Am i a dick for howi feel

cnock · May 9, 2010

So me and my Fiance have been together for 5 years and basically lately i have become less and less attracted to her. Now by no means is she fat or ugly because she is actually very attractive and is average weight. I find myself wishing she would be into working out more and looking like a figure competitor. I know this is unfair because she doesnt live the lifestyle i live and doesnt compete lift or eat like i do. So recently i stopped having sex with her and didnt really tell her why because i love her and dont want to hurt her feeling by saying im not really attracted to her anymore. Well she started to get insecure because of the no sex and started to think i have been cheating on her and getting it else where which i have not so she begged me to tell her whats going on so finally i did. Now shes all pissed off and wants me to move out and things are not good. Now my whole life is centered around bodybuilding and a healthy lifestyle. The way i eat , my college degree, and my future job as an RD. I understand hers is not. I just feel she could take better care of herself and chooses not. Even with little things such as being shaved down there. She used to get waxed but with the bills lately she says she cant afford. So i say shave and she says she doesnt like the way it feels so now its over grown and that doesn't exactly turn me on either and shes pissed at me for that too. Basically am i dick for feeling this way? Sorry for the long post

daddy_lover · May 9, 2010

There's nothing wrong with how you feel, I just think you need to be mature enough to realize that she is not the girl for you. I didn't get married until I was 34. My wife and I have a lot in common. We both love the gym and live a healthy lifestyle. Our professional life is centered around fitness and we share this together.

Get rid of the girl and don't look back. Don't get married until you know it's for real. If you're wondering at all if it's right, then it's not.

Yohimbe33 · May 9, 2010

You also have to realize that the passion and sex will slow down and fade-marriage is about being compatible with the person and being able to live together.
You'll have to sit down and think long and hard before you throw it away, because with any woman, you'll feel after a few years that things are not sexually what they were. But there has to be something beyond that, otherwise it won't last.

mexbeast · May 9, 2010

if you really loved her you would not care about such little things, plus loving some one requires good communication, maybe you think you love her but don't?; but if you really love her stop been so selfish! just a thought.

mexbeast · May 9, 2010

Yohimbe33 said:
You also have to realize that the passion and sex will slow down and fade-marriage is about being compatible with the person and being able to live together.
You'll have to sit down and think long and hard before you throw it away, because with any woman, you'll feel after a few years that things are not sexually what they were. But there has to be something beyond that, otherwise it won't last.

amen!!!

bloodshed · May 10, 2010

cnock said:
So me and my Fiance have been together for 5 years and basically lately i have become less and less attracted to her. Now by no means is she fat or ugly because she is actually very attractive and is average weight. I find myself wishing she would be into working out more and looking like a figure competitor. I know this is unfair because she doesnt live the lifestyle i live and doesnt compete lift or eat like i do. So recently i stopped having sex with her and didnt really tell her why because i love her and dont want to hurt her feeling by saying im not really attracted to her anymore. Well she started to get insecure because of the no sex and started to think i have been cheating on her and getting it else where which i have not so she begged me to tell her whats going on so finally i did. Now shes all pissed off and wants me to move out and things are not good. Now my whole life is centered around bodybuilding and a healthy lifestyle. The way i eat , my college degree, and my future job as an RD. I understand hers is not. I just feel she could take better care of herself and chooses not. Even with little things such as being shaved down there. She used to get waxed but with the bills lately she says she cant afford. So i say shave and she says she doesnt like the way it feels so now its over grown and that doesn't exactly turn me on either and shes pissed at me for that too. Basically am i dick for feeling this way? Sorry for the long post

for the shaving part, i feel you absolutely are not a dick. that is basic hygiene IMO. sometime my girlfriend doesn't have time to shave it so theres some growth and im not going to trip over that, it happens. but letting it grow into a forest is just repulsive. It also shows a lack of respect towards you if shes unwilling to shave for you. I know i personally would wax my entire body for my girlfriend if it meant that much to her, because hair grows back and i don't care that much. As far as the figure competitor thing goes, that is harder. if she is going out eating mcdonalds for lunch every day, and a tub of ice cream every not and showing no regards for how she looks, and doesnt care if she becomes a fat slow, that again is showing a complete lack of respect for you and herself. if she takes decent care of herself, and looks attractive and maintains a decent weight as you say, then that is all you can ask. most girls are not figure competitors, and if that is what you want you have 2 options. 1) leaving her and finding a figure competitor, or 2) accepting that being a figure competitor is not what she wants at the moment, and making sure she takes care of herself to a decent extent and possibly slowly getting her into the lifestyle. Remember, relationships aren't about sex and physical attractiveness alone. if that is all that matters to you, youre relationship will be unfruitful. That's my take on it atleast.

