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Retroactive Jealousy.

anarchocapitalist

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Kilo Klub Member
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A brief history. Married my high school sweetheart. She was the only person I've been with. At 36 I we parted ways. After my divorce I had a one night stand with a girl and honestly it wasn't for me. Started dating an older woman 13 years older than me. She is nearly 50 years old but I was all in. She is financially stable so I don't have to spend money. Mature. She doesn't like to party she just wants me to come over and fuck her and hang out. She likes to have sex multiple times a day and I'm on a gram of testosterone. She is super freaky in bed. She loves to be fucked hard. And I mean hard like pulling hair and all sorts of shit. Loves to be dominated and controlled. Turns out she has a cum fetish. Its a little weird but she love the stuff. Like wants it on her face every night thinking it makes her look younger. She asks me to cum in a cup so she can drink it.

Anyways at first it was all fun and games but we get a long really well and I have feelings for her. Feelings I've never felt before. Our conversations never end. She makes me feel great. I care for her a lot.

So we had the inevitable always disastrous whats your number talk.

I was expecting a lot considering she is freaky. Turns out she is around 10 and I do believe her. She was very open and explained.

Well I didn't know this about myself but turns out Im super jealous. I'm not particularly jealous about men that hit on her presently. But very jealous of her past relationships.

I call it my downward spiral. Some conversation or event will trigger me into this OCD thinking where I cannot let a though go. I may be licking her pussy and suddenly think there was 10 dicks in her and then I get OCD into that. She might talk about something with an ex, a natural normal conversation that any couple has, and suddenly Im withdrawing or interrogating her asking for every little detail which sends me even more spiralling into jealousy.

I'm very thankful that she is accepting of all of it. She patiently answers my questions asking me if I can handle the answer. She says that she loves me and that my jealousy is okay it means that Im emotionally invested in her. Which I am.

But I hate it. It bothers me.

There are two sides of my jealously.

The first side is that I'm being judgemental. She is one of those older cougars that wear stilettos, tight skirts, and has since she was 14 years old looking for male attention. So I'm judgemental like I'm falling in love with a slut. Our sexual values are different. She is easy. All those thoughts that can hurt someone you love.

The second side is that I'm jealous she has experienced things and I haven't. Her number is 10 mine is 3. She has had one night stands, fuck friends, and been married. She has done the single thing etc. I haven't really. I think I'm also jealous that we are getting more serious and I'm not sure I'm ready.

Anyways I've read a few article on "retroactive jealousy" and its not really helpful. The "its none of your business" crap doesn't help. The "her numbers don't matter just that you love each other" doesnt' help.

I just bought a book on it and about 1/3 of the way through. Its helpful. The book identifies it as an OCD anxiety disorder which I have had in the past. I had to take medications for OCD anxiety. But I'm over that and now I can see its my thought patterns.

Anyone in the same boat?
 
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This is easier said than done, but you're just going to have to look past this if you want to keep this girl. You knew going into it that she probably had a past, especially at that age, and now you're asking for specifics. Worst thing you can do man. I could understand if she was in her 20's and you're looking for a girl to settle down with for the first time, but for God sake this woman has had 5 decades to make fuckups. Never ask those questions unless they are really deal breakers for you. Don't put those images into your head.
 
You should be thankful at 50 she has only been with 10 guys. You need to get over your shit quick or number 11 will be next and not you anymore. Live in the present man, you can't change the past , yours or hers. Live and learn . Only being with one person has fucked your head up , you have never had to deal with this before and it's hitting you like a ton of bricks right now. Let it pass and get over it or find a new girl if you can't
 
your having the "what`s your number" talk? Really? How old are you? 36? That`s like the question of a 22 y/o girl. It should be lets get tested, no bugs, ok we`re all good. If anything you should be thanking 1 or more of those 10 dudes for developing her freaky side (seems you like it, and I don`t blame you). It`s you and her in the bed (or the couch, or the patio:headbang:) and she is asking for it on her face, its just you and her, who is there to be jealous of? She has chosen to be with you. If any of those dudes were worth anything, they would probably still be around. I see it as you are currently the top dog!
 
10 at 50? that's nothing. One of my girl friends is 23 and says she has "only" had 14. Another one is 26 and has had 3 this month. 10 is really nothing for someone her age. I would take solace in that.
 
lmao.....if she said 10.....its 30

i promise you that.
 
You're complaining over some insignificant crap. You have a sugar momma that's into freaky sex and pays your bills. Do you work? You're living every man's dreams so quit trippin' and enjoy the ride.
 
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How about the age difference? At 25, 37 is great but at 37, 50 is a difference. Especially if your thinking long term. Sorry to say but your gonna be with a rather "old woman when your her age.
My advice, enjoy the ride. Keep it short. Then find someone closer to your age. Preferably a bit younger.
Do you have kids? Do you want any? Cuz it's not happening with her.
Trust me , you'll be obsessing over 25 year Olds in a year or 2.
Life takes us on many rides, this is just one of them. My 2 cents. For what it's worth.

Sent from a place you don't know.
 
Rule of thumb. Always multiply by 3, HAHA.

True! Because women don t count one night stands, times they were on vacation, if they were drunk or if he was a "friend " lol
 
You should enjoy her company, and enjoy you life, and enjoy the time you spend together. That's it. You need to get that other stuff out of your head because it is going to ruin your number 3 which you seem to like.

You are what you are doing now, today. Not what you did 20 or 30 or more years ago.

Today, I hate to tell you guys but a girl with the right social status, charisma, and looks has been with 1-10 guys by 16 and 10-20 guys by 18. National studies on the subject are unreliable because they factor in unattractive girls that, although nice and perfectly decent people, do not get the male attention that the more attractive girls get. Although, in some cases, those lesser attractive girls may be even more eager to please a peer and and be even more promiscuous for attention.

Anyway, back on topic, 10 is a small number for a single, attractive 50-yr-old woman. I would have thought with her sex drive, the number would be much higher. The trick is to not even get into that conversation. Just don't go there. It's a bad move and now you got yourself all psyched out when you should be just enjoying her and the togetherness.
 

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