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Overcoming depressive symptoms

chgolatin2

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Feb 25, 2012
Messages
771
I've been down this dark alley road before, it follows me and has been following me since I was younger. Now that I have overcome my youth and succeeded in life I still find some emptiness within. I am not a religious man, don't have the beliefs that most people believe in such as in a religion, a God, etc I do know that just maybe there is something spiritual out there, but I don't label it a God or put a religious title on it but that's just me so please don't bash me for how I view religion, organize beliefs and faiths.

Ok back on my topic. I came from from a very negative and destructive background, my mother was a heroine addict, alcoholic and my father was too. I didn't grow up like with positive role models, and I was mentally and physically abused by a grandmother who raised me. I was a messed when I was a child, getting kicked out of every school, fighting, being lost, beating up teachers, principals, kids, you name it. Finally my grandmother decided to send me back to New York because she couldn't handle me anymore, I met my father for the first time at the age of 8 or 9, I didn't know how to read, write, tell time, etc at that age. My father was married to a women who I would call her my step mother, she helped me learn quite a few things, anyway, I saw a lot of abuse between my step mother and father, my father had an addiction with drugs and alcohol and what I saw inside the home was not pretty. So as I child I often wondered why I wasn't love or had the support that I needed and wanted. I was thrown in shelters, left in the streets, had to fend for my own, and cutting this story short here I am today. I could of became just like them, but I didn't. I overcame my past with some hard work but as far as I could remember I always suffered from some form of depression. I've done some great things in my life, served my country, went to war, serve the community and I have been in some great careers/professions but as the older that I have gotten I know that a dark secret has followed me throughout my life.

Now I find myself at 45 yrs of life wondering what the hell is wrong with me and what is the direction in my life. I have always been unhealthy personal relationships, I have always dated the wrong girls, I have made countless of mistakes with woman's but I understand now that I wasn't raised by a good mother, father, or family support system to know much about coping skills, love acceptance and forgiveness. Since I am a combat veteran I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, PTSD and I suffered a traumatic brain injury due to
Combat service. Now my TBI could be attributed to all of the physical abused that endured as a child or just maybe my combat experience. I suffered a lot of brain trauma, I was banged up pretty good in the military, and in life.

What I have come to realize is that I truly don't have the skills, or copping skills to look at things differently. In paper to many I am a success story, a miracle child, to mostly everyone that knows me they think that I have it made but many don't know that fact that I carry a void within, a vast emptiness, maybe I just feel sorry for myself, maybe I don't, maybe I need to learn about myself, I just can't figure it out. I have almost attempted to end my life quite a few times, but I won't talk about those dark moments. The fact is that nobody truly knows the deep emotional wound and pain that one carries within. That you can look at someone and think, "wow this individual has it made" has the life etc but the fact is that individual is carrying something that nobody knows about.

I don't have a family, all of them are pretty much dead, father died and mother decided to end her life and my family background of support is pretty much none existent. I want to create my own family, maybe have my own wife, learn to know what it is to truly love myself, love others and view my personal life with a different pair of eyeglasses. I mean I should be the happiest guy on earth, I fucking made it! Have a home, a career, make a decent living, I'm healthy, etc so why the fuck am I always suffering from depression? I mean WTF!

I don't see life as positive as others view it, many of those who truly know me tell me to just be happy, think positive, draw a line, forget the past, stop feeling sorry for yourself, live life, and the list goes on. But the reality of the story is that depression is something that is REAL, wether chemically induced, trauma, mental, physical or psychological it does exist. The fact is that ALL of my life I have suffered from some form of depression, and now at this age I have notice that I need to do "something" about it. Don't know exactly what it what direction but I need to somehow overcome this life pattern of mine. Someone once told me that I have grown accustomed to pain that pain is all that I know and that I have learned to feel comfortable with... Now what a fucking light bulb of clarity! Maybe that's a fact, maybe it's not. If I had a choice I wouldn't want to feel unhappy, walking dead or spiritual my dead. I didn't choose this life it was given to me, I didn't choose to be born, didn't choose my parents or past, somehow it choose me instead. I have failed in ALL of my relationships, I have failed in careers, personal life, decisions, and the list goes on. But now I know why to some degree is because I have lived a life with negativity. I know that the past is not suppose make you who you are, but the past defines you to one degree or another.

