Drastically long break-up after-math

[BoredStiff]

So all of 2017 I had probably my most amazing relationship, I was still pretty immature though and she had a child and I just wasn't living up to being a good male role model so she left. It was all on good terms, we've never once argued or anything, but it was also just kind of left there..... she refused to see me or say goodbye because she said you never know what the future holds. So she texted me on and off, she would just send me songs etc. She got a boyfriend around 6 months in and a few months later got pregnant, she still messages me on and off for pretty random reasons at times but understandably she can't be texting me as much when she's living with her partner and has a family.

My issue is. After a breakup, my first month usually sucks, I just want to be alone, second month I usually start meeting people and by the third month i'm usually back to myself and dating, this has been with women that I was VERY into.

This one is going on two years soon and I literally feel the same void I felt the day of the breakup. It really messed with my sex drive. Like even with a PDE5 inhibitor it's pretty hit or miss if I'll even be able to perform or not. With her, we literally did it almost every night for at least an hour.

I guess I just don't understand why I can't get over this. As much as I still care about her, I'd rather just be over it. I've dated women that were at least equally, if not more, attractive, smart, funny etc. than her, and yet it doesn't do it for me. I don't know if anyone's been in this kind of situation, counseling feels like a waste but maybe I should? Two years is insane.

 

[maldorf]

Its tough

I went through something very similar when my first wife cheated on me. I caught the two of them having sex. I felt like I just wanted to die.

I felt like you for about 1 year tops, having that empty feeling and dreaming about her at night etc. I dated and none of them lit the spark like she had. I finally met someone though that did it for me and I soon lost that emptiness and the pain started to fade.

I think you just have to keep at it. Keep dating and meeting new women. Get yourself out there and just live life. Eventually it will fade, once you find someone you can love. It will happen, eventually. I don't know how old you are, but I married my 2nd wife when I was 27 years old and we are still married today and im 49. So its been 22 years.

Whatever you do, don't go back to her. That situation sounds like a mess. My exwife is a bit like that. She now has 3 kids I think, with at least 2 different fathers. Some women just cant settle down and make a commitment. Her having kids adds another very difficult layer. If I were you, I would stay far from that. You sound like you are still young and there are a lot of single women out there that don't have children.

 

[Goody]

It’s cause she’s still in the background.
Your her “back burner” guy if new guy don’t work out.
Cut her off, no contact, and I bet u feel better soon

 

[pesty4077]

You need to let it go 100%. That means no contact whatsoever and then go out and do something you enjoy to fill the void.

 

[BoredStiff]

Thanks so much for the support and advice guys. It took a lot out of me but it was like removing a band-aid, I had not think about it and just do it quick and fast. deleted her number and blocked her on everything.

I feel really down right now, I think blocking her was almost like breaking up all over again, but I think once a bit of time passes I'll be back to normal.

Appreciate you all!

 

[maldorf]

Thanks so much for the support and advice guys. It took a lot out of me but it was like removing a band-aid, I had not think about it and just do it quick and fast. deleted her number and blocked her on everything.

I feel really down right now, I think blocking her was almost like breaking up all over again, but I think once a bit of time passes I'll be back to normal.

Appreciate you all!

You did the right thing. Once you find some ladies that you like dating, she will be a thing of the past.

 

[felixx]

Yeah, sometimes it may seem not to make sense if you can meet women who are in some ways better than her, but the heart wants what the heart wants. We get hooked with people because they make us feel good in ways that other people won't... hard to always explain what that is though.

And yeah, you being available to her even it's just low effort texting might be doing a number on you too. Good job on blocking, two years is too long to be hung up on her.

 

[blackngold]

I think you dodged a bullet there for sure! She already had a kid from a different guy when she starts dating you. She breaks up and keeps you on the back burner. Then she gets pregnant with a new guy she's with less than a year. She's probably been banging whoever fathered her first kid the whole damn time.

 

[kreativsniks]

has been pretty much my experience too.. was together with a single-mom for almost 4 years, after first 6 months it was obvious that we aren't really compatible, but physically we were a perfect match - sex was wonderful, her smell, her looks, her voice.. everything clicked for me and her. but you know.. we were having arguments/fights too often which made her, her child and myself stressed out, crying, unhappy.. despite the big love (or infatuation?), we decided to end our relationship.. its been a while now, but the void left after this relationship is nothing i've ever experienced before. I'm a pretty good looking guy and it's not hard for me to get some dates, but no matter how beautiful, smart etc. women i'd find, it still didn't "click" like it did with her. There is a reason we both have this issue and the answers are to be found within us.. although, i havent tried yet, i'm considering going to a therapy, because sorting these kinds of issues on your own can be very hard/dead-end. Hope you doing better Buddy and if you wanna talk, shoot me a PM.

 

[BLKGUY2006]

Its tough

I went through something very similar when my first wife cheated on me. I caught the two of them having sex. I felt like I just wanted to die.

I felt like you for about 1 year tops, having that empty feeling and dreaming about her at night etc. I dated and none of them lit the spark like she had. I finally met someone though that did it for me and I soon lost that emptiness and the pain started to fade.

I think you just have to keep at it. Keep dating and meeting new women. Get yourself out there and just live life. Eventually it will fade, once you find someone you can love. It will happen, eventually. I don't know how old you are, but I married my 2nd wife when I was 27 years old and we are still married today and im 49. So its been 22 years.

