Competing & Relationships

[mo chuisle]

I have a couple quick questions for all you lady competitors who are in relationships. Does your man compete? Is he into bodybuilding or lifting? Does he go to the gym? Does he watch his diet (especially when you're dieting)? In what ways is he supportive of your competition goals? What things bug him about your contest prep? Does your relationship change when you're preparing for a show? Does he travel to shows with you?

Ok, so maybe those aren't quick questions, but I'd like to hear your feedback!
Thanks!
Mo

 

[Sassy]

Boy... have I been through it on this one. I've been working out for 20 years now. I started in college, and it was then that I decided that this was a lifestyle for me. I embraced it, and it was easy when I was single. When I started dating my first husband, he know I worked out in the evenings after work. It was my routine, and he seemed fine with it. We got married as I continued to work out my fitness level grew, and so did my goals.

He never worked out, and I accepted him for who he was. I never try to persuade him to go to the gym. Over the years his weight went up and his health declined due to his weight gain. Our interest also grew apart. I decided I wanted to compete, and after my first competition I was hooked. He did not support me on my diet. Even though he needed to loose weight, he would not eat the healthy meals I cooked. We cooked separate meals and ate at different times. In the end I was give an ultimatum... the gym or him. It seems the gym was keeping us apart. I could go on for days about everything wrong with our relationship... needless to say we are divorced.

For me it has been hard to find someone who would support my fitness goals and lifestyle. My last bf wasn't very supportive even though use to workout, and he competed in archery tournaments.

I wouldn't give up. I always believed that I would find someone who would accept and support my lifestyle. I did... Everlast. He dedicated to lifting weights and eating healthy. He supports me in my goals. He has decided to compete at my next competition too. We work out at different times, because that's just the way our schedule end up. He is very into nutrition and loves to cook. He does all of our meals. That helps out so much, because cooking can take up so much of your time. We work together to help each other out, so we have more time for each other.

 

[mo chuisle]

Thanks for your insight, Sassy! As I'm sure you can tell, I'm having a tough time in my current relationship. I thought my boy and I were on the same page as far as placing a lot of importance on a healthy lifestyle - lifting and eating clean. But as the weeks progress closer to my show, we're finding our ideas on working out are very different.

I've removed everything negative that can go with dieting (crabbiness, being demanding, asking him to cook for me), and have taken complete control of my prep. And it still bothers him that I ask him to change the channel when food commercials come on, or ask him to walk down a different aisle in the grocery store cuz I don't want to look at cookies (mmm ... cookies ...).

He says he's my biggest supporter, but all he does is tell me I can win (which is nice). He doesn't much go out of his way to support me by cooking or helping me pose, doesn't want to listen to me talk about my training or the show, and refuses to go to my second show with me. I'm wondering how to make this relationship work when competing is a HUGE part of my life, and he really dislikes anything to do with shows.

 

[mikeheavypecs]

Thanks for your insight, Sassy! As I'm sure you can tell, I'm having a tough time in my current relationship. I thought my boy and I were on the same page as far as placing a lot of importance on a healthy lifestyle - lifting and eating clean. But as the weeks progress closer to my show, we're finding our ideas on working out are very different.

I've removed everything negative that can go with dieting (crabbiness, being demanding, asking him to cook for me), and have taken complete control of my prep. And it still bothers him that I ask him to change the channel when food commercials come on, or ask him to walk down a different aisle in the grocery store cuz I don't want to look at cookies (mmm ... cookies ...).

He says he's my biggest supporter, but all he does is tell me I can win (which is nice). He doesn't much go out of his way to support me by cooking or helping me pose, doesn't want to listen to me talk about my training or the show, and refuses to go to my second show with me. I'm wondering how to make this relationship work when competing is a HUGE part of my life, and he really dislikes anything to do with shows.

I have to say it works both ways. Mine thinks i'm obsessive/compulsive (so, aren't all bodybuilders?) and hates the time it takes away from "us" time. If I miss a workout during the week and have to get up early saturday morning I hate to describe the fireworks since I am "ruining" our weekend time........etc etc

Mike

 

[buffbabeca]

Thanks for your insight, Sassy! As I'm sure you can tell, I'm having a tough time in my current relationship. I thought my boy and I were on the same page as far as placing a lot of importance on a healthy lifestyle - lifting and eating clean. But as the weeks progress closer to my show, we're finding our ideas on working out are very different.