The fact is that depression does exist, it's real, to many depression is just an excuse to living life but in fact it is not. Millions of people live with it, experience it, suffer from it and many people sadly die because of it. Life is ALL about choices and decisions that we make in life. Now I often wonder if doing cycles can contribute to depression? I did countless of them in my youth! Also, for those that struggle with "depression" have you sought out professional help, happy pills, etc? I've been recommended an anti depressant, in fact many times in my past Dr's have wanted me on some form of an anti depressant but I have chosen not to take them because I feel weak, reminds me of my parents taking drugs because somehow they were depressed themselves and couldn't cope with life. But what choice do I have at this moment?

For those that have suffered from this issue, how have you truly overcome this issue? I have come to this site plenty of times to ask for advice, guidance etc but how do you take a depressive individual to do "something" when he/she has lost hope for just about everything in life? Sure I can listen to motivational tapes, try to think positive, let go or try to let go of the past, changed my mind, views etc all that bs that people recommend but what many don't know that once depression hits you hard, extremely hard is very difficult to create the life that you want of dream of... So how do you guys that have walked in my shoes done it, survived it, overcame it???
 
For me, it starts small. But let's rewind. When I'm really sick, my diet goes to hell (I scavenge) and I neglect hygiene.

I try to brush my teeth. If I can do that, I can build momentum.

Shaving. I shave my neck and cheeks and trim my beard. That makes me feel pretty good. Momentum builds.

That's probably all I'll get done for a day or two. Next I try to get a shower.

I probably have emails/voicemails to check and return. That's a whole day. This greatly reduces my anxiety.

I will try to take a stroll around the block.

It starts with baby steps like that for me.

I try to turn the strolls into full out cardio. Eventually I'll pick up the weights, then my nutrition falls into place.

Then everything improves.

PM me if you want to chat.
 
Last edited:
I have my own up and downs definately felt there was no hope for me to feel normal, still sort of feel that way. I don't have an answer except to not focus on your own happiness and spend as much "time" as you can afford making other people happy or just helping them, anyone.

I think depression can stem from a feeling of lack of value or mattering to someone. And I think it changes with the stages of your life.

Sorry if that wasn't so clear, its not to me either.
 
Last edited:
Baby steps i good advice also maybe just try something new, a hobby thats somewhat social.
 
I have my own up and downs definately felt there was no hope for me to feel normal, still sort of feel that way. I don't have an answer except to not focus on your own happiness and spend as much "time" as you can afford making other people happy or just helping them, anyone.

I think depression can stem from a feeling of lack of value or mattering to someone. And I think it changes with the stages of your life.

Sorry if that wasn't so clear, its not to me either.


Depression can come from many avenues, not just lack of value etc, depression makes you feel like you have no value but again it's the depression that's causing more harm than good. Then again you can't tell someone who is suffering from it because when it hits you it hits you hard, one who hasn't experience it wouldn't know or have a clue as to how it is to be mentally broken down and not that's being "weak" etc but many people suffer wether is genetics, situational, life copping skills or lack of them, a history of depression within the family, drugs and alcohol abuse by your birth parents meanwhile you were not even born, depression could stem from soooo many factors. But I appreciate your feedback
 
I know that the past is not suppose make you who you are, but the past defines you to one degree or another.

Wrong, YOU define yourself! Everything else are circumstances of life. You grew up around drugs, yet YOU define yourself as "I`m not a drug user", right? Would you ever hit/beat a woman? No, but your past would dictate that`s how you should be. Good job in overcoming most of the demons thrown your way.

What do all those events in your life mean? The only meaning they have is the meaning YOU give to them. Ex; drugs killed my parents, I will never use drugs ... OR my family used drugs, so will I, its ok. Go listen to that stuff.
 
mikeyp123,

I tried to reply to your PM but your box was full.

The message failed.
 
Hang in there. Took me a while to unlearn the destructive behaviors and to stop seeking out destructive relationships but it can be done. Life looks a lot better afterward too.
 
depression

Im not sure if ill ever be free and clear of the dark clouds but there seems to be some sunlight being let in these days Im praying that they stay i cleared my inbox brother
 
Hang in there. Took me a while to unlearn the destructive behaviors and to stop seeking out destructive relationships but it can be done. Life looks a lot better afterward too.


