- Joined
- Feb 4, 2010
- Messages
- 66
Long back-story, sorry in advance.
Shitty scenario: My best friend meets this girl online. Despite her living out-of-state, they make plans for her to come visit literally days after they first talk. She shows up, is totally awesome, they hit it off extremely well, everyone likes her... fairytale type shit in essence.
Over the next few weeks, they go back and forth visiting each other, having a fantastic time. My friend continues to drive the relationship forward at breakneck pace, inviting her to move in with us before they hit the three week mark. She accepts, and that becomes the plan.
I, thinking they may have gone off the deep end of the impracticality pool, pull him aside one day and ask him if he realizes quite what he's doing and how fast he's moving. I point out the risks, and he promises to consider them. Next thing I hear, they've broken up. Mostly communication problems (he invited her to move in, and she already had things gaining momentum towards that end when he tries to go back on it, he couldn't portray his thoughts properly). Now it lies in pieces, me knowing full well that I was the catalyst for the rapid disintegration of their relationship.
A few days later, I get an email from this girl. In chatting with her I find that she still really likes him, and she's afraid that her not understanding his fears was the primary failure on her part, and she really wants to be back with him. She thinks they can have a real future, and everyone who knew them together agrees.
Now's where it gets shitty: I talked with my friend again, trying to get a feel for what her thinks. His argument for staying apart was as follows: "I wasn't expecting a relationship that could actually truely become something. She and I could totally end up married down the road. She is everything I could ever want, and we really like each other, but I've never prepared for something like that. I need to take some time and discover who I am before I can even think about having a relationship like that". He says he'll effectively shoot for some 'personal enlightenment' over the next six months, and try again with her. Dumbest thing I've ever heard the dude say.
To me, he's won the lottery and tore up the ticket because he didn't have a predetermined plan for the money. What do you guys think? Should I stay hands-off and let him kill himself in depression when he realizes what he walked away from?
Shitty scenario: My best friend meets this girl online. Despite her living out-of-state, they make plans for her to come visit literally days after they first talk. She shows up, is totally awesome, they hit it off extremely well, everyone likes her... fairytale type shit in essence.
Over the next few weeks, they go back and forth visiting each other, having a fantastic time. My friend continues to drive the relationship forward at breakneck pace, inviting her to move in with us before they hit the three week mark. She accepts, and that becomes the plan.
I, thinking they may have gone off the deep end of the impracticality pool, pull him aside one day and ask him if he realizes quite what he's doing and how fast he's moving. I point out the risks, and he promises to consider them. Next thing I hear, they've broken up. Mostly communication problems (he invited her to move in, and she already had things gaining momentum towards that end when he tries to go back on it, he couldn't portray his thoughts properly). Now it lies in pieces, me knowing full well that I was the catalyst for the rapid disintegration of their relationship.
A few days later, I get an email from this girl. In chatting with her I find that she still really likes him, and she's afraid that her not understanding his fears was the primary failure on her part, and she really wants to be back with him. She thinks they can have a real future, and everyone who knew them together agrees.
Now's where it gets shitty: I talked with my friend again, trying to get a feel for what her thinks. His argument for staying apart was as follows: "I wasn't expecting a relationship that could actually truely become something. She and I could totally end up married down the road. She is everything I could ever want, and we really like each other, but I've never prepared for something like that. I need to take some time and discover who I am before I can even think about having a relationship like that". He says he'll effectively shoot for some 'personal enlightenment' over the next six months, and try again with her. Dumbest thing I've ever heard the dude say.
To me, he's won the lottery and tore up the ticket because he didn't have a predetermined plan for the money. What do you guys think? Should I stay hands-off and let him kill himself in depression when he realizes what he walked away from?