I've removed everything negative that can go with dieting (crabbiness, being demanding, asking him to cook for me), and have taken complete control of my prep. And it still bothers him that I ask him to change the channel when food commercials come on, or ask him to walk down a different aisle in the grocery store cuz I don't want to look at cookies (mmm ... cookies ...).

He says he's my biggest supporter, but all he does is tell me I can win (which is nice). He doesn't much go out of his way to support me by cooking or helping me pose, doesn't want to listen to me talk about my training or the show, and refuses to go to my second show with me. I'm wondering how to make this relationship work when competing is a HUGE part of my life, and he really dislikes anything to do with shows.

Mo u need to consider something, YOU are choosing to do this so you cant expect anyone to change the channel when food comes on or not go down a certain aisle.... i know it sucks but u have to dig deep and find your will power. i agree he should be supportive but if u want them to give a little we need to as well

 

[mo chuisle]

Mo u need to consider something, YOU are choosing to do this so you cant expect anyone to change the channel when food comes on or not go down a certain aisle.... i know it sucks but u have to dig deep and find your will power. i agree he should be supportive but if u want them to give a little we need to as well

Good point. I have a tough time dieting (mostly because I hate restricting my diet, even though it's my choice ), and when I'm by myself, I can avoid those little things that test my willpower. I don't expect him to change his lifestyle; I just wish he understood a little more just how much willpower it takes to do this. He seems to think it's not that difficult, and maybe it wouldn't be all that difficult for him. I just don't see the need to continually test my willpower if I can avoid it, ya know?

 

[MAINEVENT]

Good point. I have a tough time dieting (mostly because I hate restricting my diet, even though it's my choice ), and when I'm by myself, I can avoid those little things that test my willpower. I don't expect him to change his lifestyle; I just wish he understood a little more just how much willpower it takes to do this. He seems to think it's not that difficult, and maybe it wouldn't be all that difficult for him. I just don't see the need to continually test my willpower if I can avoid it, ya know?

LMAO....tell him to follow your diet to a T for 2 weeks. Just 2 weeks if he thinks its not that hard. He wouldn't be able to do it, let alone the cardio and working out.

Its hard to remember to support your other half also when your going through this. I found myself doing this not so long ago about her wanting to foster dogs. I have my reasons but i also thought to myself, you know she supports me and doesn't bitch about my diet, gym time, etc. the least i can do is support her in something she feels strong about.

He's refusing to go to your show though? Thats not cool.

 

[cslim]

I have a couple quick questions for all you lady competitors who are in relationships. Does your man compete? Is he into bodybuilding or lifting? Does he go to the gym? Does he watch his diet (especially when you're dieting)? In what ways is he supportive of your competition goals? What things bug him about your contest prep? Does your relationship change when you're preparing for a show? Does he travel to shows with you?

Ok, so maybe those aren't quick questions, but I'd like to hear your feedback!
Thanks!
Mo

At first i dont' think my bf realized how much the dieting was getting to me and how much I really hated it and that it was really difficult for me since I usually put up a front and be tough about it. I broke down one night, we fought, he understood etc.
When I started no-carbs, he started shortly thereafter. He trains for triathlons but also maintains muscle and lifts. we are both active and love hiking, lifting together, anything really. Contest prep aside, we both usually eat healthfully and don't cook a ton of garbage or eat a lot of pizza. we do like to drink beer tho! All in all we have similar, busy, active lifestyles and are always there for each other. it's a give and take situation and he is 100% supportive. He won't be able to make it to my first show (OC on April 19th) but will be there at the contra costa on may 10th.
This week it's been crazy: work all day, home, take dog out, prepare 6 pm and 9 pm meal, leave my 545 for gym to do cardio before 7 pm workout. eat in car while driving, posing sessions from about 8-15 or 830, tanning, then eat 9 pm meal while driving home. SO, my bf has been going to school during the day, homework, his own errands, then works as a personal trainer in the evenings, gets off at 745, stops in at my place to play with my dog for about 30 minutes and heads back to his place to do school work or workout if he's not staying over. I wouldn't be able to make this week work without him! i also spaced on groceries and he picked those up for me on his way over to my place.
Thing is, when he's training for his tri and needs me to do things for him or we don't see each other as often, i understand and do what I can on my part.
he has been really good about accepting that i'm not cooknig a seperate meal for him but that he is welcome to eat what i eat or bring his own (as long as it's not pizza! you get my drift...). He respects not eating cookies in front of me etc, but now that he's also doing ketosis, it's just nice supprting each other. we both get to carb up on sushi on saturday night

