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Is there any real relationships anymore?

NewbieHLB

New member
Newbies
Joined
Apr 23, 2015
Messages
43
I've been dating my boyfriend for a year now. We live together. He is a captain of tugboat and works away for long periods of time. I'm 29 and he is 41., anyways, he was away for 5 months in Africa and i wanted patiently for his return with emails and phone calls everyday, I don't mind waiting on him at all because I love him and he makes me happy. Well that was until while he was home for couple months I found out he was on dating sites and messaging girls on facebook trying to get them to go to dinner after we had gotten into an argument, he used the whole oh she is just an old friend and it wasn't going to be anything more than dinner excuse. Yeah right. So then he departs again making trips to Puerto rico, and logged on his email and seen that he was also on latin America cupid trying to meet up with girls there too.. his excuse then was well we were arguing and i thought it was going to be over, but as long as we're together you have nothing to worry about.. blah blah blah. .. now our arguments. . I'm not being vain, but i am a very attractive female, 13 years younger. Extremely honest and trustworthy and would never ever disrespect my man, I believe you should treat people how you want to be treated and if you want to live like a whore or do as you please then just be single for christ sake. So our arguments are that he never gives me any attention, no affection, doesn't hold me at n8ght, not touchy feely, all about himself and what he wants to do, never makes me a priority. . And you would think that if your away from your woman for months at a time and she's hot and wants to have sex 24/7 you would be all over right? Am I missing something here? He has a very good woman and was still trying to seek outside of the relationship, . So far I don't know of anything happening so i didn't leave him.. but who knows if he has done something or not.. I have never dealt with any of this from a man.. he keeps making me question myself, and i know i shouldn't do that, I haven't done anything wrong.. and I'm kind of stuck in a hard place because I've been going through a nasty custody/divorce battle for over 2 years now that will finally be coming to an end in october, and i was almost tempted to just leave this unhealthy relationship alone but if I move out it will not look good for my case.. I will look unstable.. and it's not that I don't want to be with him. In the beginning he was such a sweet heart and all about me but then that all went out the window, he says he is trying and wants to make it work, but he is also gone again off shore and will be gone at least two months before I see him again, so who knows if he's just singing that tune while he is stuck on boat with 5 guys and wants me to stick around for his emotional needs.. it's like I'm only here at his convenience. . If things don't get better I don't think I can deal with this much longer.. I just want my man to be good to me and me be good to him and us be happy and in love. . Is that even a thing anymore? . I hear all these stories and i am beginning to give up in humanity.
 
He's blessed to have a good women by his side but he seems blind to that fact and doesn't appreciate it. He obviously has commitment issues or some other kind of issue. Trusting him has to be hard if not impossible at this point and without trust a relationship is dead. You're young, beautiful and seem like you have a lot to offer someone special. I say cut your losses before you have anymore invested and find that someone special.
 
Well I know he hasn't had main women at destinations because before me he was in a 14 year relationship and his woman worked on boat with him as mate😦 so they would stay away for 10 months at a time and work since they didn't have any responsibilities at home. They had a very bad relationship. She was in and out of rehabs and had bad drug issues. She had back surgeries many years ago and got hooked on pills from there. So anyways he was unhappy for many many years.. and then they finally split and he was away in Africa and then when he came home him and I started dating. Since then he has went back to Africa where he was never on land. But then when he came back home it was as if maybe he was thinking he should have played the field more before hoping into another serious relationship. Even though he's made it quite clear that in his younger days he has already has his fun as we all have.. so at 41 I would think you would have learned by now what real happiness is and if you can find a good person than that's something to hold onto and treasure. We enjoy same intetest. Hunt fish workout. Well I seem to like the gym more than him but that doesn't bother me at all.. but yes now I don't really trust him . I was going through his stuff like crazy, and bow I haven't even touched it.. I'm to the point now that I just don't even care, and tired of worrying and stressing and constantly looking for something, it was pure making me nauseous and sick and depressed. But now he is away making his way from LA to CA.. where he will go through the world famous panama canal known for women served on a platter, 😑 and then be in cali for a couple months were he will be docked so I'm sure he can just be living a second life and me be totally clueless. . I just don't understand it? But then he tells me all the right things, but then when he's around its still like I am invisible. I can walk around naked and he won't even look twice.. I think I'm starting to become one of those stupid girls that I have never been and making excuses for him with everything. I just don't know why he wants me around if he doesn't really seem interest or too involved. It's like he does minimal for everything so then I'm always questioning his actions.. I'm so confused. I just want attention and us both be all over each other and crazy about each other. And we have GREAT sex.. Our sex is very good . But there are still times he doesn't want it?? Or says he is too tired or ate too much? Which yes I know can be true. But when your in a relationship were your away for months at a time I think we should be having sex few times a day. At least once a day.. or maybe I'm just more sexually active than him? Not sure.. or maybe he is just not attracted to me😧 ugh. This stupid emotes I accidentally hit them and then they won't let me delete? Lol. . I'm not even sure what answers I'm looking for. I know I deserve better than what I am settling for.. maybe I just want to vent.
 
I use to be like that. Never physically cheated, but emotionally with lots of women. We got divorced and then I met "the one". I realized that I want happy with my wife. I was miserable, but comfortable cause we had a house, a son, finances were all in order, blah blah blah. Now, I'm a different man. I'm completely in love with this woman and I'm devoted to her. I don't even think about other women. I'm happy now. I wasn't meant to be with my ex wife. Take it for what you will. Just my input from real life situation
 
I just don't get it because he stuck around 14 years with a piece of shit girl. And then he got me and I am beautiful, smart, fun and good woman that he can trust while he is always away working. I think some men just don't care and want to play the field, doesn't matter if you have everything right in front on you? I see it first hand with my brothers. I have 4 brothers and they have all done 4 heir women so wrong and they have had really good beautiful faithful women with good careers and will cheat with nasty ugly girls.. I just don't freaking get it?
 
