broken

[hoodstark]

I will keep you in my prayer's. Be strong

 

[tomuchgear]

solid advice and thank you all of you. took my son over to the new place today. as i moved my mothers daughter out. saw her and her husbands new house. sucked but at the same time it was kinda cool. oddly havent talked to her in at least two years. we had to talk today due to the move. had no clue she she didnt know what was going on. so had to rehash it all over again. she asked me why i dont speak my mind to the wife. really realized last night when she got home from her class that she is just so cold now. not the girl i fell in love with any more at all. told her of how upset our son was. how i had to hold him while we sobbed. nothing cold no comfort to my child that was still awake when she got home after ten. dark days are coming im emotionaly beat down. just ready to b done. i just dont have the energy to fight it just want to start my kids into there new life. being strong is so hard when its them that i miss already. oddest thing bout all of it is that my life with her ends were it began. granted place i am moving is not were we lived the first year of our marriage. its the place i was living when we first met, and started dating. place were i proposed. all that nonsence thought it would bother me being there like our first place did. seing my son play with his cousin and run through there filled me with a odd sence of hapiness. my boy loves his new room. he is very xcited that he will have a tv in there. my daughter is going to be thrilled at the size of her bedroom. its just all so wierd freaking emotional rollercoaster that i want off of lol. oh well my son and daughter are wanting my attention so off i go. thanks again every one. till last night didnt know how truly hard this is going to be. especialy for my little girl. my son has gotten it understands it best he can. for her it will be when i go to get her on a visitation day then take her back to her mothers. she is a daddys girl through and through. well later days and thanks for the advice. better to prepare for darkdays than be blindsided by them.

 

[EVERLAST]

time....

time will make it easier.
time will dull those edges for you.
Your kids are the focus.
I dont think from the sound of things that your soon to be ex is going to be any help at all to the kids or you. Sometimes, they can be unneccessarily cruel. I dont get why she wouldnt care about her child.

 

[thebrick]

tomuchgear.... don't look at this as "dark days" but rather, days of transition if you can. PW gave you good advice when he said don't nurture any blame or hate. Its only a cancer that will eat you alive inside and do absolutely nothing to change your situation. Its OK to mourn the loss of your marriage, just try not to fertilize it. Focus on your kids and provide them the "rock" and stability they need in this time of change. They will grow up before you know it and they WILL remember that you were there for them when they needed it. Unconditional love is a powerful medicine and will empower your journey from here.

 

[hawkmoon]

TMG, I just thought I would throw this in as you and I have having similar experiences.

Now, I do in fact think my wife is nuts, no doubt about it. We will be getting divorced. There is no turning back.

BUT

There is some hope we can actually be friends. It can be done. You may be able to get over the initial shock and hurt, and if you were friends with your wife before, you might be again.

My wife and I chatted this afternoon and actually starting giving each other dating advice and both started cracking up. I could never live with her again, but as a not-too-close friend, it dulls some of the pain of the loss of what we once shared.

 

[EVERLAST]

TMG, I just thought I would throw this in as you and I have having similar experiences.

Now, I do in fact think my wife is nuts, no doubt about it. We will be getting divorced. There is no turning back.

BUT

There is some hope we can actually be friends. It can be done. You may be able to get over the initial shock and hurt, and if you were friends with your wife before, you might be again.

My wife and I chatted this afternoon and actually starting giving each other dating advice and both started cracking up. I could never live with her again, but as a not-too-close friend, it dulls some of the pain of the loss of what we once shared.

DAMN HAWK...
you just continue to impress the hell outta me.
Thats a big man that can be friends w/ an ex.

kinda like Superman taking a big drink of Kryptonite...

 

[hawkmoon]

DAMN HAWK...
you just continue to impress the hell outta me.
Thats a big man that can be friends w/ an ex.

kinda like Superman taking a big drink of Kryptonite...

Haha.


Well, I'll tell you everlast, it sure as hell ain't easy. Sometimes I let my mind look back and feel what I have lost and it becomes overwhelming.
But If I/we can find a way to keep the past the past and move on with our lives we will both be happier people which means we will interact with each other better, and consequently our daughter will benefit.

I hope that toomuchgear can reach a point someday where he too can move beyond the pain and live for today and tomorrow and keep yesterday behind him.

 

[tomuchgear]

thanks again for advice guys. very cool about you and your ex being friends that has to be a hell of a leap. havent been on much past few days been so damn busy. got previous tenant moved out been cleaning the hell out of new place. took any extra cash i had and invested it in my kids new rooms. actualy coming along really well. just trying to get there rooms to the point that it really says this is your home too. past few days were not really so bad till last night out with my lil buddy taking a break. saw a guy with fair amount of tats walk in with his girl and there child lost my appetite all over again. but gettin all the wall decorations and curtians up in the kids room was very uplifting. my son is totaly stoked about his new. my daughter is still a little confused though. i am taking them over friday to see it, and hang out. just bustin my butt to get it together. i really want there first time seing it as daddy's new place to say our new place. also keeps me avoiding being in her hair wich is nice too lol.

