Buy Needles And Syringes With No Prescription
M4B Store Banner
intex
Riptropin Store banner
Generation X Bodybuilding Forum
Buy Needles And Syringes With No Prescription
Buy Needles And Syringes With No Prescription
Mysupps Store Banner
IP Gear Store Banner
PM-Ace-Labs
Ganabol Store Banner
Spend $100 and get bonus needles free at sterile syringes
Professional Muscle Store open now
sunrise2
PHARMAHGH1
kinglab
ganabol2
Professional Muscle Store open now
over 5000 supplements on sale at professional muscle store
azteca
granabolic1
napsgear-210x65
advertise1
over 5000 supplements on sale at professional muscle store
over 5000 supplements on sale at professional muscle store
ashp210
UGFREAK-banner-PM
esquel
YMSGIF210x65-Banner
over 5000 supplements on sale at professional muscle store
over 5000 supplements on sale at professional muscle store
over 5000 supplements on sale at professional muscle store
over 5000 supplements on sale at professional muscle store
over 5000 supplements on sale at professional muscle store
over 5000 supplements on sale at professional muscle store
over 5000 supplements on sale at professional muscle store

Any Advice on Child Support and Custody....

elvisman99

Member
Registered
Joined
Mar 23, 2006
Messages
338
Well let me start off by saying thank you to anyone who actually reads and responds to this thread. My name is Brian and im 26 years old and reside in New Jersey and im going thru a viscious breakup with my ex-fiancee. She's alot older than me her being 36 and all with 2 other children from 2 different fathers but i felt when i met her 4 years ago that i could step to the plate and be the man to her that no one else was. In April of this year we had our first baby named jared and since he has been born she has been nothing but mean as hell and very negative towards all that she does so it has come to the point where i just cant t take it any more and have to move on or im just going to go insane. Since we broke up a few weeks ago she has taken our baby and refuses to let me see him so im going to file for partial custody and am 100% willing to pay any child support costs that incur. It should take about 2 weeks to get a court date but until then i have a few questions. #1 should i use an attorney even tho i dont have much money or can i go into this solo. And # 2 does anybody know any laws dealing with child custody and child support. Im getting lots of family support but im so depressed over this matter i cant do anything else but dwell and wonder when im gonna see my son again. my ex is being so spiteful she will go at any cost to make my life miserable. can somebody give me some words of wisdom... PLEEZE!!!
 
Last edited:
#1 yes, always have a lawyer present! They are able to read the legal jargen and make sense of it where you might not be able to and then you get screwed cause you didnt read all the paperwork right the first time!

#2 file your paper work. ask for joint custody. until such time when you are actually in court. DO NO give her a cent for the baby, if you do make sure it is in the form of a bank check, money order, or personal check. Something you can show the judge you gave her already as monies for the baby!

when you get to court, act like a perfect gentlemen, if she starts to curse or whatever, do not give the judge any reason to deny you custody. Most judges are human beings also and go by what they see from both sides in the court room. So be on your best behavior.
 
Hey bro thanks for the advice . I sent you a PM with some other questions so i'll just wait to hear back from ya.
 
This has been my life for the last 3 years. Laws are different in every state but things are leaning more towards giving dads more of a chance to be the great fathers that some can be. However, after giving my ex 50/50- the judge then put him in jail for an indefinate amount of time due to his abilities (or lack there of) to be a father and now I am spending thousands and so much time trying to get back into court so that I can get full custody and some form of support. No matter what-- get an atty. I have very little money but this is your child and there is no reason you shouldn't be with him! In some states, atty's are advised to do some pro-bono work- ask around. Many will set up payment plans. She is controlling you by taking Jared. Child support is something that depends on what type of custody you get. I agree- go for joint legal. It is VERY hard on the child doing 50/50 and our judge is regretting her decision. It is great for the parents (if they get along-there is communication daily) but the child becomes very confused and has no stability. Not to mention, you can't move on with your life- you are stuck being your ex's neighbor until the child is 18 because you have to be in the same school district etc. Fight for what is best for Jared! I knew my ex was scum -that is the only reason I haven't stopped fighting. I date one of the best fathers in the world and he changed my views completely on what a REAL dad could be!! We will get full custody of my son soon and he will know too what a dad can be. Dad's deserve the chance and if you really want to be that father- don't give up!
 
