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SO freaking depressed New Back update!

2elbows

Active member
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Joined
Feb 8, 2018
Messages
145
I know you guys are probably tired of this back whining of mine.
But when you have worked so hard to be in the best shape you have been in a long time in your early 50's then you start with another issue you get a little depressed.

So for some reason between my L4-L5 disk herniation that got repaired I now need potentially another surgery for a L3. I am guessing I don't know yet.

New MRI shows L3 has herniated. In my 1st MRI while I was in the emergency room they noted disk was bulging at the L3. She noted it in her post operative procedure notes but did nothing about it. She is a highly respected neuro surgeon and did nothing about it.
I thought you would fix everything the 1st time when you are in there?

I have slowly gotten worse and not better since my surgery. While my pain has subsided I still take the pain meds. I have lost feeling in my right quad, calf and foot. I'd guess 80%. I can walk but with a pronounced limp.
I am not allowed to drive but I work from home.

The 2nd MRI came to pass after I had a 3 week eval and she saw the weakness and numbness in my leg. I now have a followup with her next Tuesday to go over options. I have no idea if I will have another surgery or not.

I never get depressed but this has got me down.
Thanks for listening.
 
I was headed down that road and took another path. I got into yoga for 8 months adn it fixed things about 90%. I can't load the bar for dead and squats I I can manage things and still make improvements and squat and deadlift/rack pull periodically. I reasoned that I could strengthen the joints and their flexibility and then slowly put the muscle back on to support the underlying worn structure. Seems to ahve worked at least for the last 5 years. I am 58. When things go sideways I go for a yoga tune up for some weeks. There are some forms that I ahve worked into my daily stretching routine. Stretching is big also. I've I don't stretch for 3 days my back/neck regress.
 
I feel for you. I trained and dieted strict for a year to get in great shape then had my spine issues. I lost everything and got fat. Now I’ve worked hard for over a year to put size on. I’m fat but big and strong. I got sick a few weeks ago and my spine is hurting bad. I’m praying it gets better. I can’t deal with losing everything again and being bed ridden in pain.

I hope she fixes everything right for you this time. I’m glad you can work from home. If she can get you fixed up properly then you’ll get it all back. Try to stay positive. Hang in there.
 
I know you guys are probably tired of this back whining of mine.
But when you have worked so hard to be in the best shape you have been in a long time in your early 50's then you start with another issue you get a little depressed.

So for some reason between my L4-L5 disk herniation that got repaired I now need potentially another surgery for a L3. I am guessing I don't know yet.

New MRI shows L3 has herniated. In my 1st MRI while I was in the emergency room they noted disk was bulging at the L3. She noted it in her post operative procedure notes but did nothing about it. She is a highly respected neuro surgeon and did nothing about it.
I thought you would fix everything the 1st time when you are in there?

I have slowly gotten worse and not better since my surgery. While my pain has subsided I still take the pain meds. I have lost feeling in my right quad, calf and foot. I'd guess 80%. I can walk but with a pronounced limp.
I am not allowed to drive but I work from home.

The 2nd MRI came to pass after I had a 3 week eval and she saw the weakness and numbness in my leg. I now have a followup with her next Tuesday to go over options. I have no idea if I will have another surgery or not.

I never get depressed but this has got me down.
Thanks for listening.

God I know exactly what your going threw. Just had my second surgery Oct 14th. Since Feb lost most feeling in both feet, right leg from thigh down drop foot and weakness in both legs where I could barely walk without the feeling of falling over. No coronation. My problem was severe degenerative discs arthritis and bone spurs L1 down to S1. First surgery was 2016 Fusion L3 to 4 with rods. I thought the same. Why didn't they fix the others first time. When I found out Feb they had to go back in I went threw 9 agonizing months of the worst depression ever. Right now three weeks in recovery still on pain meds but trying to ween off which is another nightmare in it's self. If your losing feeling weakness in legs or any part. If they say surgery get the surgery brother. Don't screw around. Pinched nerves will die eventually then comes permanent paralysis. My neurosurgeon did a great job, better then the first surgeon I had. Shots never worked for me either. I know the worst feeling when all that was gained will be lost but only for the moment. But permanent nerve damage is no option.
 
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Thanks Steve O

It's really hard this is the second time I have had to go through a major surgery August 2016 I had open heart surgery Mitral valve repair for a leaky valve. I was told never "lift heavy again" six months later I was back to where I was before.

This is much harder it's the spine and limbs. Already harder than heart surgery.

I'll get through it but sucks.
 
I'm with you bro... Different condition, but same concept of recovery/seemingly bleak outlook.
 
