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Is Self Pity a Prison?

chgolatin2

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Joined
Feb 25, 2012
Messages
771
Well the title explains it all. I find myself isolating myself from my self, friends, relationships, work. I tend to indulge in a destructive behavior that I know has destroyed certain relationships, personal self happiness, and a feeling of being lost and hopeless. I've come from a hard background from childhood, my mother and father were not role models but heroine addicts, alcoholics, drug abusers, they were not married and my father was literally in jail when I was born and my mother had me in a shelter at the age of 16, my grandmother took me away from my own mother and basically kidnapt me at a very early age and she wasn't a good role model either with her destructive mental abuse, physical abuse, verbal assault, and literally she was just on psychochotic woman.

Even though I overcame my obstacles of my past and became a successful contributing member of society, served in the military for over 16 yrs, multiple combat tours in the middle east, I was even injured in combat and as a result I have a TBI, PTSD, few broken bones, fractures and few other issues as well. I have a career, earn a decent living, have nice things, house, toys, etc so technically I didn't do that bad after all. I didn't choose to follow any of my family or parents path. However, I have notice that I suffer from "Self Pity" I tend to feel sorry for myself, my past, my unfortunate circumstances in life misfortunes, guilt from surviving the war, I dwell in the past that I tend to revisit often. I never have been known to have a "perfect" relationship and basically ALL of the relationships that I've been known to have, well I tend to fucked them up.

Insecurity, self doubt, pity has ruined many aspects of my life and now that I sit in front of this computer at 2:51am in the morning I came to realize that I suffer from "Self Pity" to some degree. My fiancé told me one day that I need to stop feeling for myself, friends have done the same as well. I am seeking professional help, purchasing a few books about the topic and I am willing to do something to stop this madness, because this isn't life but a living hell...

Has anyone dealt with this before? How did it manifest on you? What did you do? I am seeking guidance because I seriously need it... :banghead:

Thanks in advance~
 
I think we all suffer from feeling sorry for ourselves, its only human to do so. I think its when we let that pitty dominate our actions in the future that we have problems. I know I have done the same.
Correct me if Im wrong, but didnt you post up about your fiance and her crazy family a couple weeks ago?
Might not be the best people to be giving advice to you IMHO.
 
Not that having pity parties is a good thing. But AJ is right. Look who is giving you advice. Crazy people will eventually convince you that you are the one with the problem...we all have issues, some of us get neat names for them.
 
I think we all suffer from feeling sorry for ourselves, its only human to do so. I think its when we let that pitty dominate our actions in the future that we have problems. I know I have done the same.
Correct me if Im wrong, but didnt you post up about your fiance and her crazy family a couple weeks ago?
Might not be the best people to be giving advice to you IMHO.

Yes, you are correct on that one... However, she kinda mention it before and a close relative did so as well and it sort of click on me.. I could be a lil too hard on myself at times
 
you need to change your identity a bit from "poor abused kid with no parents". Yes that is one side of your life, the past, yesterday only affects you tomorrow if you let it, if you dwell on it. Do you think others feel pity for you? I bet there are many that ENVY you! Ever think of that? While your sitting there feeling self pity. You own a home, have a career, served your country honorably, not a bad looking guy (but not my type :p) .... can you find anything to be grateful for in all of that? If not you need to keep looking in the mirror every god damn day till you find it, cause it is there.

How can you have self doubt? The shit life has brought you and your on the other side safe, in one piece, doing relatively well... I would say even better now that the gypsy bitch is gone. YOU made it through.
 
Yes, you are correct on that one... However, she kinda mention it before and a close relative did so as well and it sort of click on me.. I could be a lil too hard on myself at times

Dont put to high of expectations on yourself....Just from reading what you've been through, you've managed to no be a leach on society. You have over came a lot. There is a great deal of honor in that!!

When you get down, and the past haunts you, use it as fuel to build yourself higher.
 
Great quote from Kung Fu Panda:

"yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift, that's why it's called the present".

In other words, you can't change what your early life was. Don't dwell on that. You have no clue what tomorrow will bring, don't dwell on that.
You can seize today, make today a great day and dwell on that.
If you're having a bad day, just think back for a few seconds on how bad life was growing up, you'll snap out quick!
Our pasts help make us the people we are today and will be tomorrow, but there is no need to constantly revisit the past, sometimes it's better to just leave it there. Reflection is one thing, but dwelling is another
 
Is Self Pity a Prison

Kent: good idea for a thread...everyone can post websites, etc. here. One has to get over the shame of self-promotion to get anywhere in this society...

