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Is there such thing as Unconditional Love anymore?

jay_dub

Featured Member / Kilo Klub
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Serious question.

Something I've been thinking about for a couple months now.

I love hard. And it's left me pretty damaged after 2 long term, very serious relationships, one lasting 5 years, and the other lasting 3. The most recent being 3 has left me torn over this question. I was so sure that nothing would ever come in between the insanely close intimacy and love we shared together. It still doesn't seem real that we're not together.

It also has me questioning my future endeavors with women involving long term committment. I can't imagine it at this point.
 
why were the reasons for break ups ???
 
Unconditional love only happens between a parent and thier child these days that's it.
 
Sorry you're going through hard times, Bro.

Unfortunately, love, even strong love, is about 4th on the list of importance when it comes to staying together. Behind respect, self-interest (i.e. personal goals) and general happiness.

If you're not a happy person generally, the other person will be unhappy. Arguing over little shit, consistently, even if love is there, is taxing. If she has personal goals that conflict with being with you (dream job out of the country for example), she's out. If she stays, she'll resent you eventually and then she's out. She might still love you. But it will be from far away. LOL.

So, it's not that love doesn't exist, it's just that it doesn't/can't take the place of a lot of other things required for a complete life in a healthy person. It's just one piece from several and all are necessary.
 
The best words of wisdom I can give you......The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Go have fun and git some for a while without wanting to fall in love.
 
I'll give an honest reply, I have no clue and I am in the same boat of understanding you are in. Ehren did say some things that hits home with me and I do feel that everything he said does very well apply, my last relationship ended because I couldn't stand the continuous disrespect


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why were the reasons for break ups ???
I'll explain when I have more time
Unconditional love only happens between a parent and thier child these days that's it.
That's exactly what I'm hopelessly beginning to believe
Sorry you're going through hard times, Bro.

Unfortunately, love, even strong love, is about 4th on the list of importance when it comes to staying together. Behind respect, self-interest (i.e. personal goals) and general happiness.

If you're not a happy person generally, the other person will be unhappy. Arguing over little shit, consistently, even if love is there, is taxing. If she has personal goals that conflict with being with you (dream job out of the country for example), she's out. If she stays, she'll resent you eventually and then she's out. She might still love you. But it will be from far away. LOL.

So, it's not that love doesn't exist, it's just that it doesn't/can't take the place of a lot of other things required for a complete life in a healthy person. It's just one piece from several and all are necessary.
Very good points bro, thank you.

I started out as a very happy, dedicated, and self motivated. We fell for each other extremely fast and we were a absolutely perfect for each other. I remember her saying she never knew such happiness and love existed, and that she was determined after 2 years of being single that she would have to settle, until she met me.
I was absolutely amazed that such secure, strong willed, independent, gorgeous and sexy plus so passionately motivated female even existed on earth, let alone was so interested and in love with ME.
Some things happened at work, I made some mistakes by losing my job and staying unemployed too long and got severely depressed. I hated myself more than my worst evemy. I felt like a total failure and it began to manifest in my mind. I slowly began to become a negative person, not to my girlfriend, not in any way towards her, just to life in general. Naturally it made he feel miserable (I had no idea what affect I was having). I passively let life pass me by. Everything I ever needed was right in front of me and I watched as I let it all slide by in less than 12 months.
We had a plan to take a step back and work on ourselves and getting ourselves back for a cpl months (live separate as well) and then she competely gave up on it all.
Since then I have been to jail, had a 180 in the direction of my life , stopped contact with all negative people, found my true purpose for life, been to counseling, and my outlook has never been better.
But my ex is like a robot with no emotion half the time and the other half she tells me things like "I'm living for me now", "I can't control anyone but myself and I realized that so I made necessary changes", "you're not the same person I met 3 yrs ago," and "having depression for a year is more than just a funk".
And understand, she was talking wedding plans and literally picking out the location of our reception, not any more than a month prior to breaking up with me. But to mention telling me how she wanted a baby together asap and to marry her and start saving for a future house...
How can someone just switch a button on and off like that.?
She won't even see me.



The best words of wisdom I can give you......The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Go have fun and git some for a while without wanting to fall in love.
Na bro, true love takes time. Would random pussy be great, fuck yes, but I'd be thinking about my ex the entire time. That's not fun to me.
I'll give an honest reply, I have no clue and I am in the same boat of understanding you are in. Ehren did say some things that hits home with me and I do feel that everything he said does very well apply, my last relationship ended because I couldn't stand the continuous disrespect


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I'm sure my ex would say the same about me actually. It's not that I disrespected her directly, I'd never do that to her. But I had done things that hurt her indirectly due to a drug habit... If only I had my mind clear, I would have known how my decisions would hurt her eventually.
 
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Oh and btw, I'm definitely not looking for "love", never have. It just luckily found me at a couple points in my life. The second much more stronger and more mature in nature, everything I wanted.

