her to understand her issue
 
So I've been seeing this girl for over 2 years now, we were engaged last April. I love her very much and would do everything and anything for her. Talking to a friend yesterday he told me my ex Facebooked him the other day. He doesn't know her which is wierd because she met him once doing some work for me at my house. This was 3 years ago. He's married and has kids, and was like why the fuck is this girl trying to Facebook me? He said he ignored it. I don't really care either way. So I thought it was funny so I told my fiancé. She fucking flipped!!!!! Says she's going to try to get back with me and all this bullshit. I havnt tales or seen my ex in 3 years, nor do I want to. Really bad break up, a house involved and some other shit. But now my fiancé is freaking out over a story my friend told me! This woman I'm with now has done so much for me in the last 2 years it's crazy! She wanted me to get a second degree because I always talked about. She let me quit my job, and return to school. She bought me a lotus for my birthday last year! I would never hurt her. What do I do? I can't calm her down, and her not trusting me has been an issue in the past. I gave up my Facebook acct because she freaks out any time there is a girl, which I have been friends with for 20 years comments on a post!! She has trust issues and I have nothing to do with. But goes nuts anytime a girl comes next to me. I don't know what to do!!!!

I would say count your blessings and move on. You are probably not ready to be married and she is definitely not. It might hurt a little but imagine once you are married and sharing everything what it will be like every time she flips out. Imagine if she reacts this way to something so trivial how she will react when something for real happens.
 
Honestly, if you want this relationship to worth it would be in your best interest to go to couples or pre marital counseling. You know the issue, she has trust problems, but it seems everything else is great, correct?

You need to get to the root of her test issues and make sure she knows you are here to stay and no one is more important to you than her....

Try doing some little things that show you care and let her know that your heart is all hers. And go for counseling to get her to understand her issue

Take note of what I bolded. If she doesn't trust you, it doesn't matter WHAT you do. Unless you have done something to warrant mistrust, this is about HER and not you. Reassuring her isn't going to work. Doing things for her isn't going to work. It's a stop gap measure at best. Unless SHE realizes she has an issue and SHE wants to work on it, it makes no difference.

My ex had SERIOUS trust issues. I ended up giving up friendships I had since childhood and spending any and all my time, either with her or at home. When we had our son SHE ran the streets while I spent all my time taking care of him, yet I was still accused of things I didn't do. She'd snoop through any and everything looking for something to complain about. Hell, she'd get upset at ME if she thought a woman was looking at me. This woman may or may not be that bad, but a lack of trust is about her, not the OP and when someone is programmed to not trust and expects the worst, they will find/create it.
 
Take note of what I bolded. If she doesn't trust you, it doesn't matter WHAT you do. Unless you have done something to warrant mistrust, this is about HER and not you. Reassuring her isn't going to work. Doing things for her isn't going to work. It's a stop gap measure at best. Unless SHE realizes she has an issue and SHE wants to work on it, it makes no difference.



My ex had SERIOUS trust issues. I ended up giving up friendships I had since childhood and spending any and all my time, either with her or at home. When we had our son SHE ran the streets while I spent all my time taking care of him, yet I was still accused of things I didn't do. She'd snoop through any and everything looking for something to complain about. Hell, she'd get upset at ME if she thought a woman was looking at me. This woman may or may not be that bad, but a lack of trust is about her, not the OP and when someone is programmed to not trust and expects the worst, they will find/create it.


So true... I did leave that out. If trust isn't there and can't be coaxed out with counseling, then it will lead to the same pattern of behavior.

I've been lucky enough to find a woman that trusts me and I trust her and I like to do those little nice things just to make her feel special..... And she does nice little things for me as well... Those things don't make us trust one another any more or less
 
first delete your facebook account, that is first step to becoming an adult and respectful mate. I mean, really why do you want to be "friends" with a female from 20 yrs ago? Do you really give a shit about her? If you did you would speak on the phone, have real contact. How do you think it makes your gf feel if you feel the need, desire to be friends with other women online? Wouldn`t it be a bold statement if you told your gf, no other woman matters, my family and friends I will have REAL relationships with, and I`m DELETING my FB act forever, this has created to much drama over nothing and I will never let this happen again because you are more important.... TRY THAT!

Actions speak louder than words.
 
Sound advise but I'm reminded of how important FB is to the younger generation. I'm a GenXer but the generation that came after me treats FB like it's something you need to live. If these people are really your friends they can have you're e-mail or heaven forbid your phone number and contact you that way.

first delete your facebook account, that is first step to becoming an adult and respectful mate. I mean, really why do you want to be "friends" with a female from 20 yrs ago? Do you really give a shit about her? If you did you would speak on the phone, have real contact. How do you think it makes your gf feel if you feel the need, desire to be friends with other women online? Wouldn`t it be a bold statement if you told your gf, no other woman matters, my family and friends I will have REAL relationships with, and I`m DELETING my FB act forever, this has created to much drama over nothing and I will never let this happen again because you are more important.... TRY THAT!

Actions speak louder than words.
 
Your both to blame.

Your girlfriend/fiance sounds a little irrational.... Your ex messaged your friend right? What does that have to do with you? She might have thought HE was good looking or something and is trying to fuck him now, who knows...

