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Wife of 4 years doesn't respect one simple but big request I have

HUNTHIKELIFT

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My wife was perfect in every way, beautiful on the outside as well as in the inside. I have a wonderful son and daughter from a previous marriage. Son is 8 , daughter is 11. The wife has taken on her "relaxed" stage after 2 years of a 4 year marriage and cusses like a sailor in front of my children. She says the F-bomb so many times a day it uncountable. I've kindly asked her not to swear like that around my kids and then she cusses even more...DELIBERATELY! I actually had her go off after I asked her not to say the F-bomb and say YOUR NOT GOING TO CONTROL ME LIKE THAT, ESPECIALLY IN OUR HOUSE! What gets me the most is that when we are out in public, she will ACCIDENTALLY say something like "HELL" she apologizes multiple times to strangers!
These past two years makes me regret our marriage due to her lack of respect. I have no idea what to do! I have tried to be kind, I've tried to snap and go off on her....nothing changes her behavior.
I need some help here fellas...What am I going to do? What would you do? My kids love her. I tell the kids to ignore her bad language and that she is an example of how not to talk and behave. Thats the only thing I have... HELP!
 
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While it does show some disrespect, and I agree with u about the language in front of kids...if that's the only marital problem u have id say your doing pretty darn good bro.
 
Come on, you had to know she had to cuss from before, when you met her. Most people in a marriage think they can change a person, but that personality will be there. She is just being rude and disrespectful, but of course, there is always 2 sides to a story. Combatting anger with anger will never solve a problem either.
 
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Are there other things about her that are bothering you or is that the only thing? Is she doing it to be spiteful or is that who she really is?

It seems, and maybe it is just me, that there is some else that is really bothering you about her and this is one thing that is easy to discuss whereas the other issues might not be.

BTW, Does she cuss that way around her relatives?
 
While it does show some disrespect, and I agree with u about the language in front of kids...if that's the only marital problem u have id say your doing pretty darn good bro.

It's not, we are both Alphas and I can only say "Yes Dear..." so many times :banghead:
 
Come on, you had to know she had to cuss from before, when you met her. Most people in a marriage think they can change a person, but that personality will be there. She is just being rude and disrespectful, but of course, there is always 2 sides to a story. Combatting anger with anger will never solve a problem either.

Nope she said the basics and a few accidental Fbombs...to all out not caring of what comes out of her mouth. She changed in the marriage...I'm not trying to change her. TRust me I agree 100% about trying to solve anger with anger. Its WWIII when that happens, but nicely saying, now hon please don't around the kids. I told her I cant stand ugly words coming out of a beautiful face....NOPE still doesnt work.

I'm not a prude by far. I cuss also...but hell and shit in front of kids might slip. Never an F bomb. Lead by example...I also know do as I say, not as I do...but to say her language is terrible is an understatement. Really struggling with this.

Thank you for the replies fellas
 
well, the fact that you've asked her to stop and then she does it even more in, what sounds like an antagonistic way, makes me think that there's something bothering her that she's not talking about so she's getting that anger out however she can. i know from past relationships that when the woman i was with would start to get on my nerves, even tho i wouldn't address the underlying issue, my anger would still manifest itself in other ways. i've since learned that communication is key, otherwise i'd fuckin lose it if she left the tube off the toothpaste or some other trivial shit.
 
Nope she said the basics and a few accidental Fbombs...to all out not caring of what comes out of her mouth. She changed in the marriage...I'm not trying to change her. TRust me I agree 100% about trying to solve anger with anger. Its WWIII when that happens, but nicely saying, now hon please don't around the kids. I told her I cant stand ugly words coming out of a beautiful face....NOPE still doesnt work.

I'm not a prude by far. I cuss also...but hell and shit in front of kids might slip. Never an F bomb. Lead by example...I also know do as I say, not as I do...but to say her language is terrible is an understatement. Really struggling with this.

Thank you for the replies fellas

Well, my wife doesn't cuss at all. Like I said, she did it from the beginning and you admit that. Even though it was only a few times. I also like how you justify things by thinking Hell and Shit is a better cuss words too. It is not and you are not going to get her to stop when you do this. You are being hypocritical by telling her to stop around your kids, when you don't do it. I think you both should sit down and stop cussing around your kids. Your kids will grow up learning to cuss too if you don't. Look in the mirror, that is where the problem starts. A man ought to lead his house by example.

After all said and done, look into marriage counselling if you value your marriage. I think you both have issues that need to be worked out. Good luck and best wishes.
 
A man ought to lead his house by example.
After all said and done, look into marriage counselling if you value your marriage. I think you both have issues that need to be worked out. Good luck and best wishes.

Exactly,I am old fashioned and she for the first two years went it. We are are a team, but in the end if it has to boil down to it , it would be my call. In a loving way, not an egotistical controlling way. The main issue is her EX controlled everything, she went with it and tried to save her marriage with their kid. Even through MULTIPLE affairs on his part. Now that she has a man she can trust and yes she has tested and accused me of things that she found untrue,shes turned Alpha and shes going to no longer be controlled by a man ever again. The first two years she never showed me any alpha, I honestly believe she played the go with the flow mode to reel me in to marry, we did marry fast, but we knew each other years ago and picked up where we left off. Also her EX and I knew each other back 15 years ago. Maybe I was a revenge / rebound marriage.
Thanks again, were are going to go to counseling, thats is going to open a big can of worms that I thing that no counselor will be able to mediate...Last hope. Thanks bros for the hope and help.
 
Cursing doesnt bother me. Hell i curse most the time anyways. Not cause i am mad just cause its just me. She is goin to be herself no matter whose around. See if she can tone it down a bit around ur kids but she might not. Like one said if this is the only problem u have in ur marriage i wouldnt worry to much. Only my opinon , hope it helps.
 
