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Do you ever get over your first love?

SemiIntense

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Feb 5, 2014
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Get ready for a long story, I gotta give you guys background but this is driving me crazy.

About 13 years ago I met this girl, from the first time we talked it was just overwhelming, never felt anything like that before... apparently never had she.

I was young and dumb, I knew it was such an intense feeling but I shrugged it off as being "love". After two years I ended things, I had a lot of demons back then and was hanging around a bad crowd etc. and she was a good girl from a good family etc..... it hurt like hell to do it but I felt I would ruin her and she'd be better off away from me.

Years went by and we both dated others. Every few months I would hear from her, I don't know how she'd find my new numbers but she'd always call to check up on me and see how I was doing. I wasn't doing good, but lied, I was dating a lot of crazy girls and still living that life. It tore me up hearing her voice cause I still cared so much for her so I just snapped at her, told her I couldn't stand her and to stay out of my life etc.

She's a persistent one though, about a year later she found me and still tried to get a hold of me to see how I was. This is now recent. We made ammends, well it was basically me apologizing for being such a dick, I told her she could be my friend. She told me the reason she was so persistent all these years was because I changed her life in a way she can never forget, she sent me pictures.... it was all the stuff I had ever given her, cards etc.... she told me even after moving on, she would never part with that stuff because it meant the world to her.

She's married now. I'm in a long-term relationship. Her husband seems like such a good guy, my girl is such a nice person too but I've never experience that intense passion I did for that other girl.

I'd be lying if I said I never stopped thinking about her, at the time I took it for granted but a decade later I really think I loved her. We just speak online to this day..... it's crazy, it just feels like we have some kind of unbreakable bond or something.

Someone slap some sense into me, is this just crazy talk??? I never believed in that "one true love" stuff but this makes me wonder. I also don't know what to do..... we just talk and bring back old memories to each other but never cross that line. Her guy is a good dude, and my girl is the sweetest person ever..... I don't want to try something and hurt either of them..... I also feel it's unfair to everyone I've been with that my my heart and mind have always been with my ex.

Is this normal what I'm feeling? You guys think it's ok if this girl will always have my heart? I can't speak for her, but I have this huge gut instinct that the feeling is mutual. I feel like at some point in life we're just going to end up together by chance or something...... but I don't want to push anything, I'm happy I just got the chance to feel such strong love.... I'm just really confused and overwhelmed.

She's been so persistent over the years, after all the hell I put her through that I'd feel terrible pushing her out of my life.... I know she wants to just have a hold of me, know I'm ok etc. I feel the same.... I like just having her within reach, i'd be crushed if she got in an accident or something and I never found out.

In my life or not, she's still always in my mind and honestly, she stole my heart long ago. Is it healthy for us to be in contact though? She's such a damn good person... I'm a bit of a scumbag, I came from a bad family, had a lot of issues etc., as much as I want it my responsible side doesn't want her to get too attached.
 
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doesn't sound like you ever got a chance to move on..



I don't really believe in the 'you never forget/get over your first love'.. life is not a chick flick.



id cut all contact... you are 'in love' with a married woman.. that's not healthy...or moral (if you care about such things).


just my .02
 
It takes a good long time,but there is someone out there to replace the other.
You will always have special feelings for your first love.Especially if you know you won't get another chance.We as humans will always desire what we can't have ,so concentrate on another.As time goes on you will have another.
 
True. It just makes me feel bad that I've dated so many people and nothings ever matched the feelings I got from her.

makes it worse that she tells me I changed her life and she saves all my stuff etc. even when she's married..... I mean i'm flattered that I meant that much but that makes me feel bad in some ways. I'd hate to be married and have my wife saving every little thing some old flame gave her, but I guess thats on her not me.
 
The reason you are having such an issue getting over it is simple, you screwed up something that was potentially great in your life and subconsciously you are regretting it. The thing is, that's life buddy. Every single one of us has something in our lives that we royally screwed up and regret our actions whether it be with a person, living situation, job etc
You just have to come to terms with it. Be happy for her and be happy with your current gf. I had a tough time getting past my "first love" until I realized how much better off I was without her. We did the yo-yo back-and-forth thing. Honestly, drove me nuts. While we were together, I thought it was fantastic, when we split up, as hard as it was, I came to realize that she was extremely toxic to me. Maybe your ex isn't anything like that, but you have to realize that there is a reason that your lives split from each other.
 
This is part of my own personal theory that we are biologically engineered to remain with one mate for life or at least as long as possible. Your first love (bond) will always be the strongest. If life were ideal, most people would likely remain with that person their entire lives. Each successive bond is not as intense. This is why people that date a lot have a difficult time even being able to form a strong bond at all.

The good news is that life will go on. You will meet someone and fall in love again and as the years go by, that person will become only a passing thought or someone you think about looking through a yearbook or some other nostalgic item.

Better days ahead.
 
This is part of my own personal theory that we are biologically engineered to remain with one mate for life or at least as long as possible. Your first love (bond) will always be the strongest. If life were ideal, most people would likely remain with that person their entire lives. Each successive bond is not as intense. This is why people that date a lot have a difficult time even being able to form a strong bond at all.

