bodybuilding lifestyle = lonely and isolated?

[cavemuscle]

I know it's a big question. It seems to be that the only way I can stay on track is to stay away from all the resentful naysayer. I'm over 19 years clean and sober and even people in recovery keep trying to fix me of my bodybuilding and weightlifting "obsession"

I don't make friends easily, and it seems it's getting harder as I go on in this lifestyle I am making for myself.

Does anyone else have the same feelings, and how do you make friends with those you might have to comepete against someday?

TIA

Brock

 

[BOOMSHAKER]

First off, Major congrads for your 19year act of responsibility brother. Now as for the "friend" part. Don't sweat it so much bro. You will make friends with those who accept you as you are. People who do become your friends will be the ones that have the same thing in common with you. And if your mental therapy is working out then I say go for it all you want to! People who tell you to stay away from a healthy lifestyle are people you truely don't need as friends or need advice from.

Let your inner good person come out and you'll see that people who come to you seeking your friendship will be the ones that stay with you through thick and thin!

 

[vitor]

Just because you lift doesnt mean you have to be a Hermit. You know you an go out to eat occionally, or goto the bar. Your 19, and working out, go get laid, have some fun.

I hope you dont just lift, eat, work, goto school, play xbox, drink shakes, and sleep all the time. You got to live man....

 

[thebrick]

Just because you are a bodybuilder doesn't mean you have to be lonely or isolated. I have met a ton of friends through the years at the gym.

 

[oldfella]

Just because you are a bodybuilder doesn't mean you have to be lonely or isolated. I have met a ton of friends through the years at the gym.

Agreed, I have many friends that don't even go to the gym let alone Body build. Most of them do not understand what it akes to be a real BBer, as in competetive! But they are more curious than negative. They always ask me questions about training for a show, diet etc. But in some regards and mostly psychological, it is a lonely world for us. It is the lack of understanding the feeling of getting into A1 condition and to step on stage and compete. Most think we are weird, misfits and social outcasts. So they call us vain and morons.....etc. I have heard this from many. You know what???? Take a good look at the finger pointers.......what do you see??? Usually fat, unkempt, slovenly looking guys with a beer gut and cigarette hanging out the side of their mouths. It is jealous envy that makes them view us this way. We do and achieve things these people only wish or dream they could. Do not pay them any attention for then they get what they want!! Attention. It is their insecurity and unhappiness they want to share with everyone. The attention we get, they want. Deny them this and they shrivel up into their twisted little unhealthy world and disappear into mediocrity. You will find the people you seek. be patient and continue your healthy ways bro. Do not worry what others think. Do this for yourself and no one else!! You are just fine, it is those around you that are fucked up!!

 

[Future]

Don't lose site of living a balanced life. You don't want to be defined as a guy that lifts or a bodybuilder. Make sure you are taking care of healthy relationships, family, investing in others and your spiritual outlets.

 

[mrsoul]

i am also in recovery, over 6 years by God's grace. my world has expanded with my lifting. i have new friends. people who understand me, my goals and who want to help me achieve them. i have found a comraderey with body builders.

 

[VanR__]

You can take it too far.

If you don't make friends easily, then after highschool/college, your social pool will dry up and you will be alone.

Having no social life does relinquish a hefty amount amount of free time, but it can also leave you with regrets; there really is no right or wrong.
I'm the loner in my family and puny circle of remaining friends from little school, and I'm about the same mood or better then the married, single and dating, clubing, baby having people.

 

[Blitzkrieg]

That's what happened to me...

You can take it too far.

If you don't make friends easily, then after highschool/college, your social pool will dry up and you will be alone.

Having no social life does relinquish a hefty amount amount of free time, but it can also leave you with regrets; there really is no right or wrong.
I'm the loner in my family and puny circle of remaining friends from little school, and I'm about the same mood or better then the married, single and dating, clubing, baby having people.

 

[SpankyDXM]

I make friends pretty easily but I dont hang around with them because I have trust issues with people....everyone I have ever known stabbed me or someone else in the back...the fact that my good friend set me up with a conspiracy to sell mass quantities charge didnt help out to much....I fought it and I finally got charged with criminal mischeif....damn fools....but ever since then, I cut myself off from the majority of people because I find that none can be trusted in my aspect...

I know I am sad for being this way but its my only safe alternative...and when I do go out ,its the same people doing the same stuff...illegal that is...so I asked this question to myself - why even subject myself to this idiocracy?

plus I like my little bit of money that I save by not going out ...$3.50 for a damn hot beer or $6.50 for a crown and coke...thats at a damn bar not even a club

I rather stick to myself and work

 

[vitor]

Here is what you do, your workout hard, and once a week or once every 2 weeks, you go out. What you do is buy a small bottle of liquor and some mixer. Then we you arrive to the club or before you leave. You mix the Vodka with the Mixer, place into a plastic bottle and drink before you arrive or before you get in the cab. That way by the time you are there you are buzzed. Then you buy 1-2 drinks, take home some hottie and call it a night.

Remember 99.99% of us will never go pro or make a mark in the sport. SO enjoy the journey of lifting, exercise and nutrition, but this isnt your life. Famuly, friends, career, getting better improving yourself is your life...