What really sucks is as you age and have various health problems you are forced to lower your expectations for yourself, and then you have to break those that you set a few years ago because you cant even meet those any longer. Its a slow downhill spiral. A natural part of life, but I think for a lot of us it happens sooner than it does for the general public. Bodybuilding can be tough on the body.
 
It's really hard this is the second time I have had to go through a major surgery August 2016 I had open heart surgery Mitral valve repair for a leaky valve. I was told never "lift heavy again" six months later I was back to where I was before.

This is much harder it's the spine and limbs. Already harder than heart surgery.

I'll get through it but sucks.

Like I mentioned before, I had 8 surgeries in 4 1/2 years as of last December (I've had 11 in my lifetime). It started with a cancer surgery (intestine), urology surgery and spine surgeries and Ankylosing Spondylitis diagnosis. Most of my neck is fused, L4-s1 are fused and multiple other spine surgeries. I had a lot of down time and I've been in chronic pain for 33 years...17 to 50. I still keep myself in shape. You've got this. Change your focus. I had to. If you keep focusing on pain or how long you'll be out or how much weight you might lose, etc, you'll be miserable and probably make those around you miserable. Do what you can, when you can and this will wind up being a short time in your life!
 
Try to stay positive. I know it's sometimes easier said than done, but depression is only temporary buddy. Try to focus on the good things you have in your life. We all have our ups and downs.....I know I have NO idea what you are going through, but you can do this man.

The good thing is you are talking about it on here....that's good for you, and I applaud you for reaching out to others. We are all humans, and have pain.....You can and will beat this.
 
I appreciate it

I was really working on doing a masters show in 2020.

I beat my body up my whole life so I should not really complain.
Played football since I was 5 years old til 28 years old. High School, College, CFL, World league\ NFL EUROPE, Sniffed the NFL, then ended in Arena league for 1 season.
I wrestled, Power lifted , played around in mma in the late 90's.
Bodybuilder Since I was 30. I knew someday I'd break down but again when life gives you lemons. I could be worse off just did not expect a major setback.

Appreciate all your comments.
 
I was really working on doing a masters show in 2020.

I beat my body up my whole life so I should not really complain.
Played football since I was 5 years old til 28 years old. High School, College, CFL, World league\ NFL EUROPE, Sniffed the NFL, then ended in Arena league for 1 season.
I wrestled, Power lifted , played around in mma in the late 90's.
Bodybuilder Since I was 30. I knew someday I'd break down but again when life gives you lemons. I could be worse off just did not expect a major setback.

Appreciate all your comments.

There you go. You have accomplished a lot of things that many of us won't ever get the chance to do. I'm willing to bet things will turn around....just give it time. I'm not really all that good when it comes to patients, but I sure have learned to change my outlook on life. Take it from someone that battled severe depression and was at my lowest point several years ago.. I didn't think there was anything left for me to do and I was at the point of giving up, but I got help.....that was something I had to do. Honestly, it was one of the best decisions I've ever made. My life isn't perfect, but no one has the perfect life. Look at Antonio Brown, the guy is completely loaded and seems miserable. If he doesn't get the proper help, football will be the last thing he will need to worry about.

Every single day is a blessing.
 
Like I mentioned before, I had 8 surgeries in 4 1/2 years as of last December (I've had 11 in my lifetime). It started with a cancer surgery (intestine), urology surgery and spine surgeries and Ankylosing Spondylitis diagnosis. Most of my neck is fused, L4-s1 are fused and multiple other spine surgeries. I had a lot of down time and I've been in chronic pain for 33 years...17 to 50. I still keep myself in shape. You've got this. Change your focus. I had to. If you keep focusing on pain or how long you'll be out or how much weight you might lose, etc, you'll be miserable and probably make those around you miserable. Do what you can, when you can and this will wind up being a short time in your life!

I've had three major surgeries in 3 1/2 years and thought my world was caving in. Sorry to hear Bio but what you just said is good inspiration for the ones who feel life is about over. Yes and true when I was counting the minutes,hours and days just made it worst. Find something you can do during your recovery seems to help. Get your mind occupied on something else.
 
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I was really working on doing a masters show in 2020.

I beat my body up my whole life so I should not really complain.
Played football since I was 5 years old til 28 years old. High School, College, CFL, World league\ NFL EUROPE, Sniffed the NFL, then ended in Arena league for 1 season.
I wrestled, Power lifted , played around in mma in the late 90's.
Bodybuilder Since I was 30. I knew someday I'd break down but again when life gives you lemons. I could be worse off just did not expect a major setback.

Appreciate all your comments.

You have a Masters competition in you still! The date just won't be the same!!
All those accomplishment mean you know what it takes to focus. Adjust the focus for now and then adjust it back. You're an achiever. Now you need to achieve piece of mind for mental and physical health. Let us know when you start training for a masters show! It would be a very inspirational log my friend!!
 