You sound like a crybaby. You have an excellent woman at your side and you are questioning your whole marriage about her cursing? So what it it's in front of your kids? You know they've heard every word out there on the bus or in school right?
She's probably just rebelling against you because you are trying to boss her around. IMO you ARE being a prude. This is coming from a man with two children exactly your childrens age. I have sworn around them since they were babies. My wife and my mom yell at me about it all the time. I still do it. IT's JUST WORDS.
You know how many times my kids have cursed in the house or at school?
Fucking zero.
 
You sound like a crybaby. You have an excellent woman at your side and you are questioning your whole marriage about her cursing? So what it it's in front of your kids? You know they've heard every word out there on the bus or in school right?
She's probably just rebelling against you because you are trying to boss her around. IMO you ARE being a prude. This is coming from a man with two children exactly your childrens age. I have sworn around them since they were babies. My wife and my mom yell at me about it all the time. I still do it. IT's JUST WORDS.
You know how many times my kids have cursed in the house or at school?
Fucking zero.

Not being a prude by far, said that at the get go. Its about setting an example as a stwpmom for my kids. You seriously think your kids aren't saying it...come on.
I respect your opinion, but totally disagree. By far a crybaby...just wondering where the respect went is all. Seems like you are ok with not respecting your wife and your own mother.
 
Not being a prude by far, said that at the get go. Its about setting an example as a stwpmom for my kids. You seriously think your kids aren't saying it...come on.
I respect your opinion, but totally disagree. By far a crybaby...just wondering where the respect went is all. Seems like you are ok with not respecting your wife and your own mother.

I'm not sure how many of these guys giving you their opinions have kids, take care of their kids, or understand setting an example for them. Mine are right about the same age as yours, and this would be a deal breaker for me. I love my wife, and we would never have an issue like this after 15 years, but my kids come first.

Words have meaning. You understand this. Certain words can be used in only certain company as you get older. Many don't have the upbringing or mental capacity to understand this. Just as appearance matters, your language tells others about you. As a professional, you have to dress, act, and talk a certain way, and that's what you are teaching your kids. Stand strong and raise them up right.
 
I'm not sure how many of these guys giving you their opinions have kids, take care of their kids, or understand setting an example for them. Mine are right about the same age as yours, and this would be a deal breaker for me. I love my wife, and we would never have an issue like this after 15 years, but my kids come first.

Words have meaning. You understand this. Certain words can be used in only certain company as you get older. Many don't have the upbringing or mental capacity to understand this. Just as appearance matters, your language tells others about you. As a professional, you have to dress, act, and talk a certain way, and that's what you are teaching your kids. Stand strong and raise them up right.

Thank you! I'm just going with the, this is not how to act and talk approach....for now. I'm going to try counseling. Both of my kids told me they know it isn't right and that their own stepmom is a bad example of how to talk. My wife calls her son, my stepson a mother fucker all the time (daily)...how is that acceptable!?
The scariest thing is she never acted like this when we got married... I feel trapped.

I appreciate it again fellas. Wish me luck LOL...ugh
 
Do what men have been doin for years...beat her up! Jk lmao

But yea she def doesn't respect you nor your kids.... need to have a serious convo...sounds like a bitch tho
 
Thank you! I'm just going with the, this is not how to act and talk approach....for now. I'm going to try counseling. Both of my kids told me they know it isn't right and that their own stepmom is a bad example of how to talk. My wife calls her son, my stepson a mother fucker all the time (daily)...how is that acceptable!?
The scariest thing is she never acted like this when we got married... I feel trapped.

I appreciate it again fellas. Wish me luck LOL...ugh

Wow...that's a rough situation with your kids.

I cuss a good bit. I hype myself up at the gym by cussing at myself, joke around with close friends cussing, etc, but have called my wife a cuss word once in 18 years. It was the most horrible feeling in the world after.

I feel sorry for you man. I just don't know any advice other than counseling, if she doesn't respect you and your relationship enough to listen.
 
Do what men have been doin for years...beat her up! Jk lmao

But yea she def doesn't respect you nor your kids.... need to have a serious convo...sounds like a bitch tho

Lol would never, but if she was a dude, she would be missing teeth for sure. More than one. She did like a two out of four year bipolar flip on me. Great first two years, honeymoons over these past two. If I didn't have kids that love her no matter what, I'd be gone in a heartbeat! My lil ones have been through a divorce with their mom. And them hearing and watching drama...which I'm trying my best to not do in front of the children has definitely affected them. Especially my son. Its funny but sad... He tells everyone his future is; he's going to be a police or fireman, he's getting a big blue truck, a nice house in the country, drink Coke whenever he wants, and only have a dog with him. He refuses to get married he said. He says women are pretty, but I couldn't live with one.
Like I said...cute and sad. Sucks.
He's smarter than me at age 8 lol.
 
i was going to write something totally different until i got to about the 3rd to last post. cursing at the kids is a different ballgame than just cursing to curse.
imo you have let it go to long, i can't imagine it just one day started happening after you had already been married for a couple yrs.
r the curse words a dealbreaker for you? would it really bring up a option of divorce? to me a divorce probably would have a greater effect on the kids than a few curse words, of course if there r other issues such as fighting, arguing and yelling than that is probably even worse for the kids.
 
haha

Marriage counseling hahaha.... i think you just need to have a serious sit down maybe offer an incentive for her to work on herself... i don't see this as the biggest issue but it's still an issue... be happy it's contained to foul language and not physical violence infront of the kids that would be a real issue to look in the mirror at... good luck sir!
 

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