Thank you ....

SWEETNESS said:
This has been my life for the last 3 years. Laws are different in every state but things are leaning more towards giving dads more of a chance to be the great fathers that some can be. However, after giving my ex 50/50- the judge then put him in jail for an indefinate amount of time due to his abilities (or lack there of) to be a father and now I am spending thousands and so much time trying to get back into court so that I can get full custody and some form of support. No matter what-- get an atty. I have very little money but this is your child and there is no reason you shouldn't be with him! In some states, atty's are advised to do some pro-bono work- ask around. Many will set up payment plans. She is controlling you by taking Jared. Child support is something that depends on what type of custody you get. I agree- go for joint legal. It is VERY hard on the child doing 50/50 and our judge is regretting her decision. It is great for the parents (if they get along-there is communication daily) but the child becomes very confused and has no stability. Not to mention, you can't move on with your life- you are stuck being your ex's neighbor until the child is 18 because you have to be in the same school district etc. Fight for what is best for Jared! I knew my ex was scum -that is the only reason I haven't stopped fighting. I date one of the best fathers in the world and he changed my views completely on what a REAL dad could be!! We will get full custody of my son soon and he will know too what a dad can be. Dad's deserve the chance and if you really want to be that father- don't give up!

Hey thank you so much Sweetness for the encouraging words of wisdom. Your absolutely right, i'm gonna fight for whats best for Jared and i certainly wont give up... I'm happy for you finding a man that does what your ex never did for you or your child. I wish you the best, and thank you again for taking time to help me out in this difficult period.
 
I hate to hear this. My only adise is DO NOT DO ANYTHING WITHOUT AN ATTOURNEY!!!!!!!!! Also YOU need to file for the divorce if it has not already been done. I know from experience.
 
Splitting up when a child is involved is never pretty! You usually have very negative feelings for who you are leaving and at the same time love your child like nothing on earth. I would definately advise talking to an attorney. Most will do 1st time consultations for free. If they don't make you feel comfortable, try another. They should be able to tell you what generally happens in your state in these matters. If she is as spiteful as you say find an attorney with some guts. You will want one that can handle a fight.

One more thing, do your best to keep the kid uninvolved as he gets old enough to understand. That's the biggest mistake most parents make.

Good luck!!!!
 
I've been through this situation, in fact I'm getting ready to go back to court. PM me if you want a sample copy of a custody agreement to see what you can expect. I live in California and the laws are different than where you live.

1. Get an attorney. Make sure that he/she is aggressive *and* smart about fathers rights. My ex had a dumbass attorney who ended up getting rebuked by the judge. The ex was so indignant with everything that the negotiation ended up being between the judge and my attorney.

2. Keep a log of all her antics and your concerns. Get a notebook *now.*

3. Think long-term, don't assume that she will act nice towards you any time in the future. Your lawyer should draft up terms that are specific about:
holidays
drop-off times
meeting points
holidays/birthdays with day/evening split or alternating years
joint legal (this is important for school and medical records) and physical custody
prohibit/limit use of corporal punishment by step-fathers/mothers
acceptable third parties for child exchange
notorized written notice if taking child out of state or country
prohibit derogatory comments in childs presence
prohibit exposure to alchohol and drug abuse
first-refusal regarding childcare
medical insurance
shared expenses
timetable for reimbursement of shared expenses (this has been a big deal for me)
alternating years for claiming the child on tax returns

4. If you two agree on anything that is not covered in the custody agreement, get it notorized with both of your signatures. The more vague your terms, the less the police can do if there is a situation.

5. Once you get a custody agreement, make 10 copies and leave a copy in your car, with the preschool, pediatrician, school records, and with any close relatives.

Don't let her bully you into thinking you have no chance in court. PM me if you want to talk or vent.

RichardHead

PS: This may be my first post...hi everyone!
 
you just said it perfect..........follow what was mentioned above, pay the money today for a "good lawyer" that way you dont pay later. dont let this get you down, rely on your friends/family and you will make it thru this.
 
Looks to me like she is having kids for the money...she locks you in has your kid then becomes a bitch and starts collecting a monthly check...

so 3 kids 3 dads???

should light up something in your head someone where??

not trying to be mean, just calling it as I see it.