 

[VanR__]

I hate 'clubs.'
Watching drunkin' city people dance some retarded rain dance to the trendy hit-of-the-month that's been re-mixed to bad techno by an 8th grader with down syndrome on a G-mac from 97, while being charged 6 bucks (or more) for piss beer. Everything there is so sticky. It's like animal planet with cigarette breath.
I can't imagine what plethora of random infections and wondering protozoa I'd wake up with on my unit, bringing one of those slags home...

 

[cavemuscle]

I hate 'clubs.'
Watching drunkin' city people dance some retarded rain dance to the trendy hit-of-the-month that's been re-mixed to bad techno by an 8th grader with down syndrome on a G-mac from 97, while being charged 6 bucks (or more) for piss beer. Everything there is so sticky. It's like animal planet with cigarette breath.
I can't imagine what plethora of random infections and wondering protozoa I'd wake up with on my unit, bringing one of those slags home...

Did that for 14 years before I got the wake up call and stopped hitting the snooze button.

I think what i need to do is once again learn to hang out some, maybe after my AA or at the front desk of the gym. Start asking people into my life instead of treating everyone with the old assumption of "if you knew me you would not like me" old learned behavior from dealing with an alcoholic father.

However, it is nice when you get asked 3 times in one weekend "when are you competing next?" so I guess I do have a conversation starter there.

Thanks guys!

Brock

 

[Sigmund Roid]

Congratulations, Cavemuscle!

You've already accomplished something a great many people have failed to do. One of the main reasons that people fail to remain clean and sober after treatment is that they often go right back into the same environment that created the problem in the first place.

Yes, bodybuilding like many other sports is an individual one. That shouldn't stop you from making new health oriented friends at the gym. Nearly all my friends are lifters from all walks of life. It's something we all have in common.

Most of my gym/lifter friends do not think it's strange that I carry extra healthy food with me where ever I go or that I do not miss scheduled training sessions. These are good friends to have.

As others have said, make sure you are well rounded. Mentally, spiritually, as well as physically. Maintain or develop a balance in these areas and you'll be ready to succeed!

Let us know if you make some health conscious friends and be sure to make some here at professional muscle. Guys from the board meet each other at shows all the time.

Best of luck, Cavemuscle!

 

[bigbadasian]

reply

i was the only one out of my highschool class to even pursue bbing after highschool all my friends were drunks and pot heads and got super fat after. i lifted hard, grew a bunch then didnt have anything in common with them. so i met friends at the gym. i started in with the bbers at a young age of 19, freshman yr. of colleage so i started bouncing with them. what a great way to meet ppl, be at the bars, but not have to get drunk! plus i was getting paid for it. i worked at teh bars for about 6 yrs. i met plenty of good ppl there and girls. everyone i bounced with had the same lifestyle, didnt drink but loved to lift and be as big as possible. i suggest getting a bouncing job...you will meet plenty of ppl out and you dont have to drink.

 

[aquaholic]

...i don't think bb'ing has anything to do with this 'type' of personality. It's just a focus, which happens to be bodybuilding for whatever reason .. It's often the quiet ones that want to 'be the best', which is in my guess why they go for bodybuilding - it's a physical transformation unlike a mental one which is harder to PROVE. They'll get there whole 2 minutes of fame, after months and months of hiding and physical and mental exhaustion and dedication.

There are plenty of people out there who have the same 'dedication' towards specific things - but some are far more balanced than others .. but i wouldn't assume that all bb'ers are like this.



Only a small handful are.

And some are far more fucking weirder than others about it. But people like 'this' are generally fucked up and obsessive and compulsive about everything in there life - not just bb'ing - but they're too fucking blind to admit it. Or they don't even really care. Or maybe they don't really have feelings or emotions. They're just fakes, walking around like robots.

They're just as happy having nothing but bodybuilding forums and 'internet' friends to communicate with.

I'd think closely, if i were you about what you're saying. And how it can effect other people. At least you're aware of your situation. Good or bad.

 

[nosmas]

At times....I feel like you do. Often actually. I have trouble making friends just being 6'4 and 280 lbs. I have a menacing look that is nothing more than a look and people generaly are overly nice when they meet me. Or....they have a big guy complex and want to get tough. My grandfather called this the "little cesar complex" He used Frank Solich as an example as we are generaly big red fans around these parts. There are very FEW people who know me very well from start to finish. Im lucky to have my wife. I can tell you that there are members of this board who know the real me better than most individuals who see me on a day to day basis.
I am not yet in the years with my recovery. Still in the months and still bataling with demons.
I think my personality makes me one who becomes "obsessed" with everything I take an interest in, be it my job, lifting weights, a new hobbie, or even a person. I think in my case it is a big part of my very nature and personality. Be it bad or good, I dont know. All I can do is try to keep my interest positive!

 

[cavemuscle]

Thanks everyone!

I'm going to take you all up on your advice. Mainly I'll work to make friends here and maybe meet up at some of the regionals and Europa.

I'm 14 months out from my first show, starting next month with a pre-contest trainer, so I know tough times and alot of anxiety are headed my way. I hope i can post here and get some feedback and encouragement.

regards

Brock