There are ways to make it work

 

[buffbabeca]

Good point. I have a tough time dieting (mostly because I hate restricting my diet, even though it's my choice ), and when I'm by myself, I can avoid those little things that test my willpower. I don't expect him to change his lifestyle; I just wish he understood a little more just how much willpower it takes to do this. He seems to think it's not that difficult, and maybe it wouldn't be all that difficult for him. I just don't see the need to continually test my willpower if I can avoid it, ya know?

oh girl i feel you completely on this. he should be supportive and realize its hard for u , and as mainevent said tell him to big on his big panties and try it for himself for 2 weeks.

 

[oldfella]

When ever I was prepping for shows my ex wife was very suportive, she was my training partner for over fifteen yrs, so that made the gym thing much easier. Now when dieting she was always aware of what she ate in front of me! She was actually very careful. I always told her I am the one on this diet not you, eat what you like, this is my choice!! I did not want her to feel deprived of what she wanted to eat. Like I said, it was my choice to do this. Don't get me wrong, I appreciated her consideration of my diet but at the end of the day it is totally up to you what you put down your throat. I can sit down while very near contest time and watch anyone eat anything at all in front of me and be completely un phased by it all. It is called will power!! I know that when it is all over my turn will come! SO I tend to keep things in perspective. I was lucky that my ex was so supportive though, it certainly made life a little easier to bear.

Now should your relationship change while you are prepping, I say NO! nothing changes except your diet and training schedule. You are still the same person, just going through some short term sacrifices for the goal. That is all. Yes we get moody from the diet, but if you sat down prior to getting into this and explained it all, it really should not be an issue!!

 

[Sassy]

There will always someone testing your willpower. When you look at food as fuel instead of comfort, it will give you another perspective. The next time someone tempts you just think of it as fuel. Would you put sand or water in the gas tank of your car just because someone else was doing it? NO! Same thing here.

Buff has a good point. You do have to find a balance between your relationship and the competition. It's difficult, but it can be achieved. Just try to find something special to do for him.

 

[mo chuisle]

Now should your relationship change while you are prepping, I say NO! nothing changes except your diet and training schedule. You are still the same person, just going through some short term sacrifices for the goal. That is all. Yes we get moody from the diet, but if you sat down prior to getting into this and explained it all, it really should not be an issue!!

Thanks for all the great input! I sat down with my boy before I started dieting, and explained to him all the things that can go along with contest prep. I said I'd try my best to keep all the negative aspects away from him, and just asked for his patience and support. He agreed. Except now after 14 weeks, the little things like changing the tv channel annoy him.

He said I'm way more fun when I've had carbs and sugar. My personality hasn't changed; however, it's tough to be Miss Cheerleader (like I usually am) when I'm really tired, hungry, and exhausted.

I'm wondering if it's possible to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't understand the whole competing thing (and really doesn't want to be involved in it to any extent).

 

[wrought]

Except now after 14 weeks, the little things like changing the tv channel annoy him.

...you've been asking him to change the channel during commercials for 14 weeks and he's still with you? lol, j/k, I think Oldfella nailed it, for me I want things to remain as normal as possible. I look at dieting as my own journey not my wife's so I try and impose as little as possible on the few non-gym things we can do together like just watching tv (god knows all the cardio, training, food prep, etc. take away enough of our together time).

My wife competes and we diet together, she's my biggest supporter, but after her show if she wants to go through the drive through at McD's while I'm on zero carbs I'm not going to think less of her because I know that she does her best to put up with the whole silliness of my dieting and I'm not going to hold those little things against her just to make my life easier. You think the cookies in the grocery store smell good, try being in a car with burgers and fries!

 

[cslim]

Thanks for all the great input! I sat down with my boy before I started dieting, and explained to him all the things that can go along with contest prep. I said I'd try my best to keep all the negative aspects away from him, and just asked for his patience and support. He agreed. Except now after 14 weeks, the little things like changing the tv channel annoy him.

He said I'm way more fun when I've had carbs and sugar. My personality hasn't changed; however, it's tough to be Miss Cheerleader (like I usually am) when I'm really tired, hungry, and exhausted.

I'm wondering if it's possible to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't understand the whole competing thing (and really doesn't want to be involved in it to any extent).