scrapper13 · May 10, 2010

please do not go and marry her if you are not attracted to her that is just not fair. as relationships get more serious they tend to move away from the the sexual aspects, but you should still be attracted to the woman who you spend the rest of your life with.

Ehren · May 10, 2010

Right or wrong, you feel how you feel, Bro. No one is going to convince YOU to feel different. If this is really how you feel, then you are both wasting your time with each other.

IMO...Yes, the sexual side of the relationship slows down no matter who you're dating. BUT there are 3 components that are key, again IMO. Love Trust and Attraction. Attraction is a critical bond that pushes you through the times of boredom and being pissed. It's undervalued in our day and age and we are supposed to look past it as unimportant. WRONG. Tell a woman who's working hard to look past her guy being unemployed for a long time. Riiight.

Both men and women have expectations as to what we deserve and you feel you deserve better on the attraction front, due to the work you do on yourself. So go get it.

It doesn't mean you are a dick. It just means your lifestyles don't match.
If you don't have kids, a house, business together, cut your losses and remember this next time you choose a mate. You'll also realize that EVERY type of lifestyle has some drawbacks. Fitness girls, younger women, models, strippers (especially), whatever your flavour, they come at a price.

IMO, you can convince yourself to love someone you don't love, with great effort, for a while at least. But you can't convince yourself to be attracted to someone you are not attracted to.

Oh and BTW, life does get easier with a good lifestyle match (with the right person): For instance, I reminded my girlfriend that she needed to lose 4 lbs for a runway thing she's doing, because it's different than a photo shoot and also she should drop some water-weight. We comment on each other as needed. We doesn't get pissed AT ALL. She's beautiful and I aodre her besides her beauty. It's not criticism. She can tell me that I need to work on my back thickness, quad separation, whatever. It's true. She wants what's best for me and I for her. It's not personal. It's just a good lifestyle match.

Good luck, Brother.

BOOMSHAKER · May 10, 2010

cnock said:
So me and my Fiance have been together for 5 years and basically lately i have become less and less attracted to her. I find myself wishing she would be into working out more and looking like a figure competitor. Basically am i dick for feeling this way?

YES YOU ARE! WHY? Because when you met her you didn't feel that way about her. Over the course of 5 years you didn't feel this way. You said it in your own words "LATELY". which means either "all of a sudden" or "recently".

Your fiance should NOT have to put up with you all of a sudden tossing her a curve ball 5 years INTO YOUR ANGAGEMENT! The fact that your life was to and now is centered around fitness and nutrition has nothing to do with the way you hurt her by not being atttacted to her now. She has ZERO to do with how you feel now, but everything to do with what your future plans with her were going to be. IMHO that's a pretty f@cked up thing to do to a "FIANCE" 5 years later. And it seems like you weren't going to tell her until she asked you. If you do not see her the same way now like you did 5 years ago then cut off the engagement. And move on. But it's still a hurtfull thing to do to a woman.

The shaving thing just sounds like you're reaching for an extra excuse to end it. You said it yourslef, the bills are why she can't afford it now. BUT she has no reason now to shave at home either! So she said "f@ck it, why should I shave for a man who doesn't even want it anymore"? And I agree with her!

Good luck.

