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Severe Injury - Depression ( 20 y/o) .HELP

lexgritren

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Apr 22, 2016
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I have separated my AC shoulder joint last June , kept on working out and caused permanent damage to the cartilage which has very poor healing.... :(

I stopped working out since last August , so it's been 9 month with no lifting whatsoever. I have lost ALL my muscles and all my self confidence that I've built through my lifting career. I hate seeing my body in the mirror, hate looking skinny,weak and hate feeling sorry for myself. All my insecurities that got me initially into lifting have now emerged to a much deeper level where I just cannot accept my current self anymore...

I was so obsessed with looking good/aesthetic and chasing my dream physique that this injury just completely crushed me physically and mentally... I am only 20 years old , had plans on competing , modelling and generally have a career in the fitness industry..

Doctor said there is still a chance for healing , so its just a waiting game at this point of time. But I am honestly filled up with this b.s I just wanna get back to what I was :( ... I really wanna do surgery at this point of time, but potential complications do scare a lot, I wanna be fully functional all my life..

I don't really have any questions and I don't really know what I want to accomplish with this thread but It would be nice to hearing from u guys who can relate and have had similar personal experiences..But I would honestly be happy if you have anything to say whatsoever.. I think it will help me out hearing from u guys..

Thank you
 
Last edited:
Huge part of my life is gone ... The part of the day that you look forward to is gone... It's just so hard to stay happy without doing things you love.. Right now all I literally do is school and work I have nothing to look forward to that makes my day happy anymore...

I have been smoking pot these past week , which seem to help and distract my mind of negative thoughts.. But at the end of the day thats not who I really am and I don't want to go down that path...
 
I have separated my AC shoulder joint last June , kept on working out and caused permanent damage to the cartilage which has very poor healing.... :(

I stopped working out since last August , so it's been 9 month with no lifting whatsoever. I have lost ALL my muscles and all my self confidence that I've built through my lifting career. I hate seeing my body in the mirror, hate looking skinny,weak and hate feeling sorry for myself. All my insecurities that got me initially into lifting have now emerged to a much deeper level where I just cannot accept my current self anymore...

I was so obsessed with looking good/aesthetic and chasing my dream physique that this injury just completely crushed me physically and mentally... I am only 20 years old , had plans on competing , modelling and generally have a career in the fitness industry..

Doctor said there is still a chance for healing , so its just a waiting game at this point of time. But I am honestly filled up with this b.s I just wanna get back to what I was :( ... I really wanna do surgery at this point of time, but potential complications do scare a lot, I wanna be fully functional all my life..

I don't really have any questions and I don't really know what I want to accomplish with this thread but It would be nice to hearing from u guys who can relate and have had similar personal experiences..But I would honestly be happy if you have anything to say whatsoever.. I think it will help me out hearing from u guys..

Thank you

Huge part of my life is gone ... The part of the day that you look forward to is gone... It's just so hard to stay happy without doing things you love.. Right now all I literally do is school and work I have nothing to look forward to that makes my day happy anymore...

I have been smoking pot these past week , which seem to help and distract my mind of negative thoughts.. But at the end of the day thats not who I really am and I don't want to go down that path...

I'm going to address the second bold first, smoking pot is more than likely making things worse for you. Yes, it may be "distracting" the negative thoughts, but that is only temporary. When the high wears off, your mind will pick right back up with the thoughts, so the only option is to stay high....not good. That can, and often does, lead down a road of addiction. Trust me, this is coming from a recovering addict.

Ok, now the first part bolded. I understand what you're going through. You have dreams and aspirations of "making it" in the fitness industry through modeling, competing etc which is all good. It is good to have goals! I too had a goal to play professional baseball my entire life and was afforded that opportunity after my senior year in college. I signed with the Milwaukee Brewers and ended up playing with the St Louis Cardinals. As I previously said, I'm a recovering addict, so this part is very important. I was drunk (blackout drunk) on 1/23/2006 and walked into my friends neighbors house at 3:30am. I was subsequently shot in the leg with a 12g shotgun. I went through 9 surgeries over the next 2 years and had half of my quad and half of my abdomen removed. A scar that runs from right above the top of my knee to a few inches below my chest. Needless to say, my "dream" was over. You want to talk about depressing looking at your body?! Try looking in the mirror and seeing the scars and indentions on your leg and abs, horrifying!

The thing that I learned, be happy with what you have. I could've moped around complaining about my dream being crushed and blah blah blah, but it is what it is. Your dream isn't over man, it may just take a little longer to get there, don't give up! Think of this as a bump in the road, you can still come back from it! You may not be able to do certain exercises that you did before, but there are still things you can do down the road to get you back to where you were!

Keep your head up, stop smoking pot, deal with these emotions. Talk to someone about them, but most importantly, don't let the temporal determine the long term.
 

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