A Reflection...

[Jblack]

So I felt a need to share this openly...do not know why in all honesty, but here goes...

After Nationals in October I was truthful a little depressed with my placing, I guess I was more depressed with how I watched from weigh in's to the show the next day my condition get worse, but I am sure it was my nerves and just in all honesty to be there on that stage was a dream come true to me.

When I arrived back from Nationals I made some changes to some things and began talking with Shelby at length and training DC style in order to try and spark some growth in my legs. Also in this time I took part as a small owner of a gym and owning the training company inside of the gym. So I bit off a whole bunch and began to watch my passion for training subside a bit..I think it was me finding a new challenge of turning a gym around and making it profitable and just me doing 5 plus shows over 10months span.

SO anyway, my dad died two weeks ago...and I have not talked to him since 2004..so I got this phone call from his best friend who never agreed with the role my dad took in my life saying he had passed. Well with his death comes everything I ever shoved away...the breaking my arms when I was in a full body cast to teach me a lesson, the pushing me down the stairs when I was 4 because he thought I was a pussy, the molestation...etc. I purposely put things away because I never wanted to look back.

New Years Eve (Fitting day) I get a letter in the mail from him. Basically how I was a beautiful mind but tons of wasted potential and a disapointment and weak. In turn I pondered a lot..and I came to the conclusion of why I love this fucking sport so damn much. I get to ESCAPE reality and become someone else in this world. I realize we all have our challenges and our own demons that chase us..I wanted to share this because we can be whoever whenever and forever. Never forget that about what tie that binds us all.

Thanks for letting me share..it had no point I guess, but just a reflection of some things that make us tick and pursue the challenge that building ourselves brings.

Hope 2011 is great for all of you and I look forward to sharing our journeys in this year.

 

[Emery]

Thanks for sharing that J! That took guts but I think you are used to challenges and working harder than most... I think your dad really missed out on knowing an exceptional human being! His loss... I am saddened to hear of what you went through with him but I also know you are a true survivor living an inspirational life!

There is a thread going on "bodybuilders that inspire us" I think you are who I'll put on that list!

Take care brother and good luck with the new gym!

 

[Racepicks]

Yeah J, Only the strongest of people could share that. I'm humbled that you feel you could share it with your brothers here at PM.

Much Respect

 

[thebrick]

You are a good person Jblack. Rise above it and do not let your dad's misery hold you back. I think you have. It wasn't you, you were just a convenient defenseless target. You did the right thing by pushing him away. Throw the letter away. Better yet, flush it.

 

[halflife]

Its hard when your parents disapprove of who you are. On one had they did so much for me and still willing to and I don't want them to pass and not talked to them in years. And on the other hand I need to live MY life. I'm torn.

I can only imagine how much it must hurt for this to happen.

 

[Ehren]

Press on, JBlack. Some of us had similar dad's, but that shit is extreme. You have a right to be sad and angry, but you haven't let that anger or your health problems it destroy you. In fact, they made you push harder. Others turn to drugs or crime or destructive means to deal with shit. You are the least "pussy" guy Ive heard of, and one of the most tenacious dudes on here.

I don't know what to say about your Dad's passing. There was a lot of potential lost, that's true...on HIS side. His loss that he never saw what you really are.

 

[richiec]

J, your dad didn't seem to know you at all! You have great perserverance and a very strong will. I send condolences but will say don't focus on it. Don't let the things he did to you hold you back, as it seems that's what he wanted to do. You seem to be a good person and moving forward is always the best thing to do

 

[Jblack]

Thx all for the kind words...I appreciate them very much. Today is my first day back on a diet in 2 weeks and i was actually excited to get everything out of the fridge this morning. I have around 21 weeks till Jr.Usa's then maybe the jr. nats...I am glad to have some closure on things going forward in the coming months of this prep. Blessed is the word I will use to describe how I feel to have such a great community of you all on here supporting me. I look forward to the updates and being a bit more active on here...in the mean time time to go eat