The good news is that life will go on. You will meet someone and fall in love again and as the years go by, that person will become only a passing thought or someone you think about looking through a yearbook or some other nostalgic item.

Better days ahead.

exactly!
 
Consider yourself lucky to have experienced that. All the women I have dated and one I was married to, NONE of them I was IN love with, loved a few of them, but never IN LOVE.
As hardass as I can be, I have to say I envy anyone who has truly experienced real love and being in love with someone and them reciprocating that.
I think its extremely rare and that most of us settle and never really find it....as dismal as dating has become for me personally I hope that I do experience that, if only for a moment thats fine.
But honesty many people never truly will...there's worse fates, could be homeless, friendless, penniless, or in prison or dead....but still, for those who have been there, its a rare commodity.
 
I never have!

I was in my early twenties & she was in her late twenties & I loved everything about this woman, but her 2 young daughters would never except me for the fact I was not their dad. We were together for 3 years & she decided it best to go in different directions. She was exactly my physical type, dark skin, dark hair, & built legs to die for! We loved hard & fought hard & I think about her everyday; I will never get her out of my mind; and for me she was the one that got away! rt...
 
I never got over mine fully either. I remember everything. The smell of her hair. The way her lips felt when we kissed. The way she felt in my arms when we danced. I was addicted to her in such a big way. She was as sweet as honey to me. I can't say that about any other girl I've been with since.

I wish I would have appreciated my youth more than I did. I guess it's true that "youth is wasted on the young".
 
Can't spend life living"what if"

It's easy to do tho. Make a decision to commit one way or another and move on it. Then accept it. My opinion
 
I never got over mine fully either. I remember everything. The smell of her hair. The way her lips felt when we kissed. The way she felt in my arms when we danced. I was addicted to her in such a big way. She was as sweet as honey to me. I can't say that about any other girl I've been with since.

I wish I would have appreciated my youth more than I did. I guess it's true that "youth is wasted on the young".

Bro it will come ,maybe when you are not looking but you will get another chance !
 
Bro it will come ,maybe when you are not looking but you will get another chance !
Thanks brother. You are right. And I have. Just had my second daughter to a girl I am very much in love with. But I must confess, there is nothing like that first love. You know that first girl that makes your heart skip a beat.

I've been in love three times in my life. The first I was just far too young in my teens. The second I just completely ruined. And the girl I'm with now.

This is a ray of hope to the OP. You do love again. Is it as strong? Over time, yes, and over years, even stronger. But to forget that first girl that meant the world to you? Won't happen. Not just because it was so strong either. Sometimes because it affects every future relationship we have in some, even if small, way.

Love is mysterious in that it's amazing how many things have to come together just right to allow it to happen yet it happens so often. One thing I see today is that people, I'm also guilty, of having sex way to quickly. At the very time we should be trying to discover the girl and her personality and compatibility, we are already having sex. Of course you're going to love the sex! LOL! Do you love the girl though? Do you even fully know the girl?

It's just our culture now. We are a culture of "Fuck now and ask questions later."
 
One observation I have seen with both genders is NOT taking enough time off between relationships.
Give yourself a break, spend some time a lone, re-examine what it is you REALLY want and REALLY need, be honest about what it is you bring into someone elses life that is positive.
Work on the things you know went wrong with prior relationships that you had something to do with.
But I see people jump from one to the next and to another and I think how can you fully love another human being when your heart is still all about another?
Thats phony and lying and truthfully unfair to the person you're with, unless its just a physical thing and you both understand that.

A real emotional connection that has good balance and chemistry takes being emotionally a 'clean slate' I honestly believe that, if you are still dealing with the aftermath of another relationship from the past then you need to sit your ass down and stop letting the co-dependency run the show.

I think if people took the time and were truly ready to be with ONE person they would find more really good quality relationships.

Just my .02
 
One observation I have seen with both genders is NOT taking enough time off between relationships.
Give yourself a break, spend some time a lone, re-examine what it is you REALLY want and REALLY need, be honest about what it is you bring into someone elses life that is positive.
Work on the things you know went wrong with prior relationships that you had something to do with.
But I see people jump from one to the next and to another and I think how can you fully love another human being when your heart is still all about another?
Thats phony and lying and truthfully unfair to the person you're with, unless its just a physical thing and you both understand that.

A real emotional connection that has good balance and chemistry takes being emotionally a 'clean slate' I honestly believe that, if you are still dealing with the aftermath of another relationship from the past then you need to sit your ass down and stop letting the co-dependency run the show.

I think if people took the time and were truly ready to be with ONE person they would find more really good quality relationships.

Just my .02
Abso-fucking-lutely! Right on. I know you are 100% correct from not just observation but my own stupidity.
 
Took me ten years to fully get over someone. And I did have healthy normal relationships during that time. I didn't think of her then. But when I was single, she haunted my thoughts. I just had to find a way to blocker her out. Took me a while. lol

Good luck.
 
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You never get over the first. Most of your "firsts" come from them, all of which you'll never forget....good or bad.
 

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