Anger Management:Controlling rage and temper

Hmmm · Jul 7, 2012

While Im not particularly a loose cannon like some, I do sometimes even frighten myself when certain thresholds are broken. Generally speaking I can keep my calm, but under certain situations I just absolutely lose it, and Im not even on any AAS. I worry that I one day might hurt someone, or do something that I seriously regret. I feel like while Im in a rage Im someone that Im not, I just dont care.

I know there are alot of people in a similiar boat. I really scared my fiance the other day, she screamed at me afterwards that she cant have kids in a house with a man that can act like that. And shes right, who would want that? I know I dont. I have to take steps so I can change, or atleast try. I dont want this habit to perpetuate to my children, like it did to me from my father. There is no physical abuse, but in the heat of things while trying to walk throw a door and her flailing to stop me she whacked me in the face fairly hard, which caused me to pick her up and move her, leaving large bruises on her arms, which I feel terrible about.

I never seem to have issues when people mess with me when Im out, but mess with my friends or my girl and I can lose it there too, depending on the situation. Im not a jealous guy by any right, I know my girl is attractive. Its a compliment to me if people want to talk to her. She has eyes for only me, and Ive never had any concerns. Every once in a while a guy will think its cute to try and stick their hands up her dress or something along those lines..doesnt end up well. Sometimes shes afraid to tell me because of this, atleast while the person is still around.

I suppose Im just clearing my mind, I know I need to make a change. Wondering how you guys manage things?

/rant

Gunsmith · Jul 7, 2012

I know your concerns bud , I never realy had any "tantrum" like outburst I was hyper aggressive and had zero concern for putting hands on sombody.

it took alot of work and alot of support from my loved ones but with the help of a good counsolor I have made great steps and it basicly is just forcing yourself to slow down and think rather than react

auto2385 · Jul 7, 2012

After becoming an adult I just think of the consequences. I box, wouldn't want to knock someone out badly or even worse, get knocked out in front of my lady, possibly go to jail and have that on my record. This helps me maintain control. I've had guys look and that's fine. But never to that extreme (touching the lady) who knows how I'd react in that situation. I'm not a violent person but I have my outbursts here and there and they sure as hell are reasonable.. I've seen a guy f*cked up a couple of dudes real bad once at a parade. Cops arrest the guys he messed up because his girl was in tears and told the cop the guys were touching her ass or something.

Nick! · Jul 7, 2012

I used to be like that, but then for some reason I just sat there and whenever I got really pissed, I would just think to myself "must be the gear causing me to get this mad, I normally never care about this shit." I know it seems crazy that I would think of that when I'm mad, but somehow I trained myself to do it!

Hmmm · Jul 7, 2012

Gunsmith said:
I know your concerns bud , I never realy had any "tantrum" like outburst I was hyper aggressive and had zero concern for putting hands on sombody.

it took alot of work and alot of support from my loved ones but with the help of a good counsolor I have made great steps and it basicly is just forcing yourself to slow down and think rather than react

Yes, sometimes when it comes to that physical aspect of it, I lose sight of what I may do to them, or even what they may do to me. Im not going to say Im some badass, but I handle myself well. A little bit back I got into it with 3 guys, who while walking opposite directions down a street one of them decided to grab her upper leg. I didnt see it, but she told me 20 seconds later. I went racing down the street and luckily they were pussies and just basically all watched me beat them up one by one instead of teaming me. No matter how good you are with your hands though, a knife or gun while win. She fears it more than I do, after the fact I always realize what stupid situations I put myself in. Eventually I wont be so lucky

Tooreal11 · Jul 7, 2012

Well im a believer if you have mental, aggressive issues before using AAS your going to have it as bigger you when your on. As stated on Bigger, Faster, Stronger, if your a 150lbs psycho before AAS, youll be a 200lbs psycho when on. Although, there are compounds that make me aggressive, Halo and Winny being the ones that really get me hyped. Naturally I hate stupid people, Rednecks, obese people when they are eating or feeding their poor obese children, crossfit fags, guys who spend 20 mins one movement, guys who ask to work in with me and a host of other things. So when those occasions arise theres nothing I can really do other than be an asshole to make me feel better. But, all of it is controllable, would never let it get to a physical situation. Reason being I do not want to spend money on an attorney and have to pay years of medical bills for some retard. If it wasnt for that I think I would be a psycho path

lostin760 · Jul 7, 2012

I have the problem where I know I'm acting irrational for being so heated but I don't care at that moment, its like I enjoy that rage and it gets me high. My dad had a terrible temper, I'm probably the least angry of his children but I'm still pretty bad. My brother is terrible, impossible for a woman to stay in a relationship with him. His fiance will soon leave him and I know it.