And I don't mean this in bad way but friends have even questioned me about being with him because he is 12 years older and balding and gray hair and I've dated more attractive people. But I am attracted to him and that's all that matters to me but he has hit young good girlfriend.. maybe he knows he got me so now he is in a mind frame like we'll I got her so I know I could get more young hot gurls? I don't know, I think now I'm just thinking all kinds of crazy stuff because everything's just broken now.
 
You are obviously not in a good place in this relationship. It is unhealthy for you. We can sit here and speculate all day what the problem is but in the end none of that matters. Your happiness is what matters. Basically you have to lay it out for him. Tell him how you feel and what you're looking for. If he doesn't show it in words and actions it's time to move on. And it's cool to vent, everyone needs to and sometimes it's easier with a bunch of strangers.
 
And we have GREAT sex.. Our sex is very good . But there are still times he doesn't want it?? Or says he is too tired or ate too much? Which yes I know can be true. But when your in a relationship were your away for months at a time I think we should be having sex few times a day. At least once a day.. or maybe I'm just more sexually active than him?

Low testosterone maybe? Also, is he maybe addicted to porn or something? Guys who watch too much porn and fap too much can have performance issues.

Is some kind of counseling an option? With him being gone so much it might be difficult to schedule but if he really cares about you then it'd be something he should be willing to try.

Also, if I had a young, attractive significant other who was really into fitness/bodybuilding then I'd consider myself pretty darn lucky. This guy just doesn't know how to appreciate what he has.
 
That is exactly what I think it is! He watches so much porn on tug, I myself have never been into porn, I'd rather have sex myself than watch others, but with him being away I get it, but when he came home I seen where he was still watching porn and then he wouldn't want to have sex that night because he had already pleasured himself. And I have asked him several times, at least during the time while your at home don't watch porn, if your feeling hot then come to me, you know I always want to play around.. and then some days he wouldn't so then it would lead to argument because them I'm left sexually frustrated. . I have to go months without sex so I at least want a nice sex life while he is right in front of me.. There really is just too many cons than pros.. I'm going to wait it out though. I don't want to give up without fighting for it to work. Although I have been fighting this entire year for it to work and we wouldn't even be together if it wasn't me constantly trying to make it work. .When is it time to throw in the towel? I'll see how it goes, and if it doesn't get better than I'll suggest counseling and if he doesn't want to or that doesn't work I really need to face the facts and move on.
 
I think it's silly that you're still around. you're in denial and in love therefore you're blinded by love. Think with your brain. Find a guy your age and start a new page and build your life. This guy is no good for you. Can't you see it? Are you scared to leave? Turn that love switch off and you'll see everything clearly. he's not invested in you...

You already know all that and you still around .. No offense, but you deserve it, you're doing this to yourself.
 
the time to throw in the towel was a long time ago.. but you haven't done that.. and you probably won't...





..because you secretly love being treated this way.




you can be honest with us. it's not like you're fooling anyone anyways.
 
believe it or not, some people love to date "PIECE OF SHITs" !!

This has been absolutely proven to me.... have seen it in my friends too

I myself for example, get really bored of good smart girls LOL, I love those piece of shits that bring drama. hopefully when I get older that changes
 
He sounds like his a piece of shit.

My question is if your all these great things why the fuck are you allowing yourself to be treated like shit?

Pull your head in woman. If your as smart and intelligent and great as you point out you would dump this chump and value yourself more.

Little is right. You love the abandonment, the treated without love and having to CHASE for it.

I can bet if you found a younger better looking smarter funnier man who gave you all that you desired you would get bored.
 
Woman if you had a real man and you are as hot as you profess, you'd be getting balls deep action 5 times a day.
 
I haven't ever put up with this shit in my entire life! And I'm kind of stuck in hard place, I'm in the middle of a custody battle and I moved me and the kids in with the boyfriend so I can't uproot just yet or I will look unstable . Custody battle ends in October (it's been going on for 2 years) and the boyfriend isn't even here.. He will be working for the rest of this year pretty much away. So until the custody battle is over I am in no rush to move out, he's not around anyways and I'm in his big house with everything paid for (not with him for the money) but since he was such a dick and did me wrong I'm not going to rush out and look bad on my party for the custody battle, I'll ride it out.. and I was trying to make it work, I tried to suck up my pride and fight for someone because I thought that's what your supposed to do when you love someone, relationships are tough, but yes this is too much and is am not happy and I know I deserve better than this shit.
 
.
 

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[QUOThiNattyAsGraham;2134907]Woman if you had a real man and you are as hot as you profess, you'd be getting balls deep action 5 times a day.[/QUOTE]

That's what I am screaming! Maybe something is just wrong with him? I don't know .. I'm used to a man always being all over me and full of affection.. and no I wouldn't get bored with a good man.. I think it's the best feeling in the world to have someone that your happy with and both enjoy pleasing each other and putting the other person first and both treating each other like their the best thing on the planet. No better feeling.. This guy just fucking sucks..I just don't undersTand his reasoning behind his actions.. and this just started with tgis last time being home.. He wasn't like this in the beginning or I never would have moved in.. I feel like a switch got flipped once he knew he had me or something? Not sure what happened .?? I would think at his age and his type of job he would value finding a good woman that will wait for him faithfully for him while he is away all the time.. and I think it's just a bonus to him that yes I am attractive, young and fun and enjoy same hobbies as him and very sexually active? What the hell is wrong with him?? He will be sorry one day. . Or maybe not.. maybe he is just a whore and full of himself and only cares about himself?
 
You weren't lying! You are gorgeous. Get rid of him girl. You can do way better!!
 

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