Hmm it's a battle
 
Im not sure if ill ever be free and clear of the dark clouds but there seems to be some sunlight being let in these days Im praying that they stay i cleared my inbox brother

that's the spirit!


what a winner's attitude
 
This is the truth. Every since I bought a few pills of sodium cyanide I have not felt depressed. I had bought them so I could die within a couple minutes but never used them and they are just sitting around. U can get that stuff just like u get gear...online
 
For me, it starts small. But let's rewind. When I'm really sick, my diet goes to hell (I scavenge) and I neglect hygiene.

I try to brush my teeth. If I can do that, I can build momentum.

Shaving. I shave my neck and cheeks and trim my beard. That makes me feel pretty good. Momentum builds.

That's probably all I'll get done for a day or two. Next I try to get a shower.

I probably have emails/voicemails to check and return. That's a whole day. This greatly reduces my anxiety.

I will try to take a stroll around the block.

It starts with baby steps like that for me.

I try to turn the strolls into full out cardio. Eventually I'll pick up the weights, then my nutrition falls into place.

Then everything improves.

PM me if you want to chat.
This is a great post and I suggest you chat with this guy. He's come a long way and it's obvious from the post above that he knows precisely what he's talking about. Baby steps. Set small goals for yourself. Maybe just make sure your car is clean, or your bedroom. Take care of yourself and personal hygiene. Doesn't have to win you a Nobel prize. It just has to make you feel that you accomplished at least one thing that day. Then later, two things, then three.

It's very effective. Many people coming out of depression have a hard time getting started because of everything that piled up while they were sick and now seems overwhelming. They are ready to start their lives again but don't know where to start. One small step at a time.

Excellent post Mr. Pickles.
 
I agree i let things go as its a good.gauge to.tell how im doing in life as to how green my grass is or if my bed is made good advice
 
In my experience the only way to be happy for guys like us is having something to look forward to. when I feel like the depression is about to hit hard I'll hit the movies, right out a new cycle, and really bury myself in training juicing and eating.

A good woman is a given but if you enter a relationship before you can be happy with yourself, things go south your probably going to end up in a darker place then where you were before. You sound like you have a lot going for you and a lot to offer good job successful etc., get on tinder and bang some sluts.

I don;t know what your AAS history is but try to stay away from tren and equipoise, those two compounds can really magnify depression for a lot of guys.
 
This is a great post and I suggest you chat with this guy. He's come a long way and it's obvious from the post above that he knows precisely what he's talking about. Baby steps. Set small goals for yourself. Maybe just make sure your car is clean, or your bedroom. Take care of yourself and personal hygiene.

Excellent post Mr. Pickles.

Thank you.

When I got this advice, I was surprised how well it worked once I put it to use.
 
depression can be a chemical imbalance.
which will then need prescription meds to curb.
 
that's the spirit!


what a winner's attitude

folks can come in here and post their issues without fear of comments like yours.
People dont need your shit.
Go be a duche elsewhere.
 
that's the spirit!





what a winner's attitude


C'mon man...he's acknowledging the fact he knows issues will cause trouble in his life and is prepared to deal with them... He isn't saying I'm always going to be sad, he's saying he will always fight the negative thoughts...

I faced depression for a long time, I stopped meds a few years ago and through rational emotive behavioral therapy and eliminating negativity surrounding me, I've become a very positive person... I live my life on my terms face adversity as a challenge to my will... I now feel that those given such burdens are given then because we are the ones who can handle them and our triumphs are to serve as inspiration to others...

Last year when I lost 45 pounds with a GI infection I looked at is a challenge to whether I was cut out to train...I said fuck it! Let the cosmos through what they got at me! I'll come back and I'll be better! I had a tumor on my leg and literally bled to death... Flatlined... I'm still here... I'm still kicking...

Life is what you make of it...

Pic of my leg... You can still see where the tumor was
ImageUploadedByTapatalk1414290495.477145.jpg
 
I've been down this dark alley road before, it follows me and has been following me since I was younger. Now that I have overcome my youth and succeeded in life I still find some emptiness within. I am not a religious man, don't have the beliefs that most people believe in such as in a religion, a God, etc I do know that just maybe there is something spiritual out there, but I don't label it a God or put a religious title on it but that's just me so please don't bash me for how I view religion, organize beliefs and faiths.

