breakin up part 2

ELIMINATOR · Feb 1, 2005

Ok, this relates to another post of mine (breaking up) and now i find my self in a troubled situation.

Here goes, last Sunday my ex emailed me saying and I quote, " Justin, i havent talked to you in almost a year, i want to know how your doing. You probably already know i have cancer, and i'm in remission now. If you want to talk then please call me". I didnt call, i thought to myself, "no stay away, dont get involved w/her". Then Mon. 1-31-05, i was in the middle of my workout and she showed up. I didnt know what to do, it caught me off guard, she said hi, so i said hi, and walked away. The fuked thing is that she was with some guy, and she hasnt been in the gym in months.. so anyway, i tried to be cool about everything, but then her guy friend was giving me the eye, so i thought fuck this and just went up to them both and said if they are going to be at the gym at this time from now on, then i wont come, he said yeah, in a fucked up attitude, and i went off (I'm on test, first cycle), and almost got into fight over this.

My question is what should i do? should i call and say leave me alone? Or what? I still have care about her, but..the new guy "friend"?

This shit has been screwing with my head, so any input would help.

brandonjpowell · Feb 1, 2005

call her..

Call her if you have feelings for her and see what she wanted. That way you are not sitting their driving yourself nuts.

Nemesis79 · Feb 2, 2005

brandonjpowell said:
Call her if you have feelings for her and see what she wanted. That way you are not sitting their driving yourself nuts.

I agree but make sure you don't get any more drama in your life..so watch out

Jrflex10er · Feb 2, 2005

rip the guys tounge out so he cant talk anymore...I hate douche bags like that.

ELIMINATOR · Feb 2, 2005

Jrflex10er said:
rip the guys tounge out so he cant talk anymore...I hate douche bags like that.

Oh i was so f'n pissed, i wanted to so bad.

JoeyT · Feb 2, 2005

If

you care about her, just give her a call. Remember that your emotions are YOURS and only YOU can control them. It's not the new "friend" that is pissing you off, it's the thought of what her and her new "friend" are doing that is pissing you off. You don't own her and you can't control that situation. Also if you confronted the guy all pumped up you gotta expect him to be a prick! Wouldn't you be? - I would! He might be a stand up guy who is just a friend or maybe he is the new boyfriend. Either way it's out of your control and there is nothing you can do about it, nor do you have a right to. Don't use being on your first cycle of test as an excuse to go off - take responsibililty for your own actions. You say you care about her, but you haven't spoke in a year - if someone I cared about had cancer, ex or not, I would have at least talked to them during their time of need. Sound fairly selfish from where I'm sitting----Probably not what you want to here, but let's face it reality is what it is. She made a move to open up the lines of communication but you shut them down quicker than hell acting like a little kid. Her pain is probably worse than yours, but that probably didn't cross your mind. Try having a serving outlook rather than a self-serving outlook and I guarantee all aspects in your life will turn around. By the way, I'm speaking from experience...So, take it or leave it, but don,t blame others for your actions or thoughts - they don't control them - YOU do! You might want to do do some research on Cognative thinking - It does a mind good!

ELIMINATOR · Feb 2, 2005

JoeyT said:
you care about her, just give her a call. Remember that your emotions are YOURS and only YOU can control them. It's not the new "friend" that is pissing you off, it's the thought of what her and her new "friend" are doing that is pissing you off. You don't own her and you can't control that situation. Also if you confronted the guy all pumped up you gotta expect him to be a prick! Wouldn't you be? - I would! He might be a stand up guy who is just a friend or maybe he is the new boyfriend. Either way it's out of your control and there is nothing you can do about it, nor do you have a right to. Don't use being on your first cycle of test as an excuse to go off - take responsibililty for your own actions. You say you care about her, but you haven't spoke in a year - if someone I cared about had cancer, ex or not, I would have at least talked to them during their time of need. Sound fairly selfish from where I'm sitting----Probably not what you want to here, but let's face it reality is what it is. She made a move to open up the lines of communication but you shut them down quicker than hell acting like a little kid. Her pain is probably worse than yours, but that probably didn't cross your mind. Try having a serving outlook rather than a self-serving outlook and I guarantee all aspects in your life will turn around. By the way, I'm speaking from experience...So, take it or leave it, but don,t blame others for your actions or thoughts - they don't control them - YOU do! You might want to do do some research on Cognative thinking - It does a mind good!