Well, in my state, you have to prove she is an unfit mother...pretty damn hard....starting cost on that is 20,000 for an attorney to start investigating it.

my boss paid 22,000 for his attorney and he had damning evidence...she got caught writing out prescription drugs for herself...even with that felony it took 22,000.00 in attorney costs.
 
RichardHead said:
I've been through this situation, in fact I'm getting ready to go back to court. PM me if you want a sample copy of a custody agreement to see what you can expect. I live in California and the laws are different than where you live.

1. Get an attorney. Make sure that he/she is aggressive *and* smart about fathers rights. My ex had a dumbass attorney who ended up getting rebuked by the judge. The ex was so indignant with everything that the negotiation ended up being between the judge and my attorney.

2. Keep a log of all her antics and your concerns. Get a notebook *now.*

3. Think long-term, don't assume that she will act nice towards you any time in the future. Your lawyer should draft up terms that are specific about:
holidays
drop-off times
meeting points
holidays/birthdays with day/evening split or alternating years
joint legal (this is important for school and medical records) and physical custody
prohibit/limit use of corporal punishment by step-fathers/mothers
acceptable third parties for child exchange
notorized written notice if taking child out of state or country
prohibit derogatory comments in childs presence
prohibit exposure to alchohol and drug abuse
first-refusal regarding childcare
medical insurance
shared expenses
timetable for reimbursement of shared expenses (this has been a big deal for me)
alternating years for claiming the child on tax returns

4. If you two agree on anything that is not covered in the custody agreement, get it notorized with both of your signatures. The more vague your terms, the less the police can do if there is a situation.

5. Once you get a custody agreement, make 10 copies and leave a copy in your car, with the preschool, pediatrician, school records, and with any close relatives.

Don't let her bully you into thinking you have no chance in court. PM me if you want to talk or vent.

RichardHead

PS: This may be my first post...hi everyone!
Listen to the above. VERY good advice. Also make sure that everything you do be in the best interest of the child. Never let it become about you (or you and your ex). And during this period, don't do her favors or give her money without talking to an attorney. You may be setting a precedent for yourself and find yourself doing it for a very long time.

Hire the best attorney you can afford. It's going to cost a considerable amount. I've found that smaller 'local' firms are often intimidated by larger 'big city' firms. My attorney required a 5000 dollar replenishing retainer. That meant that if they billed me that month (which they sure as hell do), I had to bring that retainer back up to 5k within 30 days. I've heard even more from people. In the end, she signed custody over but it would have been granted anyway.

You're about to find yourself in some of the roughest waters of your life. Be strong, keep your head straight, and focus on the child. Come what may, you did your part.
 
Elvisman, sounds like you've gotten yourself in a tough postition.

My advice is for you to simplify your thinking. Do NOT get caught up in "would of" "should of" thoughts. That thinking is unproductive and we all get caught up in it once a while, especially when emotions are high.

Back up. Clear your head. Make a list of all the things YOU can do to make the best of the situation. Remember the only things you are going to be able to control in this out of control situation are YOUR THINKING AND YOUR BEHAVIOR.

Everything else is spinning out of control in this situation. If you try to fix, maintain, handle or deal with everything at once, how are you going to feel? Hopeless, right?

Well, we don't want you hopeless. There is hope. You've gotten some good advice from the people who have posted so far. I am no expert in legalities, but I have a very good friend who is an attorney. I believe you need a good one.

That might be the first thing on your list. The more things you take care on the list the better you will feel, because you are DOING something. Things won't just be happening to you.

Hopefully you'll come here vent a little, get some more off your chest and acquire some additional ideas about how to handle your situation.

Keep your head up, Elvisman.
 
Tough situation

Sigmund Roid said:
My advice is for you to simplify your thinking. Do NOT get caught up in "would of" "should of" thoughts. That thinking is unproductive and we all get caught up in it once a while, especially when emotions are high.

Back up. Clear your head. Make a list of all the things YOU can do to make the best of the situation. Remember the only things you are going to be able to control in this out of control situation are YOUR THINKING AND YOUR BEHAVIOR.

Everything else is spinning out of control in this situation. If you try to fix, maintain, handle or deal with everything at once, how are you going to feel? Hopeless, right?

