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4.5 Weeks Out ...Picking up the Pieces

Thank You

Thanks guys for all the kind words and support. This definitely is a struggle and it has been quite painful, the overwhelming support I have received on PM as well as from the ever growing people around me have made things bearable. The invitations that I have received to do different things from people I have just met has really floored me. I feel that I might be improving some because I am attracting people and drawing them to me, once they are in my presence I am no longer driving them away, on the contrary I am engaging them and interacting comfortably. I had offers today for Golf, a Pool party, and someone's beach condo. I decided that I will go to my good friend's 12 year old son's birthday party. I will pick up a present for him and I am really looking forward to it. Good times things are getting better.

Soon I must enter the next stage for me which is facing my problems in Orlando. I have been running from that and soon I am going to have to take that on.
 
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That would be great

Looking great man and what a great attitude. I hope to attend that show, I live in south Ga. and my son lives in Jacksonville. I hope to meet him at the show. Shoot me a PM and maybe we can meet each other at the show!! PS I have been the last 2 years, its a pretty good show!! What divisions are you entering??

Thank you would love to meet you and hang out at the show.

Call me or text me anytime 407 467-7305

I will be entering The Masters over 40 and the Open Light Heavies
 
41

I don't know anything about your personal life. But your pictures suggest your training is going great.

Your quads look very similar to mine 10 years ago. I'm curious how old you are?

Hi thanks. I am 41 I will be 42 on August 20
 
THAT'S IT!

Tuesday she gave me a hug and I mean a real hug, one from the soul. I swear that felt better then any sexual intimate moment I have ever had with a women. That feeling man made some things in my future a little clearer. That when I am better and more suited for a relationship it will be a relationship based on the soul and the inner being. I can't even imagine what that connection must feel like and man I cannot wait.

LOVE. Awesome. I wish it to you from the bottom of my heart, Tony. :)
 
Tony, What you put out to the world you get back. I've seen it time and time again with myself and with loved ones.

Put out shit and you get back shit. Put out love and you sir will receive love.

best
 
Thanks JC

LOVE. Awesome. I wish it to you from the bottom of my heart, Tony. :)
JC thanks man I don't tell you enough how much I appreciate you. When I get myself together I am going to come out and see you one day.
 
So impressed

Well I am coming up on 1 month living here in Jacksonville, working on my new life and things have improved. I have met a lot of nice people and made some new friends. I have reconnected with some old ones as well including my former best friend that I was estranged from for years. I was estranged from most of my family as well and I have started to reconnect with some of them as well. I am still searching for my true happiness within myself and I am working very hard at finding the answers. I really look forward to that day when I find that total peace and I am excited because I know that is no longer a pipe dream but will be a reality.

In my spare time I have been training for the Dexter Jackson Classic. The show is a really big deal in the gym I work out at with many competing or working in the show. I have had the best time training for this show. The young guys and women training for this show have so much enthuisiam and kinship that it kind of rejuvenated me. They train, pose, and party together and really where I came from in Central Florida all the bodybuilders hated each other and just skowed. From day one everyone in the gym treated me with a lot of respect and really have helped me through some tough times. I hadn't planned on doing the show but I was in good enough shape when I got here that the prep wouldn't take away from the more important things I want to accomplish. Bodybuilding is no longer life or death for me and this show will be my last show because I couldn't think of a better way to go out then the good time I have had with this group here. Whatever happens at the contest is irrelevant, I am having fun getting ready, competing with this group will be a blast, and I have heard legendary stories of the after party. I couldn't think of a better way to call it quits then with this show. Then I look forward to riding off into the sunset with my health intact and just living healthy. There won't be any room for bodybuilding where I am headed as my focus will be on all things I neglected. I am looking forward to becoming a champion on the inside and I know deep down that it is still not to late for me to become a great father though I won't live with my children. Way down the road when I am a much improved product I look forward to maybe one day meeting that special person that all my experiences, mistakes, and mishaps will have me prepared to love and share a life with.

That being said I apoligize ahead of time for posting so many pictures but man I have posted nothing but doom and gloom and I really wanted to lighten things up for me by posting something that is becoming more and more insignificant to me.....my physique.

4 1/2 weeks out "The Relaxed Round"
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Tony, I wish some day I can develope half the character you have. I don't think you can set a foot wrong with the solid attitude you have. God bless you and the direction life takes you Tony. Please don't leave us at PM. Your posts have been of value to us all.

sincerely, John
 
Its good to hear these things from you. A lof of us on here were concerned for you and were pulling for you to find your place in life. It really seems like we dont have anything to worry about now.

Good luck in Orlando. That is going to be very hard, but youll be ready now. You were smart not trying to take that on immediately. Youre going to be able to cope with it so much better now since youve found some happiness.
 