Ok back on my topic. I came from from a very negative and destructive background, my mother was a heroine addict, alcoholic and my father was too. I didn't grow up like with positive role models, and I was mentally and physically abused by a grandmother who raised me. I was a messed when I was a child, getting kicked out of every school, fighting, being lost, beating up teachers, principals, kids, you name it. Finally my grandmother decided to send me back to New York because she couldn't handle me anymore, I met my father for the first time at the age of 8 or 9, I didn't know how to read, write, tell time, etc at that age. My father was married to a women who I would call her my step mother, she helped me learn quite a few things, anyway, I saw a lot of abuse between my step mother and father, my father had an addiction with drugs and alcohol and what I saw inside the home was not pretty. So as I child I often wondered why I wasn't love or had the support that I needed and wanted. I was thrown in shelters, left in the streets, had to fend for my own, and cutting this story short here I am today. I could of became just like them, but I didn't. I overcame my past with some hard work but as far as I could remember I always suffered from some form of depression. I've done some great things in my life, served my country, went to war, serve the community and I have been in some great careers/professions but as the older that I have gotten I know that a dark secret has followed me throughout my life.

Now I find myself at 45 yrs of life wondering what the hell is wrong with me and what is the direction in my life. I have always been unhealthy personal relationships, I have always dated the wrong girls, I have made countless of mistakes with woman's but I understand now that I wasn't raised by a good mother, father, or family support system to know much about coping skills, love acceptance and forgiveness. Since I am a combat veteran I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, PTSD and I suffered a traumatic brain injury due to
Combat service. Now my TBI could be attributed to all of the physical abused that endured as a child or just maybe my combat experience. I suffered a lot of brain trauma, I was banged up pretty good in the military, and in life.

What I have come to realize is that I truly don't have the skills, or copping skills to look at things differently. In paper to many I am a success story, a miracle child, to mostly everyone that knows me they think that I have it made but many don't know that fact that I carry a void within, a vast emptiness, maybe I just feel sorry for myself, maybe I don't, maybe I need to learn about myself, I just can't figure it out. I have almost attempted to end my life quite a few times, but I won't talk about those dark moments. The fact is that nobody truly knows the deep emotional wound and pain that one carries within. That you can look at someone and think, "wow this individual has it made" has the life etc but the fact is that individual is carrying something that nobody knows about.

I don't have a family, all of them are pretty much dead, father died and mother decided to end her life and my family background of support is pretty much none existent. I want to create my own family, maybe have my own wife, learn to know what it is to truly love myself, love others and view my personal life with a different pair of eyeglasses. I mean I should be the happiest guy on earth, I fucking made it! Have a home, a career, make a decent living, I'm healthy, etc so why the fuck am I always suffering from depression? I mean WTF!

I don't see life as positive as others view it, many of those who truly know me tell me to just be happy, think positive, draw a line, forget the past, stop feeling sorry for yourself, live life, and the list goes on. But the reality of the story is that depression is something that is REAL, wether chemically induced, trauma, mental, physical or psychological it does exist. The fact is that ALL of my life I have suffered from some form of depression, and now at this age I have notice that I need to do "something" about it. Don't know exactly what it what direction but I need to somehow overcome this life pattern of mine. Someone once told me that I have grown accustomed to pain that pain is all that I know and that I have learned to feel comfortable with... Now what a fucking light bulb of clarity! Maybe that's a fact, maybe it's not. If I had a choice I wouldn't want to feel unhappy, walking dead or spiritual my dead. I didn't choose this life it was given to me, I didn't choose to be born, didn't choose my parents or past, somehow it choose me instead. I have failed in ALL of my relationships, I have failed in careers, personal life, decisions, and the list goes on. But now I know why to some degree is because I have lived a life with negativity. I know that the past is not suppose make you who you are, but the past defines you to one degree or another.