Well, we don't want you hopeless. There is hope. You've gotten some good advice from the people who have posted so far. I am no expert in legalities, but I have a very good friend who is an attorney. I believe you need a good one.

That might be the first thing on your list. The more things you take care on the list the better you will feel, because you are DOING something. Things won't just be happening to you.

Hopefully you'll come here vent a little, get some more off your chest and acquire some additional ideas about how to handle your situation.

Keep your head up, Elvisman.


Well even tho im in a tough situation im starting to look positive i really am. Today i found a 2 bedroom apartment that will be ready in 2 weeks and i have a meeting with an attoney on monday and if all goes well he said $1500 will start things up. Not the biggest blow in the world but this whole ordeal will probally land me on Broke Street. Slowly but surely things will come together. I just wanna thank everybody for responding in a positive way and to thank the board in general for having a forum to help deal with peoples evryday problems. I hope evrybody has a great day/night....
 
Steak Helmet said:
Looks to me like she is having kids for the money...she locks you in has your kid then becomes a bitch and starts collecting a monthly check...

so 3 kids 3 dads???

should light up something in your head someone where??

not trying to be mean, just calling it as I see it.

Well, in my state, you have to prove she is an unfit mother...pretty damn hard....starting cost on that is 20,000 for an attorney to start investigating it.

my boss paid 22,000 for his attorney and he had damning evidence...she got caught writing out prescription drugs for herself...even with that felony it took 22,000.00 in attorney costs.
I was thinking the same thing..looks like a pattern here. 3 dads/3Kids...cha ching!!!!
Attorney ASAP.
 
Username-X said:
I was thinking the same thing..looks like a pattern here. 3 dads/3Kids...cha ching!!!!
Attorney ASAP.

I know bro its easy to see now, but at the time when we were together things seemed to be great and i rather enjoyed being a father figure to the children. I was blind and shame on me but i love my son and now i have to get through this chapter in my life and do whats best for my little man.. I have retained an attorney and will get the ball rollin in a few weeks---- im on the payment plan till i get it paid off....
 
there are several support groups out there that will help you, here is one, http://www.dadsdivorce.com/ there are others on line that you can use and ask questions from those who have been there or are in the same boat your in...good luck
 
Thanks for looking out bro... I will definitely look into this


lilbulldog said:
there are several support groups out there that will help you, here is one, http://www.dadsdivorce.com/ there are others on line that you can use and ask questions from those who have been there or are in the same boat your in...good luck
 
Hey Bro, Sorry to hear of your tribulations. I have been thru a divorce but no kids involved. I can't speak for the child custody laws but I can relate a little court experience. Going against most opinions I went solo in a Supreme court lawsuit leveled at myself. I did initially have a team on my side. I decided after 30-35k thet were just padding their own bill. I cut them lose and represented myself. The Plaintiff had three lawyers, a Barrister and two legal secretarys. I appeared before the judge and stated that I was my own counsel. The air changed immeadiatly, the judge explained everything to me and they will give you a hell of alot of leeway. His Barrister and team was costing him aprox 15k per day. I kept my wits simply told the truth and promptly turned his Barrister into a fucking idiot. I won the case and sent the plaintiff to the wall. My take on this is, evryone has some compassion in them, beit judge jury or executioner. I played on that but more over I went to court with the absolute truth. I knew the other side would not be able to maintain the lie. It came undone in court.

You need to keep your wits and think outside the square. Do not let lawyers badger or intimidate. Keep your cool big time!!! Let them make the mistakes. I got the feeling from the judge that he was actually enjoying my performance. He gave me lots of help and even dissed the barrister a couple of times. You need to find the judges soft spot. I am reasonably well educated and I'm sure the plaintiff told his counsel that I was a Drug fucked BBer. Biiig mistake.

You need to play on emotions. With or without a lawyer you must convey your outright love for your child. You must make them all believe that your child is your world. You cannot be left out. No judge wants to seperate a child from parents. When you do not understand things do not be afraid to ask for clarification. It is the courts' obligation to see that you understand everything going on. No court anywhere can deny you your right to represent yourself.

