Not happy with how my life turned out

SemiIntense · Feb 5, 2014

I've been around these boards since around 08, just never been my thing to post much but I made an account just to get some stuff off my chest and maybe get a few words of wisdom from anyone who's been through similar.

I'm 31. I live with my family and have a low-end job making minimum wage. I'm also in debt.... it's under 15k, but for me it's a mountain.

I ended up in this situation due to, I guess just a string of bad luck.....an undisclosed illness put me in debt after having many problems with insurance, was disabled for some time, took care of two ill parents as best as I could. Got a bachelors degree but in a useless art field (note: i have zero interest in art, I was pushed to go to college but realistically I wasn't ready to pick a career path, so I chose at random).

I feel blessed because at least I have a place to stay... I don't really own much but I have a cheap little computer (gets the job done), a cheap car (ditto) and a gym membership.

I'm still sick, although manageable, but can't really take on a high executive career (not do I meet the requirements) so I feel like I'll just be stuck doing cheap minimum wage labor for a while.

I'm just rambling but honestly I'm just fed up. I see people come in the shop where I work, many younger than me, smiling and seemingly carefree, in their nice cars, talking about their new house etc. and this just tears me up.... when I was 15 that's where I thought I would be but years and years go by and nothing. There's not much I'm all that passionate about.... I'd pursue bodybuilding if a good portion of me hadn't been burned and had severe scarring all over the place. I can barely afford to get by, while paying off my debt and caring for my ill parents, much less live on my own.

Feel free to put me in my place, am I just whining too much? I feel like I am, but another part of me feels like I got royally screwed in life.

rumbletumble · Feb 6, 2014

Here is the truth: You taking care of your parents is very honorable and you are doing a great thing. Do not compare yourself to other people, set little goals for yourself, they need to be obtainable, if you end up short on some of your goals, that's fine, keep going. There are a lot of people doing great, and a lot of people just getting by, just like you, and that's fine. All you need to do is find something that interests you and that you are good at, and attack it with all your passion. I don't know you, but your worth more than minimum wage, set your goals higher, YOU can make life better, take some well thought out chances. Look up Dave Ramsey Homepage - daveramsey.com on your computer and read his books and listen to his radio show, if you can find the time. Lastly, I will leave you with this, find a church, visit, I don't care if you sit on the back row by yourself, and listen to what the preacher has to say. If the preacher resonates with you, keep going and let God work his wonders on you, he will, if you let him in your heart. You need to change things in your life, get started now, you can do it, and I'll pray for you SemiIntense. rt...

raw33man · Feb 6, 2014

31 is young brother ! why don't you go back to school or get certifications that can get you nice jobs that pay a lot more ?

you will be able to get financial aid

EzekielAnon · Feb 6, 2014

I could not have said it better than rumble...

You know I can relate with you friend. Just this last Sat I was talking with my mom saying that it's hard to start over in life once your 31 like me. She smiled at me and said... Your dad and me came to the US when we were in our mid 30's with 4 kids, 5 total suit cases, 400 US dollars, and did not know one word of English. She said with hard work and faith in Jesus anything can be done. She is now an executive and my pops owns a great business. They also own commercial and residential property. That really made me think that maybe I need to man up and work at life.

Keep your head up brother and work hard you can do it. Also I'm glad to hear your a man and are taking care of your parents. That's honorable!!!

j2048b · Feb 6, 2014

Man u dont have it bad at all! Uve got 3 hots and a cot! Alot of people dont even get this! Uve got a car! U actually own a computer! Ur only 31!!! 31 is the new 21! Ur not too old to start something new man at all! Ur a youngster! Fuck everyone else!! dont compare urself, dont dwell on what uve been thru! Focus on what u want to do with urself and fucking work towards it! Go to job corp? Learn a trade? There are so many dang avenues u can venture down! Dont get ur head wrapped around the materiel shit people acquire in life its all just junk! Sure it looks nice and crap but it still just fills a void! Focus on u! What do u want to do? Whats steps do i need to follow to obtain these goals? Take a few college courses, go online if u need to!!

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standard donkey · Feb 6, 2014

don't compare yourself to others...everyone starts off at a different place in life..

are you doing the best you can given your circumstances?...probably not

you kinda screwed yourself by studying a useless subject..

but keep your chin up.. there are people far far worse off than you..remember, the student debt bubble is around one trillion.. people will be paying their debts off for the rest of their lives, be thankful yours is only 15k

raw33man · Feb 6, 2014

I heard you csn get a lawyer that will cut student loans debt in half, how true is that ?

Thor · Feb 6, 2014

All good advice..

I do know what you mean, but its all relative, I am much older than you, I see SO many BMWs and Benz and all kinds of nice cars and HUGE houses everyday where i live, I am in remodeling so I am in these HUGE houses everyday, I sometimes say to myself "Why the hell didnt I become more"...but then when i am feeling sorry for myself cuz I dont own a big house or a nice car or have a great career i almost ALWAYS get a reminder that its all relative, last time i was feeling bummed out i was going into the store and when i got in there I saw a veteran, in a wheelchair, with no legs !... i also sometimes talk to a friend about it. you can just do the best you can with the cards your dealt...thats life man,I am just happy that I have a nice place to live and good friends to talk too....material stuff will NEVER make you happy... but you have plenty of time for a change in careers too, learning a trade isnt that hard and only takes a couple years and pays a LOT more than minimum wage.

pesty4077 · Feb 6, 2014

My life didn't start changing for the best until I was around 31, it is never too late.

MooseKnuckles · Feb 6, 2014

Everyday is a new day, don't get to down on yourself and don't compare the things you have to what other people have, decide what you and go for it.

klowndog · Feb 6, 2014

Feeling sorry for yourself won't get you shit in life. Welcome to the real world.