Besides that: annoying vegans? Come on, bro...thats shootin fish in a barrel
 
Well the title explains it all. I find myself isolating myself from my self, friends, relationships, work. I tend to indulge in a destructive behavior that I know has destroyed certain relationships, personal self happiness, and a feeling of being lost and hopeless. I've come from a hard background from childhood, my mother and father were not role models but heroine addicts, alcoholics, drug abusers, they were not married and my father was literally in jail when I was born and my mother had me in a shelter at the age of 16, my grandmother took me away from my own mother and basically kidnapt me at a very early age and she wasn't a good role model either with her destructive mental abuse, physical abuse, verbal assault, and literally she was just on psychochotic woman.

Even though I overcame my obstacles of my past and became a successful contributing member of society, served in the military for over 16 yrs, multiple combat tours in the middle east, I was even injured in combat and as a result I have a TBI, PTSD, few broken bones, fractures and few other issues as well. I have a career, earn a decent living, have nice things, house, toys, etc so technically I didn't do that bad after all. I didn't choose to follow any of my family or parents path. However, I have notice that I suffer from "Self Pity" I tend to feel sorry for myself, my past, my unfortunate circumstances in life misfortunes, guilt from surviving the war, I dwell in the past that I tend to revisit often. I never have been known to have a "perfect" relationship and basically ALL of the relationships that I've been known to have, well I tend to fucked them up.

Insecurity, self doubt, pity has ruined many aspects of my life and now that I sit in front of this computer at 2:51am in the morning I came to realize that I suffer from "Self Pity" to some degree. My fiancé told me one day that I need to stop feeling for myself, friends have done the same as well. I am seeking professional help, purchasing a few books about the topic and I am willing to do something to stop this madness, because this isn't life but a living hell...

Has anyone dealt with this before? How did it manifest on you? What did you do? I am seeking guidance because I seriously need it... :banghead:

Thanks in advance~
You my friend should pity the poor souls still trapped in that hell you came from. You have accomplished great things. Maybe try volunteering with youth groups or big brothers. You have something these kids need. Hope. Give it back you'll find the more you give back the less you think of yourself. And you may make a huge impact on someone's life. Peace brother.
 
I know this thread was originally started in June, but hopefully you check in from time to time. When you said you're seeking professional help, you then mentioned that you were buying books on the subject...Just to be clear, is your idea of professional health reading about the issue or are you seeing a therapist? The reality is, it needs to be the later! Your behavior seems to be deep rooted. It won't be something that you can easily unlearn and deprogram yourself. See a therapist...It will be the best money you ever spent.
 
From one guy with deep rooted issues to another I can tell you from my own experience that our experiences shape us but they don't have to dictate who and what we are. That comes from what we want, not from what has happened to us in the past. If you want to badly enough you will find a way to change this behavior pattern no matter how deeply rooted it is. It won't be easy but is is achievable. In the words of Rocky Balboa, "If I can change, and you can change, everyone can change!) The only expectations that truly matter are the expectations we have for ourselves. Let that be what motivates you. Stay strong brother!
 
My wife teaches psychology and she preaches to me all the time. People that tend to self pity are usually alcholics and drug users due to taking or the easy route or not knowing how to channel there mind,thoughts,anger,emotions. SimiliLar to someone in AA classes the steps that that take are actually used widely for other diseases and other anxiety and pschology issues. You need to read the 12 steps to recovery and look at steps 8,10,11 there pretty diversed and can help in it of situations, replace the words alcholics for self pity and you will be able to adapt better. I hope this helps.
 
I`ve told you this before... The only meaning ANYTHING has, is that which YOU give it. You define who you are, not the events of your life. You my friend might need to change your blueprint too. If life was "supposed to be this" but your real life conditions are not, you will forever feel pain because life is "not what is supposed to be". That`s what I mean bu change your blueprint. It`s ok if this and this happened, life can still be great, you can still have awesome experiences (with women that don`t live at home with parents)
 
C,

Not sure if this applies to you, but it sounds similar, "learned helplessness."

Wiki has a decent page on it.

I found it useful. :)
 
certainly is a prison we put ourselves in

I believe we certainly create our own prisons based on our memories, worrying about the future and being unable to appreciate the stillness of NOW. I let my mind get consumed with this chaos of worrying and flashbacks for years! Ultimately I understood, with the help from some books how we create our own problems based on our thoughts. When we think negatively we omit negative emotions which influence our day to day encounters and activities. Same goes the opposite. the law of attraction states positive attracts positive and negative attracts negative, with this concept I seriously turned my life around. I would recommend "the law of attraction" by Ester Hicks and also " the four agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz. Best of luck to you.
 

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