Rider · May 10, 2010

cnock said:
So me and my Fiance have been together for 5 years and basically lately i have become less and less attracted to her. Now by no means is she fat or ugly because she is actually very attractive and is average weight. I find myself wishing she would be into working out more and looking like a figure competitor. I know this is unfair because she doesnt live the lifestyle i live and doesnt compete lift or eat like i do. So recently i stopped having sex with her and didnt really tell her why because i love her and dont want to hurt her feeling by saying im not really attracted to her anymore. Well she started to get insecure because of the no sex and started to think i have been cheating on her and getting it else where which i have not so she begged me to tell her whats going on so finally i did. Now shes all pissed off and wants me to move out and things are not good. Now my whole life is centered around bodybuilding and a healthy lifestyle. The way i eat , my college degree, and my future job as an RD. I understand hers is not. I just feel she could take better care of herself and chooses not. Even with little things such as being shaved down there. She used to get waxed but with the bills lately she says she cant afford. So i say shave and she says she doesnt like the way it feels so now its over grown and that doesn't exactly turn me on either and shes pissed at me for that too. Basically am i dick for feeling this way? Sorry for the long post

Just curious, how old are you?

robot · May 10, 2010

Yes you are a dick.

I'm not sure what that has to do with anything though.

BigEnough · May 10, 2010

Ya, You're a dick for sure! What, Now that you're all in shape and stuff and got your fitness body and way of living down she's not good enough? What's the reason i'm curious? If you care about her so much you'd sit down with her and figure out a way to make it work. Relationships are a compormise bro, There will be ups and downs that will need to be worked through. If you sit down and state your case and if she's not willing to work with you, By all means I would let her go, Don't just quit because she's not that attractive to you at this point. Sounds like you let a lot of your feeling get bottled up till it was at the fuckit point. Thats not fair to her.

Arcus · May 11, 2010

Cnock, I been in your position before. It was only temporary though and finally I had realized I was being way too egotistical without knowing it.

Really weigh out your options and don't make a move you may regret some day because of a brief phase you are in.

Think of a scenario where you possibly cannot be a bodybuilder anymore, and that woman you aspire for now may not want you anymore because you do not fit into her criteria you once were, whereas the woman you currently have would have accepted this change.

Hellbent · Jul 15, 2010

It happens, just don't be an ass about it. There is a proper way to break up with someone. Respect and honesty are key.

You might just need some time away from her to relize that you do need her in your life. Or maybe not, but if you can breakup the right way you might still be able to keep her as a friend. Or if anything it is just the right way to do it and you will feel better about how it ended down the road.

Amazon Doll · Jul 15, 2010

I think the key here is for you tou figure out what is causing you to feel this way. The root of the problem is what you have to get at and that is in your head.

1. you may just be an dick .

2. you may think that all women should look like they do in magazines.

3. you may have falllen out of love with her but don't want to admit it but your penis knows.

4. you may envy the couples you see that live the lifestyle together and envy that and have the "grass is greener" envy thing going.

There could be a million other reasons and you really should figure out what the reason you have been feeling differently

SOCOM · Jul 15, 2010

Yes. You expect the girl you "love" to change who she is to accomodate your lifestyle? Shit, I hope she does leave you...

evolving · Jul 15, 2010

i've been with my wife 12years, married over 6. here's a good quote for you...

"women marry men hoping to change them and men marrying women hoping they won't change"

well guess what, change always happens and your issues are somewhat controlling and superficial in the grande scheme. If she doesn't wanna shave her area, get her some nair, if that doesn't fly then suck it up, keep in mind many guys do not get laid AT ALL. In terms of diet, imagine her on your ass to change what you eat, how would u feel? I was driving my wife nutz about eating better, then one day i said plainly "you want to eat like shit, that's your issue, but you will eat better infront of our kids for their health and their future" and that rang a bell and now she's much better. Do i expect her to eat like me? no, but she's seeing a change in her body so that makes me happy that she is open to the change.

if you are engaged, think about this deeply before you do anything crazy. If you are on gear, you are possibly being hormonal, yes. Or you just may be a dick.

Druss · Jul 15, 2010

Sounds like over 5 years youve turned into a superficial hedonist, you are a dick and good for her to realize it and toss your arse out, too many women put up with immature shit like that, only to get out too late and ruin their chances of finding a real man, not a little boy that stares at himself in the mirror too much.

triathloncoach · Jul 16, 2010

IMO

Get out. Your negative feelings are only going to get worse. Especially as she responds appropriately to your feelings with hurt and anger.

Get out. If after time you feel you made a mistake maybe you can still get her back. Maybe not. Don't start a marriage with how you feel right now.

And you are not a dick. (Well, you probably are, as you are a Pro Muscle Member

). But not because your feelings have changed. If she doesn't do it for you anymore, you aint doin her a favor by sticking around either. Go get some hot strange while you still can.