Thank You

Tony, I wish some day I can develope half the character you have. I don't think you can set a foot wrong with the solid attitude you have. God bless you and the direction life takes you Tony. Please don't leave us at PM. Your posts have been of value to us all.

sincerely, John

John thank you so much for the nice comments I appreciate them. I still have a long way to go to and it is quite a struggle for me. As my therapist says I never developed skills as a little boy that others have. These skills later in life influence relationships and interactions with people. I am trying now at soon to be 42 to learn and develop these skills. I do appreciate the kind words and I am working hard to one day be worthy of them.
 
It's a long road

Its good to hear these things from you. A lof of us on here were concerned for you and were pulling for you to find your place in life. It really seems like we dont have anything to worry about now.

Good luck in Orlando. That is going to be very hard, but youll be ready now. You were smart not trying to take that on immediately. Youre going to be able to cope with it so much better now since youve found some happiness.

Thanks M I am trying to get to the point to start taking care of things in O but man it is difficult. I lived at home until I was married. I never did laundry, cooked, or cleaned, my Mother did all of that for me. Once I got married it took me years to adjust to married life and early on there were children so that adjustment was a more difficult. In those first 10 years Marilyn really asserted herself as a dominate force in my life. I really never grew up or evolved I just replaced one dominate force for another. My people and relationship skills were severly lacking but I didn't care because I relied on Marilyn for everything. I use to say all the time just tell when and where to show up. The last few years I did grow a little more independent but no where near where I needed to be. So when Marilyn left me I handled it very poorly aside from all of the normal emotions that come from rejection was a great fear of not having my safety blanket anymore. Things have improved but there is still a long way to go for me. I am just trying to take on each day as it comes but right now for many reasons I just can't deal with Orlando.
 
An analogy

As my therapist says I never developed skills as a little boy that others have. These skills later in life influence relationships and interactions with people. I am trying now at soon to be 42 to learn and develop these skills. I do appreciate the kind words and I am working hard to one day be worthy of them.

When it comes to the game of golf there is a saying :"anyone can grove shit". Your thinking "what the hell is he talking about"? What this saying means in golf is although the player has a flawed swing if he hits it enough he will learn where to aim his body so that the ball goes where he wants it to. You see this with alot of oldtimers, 180yds down the middle of the fairway 9 out of 10 times. (This is where the analogy falls into play) Because the golf swing is flawed or part of it is missing, when they get off the fair way blocked by trees to the hole. The don'y have the stroke(a draw or fade) to get the ball back into play because thier natural swing wont let them hit that type of shot.

I think you definitely have a good game. Maybe you just need to work on the draw and fade?:D
 
do you feel that being a PT now and being in fitness for living now is helping or hurting your prep?
 
Helps

do you feel that being a PT now and being in fitness for living now is helping or hurting your prep?

I think it definitely helps as I am already in the gym I don't have to wait to get off work and then drive over to a gym. Especially nowadays (not that I am not trying and working hard) but I don't let it engulf me. I diet so much anyway that prep won't kill me.
 
Im glad things are getting better...I wish you the best..Keep your head up...I believe everything happens for a reason...
 
Tony, I think you look great at this size. You look younger.

I hope you find that peaceful place inside that you are looking for. I think you are well on your way. Speaking from my own experience, life can sure throw you a curve ball or two just when you think everything is "set" in your life. Nobody is exempt from that either. It really is a journey isn't it?
 
Thanks M I am trying to get to the point to start taking care of things in O but man it is difficult. I lived at home until I was married. I never did laundry, cooked, or cleaned, my Mother did all of that for me. Once I got married it took me years to adjust to married life and early on there were children so that adjustment was a more difficult. In those first 10 years Marilyn really asserted herself as a dominate force in my life. I really never grew up or evolved I just replaced one dominate force for another. My people and relationship skills were severly lacking but I didn't care because I relied on Marilyn for everything. I use to say all the time just tell when and where to show up. The last few years I did grow a little more independent but no where near where I needed to be. So when Marilyn left me I handled it very poorly aside from all of the normal emotions that come from rejection was a great fear of not having my safety blanket anymore. Things have improved but there is still a long way to go for me. I am just trying to take on each day as it comes but right now for many reasons I just can't deal with Orlando.

Well, I went through a divorce after only being married for 2 years and had no kids and it tore me apart. I know your situation must be much more painful. I tried to tackle things too fast though and ended up falling flat on my face. I had just enrolled in graduate school and had a full ride scholorship and assistantship teaching a lab class in anatomy. I blew it all becuase I could not maintain a B average and they had to let me go after only 2 quarters. I was partying all the time and too damn focused on trying to find a woman to make me happy.
Take your time, and I think it will be a whole lot easier. Hopefully the two of you can wait awhile and tackle this later once some of the emotions have died down.
 
Looking great Tony! Very lean, athletic and healthy. Abs are really good. Stay positive and I wish you the very best.

Mike
 

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