What are you thinking bringing up your ex to your girl AT ALL?! You should NOT be mentioning her in ANY capacity. Talking about her shows that she is on your mind and your girl can act irrationally because of that.

She bought you a Lotus? Keep her around for sure, but just dont act like an idiot and you will be good to go.


A good faith move, like the poster above mentioned is to delete your facebook. You REALLY dont need it and if the problem originated from that its a win win.
 
Take note of what I bolded. If she doesn't trust you, it doesn't matter WHAT you do. Unless you have done something to warrant mistrust, this is about HER and not you. Reassuring her isn't going to work. Doing things for her isn't going to work. It's a stop gap measure at best. Unless SHE realizes she has an issue and SHE wants to work on it, it makes no difference.

My ex had SERIOUS trust issues. I ended up giving up friendships I had since childhood and spending any and all my time, either with her or at home. When we had our son SHE ran the streets while I spent all my time taking care of him, yet I was still accused of things I didn't do. She'd snoop through any and everything looking for something to complain about. Hell, she'd get upset at ME if she thought a woman was looking at me. This woman may or may not be that bad, but a lack of trust is about her, not the OP and when someone is programmed to not trust and expects the worst, they will find/create it.


Yeah! That's her exactly!!!
 
Take note of what I bolded. If she doesn't trust you, it doesn't matter WHAT you do. Unless you have done something to warrant mistrust, this is about HER and not you. Reassuring her isn't going to work. Doing things for her isn't going to work. It's a stop gap measure at best. Unless SHE realizes she has an issue and SHE wants to work on it, it makes no difference.

My ex had SERIOUS trust issues. I ended up giving up friendships I had since childhood and spending any and all my time, either with her or at home. When we had our son SHE ran the streets while I spent all my time taking care of him, yet I was still accused of things I didn't do. She'd snoop through any and everything looking for something to complain about. Hell, she'd get upset at ME if she thought a woman was looking at me. This woman may or may not be that bad, but a lack of trust is about her, not the OP and when someone is programmed to not trust and expects the worst, they will find/create it.

first delete your facebook account, that is first step to becoming an adult and respectful mate. I mean, really why do you want to be "friends" with a female from 20 yrs ago? Do you really give a shit about her? If you did you would speak on the phone, have real contact. How do you think it makes your gf feel if you feel the need, desire to be friends with other women online? Wouldn`t it be a bold statement if you told your gf, no other woman matters, my family and friends I will have REAL relationships with, and I`m DELETING my FB act forever, this has created to much drama over nothing and I will never let this happen again because you are more important.... TRY THAT!

Actions speak louder than words.

I don't have a face book account. And I don't talk to any other woman. That's the point. And I always tell her how important she is to me. She didn't contact me, she tried friending my old next door neighbor. Read the post before giving advice.
 
My concern is that her anxiety is making her want to control you. She's gonna have some non negotiable rules. Is she as hot as she is rich?
 
My concern is that her anxiety is making her want to control you. She's gonna have some non negotiable rules. Is she as hot as she is rich?

She's 7 years older than me, I'm 39. I've never done anything wrong to her. I don't know why we have this problem. She was married for 24 years and I met her about a year after her divorce. She left him because he emotionally abused her and her kids. He basically just ignored her I guess. He never cheated or anything like that. I don't know what's going on. She hasn't talked to me since this morning. I tried to apologize this morning for something I don't think I did wrong. But maybe just bringing up the ex was enough to set her off. But she talks about my ex all the time. I don't know!
 
Sound advise but I'm reminded of how important FB is to the younger generation. I'm a GenXer but the generation that came after me treats FB like it's something you need to live. If these people are really your friends they can have you're e-mail or heaven forbid your phone number and contact you that way.

I'm 39 even when I was on Facebook I didn't really use it. I don't tweet or Instagram or any of that stuff. I went back to school to get a nursing degree and she's mad that I have to talk to girls in class. I don't have a choice there are 3 guys in the whole program! I saw a friend from highschool on st Patricks day and she went bullshit!
 
She let you quit work, she bought you a lotus, and much more...sure she may be able to do this...but IF she has trust issues she is buying your time. This COULD turn around and bite you if she doesn't learn to trust. She's probably a great girl, so get some couples counseling if you want a decent relationship down the road.

(ALL CAPS DUE TO NOT WANTING TO SPECULATE SINCE I DONT KNOW HER AND ONE TIME EVENT)
 
aw man why would you even talk about your ex to your fiance !!
 
I would say count your blessings and move on. You are probably not ready to be married and she is definitely not. It might hurt a little but imagine once you are married and sharing everything what it will be like every time she flips out. Imagine if she reacts this way to something so trivial how she will react when something for real happens.

I'm just a little mindfucked how you got to that conclusion ?
 
I'm just a little mindfucked how you got to that conclusion ?

Well I am sorry for you and I hope you can improve on your present state of mind.
 
Last edited:
So last night I get home and she acts like nothing even happened. I'm very confused. What the fuck is going on!!!
 
Just go with it. Do not... I repeat do not try and figure out a women. You'll go nuts and still won't figure them out lol
 

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