NEver want to make excuses and place blame but tren made it bad, I didn't get angry more often or angrier but when on it I went from thinking "fuck that guy, I would love to beat his ass up" to actually doing it. Again not placing blame but it HD that effect. One thing about tren though is it actually made me more mellow at times also. It kind of just multiplied my mood. I hope I don't pass it on to my kids, they really haven't see me get angry yet. I'm good at hiding it when they are around.

Kaladryn · Jul 7, 2012

Remember that you are not "tough" in any sense, you are essentially as vulnerable as a jellyfish. Anyone with a knife, bat, or gun can instantly end your life any time they feel like it, all you need to do is give them a good reason (instigating a physical confrontation is an example). Also remember, in this day and age of easy to get CCW licences, there is a good chance any physical confrontation will lead to someone dying (which is going to end badly for both parties). Finally, if you can actually "handle yourself" well, your biggest concern should be seriously hurting someone and suffering severe legal consequences.

I'm not saying it's easy in this world of douchbags, but these are the realities that help me...

Gunsmith · Jul 7, 2012

Kaladryn said:
Remember that you are not "tough" in any sense, you are essentially as vulnerable as a jellyfish. Anyone with a knife, bat, or gun can instantly end your life any time they feel like it, all you need to do is give them a good reason (instigating a physical confrontation is an example). Also remember, in this day and age of easy to get CCW licences, there is a good chance any physical confrontation will lead to someone dying (which is going to end badly for both parties). Finally, if you can actually "handle yourself" well, your biggest concern should be seriously hurting someone and suffering severe legal consequences.

I'm not saying it's easy in this world of douchbags, but these are the realities that help me...

Very well said and I will testify that alot of people are well armed , I'm rarely without my pistol and never without a good knife , push comes to shove I'm winning the fight , if not by raw power and better hand to hand training then by escalation of force!!
which leads to the problem of not being able to walk away , if you start a confrontation you are putting sombody in a defensive roll which could end very badly for you , I personally try to either neutralize the situation with some sort of diplomacy or walk away , 5 years ago if sombody cut me a look then I stared back and if I got the typical billy bad ass "what!" they got hit and it did cost me several thousands of dollars in dr bills and court fees.

you have to learn to stop just for a split second and focus , if you are getting this upset theis fast then I assure you that you are basicly out of control and not paying close attention and that will get you killed!!

your girl needs to help with this and act more as switch to turn you off , bei g your focus back to her and off your target , just a second is all it takes for you to "reset" and come out of the rage phase letting be reasoned with.

seriously man do a little research and find a therapist that deals with this sort of thing , they are common and often deal with alot of guys that spent to much time in combat , where people are looked at as either targets or obsticals , if they can't be easily avoided then they are destroyed!!

it's somthing that takes time and will be hard , you have to think about it all the time not just when mad , when you are happy you need to think this is what I want , train your mind to want happy not mad

Running mantle · Jul 7, 2012

I've never had a problem with anger while off. When on i woouldnt fly off the handle but i would notice myself escalating mentally much faster. It's easy to say oh just step back and take a minute, but its very difficult in practice.

There is no cure for houston roadrage though :banghead:

Rory33 · Jul 7, 2012

Gunsmith said:
Very well said and I will testify that alot of people are well armed , I'm rarely without my pistol and never without a good knife , push comes to shove I'm winning the fight , if not by raw power and better hand to hand training then by escalation of force!!
which leads to the problem of not being able to walk away , if you start a confrontation you are putting sombody in a defensive roll which could end very badly for you , I personally try to either neutralize the situation with some sort of diplomacy or walk away , 5 years ago if sombody cut me a look then I stared back and if I got the typical billy bad ass "what!" they got hit and it did cost me several thousands of dollars in dr bills and court fees.

you have to learn to stop just for a split second and focus , if you are getting this upset theis fast then I assure you that you are basicly out of control and not paying close attention and that will get you killed!!