It is so important that you try and find any dirt on the other half and make it stick. I did a little checking into the tax status of the plaintiff in my case. Very interesting what you can dig up. May not have been relevant to the lawsuit but was able to prove that he had been filing taxes as a sole trader when his wife was listed as a full partner in the business. Was not completely relevant but instantly destroyed his credibility. Then made his wife take the stand and actually got her to commit purgery on the stand. She's a cop. So I destryoed her credibility as well.
.
Point is this, Follow your heart, trust in God, do not be afraid to ask for help, and stick to the fact that there is a special bond between you and your child. Your love for your child and belief in what you are doing must come to the front. You must make everyone believe that you are acting in the childs' best interest and not your own. Reading your post and some replies here sounds like she is a professional at throw away husbands/fathers. This point needs to come out big time. It's about credibility and confidence.

I feel for you bro, I only wish there was more I could offer. Keep your head up and screwed on straight. I think you'll come through this AOK.
 
Thank you for your input and advice. You made me feel good about myself and beleive that i will get thru this ordeal. Thank You

oldfella said:
Hey Bro, Sorry to hear of your tribulations. I have been thru a divorce but no kids involved. I can't speak for the child custody laws but I can relate a little court experience. Going against most opinions I went solo in a Supreme court lawsuit leveled at myself. I did initially have a team on my side. I decided after 30-35k thet were just padding their own bill. I cut them lose and represented myself. The Plaintiff had three lawyers, a Barrister and two legal secretarys. I appeared before the judge and stated that I was my own counsel. The air changed immeadiatly, the judge explained everything to me and they will give you a hell of alot of leeway. His Barrister and team was costing him aprox 15k per day. I kept my wits simply told the truth and promptly turned his Barrister into a fucking idiot. I won the case and sent the plaintiff to the wall. My take on this is, evryone has some compassion in them, beit judge jury or executioner. I played on that but more over I went to court with the absolute truth. I knew the other side would not be able to maintain the lie. It came undone in court.

You need to keep your wits and think outside the square. Do not let lawyers badger or intimidate. Keep your cool big time!!! Let them make the mistakes. I got the feeling from the judge that he was actually enjoying my performance. He gave me lots of help and even dissed the barrister a couple of times. You need to find the judges soft spot. I am reasonably well educated and I'm sure the plaintiff told his counsel that I was a Drug fucked BBer. Biiig mistake.

You need to play on emotions. With or without a lawyer you must convey your outright love for your child. You must make them all believe that your child is your world. You cannot be left out. No judge wants to seperate a child from parents. When you do not understand things do not be afraid to ask for clarification. It is the courts' obligation to see that you understand everything going on. No court anywhere can deny you your right to represent yourself.

It is so important that you try and find any dirt on the other half and make it stick. I did a little checking into the tax status of the plaintiff in my case. Very interesting what you can dig up. May not have been relevant to the lawsuit but was able to prove that he had been filing taxes as a sole trader when his wife was listed as a full partner in the business. Was not completely relevant but instantly destroyed his credibility. Then made his wife take the stand and actually got her to commit purgery on the stand. She's a cop. So I destryoed her credibility as well.
.
Point is this, Follow your heart, trust in God, do not be afraid to ask for help, and stick to the fact that there is a special bond between you and your child. Your love for your child and belief in what you are doing must come to the front. You must make everyone believe that you are acting in the childs' best interest and not your own. Reading your post and some replies here sounds like she is a professional at throw away husbands/fathers. This point needs to come out big time. It's about credibility and confidence.

I feel for you bro, I only wish there was more I could offer. Keep your head up and screwed on straight. I think you'll come through this AOK.
 

Staff online

  • LATS
    Moderator / FOUNDING Member / NPC Judge

Forum statistics

Total page views
558,037,266
Threads
135,756
Messages
2,768,599
Members
160,341
Latest member
Sickxlost
NapsGear
HGH Power Store email banner
your-raws
Prowrist straps store banner
infinity
FLASHING-BOTTOM-BANNER-210x131
raws
Savage Labs Store email
Syntherol Site Enhancing Oil Synthol
aqpharma
yourmuscleshop210x131
hulabs
ezgif-com-resize-2-1
MA Research Chem store banner
MA Supps Store Banner
volartek
Keytech banner
musclechem
Godbullraw-bottom-banner
Injection Instructions for beginners
Knight Labs store email banner
3
ashp131
YMS-210x131-V02
Back
Top