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I've had three major surgeries in 3 1/2 years and thought my world was caving in. Sorry to hear Bio but what you just said is good inspiration for the ones who feel life is about over. Yes and true when I was counting the minutes,hours and days just made it worst. Find something you can do during your recovery seems to help. Get your mind occupied on something else.

The weights/bodybuilding (non competitive) is a lifestyle for me. It sucked that I couldn't train at times but it was also quite a comfort knowing the weights would be waiting for me when I'm ready. Each time I came back, they were right there waiting to be moved!

I'm not trying to down play things and make it sound like I didn't struggle at times. I had my moments and still do but it's because I choose to be happy and positive that I'm able to maintain my sanity for the most part. That's what I'm trying to share with 2elbows and anyone else who may be struggling with surgery/health issues.
 
The weights/bodybuilding (non competitive) is a lifestyle for me. It sucked that I couldn't train at times but it was also quite a comfort knowing the weights would be waiting for me when I'm ready. Each time I came back, they were right there waiting to be moved!

I'm not trying to down play things and make it sound like I didn't struggle at times. I had my moments and still do but it's because I choose to be happy and positive that I'm able to maintain my sanity for the most part. That's what I'm trying to share with 2elbows and anyone else who may be struggling with surgery/health issues.

Absolutely. Caught myself here sitting in my recliner with a 16 inch stabled back asking why me then 2elbows posted this is and found I wasn't the only one and reading all the positive posts shinning light on our days to come for sure....
 
Like I mentioned before, I had 8 surgeries in 4 1/2 years as of last December (I've had 11 in my lifetime). It started with a cancer surgery (intestine), urology surgery and spine surgeries and Ankylosing Spondylitis diagnosis. Most of my neck is fused, L4-s1 are fused and multiple other spine surgeries. I had a lot of down time and I've been in chronic pain for 33 years...17 to 50. I still keep myself in shape. You've got this. Change your focus. I had to. If you keep focusing on pain or how long you'll be out or how much weight you might lose, etc, you'll be miserable and probably make those around you miserable. Do what you can, when you can and this will wind up being a short time in your life!

I know it’s a lot easier to say then do but you need to take some time and find yourself. There is someone out there that wishes they could be in you position right now as shitty as you may think it is. There someone out there today that’s not going to wake up from the simple surgery you had. Life is perception it’s not what we Have to do today it’s what we GET to do today. The mind is what make or breaks a man, as said above focus on the right things life. Life is fast, to fast this thought will be over and you won’t even ponder about it as life goes on.
 
Life is fast, to fast this thought will be over and you won’t even ponder about it as life goes on.

You have that right. It seems the older you get the faster it goes too! Already been 12 years since my heart attack and now my oldest is going to graduate high school. Time is flying by. You have to concentrate on the things that are really important and let go of things that are causing stress and hardship. Enjoy every minute of it because it will be over before you know it.
 
You have that right. It seems the older you get the faster it goes too! Already been 12 years since my heart attack and now my oldest is going to graduate high school. Time is flying by. You have to concentrate on the things that are really important and let go of things that are causing stress and hardship. Enjoy every minute of it because it will be over before you know it.

I slowed life down a long time ago and quit worrying about what others thought should be done or was important. When something comes up I often ask my self, if I was lieing on my death bed which choice would I want to make.
 
i feel ya OP. i too had a 3 yr lay off from injuries back in '09-'12 and was out of the gym for 3.5 yrs. first i took a bad fall and tore a ligament in my wrist, had it surgically fixed, rehabbed it and then was good to go a yr later but then i got in a bad car accident that fucked up my back and that took an additional 2 yrs to heal. i too got super depressed not having my favorite thing to do taken from me and watching my progress and results melt away and having ppl comment on how different i looked. it took the death of my dad in 2012 to finally motivate me to get over the fear of re-injuring said injuries and get back in the gym 100%, and ive been going full bore ever since and am now bigger and stronger than ive ever been. im a lot younger than u, but i know even at ur age u can (AND WILL!!) make a comeback, just with the proper rehab, hormonal assistance and even accepting u may have to change ur routine because of the injuries. just keep ur head up and KNOW theres light at the end of the tunnel and ull be back at it soon enough. just find other activities/hobbies to focus on in the meantime.
 
would like to add one more piece of advice in case you or anyone else need spine surgery. Go with a neurosurgeon over orthopedic. Even though they are equally qualified. Orthopedic surgeons are trained spine specialists only to were Neurosurgeons go thru a lengthier education training not only in the spine but brain surgeons as well. It made a world of difference to me. Again my first back operation was a orth. surgeon to where I was bed ridden for 6 weeks compared to my second was a neurosurgeon and after four days was up and walking....good luck again
 

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