 

[tomuchgear]

its funny rereading your post about moving past the pain. today is a new day. today is the day that i will look back on for a long time. becouse today is the day that i have had enough. i dont have the strength to continue in this endevour. earlier it was said to ditch the mother in law hatred. well ya easy enough becouse all that bitter women has is my pitty. i feel bad that some one could be so dead inside. the actions of today will effect the future in untold ways. yet again i have been put in a place to be the asshole. not being given much of a choice. better to be the asshole for the right reasons than to be the asshole for the wrong ones. never understood how my soon to be exes father could give up. today i see that he had a damn good reason. some fights or wars if you will are not worth the casualties they will claim. sat my son down and told him today that no matter what daddy only wants what is best for him. that i love him and that i will never forget him. once i move there is a high possibility i will barely see my children. that is the last thing i want. the diffrence is she wants the fight wants the drama. i dont couldnt bear the thought of ripping them away from there mother. dont know how to not have them in my life constantly but i will find a way. i keep praying for the strength to get through this. the only solution i see is to just say ok what ever you want, and pray to god that some thing of the girl i once loved is still inside there. papers being drawn up just apperently didnt happen fast enough. every day the kids say they want to live with me. every day things get worse around here becouse of that. i dont know what else to do but just give in see my kids when i can. i dont want her anger to poison my children any more than it has. even now when my mother suggested some thing that made since in regards to her work schedule. she freaked out and thinks that i am tryin to take the kids from her. things just keep gettin worse every damn fight we have with in ten minutes her mom is wringing her cell phone. funny thing is i am not the one doing the fighting. i stay calm and try and just talk. not poisoned with anger or hatred. i will always love my wife. i have alot of respect for her. i just dont know who she has become. the only solution seems to be to get out. to put a stop to it. maybe that will snap her back into some form of reality. so many times over the past few weeks i beat myself up about the things i didnt do. the things that she said made her feel unloved. today also few things came to light there were reasons i wasnt here to do the dishes all the time. do the laundry. all that when i was working 12-15 hour days, she was hear doing nothing. not saying a mother is nothing but even when kids were at sitters. she admitted to some one close to us she thrives in chaos. i dont that part of me died along time ago. the only thing i want out of life is to be a good father to my children. some how some way i will figure out how to do that even if it is in a very limited time frame.

 

[hawkmoon]

I think your situation has a lot of similarities to mine.

Whatever the reasons, logic, rational or not, our wives will fight against us and there is no way to stop it. The only way to do it is to leave. Even my doc. says to avoid her as much as possible.

Sometimes we do bad things and deserve our fates; sometimes we do not, but we still have to deal with what is happening today. I know when my wife fights with me it is not my fault, but that doesn't change anything about the here and now. I would rather my daughter see me on the weekends in peace than daily if daily means constant fighting in front of her.

I have had to walk away from my wife of 14 years and the best friend I ever had. But at the same time I have to realize that even if I didn't walk away that person is no longer there - she disappeared some time ago...

 

[tomuchgear]

well i have been riding that damn rollercoaster. doing decently well finaly. had a rough nite the other nite gave in to the bottle. been avoiding drinking much do to never a good idea to get lost in your own head. kids are adjusting slowly. breaks my heart every time i take them back. they keep telling me how they want to live with me all that. shits been hard but i have god on my side. soon i will have a gym to go to again dammit. that has been another fun lil thing new gym is remodeling bought out the gym i used to go to. so cant freakin go any where but next week or so. took the pics of her down off the wall a couple weeks ago replaced em with pics of the kids in fake mustaches. ya fake mustaches seem to make the world a much funnier place. not to much else to say past that. just been slowly trying to piece it all together and make since of things as well as i can. as for the x and i waiting on the final court date that was a pain gettin the papers right. needless to say she changed her mind numerous times on a few things. shit is finaly calm though. figured out how to deal with her as well i only talk to her bout the kids. when she starts bitching i say hey losing service gotta click. some times i just shut the cell off lol. oh and my two beautiful awesome children had there first soccer game last sunday. my lil boy scored there teams only goal. that was freaking amazing watching em out on that field. well thats bout it hope every one is doing well just wanted to shoot and update to this thread.

 

[tomuchgear]

ok wow rereading this its hard to believe i ever felt this way. well dont show my face on here much. the devotion to bbing is gone. i fully closed that chapter of my life earlier tonight. not important lol. i still lift as for family life yes the divorce was done and finalized back in october. life is going very well. my kids are here almost all the time couse well my ex sucks. she is still in a downward spiral. making her life worse. makes my life a lil better though. she never wants the kids so i see them every day. they spend every weekend with me. we have a great life. i have rediscoverd lifting for what it was for me when i started. a great outlet. a way to make me feel good about myself. not to make some one else happy. i hope every one is doing well as it is coming up on the holidays. merry xmas to my many friends on here that were so helpful in a rather hard time in my life.

 

[aqrojase]

Keep up the good work bro. Always good to be a good dad.

 

[pesty4077]

Glad to see you are feeling better and you are surrounded by your children for the Holidays. Have a blessed Christmas.

 

[tomuchgear]

thanks bro new years now they are here with me again. granted they are typicaly here but still. happy new year all. hope every one is excited about it as i am lol.