This. I used to be a professional fighter but if Im not working or training and someone wants to fight? I'll just shoot them now. Im not going to play any games on the street. Last time in a club a guy thought I was hitting on his girl when she was hitting on me at the bar. Him and 5 of his friends wanted to fight. I pulled out two pistols and ended that right there. I wont risk getting hurt or killed on the street and not going to wait for someone to pull a gun first. I do everything I can to talk my way out of a fight but shit happens. Old saying goes rather be tried by 12 then carried by 6.

Maybe you and your girl should avoid situations where incidents may occur. After one incident with my girl out and (me being drunk) i put a guy thru the wall and fucked him up pretty bad. Out of respect for me she knows what can set me off and we stay away from anyplace that can occur.

Stop and think and if its too much to handle you may need some meds bro and its nothing to be ashamed about. Eventually you'll have it under control. Best of luck with it.

Barbie81 · Jul 7, 2012

Hey

Its good your expressing your concern and willing to try and make much needed changes.. I cant help but think theres more to this than what your letting on.. But if there isnt it will get worse if your dont sort some professional help.. Medication will only mask the anger not take it away. And your girlfriend can only do so much to help... Only you can make the permanent changes. CBT would be a huge help to you, It helps you controls thoughts and behaviour patterns more efficiantly and effectively and would help you recognise wyour anger and deal with situations before you errupt!! X

Krunkkid13 · Jul 7, 2012

I ended up in prison due to my anger. Find a way to deal with it. Ihad to learn the hard way. It took me half ways into my bid to see all the anger was a pile of bullshit. I found my way through god. I know that may sound cliche but once i came to peace with myself spiritually my whole mindset changed. I went from shaking down fish and smashing fools to just doing my time in peace with myself. Now i have everything i want and will never be that way again. My point is find inner peace.

Flex2019 · Jul 7, 2012

My personal feeling is that acting out because of this so-called "rage" and "anger" is a bunch of immature bullshit. I dealt with issues like this when I was very young and was in counseling for quite some time for it. I realized that acting this was was going to get me nowhere in life, and I realized how it made me look in the eyes of others. Sure, there is a time and place for physical altercation, but ONLY if your life is on the line. Otherwise, it's just not worth it from a personal or legal standpoint.

method2madness · Jul 7, 2012

Hmmm said:
While Im not particularly a loose cannon like some, I do sometimes even frighten myself when certain thresholds are broken. Generally speaking I can keep my calm, but under certain situations I just absolutely lose it, and Im not even on any AAS. I worry that I one day might hurt someone, or do something that I seriously regret. I feel like while Im in a rage Im someone that Im not, I just dont care.

I know there are alot of people in a similiar boat. I really scared my fiance the other day, she screamed at me afterwards that she cant have kids in a house with a man that can act like that. And shes right, who would want that? I know I dont. I have to take steps so I can change, or atleast try. I dont want this habit to perpetuate to my children, like it did to me from my father. There is no physical abuse, but in the heat of things while trying to walk throw a door and her flailing to stop me she whacked me in the face fairly hard, which caused me to pick her up and move her, leaving large bruises on her arms, which I feel terrible about.

I never seem to have issues when people mess with me when Im out, but mess with my friends or my girl and I can lose it there too, depending on the situation. Im not a jealous guy by any right, I know my girl is attractive. Its a compliment to me if people want to talk to her. She has eyes for only me, and Ive never had any concerns. Every once in a while a guy will think its cute to try and stick their hands up her dress or something along those lines..doesnt end up well. Sometimes shes afraid to tell me because of this, atleast while the person is still around.

I suppose Im just clearing my mind, I know I need to make a change. Wondering how you guys manage things?