The last thing I want is another relationship. All I'm trying to do is be happy with myself and if things truly don't work out with the love of my life, then it's my calling to slut around I think
 
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Love can be unconditional, because it's not a feeling, it's a choice to put someone's need equal or above your own. This is a selfless action, all done by choice, felling we have for people can make it easier. But the feeling have nothing to do with love, it's not something that you can fall in and out of.

The felling we get from being around someone, sexual, enjoying their company or what ever you feel...this is a selfish situation. This can be fell in and out of, and make loving someone difficult.
 
she's a woman
100% truth
Love can be unconditional, because it's not a feeling, it's a choice to put someone's need equal or above your own. This is a selfless action, all done by choice, felling we have for people can make it easier. But the feeling have nothing to do with love, it's not something that you can fall in and out of.

The felling we get from being around someone, sexual, enjoying their company or what ever you feel...this is a selfish situation. This can be fell in and out of, and make loving someone difficult.
Yeah I definitely understand love is a choice, not emotion.

I just truly don't know if I believe in unconditional love between man and woman anymore. So basically I'm doubting that, women especially, don't contain the necessary tools and thought processes to choose to stay loyal and support one man until the day they die?
 
I think "unconditional love" is a none sense term made up by a woman. Women fall in love with a person, the personality, the emotional connection, many things. When the guy changes and is no longer that person they fell in love with the love is gone, she will move on. Women move on and make that emotional break LONG before they leave the man. That`s why to guys it seems so quick and irrational... because their head is usually up their ass oblivious to what she needs/wants and treating their girl like another dude.
 
wow newbieHLB (a woman) likes my post... I must be on to something. Thanks. ;)
 
I think "unconditional love" is a none sense term made up by a woman. Women fall in love with a person, the personality, the emotional connection, many things. When the guy changes and is no longer that person they fell in love with the love is gone, she will move on. Women move on and make that emotional break LONG before they leave the man. That`s why to guys it seems so quick and irrational... because their head is usually up their ass oblivious to what she needs/wants and treating their girl like another dude.


That goes both ways bro,


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I think "unconditional love" is a none sense term made up by a woman. Women fall in love with a person, the personality, the emotional connection, many things. When the guy changes and is no longer that person they fell in love with the love is gone, she will move on. Women move on and make that emotional break LONG before they leave the man. That`s why to guys it seems so quick and irrational... because their head is usually up their ass oblivious to what she needs/wants and treating their girl like another dude.



women marry men and expect them to change, but they don't.


men marry women expecting them not to change, but they do.


have you ever dated a female who basically tried to change everything about you - from who you spent your time with, to how you dressed?

if you have, you certainly wouldn't be the first.. nor would you be the last. if you haven't, im sure your time will come.


they convince you to make all these changes then say "you aren't the person I fell in love with" and *poof*, gone.. lol
 
have you ever dated a female who basically tried to change everything about you - from who you spent your time with, to how you dressed?

if you have, you certainly wouldn't be the first.. nor would you be the last. if you haven't, im sure your time will come.

they convince you to make all these changes then say "you aren't the person I fell in love with" and *poof*, gone.. lol


If a woman dressed you I bet you would look better than picking out your own stuff. You would look attractive to her... isn`t that what really matters?

I don`t know what kind of changes woman have asked you to do, but I have never been asked to do the type of things that kill relationships. I am married for 7 yrs and was not shy before that.

Women (naively) think men will change the bad habits (or at least things they don`t like) and that`s their problem if the guy doesnt change to their liking, they should have picked a better mate... same goes for the guy who didnt see the red flags.
 
It may partly be biology. We are programmed by evolution to pair up with a female and then reproduce. If a couple doesn't produce offspring then they are likely to split up so they can move on to another potential mate. Those genes have to be passed on after all. (Sure, there are exceptions to the rule but in general, that's the rule.)

As far as your depression goes, it may sound a little lame for me to recommend a book but I'm reading this right now and it's really good:

[ame="http://www.amazon.com/10%25-Happier-Self-Help-Actually-Works--/dp/0062265431/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1433507913&sr=8-1&keywords=10%25+happier"]10% Happier: How I Tamed the Voice in My Head, Reduced Stress Without Losing My Edge, and Found Self-Help That Actually Works--A True Story: Dan Harris: 9780062265432: Amazon.com: Books@@AMEPARAM@@http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41vi-V%2B18sL.@@AMEPARAM@@41vi-V%2B18sL[/ame]

Ultimately the guy used a meditation technique which draws from Buddhism but it's not any kind of weird chanting while burning incense and doing some kind of yoga pose. It's a simple silent meditation where you focus on your breathing and just block out the rest of the world for a while.

What you are doing here is training your brain to do this on the fly so you can react calmly and stay in control when you find yourself in some kind of stressful situation that could trigger an episode of anger or depression or whatever negative emotions you might be inclined to feel. Instead of bodybuilding, it's brainbuilding.

Good luck! I know you are in a tough spot but just soldier on as best you can until things get better.
 

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