The fact is that depression does exist, it's real, to many depression is just an excuse to living life but in fact it is not. Millions of people live with it, experience it, suffer from it and many people sadly die because of it. Life is ALL about choices and decisions that we make in life. Now I often wonder if doing cycles can contribute to depression? I did countless of them in my youth! Also, for those that struggle with "depression" have you sought out professional help, happy pills, etc? I've been recommended an anti depressant, in fact many times in my past Dr's have wanted me on some form of an anti depressant but I have chosen not to take them because I feel weak, reminds me of my parents taking drugs because somehow they were depressed themselves and couldn't cope with life. But what choice do I have at this moment?

For those that have suffered from this issue, how have you truly overcome this issue? I have come to this site plenty of times to ask for advice, guidance etc but how do you take a depressive individual to do "something" when he/she has lost hope for just about everything in life? Sure I can listen to motivational tapes, try to think positive, let go or try to let go of the past, changed my mind, views etc all that bs that people recommend but what many don't know that once depression hits you hard, extremely hard is very difficult to create the life that you want of dream of... So how do you guys that have walked in my shoes done it, survived it, overcame it???

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psN1DORYYV0]Brené Brown: Listening to shame - YouTube[/ame]

I found this video the other night, I think it may be helpful to you.


I myself have dealt with depression and anxiety for over 10 years now, I've had it under control for most of that time until recently. I think talking to someone goes a long way and it is important to get out of the mindset of thinking just because you are a man that you are not allowed to show vulnerability. Look up some of the videos of the speaker in the video, she studies shame, vulnerability etc. Vulernerability is not weakness. Depression is rough, it's very true what you said, someone's life may look perfect from the outside but know one knows the internal battle they are dealing with on a daily basis. A bunch of things i'd suggest:

Saliva cortisol testing (most guys with PTSD can have very low cortisol), symptoms of low cortisol:

•continuing hypothyroid symptoms with a high free T3
•shaky hands; shakiness
•diarrhea
•bad palps
•higher heart rate
•pounding heart
•feeling of panic
•weakness
•inability to handle stress
•inability to handle interactions with others
•inability to focus
•rage or sudden angry outbursts
•emotionally hyper sensitive
•overreacting
•highly defensive
•feeling paranoid about people or things
•exacerbated reactions to daily stress
•no patience
•easily irritated
•mild to severe hypoglycemic episodes
•nausea in the face of stress
•taking days to recover from even minor stress
•taking days to recover from a dental visit
•flu-like symptoms
•headache
•all over body ache
•super-sensitive skin
•extreme fatigue
•scalp ache
•hyper feeling
•jittery
•clumsy (drop things, bump into things)
•confusion
•suddenly feel extremely hungry
•low back pain
•dull
•cloud-filled head (happens when this patient is due for a next cortisol dose)
•jumpiness
•muscle weakness
•“air hunger”
•dizziness
•light headedness
•motion sickness
•coffee putting patient to sleep
•vomiting even running up the slightest incline
•almost passing out every time patient gets up
•dark circles under my eyes
•waking up in the middle of the night for several hours
•difficulty falling asleep
•frequent urination
•IBS symptoms
•worsening allergies


Iron, omega 3's, magnesium, vitamin a, are all extremely important for mental health. With the described brain trauma you have endured I think medication may be the route to go, but still you need to talk to someone. Try and:

-meditate
-10grams high quality fish oil (Carlson)
-eat organ meats or supplement with dessicated liver (mainly for iron to help dopamine signaling)
-vitamin a 30,000iu's from codliver oil (thyroid signaling)
-b100 twice daily

-see if you can find a local group of others that deal with similar issues, i'm looking for this myself actually, putting yourself out there and realizing you are not alone in this is huge imho

-try and limit stress, as in don't put yourself in such stressful situations that you are setting yourself up to fail.

-get out into nature more, this is huge, I could feel rock bottom low and push myself to get out into nature and I feel a huge change, try it

-get an animal, I got a chocolate lab puppy 10 years ago when I first got hit with major depression and I tell you that dog was some of the best therapy I've ever had, they help you immensely. Can't manage a pet? Find a way to be around them, go to a local shelter and walk a dog when you are feeling like garbage, you'll be helping each other.


-Forget the bullshit stigma with mental illness, the fact is 1 in 4 people will deal with this stuff at some point.


Hang in there man
 

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