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I'm in a difficult situation

BKCE87

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Oct 19, 2013
Messages
294
Hoping to vent and get some advice from some of you wise board members. I've posted in here before regarding divorce and marital issues. Here it goes:
I am currently deployed again (this makes 2 out of the last 3 years at this point). My wife is also a service member. During my last deployment I found out she was being unfaithful. I got home and was not in a good place in life, and really haven't been since. I saw a lot of very unsavory things on my last deployment, and when I got home I was just looking for something comfortable and familiar to try and level me out. So I forgave her and stayed with her.

Got news that she would be deploying, and I knew I didn't trust her or our marriage to make it through another deployment apart. It just so happened that they needed people for the deployment. We talked about it, and I was pretty sure that we would end up getting divorced if I didn't go. So I volunteered to come.

I've gone back and forth on if I wanted to stay married to my wife constantly since she cheated on me. I didn't want to just quit and give up on our marriage.
We talked about having a child, so I came off of everything about a year ago now. I'm coming to the realization that I'm just not happy with our marriage. I'm not in love with her, but of course care about her deeply.

I am getting out when we get back, and I honestly just want to be alone. I'm an introvert to begin with, but after the last few years I just really want to be alone to work on myself and my life. I am definitely forcing it - this entire thing. And now I'm hating life because I'm deployed again, stuck spinning my wheels, and what am I supposed to do tell her I want a divorce while we are deployed together? Any advice, thoughts, or inputs will be very appreciated.
 
You married her, you swore till life do us apart.. There is no divorce in my book.. You either work it out or you kill her simple as that..


Best of luck bud, as you can see I'm not the best at these situations!

Ignorant response dude. You might as well have just not posted. I would wait till you get back and tell her you want a divorce. I would make sure you have a solid attorney lined up prior. My divorce was amicable at first, and then shit turned nasty. It was a good thing I had a great attorney. Good luck with it all bro. Life is too damn short to be unhappy! After my divorce I spent the next 2 years finding and working on myself. Best thing I ever did :)
 
Thanks for the reply Spartan. Hopefully it won't turn nasty if we do, but you never know. I don't honestly think she is capable of being malicious..any thoughts on what I should do for the next 8 months? You're absolutely right about life being too short to not be happy!
 
I'm with Spartan on this one, wait until you come back, no need to be stressed out even more specially being in a war zone (assuming here), you need to be a 100% and so does she.

At the end of the day, your happiness and well being are whats important.

And Dema, he did say "til life do us part" on his wedding day, but once you cheat those vows go out the window as far as I'm concerned. Next time you don't have something helpful to say, please don't. BKCE knows what marriage entails, his soon to be ex, did not.
 
You married her, you swore till life do us apart.. There is no divorce in my book.. You either work it out or you kill her simple as that..


Best of luck bud, as you can see I'm not the best at these situations!



pretty sure it's 'til death do us part'.... but what do I know..




OP, you will never know your wife better than when you are on opposite sides of a court room. trust me.


don't divorce her yet, get back to the states (or wherever you're from) and get your financial and legal items in order.


close all shared accounts and cut her off from all of your credit cards. get consultations with all of the best lawyers in the nearby vicinity (so they can't represent her). and then serve her papers.


just be glad that you don't have kids with her.
 
Being on the other Sidon the situation, and my wife did for ie me. It as a lot of hard work and prayer, but we are stronger now than we ever were. Pray about it my friend. That is the best advice you could get. The lord can heal all.
 
best near term advice....MAKE SURE YOU DON`T HAVE KIDS WITH HER. The rest, foucs on yourself and figure it out when you get home. Stay safe without unneeded stress and thoughts on your mind.
 
@ pesty, I didn't insult anyone. Instead of deleting an ENTIRE post that had relevant information, you can simply edit it..
 
I'd like to thank everyone for your responses and advice. I'm just going to have to suck it up for the meanwhile. I've seemed to reach a level of complete indifference to just about anything. This deployment isn't near as stressful as my last one, but I can now see the issues I had after my last deployment rearing their head again. I'm taking a lot of anti-stress supplements (rhodiola, ashwaghanda, methyl folate, zembrin), and will hopefully have some kratom here soon. Can't go into details too much but I have a job where many people's lives can be effected if I were to miss something. I've actually already talked to my boss a little bit, and have reduced some of what I was dealing with. It's hard for me to act normal and loving with my wife (we really only see each other at meals right now anyways) but I'm pretty sure she can tell somethings up. I know there is no way to not hurt her in the end with this, but I am going to do my best to blunt the blow as much as I can. Anyways, yet again thank all of you.
 
I think you answered your own question brother. Currently you're not happy and you need to do what's best for you and change that. Why be with someone you don't love? I say still keep in touch with her if you want but move on and work on yourself because that's the most important thing. Starting over sucks but it'll be worth it in the end.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
 

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