Whatever you do, don't go back to her. That situation sounds like a mess. My exwife is a bit like that. She now has 3 kids I think, with at least 2 different fathers. Some women just cant settle down and make a commitment. Her having kids adds another very difficult layer. If I were you, I would stay far from that. You sound like you are still young and there are a lot of single women out there that don't have children.

great advise. I will post on this topic after I shower.. Brothers It will blow your mind what my kids and I have been though!!! makes a lifetime movie look tame

 

[dj]

Yeah, i think you dodged a bullet. Most of my relationships ended the same as you described your typical break up. I'll keep the story short but along came this woman that ticked all the physical boxes along with some relationship red flags that I disregarded. I felt like a drug addict when she wasn't around.... the break up was like nothing I had ever felt.

I had to dig deep to figure it out and part of it was I needed to work on my self but also recognize that I allowed her totally hack my system with dopamine, oxytocin, and norepinephrine. There is some research on this and it's worse than heroine. She was a love bomber which I didn't even know existed until I researched what the f happened to me. Huge void when that shit is gone and you can't get your hits. You gotta go no contact...my problem is we work together so it's fucking tough. You gotta work on your self too...get on your purpose brother.

 

[BLKGUY2006]

well long story short. My ex wife of 10 years wanted to split. A month later I find she had been dating and is serious with this guy. He is the 3rd one in a month. She kept my kids from me while I was grieving, said I was "mentally unstable" Soon after we split she up and moved my kids 2 hrs away to be near her new man...I refused to be eliminated as a father and fought for full custody and won!!! and kids moved back to the family home with me.. Since then I have had restraining orders placed on me numerous times,even though I have not even spoken or texted her. My dad is the middle man... assault charges and 5 DSS investigations for physical and sexual abuse. She even took kids to sexual abuse centers where my boy and girl both had to be physically examined..talk about SICK... the bitch has also broke in my home and planted shit on my desktop to be used as evidence.. She has gone after my job at least 5 times with local gov and once in state gov... She wont quit...call the cops once a week for "wellness checks". Of course she has no fucking job and lives off her BF. Im so ready for this Virus to be gone some I can nail her ass in court. She has lost visitation with my daughter and soon it will be my son...She is one sick ass bitch but I refuse to back down. Oh, and her BF offered to pay off my mortgage in exchange for the kids. Fuck Him and her.. oh and zero child support since she has no job even though she has 2 college degrees... Im a single dad and will fight til my dying breath for my kids!!!! Ive been through hell guys but If i can make it through this you guys can do anything.

 

[EWRECK]

well long story short. My ex wife of 10 years wanted to split. A month later I find she had been dating and is serious with this guy. He is the 3rd one in a month. She kept my kids from me while I was grieving, said I was "mentally unstable" Soon after we split she up and moved my kids 2 hrs away to be near her new man...I refused to be eliminated as a father and fought for full custody and won!!! and kids moved back to the family home with me.. Since then I have had restraining orders placed on me numerous times,even though I have not even spoken or texted her. My dad is the middle man... assault charges and 5 DSS investigations for physical and sexual abuse. She even took kids to sexual abuse centers where my boy and girl both had to be physically examined..talk about SICK... the bitch has also broke in my home and planted shit on my desktop to be used as evidence.. She has gone after my job at least 5 times with local gov and once in state gov... She wont quit...call the cops once a week for "wellness checks". Of course she has no fucking job and lives off her BF. Im so ready for this Virus to be gone some I can nail her ass in court. She has lost visitation with my daughter and soon it will be my son...She is one sick ass bitch but I refuse to back down. Oh, and her BF offered to pay off my mortgage in exchange for the kids. Fuck Him and her.. oh and zero child support since she has no job even though she has 2 college degrees... Im a single dad and will fight til my dying breath for my kids!!!! Ive been through hell guys but If i can make it through this you guys can do anything.

Nothing that a 308 round won’t handle at 2400 FPS. Two if you want the BF to join her.

 

[NGL34]

well long story short. My ex wife of 10 years wanted to split. A month later I find she had been dating and is serious with this guy. He is the 3rd one in a month. She kept my kids from me while I was grieving, said I was "mentally unstable" Soon after we split she up and moved my kids 2 hrs away to be near her new man...I refused to be eliminated as a father and fought for full custody and won!!! and kids moved back to the family home with me.. Since then I have had restraining orders placed on me numerous times,even though I have not even spoken or texted her. My dad is the middle man... assault charges and 5 DSS investigations for physical and sexual abuse. She even took kids to sexual abuse centers where my boy and girl both had to be physically examined..talk about SICK... the bitch has also broke in my home and planted shit on my desktop to be used as evidence.. She has gone after my job at least 5 times with local gov and once in state gov... She wont quit...call the cops once a week for "wellness checks". Of course she has no fucking job and lives off her BF. Im so ready for this Virus to be gone some I can nail her ass in court. She has lost visitation with my daughter and soon it will be my son...She is one sick ass bitch but I refuse to back down. Oh, and her BF offered to pay off my mortgage in exchange for the kids. Fuck Him and her.. oh and zero child support since she has no job even though she has 2 college degrees... Im a single dad and will fight til my dying breath for my kids!!!! Ive been through hell guys but If i can make it through this you guys can do anything.

Hell hath no fury like a women scorned

I feel truly sorry for you that this fire breathing dragon is making your life hell. She is a real piece of shit for manipulating the system to look like the victim and completely destroy you at all cost. I'm a firm believer in karma and one way or another she will finally get whats coming to her. Good luck fighting back for your kids.

 

[aphextwin]

I know this is tough and whatever advice I give you is hard to even take in. You need to move on, and stay busy with yourself. I know with Covid-19 it's hard to find things to do. Everything in life happens for a reason. She obviously isn't treating you with basic respect. Most woman come calling after they new relationship goes bad. I would recommend not paying her no mind and work on yourself. In the end of the day, you will be a better person and be glad you cut her loose. Hang in there.