I hear what your saying, and i can be selfish at times. However, i think it's screwed up on her part to break up with me, then get cancer, and all of the sudden she wants to talk, oh but there’s more, she has a new guy now. The whole thing is fucked. As for the guy, well, i wasn’t trying to be a jerk, it just happened, and i feel as though my actions weren't necessary, but it's in the past so i don’t care. He should have put his self in my shoes, i mean damn, we were together for five f'n years and he wants to stare me down, and act all tough, forget that. I will put up with a lot, but when emotion runs high things can get crazy.

Just so you know, i do really appreciate all the advice I’m getting, because i don’t know what to do in these types of situations.

And I’m going to call her, in a few more days, just to say hi, because I think that’s only right.

Vander_V · Feb 3, 2005

find a real woman that has grown outta games , thats my best advice and age doesnt matter its her maturity that counts.

BigBoyJ · Feb 3, 2005

Maybe it's just me, but I'd be done with her. I NEVER talk to an ex after a break up. Why bother? You know it doesn't work, that's why you broke up. If she has a new boyfriend, what good could possibly come out of speaking to her again? I think if you try to talk to her, you're just stirring up drama and trouble for yourself.

Find somebody else. Go on with your life and leave her alone. Hell, even find another gym if you have to.

Sigmund Roid · Feb 4, 2005

Good advice posted thus far!

Eliminator,

It seems like this woman just can't leave well enough alone. She broke your heart and now is trying to make you feel guilty. I think you did the right thing. She wanted to go party and break it off with you, so like a gentleman, you did as requested! I like that. I believe she is aware of your feelings about her and yet she brings a new man to the gym where you workout? I think she is the selfish one, and is not very considerate of your feelings. Your reaction to the aggressive looks given to you by her new man are to be expected. Most men don't enjoy that situation. I think I'd just tell her flat out. "I loved you and I am sorry you got cancer. I wish you the best." Since you cannot control her actions or the actions of her new 'friend' without jail time, I'd do what you mentioned in your initial post, remove yourself from the situation. I'd be kind, gentle, but firm, with her. Explain that if she really wanted to talk with you, she'd think a little before adding a stranger to the mix. I do think she is a game player as one of the men above posted.

Bottom line: I'd stay away from her. Turn the page, Eliminator...but be on your best behavior.

Good luck and keep us advised!

Johnny Bravo · Feb 4, 2005

stare down

his "stare down" is all about him being insecure PERIOD. Like what was posted above. Just move on. Your better off. I have been there, and I'm sure others here have too. It seems like what you want to achieve and what happens is opposite. You love her, and you want to hold on to what was (been there) to make yourslef feel good, but in the end you just add salt to your wounds, and make yourself feel worse than before. This is how it was put to me when I found myself in your shoes. How many women are on this planet. Its about 2 billion, maybe more? if 1% of those women could make you happy, and .1% of that 10% you actually meet in your lifetime what does that equal? more than just 1. There is another woman that will make you feel the same way she did when things were good. Trust me. You will find her

by the way (2 billion * 1%) = 200000. (200000 * .1%) = 200 and 10% of 200 = 20. Get my point? Good luck bro

Sigmund Roid · Feb 4, 2005

Yes, yes, exactly! Good post, Jbravo.

Eliminator,

Remember most of us do the following: feel, act, think. That's not good. Remember F A T [feeling acting thinking] is like being a big FAT guy, not cool.

It would be best if all of us changed the order of those letters: FTA, would be better. We FEEL a certain way, we then should THINK about why we are having those feelings and then ACT last. It helps to think before you act and make sure you are thinking straight about your feelings.

Suppose your Ex would have won the lottery instead of coming down with cancer. Would she still would like you to be calling to share in her good fortune as she seems to want you to be concerned over her misfortune? I wonder. The interesting thing is at least she's consistent with her behavior in that she is treating this new guy with the same disrespect with she treated you. Wouldn't it have been much better of he to sit down and have a long talk with him about you and how her breaking up had hurt you a great deal? Wouldn't it have been better for both you and the new guy if she had just avoided the situation entirely by working out at another gym? She only seems to be concerned with herself. Better you found out before a costly divorce, Eliminator.

maxsupplements · Feb 4, 2005

i have been in your shoes

man the best thin you can do is to get away from her. she is messing with your mind. she will continue to try and make you jealous unitl you either give in or you leave her the hell alone. i have been in this position. except i was previously engaged with this girl. we broke up cause she was too immature. she then repeatedly would come to whereever i was and would parade around with her new "man" well by showing her that you are affected by her actions, she is winning at getiing under your skin. it would be best for you to leave her alone. i know you want to be friends but she evidently wants more than that. and the only way you will "cure" yourself from this sickness is to cut her off totally. but only you can do that and when you make that decision, you8 must stick to it. trust me man. you can do it. go out and get you some strange. you need it. find that hot chick at the gym and ask her out.