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help

michael0077

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Feb 28, 2013
Messages
335
Man I don't want to be a pussy, but jesus this marriage shit is fricken the hardest thing I have ever done. Im trying in east los just to work on it, any words of wisdom...? Sorry just don't know what else to do, and would like to hear some supportive words...17 years 3 babies. business and 2 equally bullheaded people. Thanks
 
Man, I've been married 18 years and most of the problems we had early on were due to me being selfish and not putting my wife first, not doing the little things that are important to her, not really listening when she talked, etc.

At one point I thought I may have ruined our marriage and after praying and asking God for guidance I, over time, started REALLY working at our marriage.

My advice. Sit down with your wife and ask her what you can do to heal/improve your marriage. Listen and don't be defensive. If you are a Christian I'd pray with and for her as much as possible. That has brought me and my wife so close that it's incredible. Then...when you are having negative thoughts about your wife, recognize it and remind yourself why you love her and that you want your marriage to work and change your attitude.

I know this is all hard to put into action but it did miraculous things for my marriage. If you are reader, pick up a book called Love Does by Bob Goff...it's not about marriage but about Love, it's a good one.

Good luck brother.

Casey
 
I saw a movie a while back called fireproof. It was kinda lame but there was a great message that I took from it. "Over time you should seek to gain as much knowledge of your spouse as possible. After 5 years you have your undergrad, 10 a master, and inevitably you should seek to have a PhD in your spouse, knowing all the ins and outs that make her what she is."
That's not verbatim but you get the jist. That quote really hit home for me and when I remind myself of this quote I find that I actually know very little about her, relatively speaking. Marriage is tough. Best wishes

aka DoWork on Professional Muscle
aka Venison Steaks on Muscle Chemistry
 
Go see a counselor. If you find someone good it can be an extremely helpful experience. It'll teach you two how to communicate better and iron out some lingering issues.
 
Only been married going on 4 years but have been together almost 11. It's what you make out of it. In today's time it's to easy just to get a divorce you both should work every day to make your marriage stronger.

Seen something on fb the other day. It said don't give another man the chance to make your woman smile.

I look forward to going home to my wife everyday.
 
Not much more I can add to what these guys said but I feel your struggle. I'm in a similar situation and it sucks. All I can say is look at your marriage and decide if you're willing to put your all into it and do some work. Good luck
 
Communication is key, used non accusing ways of explaining how when one of you do something, how it makes the other feel.

There's a easy to read book called the 5 love languages. Great book.
 
It's all about communication in my opinion. Both need to be honest about what they like, need, think, etc. Otherwise you are always making assumptions about those things and chances are you are wrong.

It's not easy, a counselor would help get you on the right track.

I'll tell you this from my experience - I have been married 12 years. Around year 10, we were no doing well due to in law troubles, causing my wife major anxiety. and my wife had an epiphany one day and decided to be an open book with me the first time. She told me everything about the situation (and others) and I was in in shock. Turns out she had this toxic relationship with her mom since she was like 16 years old and bearing the weight of soooo much garbage over those 20 years made her final snap. The stress became too much and she had a borderline anxiety disorder.

Anyway with out all the details she finally opened up to me - and I opened up to her 100% for the first time myself. We talked about things we had never talked about before and for the first time we were on the same page. (Side note: communication and honesty in the bedroom is another huge positive - WOW)

These last 2 years since that happened we have been closer than ever and I actually am 'in love' again. Our marriage is strong and healthy now, because when things attack it we are now a joint force to deal with it. I think this is what marriage is supposed to be like, and I feel bad it took us 10 frustrating years to discover it.

Trust, honesty, communication. Sounds easy but that's the key to becoming 'one'.

Good luck brother I wish you the best
 
I guess I just got lucky my wife cuts grass,weed eats,raises fresh chicken and eggs,great cook,and gives no problem at my going to the gym.Biking 20 miles daily after work though really can piss her off.so I bought her a trek so she can go if she choose and I ask her daily.This help a lot by just trying to include her.We met[I sold her a car] we she was 19 and me 35,will be 61 this year,the good lord willing.
 
first to make marriage work you BOTH have to be willing to keep it going and keep doing for each other. Imagine your biggest problem was she was trying to give to you WHILE you were also trying to give to her. When its perceived that one person is taking more than they are giving, or just not giving enough of what the other needs you got problems. Is somebody` getting treated like old slippers... they are just there when you need em, they are not treated special?

Don`t forget, woman have different needs than men. So just because you are doing things that would make you happy, does not mean it fills her needs. Women will more often cheat, go else where because their emotional needs are not being filled, ie: not enough attention, flirting, random kissing holding, etc.
 
It could be the hardest thing to achieve. Ive been married for 23 and im fortunate to not only still love my wife but also still be in love with her. But its takes work everyday. As long as it still worth it, you will find your way.

Keep your head up brother. Wish you the best.

Ak
 
Go see a counselor. If you find someone good it can be an extremely helpful experience. It'll teach you two how to communicate better and iron out some lingering issues.

honestly something that has helped me. Not necessarily a marriage counselor but, sometimes we have to work on ourselves before we can fix the relationship.
 
I guess I just got lucky my wife cuts grass,weed eats,raises fresh chicken and eggs,great cook,and gives no problem at my going to the gym.Biking 20 miles daily after work though really can piss her off.so I bought her a trek so she can go if she choose and I ask her daily.This help a lot by just trying to include her.We met[I sold her a car] we she was 19 and me 35,will be 61 this year,the good lord willing.

I'm 35..had no idea I could get a 19year old still..

time to "sell" my car.
 
I was a car salesman at that time and met her at a dealership.
 
I've been married, now on my second.. And as cliche as it sounds, communication is key and you'll hear that all the time . But the communication I mean is the types of conversations that are uncomfortable. The ones that generally come out in anger and cause fights. Like someone above mentioned.. A lot of fights sometimes come from selfishness.. You gotta talk things out. The Good the bad the ugly. Some people seek therapy for it, I chose to do it on my own.. Now my new marriage is the best thing I've ever had..
 

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