Would have been nice to have been born with a silver spoon up your ass, but such is life.

Either man up and give 110% intensity everyday to make your dreams a reality, or sit back and envy those that do. You got this.

SemiIntense · Feb 6, 2014

Thanks for the advice, I really appreciate it.

I think part of my issue is that I spent a good chunk of my teens/early 20's battling an illness which had me pretty much disabled... afterwards one parent got cancer and the other just has a ton of issues and they needed care (not to mention that, while my health has improved, I'm still not 100%) so I had little time to explore what it is I actually enjoy.... if you ask me now what my passion is, I really have no clue. And hell, let me just be honest and not BS you guys, I'm very intimidated that many of my peers already found their calling and I'm still searching aimlessly, it makes me feel inferior.

I'm really busting my butt at my current job, it's not the best job but I take pride in my name and what I do. I've been told by management that they hope I don't leave soon because it's going to take them a very long time to find someone like me.... I don't say that to brag, it just made me feel good about myself and reminded me that my strong work ethic is one thing I do have.

My short-term goal is to snowball my way out of this debt within the next year... I really hate being in debt. Goal number two is to learn everything I can about my current job and just outwork, I don't care if my job becomes scrubbing toilets, those will be the most spotless toilets they've ever seen (lol). While I do that I'm going to explore a few hobbies - I've always been interested in auto mechanics but never had anyone to teach me. There's a few other things I want to learn about.

It's gonna be tough, I'll still take care of my parents and I refuse to go on any government aid. I did so before, when I was very ill, and I really feel that in the long run it makes it much harder for you to get back on your own two feet.

Anywho, thanks again. I will attend church too... I'm not that most religious person but I always feel so at peace when I go to church.

standard donkey · Feb 6, 2014

at least you aren't some worthless tweaker whose parents are ashamed of him.

im sure your parents love you very much and are proud of you for what you have accomplished, especially in the face of the adversity that you've experienced.

cheloz28 · Feb 6, 2014

It takes a certain kind of person to be able to take care of his parents. You should be proud my friend. Although this a bodybuilding site I found the best life advice reading through this forum....this place really has changed me for the better, as I too felt the same as yourself before.

Like others have said don't compare yourself to other people, especially materialistic stuff....most people are in way more debt just to keep up with appearances. Look up Les brown on YouTube, his speeches have help me change so much.

"When Life knocks you down, make sure you land on your back. Cause if you can look up, you can get up " -Les Brown.

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Simpllyhuge · Feb 6, 2014

I am in a similar situation with a degree just minus the health problems and sick parents. I don't think many are doing anything amazing right now. I live in NYC and the only people I know who make good money around me are civil servants who got their jobs before the economy crashed.
So I can't comment on the health problems and have only read your first post so far, but you seem to be a really good guy and are educated. Most of those people you see with nice cars and money might be from well off families and not letting on how much help they get.
I know a person with a law degree who does security, pretty much everyone I know is doing badly right now. Your only in your 30s bro.
I was just listening to a Stan efferding podcast where at one point he couldn't even afford a gym membership and eventually he was rich and not from bodybuilding or powerlifting.
Depending on your illness you could take some civil service tests and your credits will allow you to be promoted via merit based tests every few years. You could be competitive because lots of people are too lazy to memorize the info for the promo tests and don't have the credits to be promoted.
It's hard to recommend jobs with hour knowing your illness or location but nursing or something could be attained pretty fast if they still allow 2 year degrees.

triathloncoach · Feb 6, 2014

It sounds to me that you are in a difficult situation. I hope you are in therapy with a qualified mental health professional. If you can't afford it, look into programs that provide it free of charge. You don't need to do this on your own, or post up on a bodybuilding site looking for answers.

fitnesskatz · Feb 6, 2014

Doing way to much thinking my man not enough doing only you control the things you are complaining about,,,control the things you can control,,,first off really take a look at moving sounds Like employment may not be that great where u at,,don't worry bout what other ppl think at end of the day ask yourself this each night look in the mirror and seriously ask yourself have I done the best I can do today if the answer is no, do more,,a college degree is never useless it means u can start and finish something that itself tells me a lot bout someone's character,,man I went college got degree got out spent the next 20yrs and
2 mths in the army got out went into a field I thought to be a dream for myself well it's not but I'm not gonna bitch bout it see my man life itself is bitter hell, it's full of disappointment, failure, and regret but unless we keep pushing forward we never get to see that one happy moment in our lives and for all us that one happy moment may be different that vary from person to person,,,so we push forward man unless we do we never find peace and most of all you, me anybody on here does not want to be sitting n a damn retirement home at 80yrs old and saying damn I wish I'd done more, I wish I'd worked harder, I just wish I'd tried harder,,,being that person right that has always scared me more than anything, so I chose to do more I challenge you to do more I personally think you can

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jprotein210 · Feb 8, 2014

Hey man, I can somewhat relate with you, went through first 4 years living in Toronto making shit money while people around me move up in life. It sucks thinking about but as others said, it is all relative. My Brother is 24, turning 25 this August, he works like 8 hours a week an lives at home, absolutely NO drive in life. I feel you have a strong drive and passion to do well, something lacking by a lot of people. Keep at it, you will find something and you never know what experiences in life will prepare you for a new career. I recently got a job working for City Transit as Bus Driver because of my previous shit minimum wage job as a security guard. You just have to keep on top of what you want and find ways to get them. If you are working in a shop, try getting into a trade and start your own business or get a job for a higher paying company. Just don't think that this is all you will ever be, because 5 years down the road I guarentee you will be in a much better place.

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