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"The Disconnect Switch" - Relationship

02z06

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Apr 5, 2014
Messages
473
Hey ladies & gents, I've got a question to run past you that hopefully someone can help me understand.

I've been in a series of 'serious relationships' that I have begun to notice end in a similar way every time.

Things typically go without a hitch for 6 months, head over heels, blah blah. At some point(usually around the year mark, although some have lasted longer) there comes a point when my feelings just stop dead. I am not talking a waning of feeling for the lady in question. We are talking I go to bed one night madly in love & content, and wake up the next morning with absolutely 0 feelings toward her.

It's not as if I dislike her at all. In most of these there have been 0 fights, arguments, etc. I am very laid back & not much gets me riled up. It's just a complete lack of feeling that I can't really understand.

No matter how hard I try to 'convince' myself that I can get that feeling back, it never happens. Also it makes for the stickiest break ups in history. How do you tell someone that that loved you dearly that there is no more feeling to be had?

Am I rambling lol?
 
Hey ladies & gents, I've got a question to run past you that hopefully someone can help me understand.

I've been in a series of 'serious relationships' that I have begun to notice end in a similar way every time.

Things typically go without a hitch for 6 months, head over heels, blah blah. At some point(usually around the year mark, although some have lasted longer) there comes a point when my feelings just stop dead. I am not talking a waning of feeling for the lady in question. We are talking I go to bed one night madly in love & content, and wake up the next morning with absolutely 0 feelings toward her.

It's not as if I dislike her at all. In most of these there have been 0 fights, arguments, etc. I am very laid back & not much gets me riled up. It's just a complete lack of feeling that I can't really understand.

No matter how hard I try to 'convince' myself that I can get that feeling back, it never happens. Also it makes for the stickiest break ups in history. How do you tell someone that that loved you dearly that there is no more feeling to be had?

Am I rambling lol?

that's because your not in love, your in lust, it might feel the same way but its not, to me it sounds like you want that feeling of when you first start dating, of butterflies in your stomach ,lots of touchy feely and you want that to last forever ,it dosent ,I don't care if its your dream girl, those feelings disappear in time ,but then comes real love, which is great and a mutual respect and feelings between two people, but those animalistic feelings when your in a new relationship cant last forever, some it takes longer then others, but remember, thats lust not love ,my advice is don't get married, you sound like your in no position to take a wife, just keep living the life of dating and screwing and move on ,but one day you might wake up and feel very alone and empty no matter how many girls you get, good luck to you
 
That's a hell of a good dose of reality and I think you are likely right on the money.
 
your in no position to take a wife, just keep living the life of dating and screwing and move on ,but one day you might wake up and feel very alone and empty no matter how many girls you get, good luck to you

In no where in his post did he say he only wanted these things. He was merely stating his issue.

His issue seems to be stuck in lust, not love. However that does not warrant telling him one day he will wake up and feel very alone.
 
In no where in his post did he say he only wanted these things. He was merely stating his issue.

His issue seems to be stuck in lust, not love. However that does not warrant telling him one day he will wake up and feel very alone.

I didn't say will ,I said might , big difference
 
The disconnect switch is about right, man. All I can say is what was said above. It happens in every relationship after a while. Will you feel that "madly"in love sensation again? No. But you will find a deeper love, which comes and goes, and does come back if you work on it. It ain't easy. AAS plays in too, IMO, making us (chemically) a bit prone to become colder when the sexual aspect wears off. Work through it. Attraction is a good base, but love (IME) takes a while to sort of "fill out".

Ya just gotta keep going a bit longer one of these times to, "see what's around the corner" Don't expect those initial feelings back. Just see what develops, while still being just attracted to the person.
 
i think what bbg420 said is pretty much right on the money. could be your age? i'm now 45, and i used to be the very much same way. been with my wife for almost 8 years, but we just married. my priorities changed with age, never thought they would, though.
 

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