/rant

Your situation is very similar to mine, or at least to how mine was not more than a few years ago. First, there is psychiatric medication that can help you pause before reacting. Talk to a psychiatrist. In addition, you said that you didn't want your future children growing up in a household with that kind of anger, I felt the same way, then i had my first son and surprisingly the love I have for him has almost completely negated that anger.
But definitely first talk to a psychiatrist, they can definitely medicate you to help you in the short term.
Good luck and peace,
M2M

BOOMSHAKER · Jul 7, 2012

Hmmm said:
While Im not particularly a loose cannon like some, I do sometimes even frighten myself when certain thresholds are broken. Generally speaking I can keep my calm, but under certain situations I just absolutely lose it, and Im not even on any AAS. I worry that I one day might hurt someone, or do something that I seriously regret. I feel like while Im in a rage Im someone that Im not, I just dont care.

I know there are alot of people in a similiar boat. I really scared my fiance the other day, she screamed at me afterwards that she cant have kids in a house with a man that can act like that. And shes right, who would want that? I know I dont. I have to take steps so I can change, or atleast try. I dont want this habit to perpetuate to my children, like it did to me from my father. There is no physical abuse, but in the heat of things while trying to walk throw a door and her flailing to stop me she whacked me in the face fairly hard, which caused me to pick her up and move her, leaving large bruises on her arms, which I feel terrible about.

I never seem to have issues when people mess with me when Im out, but mess with my friends or my girl and I can lose it there too, depending on the situation. Im not a jealous guy by any right, I know my girl is attractive. Its a compliment to me if people want to talk to her. She has eyes for only me, and Ive never had any concerns. Every once in a while a guy will think its cute to try and stick their hands up her dress or something along those lines..doesnt end up well. Sometimes shes afraid to tell me because of this, atleast while the person is still around.

I suppose Im just clearing my mind, I know I need to make a change. Wondering how you guys manage things?

/rant

Exactly what is she wearing or how does she act when other men are around that would make a guy think it's ok to stick their hand up her dress???? Somethings missing here! I've never seen a woman go out in public and act like a lady should and a guy simply walked up and stuck their hand under her dress! Unless you're at a drunk bar or something? Sounds like you let things happen and go too far then when a guy wants your girl it's a NO NO! Might be a bit of your rage problem righ there. Also, sounds like your girls has some issues as well. You want to walk thru the doorway after an argument so she stops you by slapping your face??? Did I read that right? Sounds like the two of you are sending bad signals back and forth to each other. And the kids are stuck in the middle. You both need to go seek some counseling. For the sake of the kids. Good luck man.

vpiedu · Jul 7, 2012

as others have said please find a good therapist as this type of reaction always ends badly. learn to recognize your triggers and learn how to talk yourself down and rationalize the situation. you def dont need legal troubles and its never cool to put your hands on your woman in anger no matter what the reason. good luck bro.

VP

Ehren · Jul 7, 2012

Sometimes it takes an eye-opener to change your life. Getting fired, getting left by your girl, getting sick, etc. Or you can imagine the consequence and avoid it. I'd do the second one.

Behavioral therapy is good if you really need help. Change your actions, how you react and have a protocol that you follow no matter what. Eventally, your mind will follow, it just won't seem important. But changing your actions is the important thing. The thing that keeps you out of jail.

Remember, volatility is weakness. It's not the strength it seems to be. YOU control yourself and let no one else. There is the power. If there ever is a need to wreck someone, it comes as a decision, like dis-assembling a machine. It's better that way, you can stop when you want.

matt1164 · Jul 7, 2012

I agree with what flex said. You just grow out of this stuff.

Some stuff can't be avoided, though. Imo

cavdude · Jul 7, 2012

there are actually 'Anger Management' classes available (group therapy) that will teach/give you mental tools to use for controlling anger.

i've taken several of these classes and in my case at least-they helped alot.

some guys tho are just hard wired to go from 0 to 10 on the anger/rage scale rather than the more controlled 0 to 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9 and then 10. for those guys an anger management class/instruction plus an anti-depressant would be very beneficial in minimizing/controlling the problem.

many are reluctant to take anti-depressants bcuz of the sides or the perceived stigma of being some kind of an out of control crazy person that must be sedated at all times...lol.

but in actuality many/most ppls are on some form for medication-be it scripts or street drugs...lol.

and regarding the sides from anti-D's-it takes some trial and error to find the right one that works best for you but once you find it-it may be as simple as biting off a chip from a 5mg tab to give you 8hrs of releif from anger flare-ups?

best of luck,
cavdude