It's difficult at times, but it definitely is possible! Lot's of people do it and there just needs to be understanding and compromise on both people's behalf. Stay strong!

 

[mo chuisle]

It's difficult at times, but it definitely is possible! Lot's of people do it and there just needs to be understanding and compromise on both people's behalf. Stay strong!

Thanks for the positive viewpoint! I'm really hoping he and I can find a way to work through these contest issues. It's nice to hear it's possible to make relationships work when only one person is really into competing and the other isn't at all.

And wrought - I can just imagine the fries & burger smells! There's a McDonald's across the parking lot from my gym, and sometimes those fries smell SO tempting after I walk out after a workout and am starving!

 

[CB]

I know some of you are saying things shouldn't change too much, but there definitely are a few sacrifices that need to be made by the partner. The Gazelle gets up every morning at 3:30 to be at the gym before 5 for clients. If she isn't training someone at 5am, she is working out herself. Most nights she doesn't get home until between 6:30 and 8, so i do whatever i can. I don't know if any of you have kids, but that throws a whole other difficulty in place. Getting him to school on time, and then picking him up. Figuring out who can watch him when.......goes on and on. I have no problem picking up all the slack i can.

I guess the moral of my story is that the significant other should support them to the fullest (within reason) during contest prep, and really enjoy the off-season Don't forget......you can only do so much. the competitors still need to exhibit some will power. This sport isn't for everyone.

 

[cslim]

Thanks for the positive viewpoint! I'm really hoping he and I can find a way to work through these contest issues. It's nice to hear it's possible to make relationships work when only one person is really into competing and the other isn't at all.

And wrought - I can just imagine the fries & burger smells! There's a McDonald's across the parking lot from my gym, and sometimes those fries smell SO tempting after I walk out after a workout and am starving!

You're welcome!

OMG-i was on the stairmill last night around 830 and the smell of HOT WINGS permeated Gold's Gym - i was SALIVATING. I love wings and beer!!! Seriously, food inside of and immediately surround the outside of the gym should just be outlawed!

 

[mo chuisle]

I know some of you are saying things shouldn't change too much, but there definitely are a few sacrifices that need to be made by the partner. The Gazelle gets up every morning at 3:30 to be at the gym before 5 for clients. If she isn't training someone at 5am, she is working out herself. Most nights she doesn't get home until between 6:30 and 8, so i do whatever i can. I don't know if any of you have kids, but that throws a whole other difficulty in place. Getting him to school on time, and then picking him up. Figuring out who can watch him when.......goes on and on. I have no problem picking up all the slack i can.

I guess the moral of my story is that the significant other should support them to the fullest (within reason) during contest prep, and really enjoy the off-season Don't forget......you can only do so much. the competitors still need to exhibit some will power. This sport isn't for everyone.

Thanks for another viewpoint, CB. I think one of the main concerns my boy has is that he'll have to deal with his normally cheerleader-like girlfriend feeling exhausted and not as much fun for at least 1/3 - 1/2 of the year. Valid concern, as it's difficult to be as cheerful as I normally am when I'm worn out, tired, and hungry. Even if I'm not exactly crabby, I'm not all sunshine and lollipops like I usually would be in the off-season.

The willpower is definitely all on the competitor; I'm just wondering how much flexibility and compromise is usually expected from the significant other.

 

[CB]

Thanks for another viewpoint, CB. I think one of the main concerns my boy has is that he'll have to deal with his normally cheerleader-like girlfriend feeling exhausted and not as much fun for at least 1/3 - 1/2 of the year. Valid concern, as it's difficult to be as cheerful as I normally am when I'm worn out, tired, and hungry. Even if I'm not exactly crabby, I'm not all sunshine and lollipops like I usually would be in the off-season.

The willpower is definitely all on the competitor; I'm just wondering how much flexibility and compromise is usually expected from the significant other.

I do as much as i can. After that, she takes care of the rest. I've been a serious lifter for about 12 years, so i understood what it would take for her. The mood swings and drop in affection were hard at first, but she has gotten better with the difficulties. She always apologizes after snapping at me. I think that kind of understanding is key for both sides. I think it is all worth it as long as she is achieving her goals, and it isn't really hurting our relationship. I can't wait to see her do well on the national stage next month, but i will also exhale, knowing she is done for a while

 

[Sassy]

My ex bf came in my office one day at lunch with a bag of Krystal hamburgers. I was about 4 wks out and I thought about smacking upside the head. He thought it was so funny that he could eat and I couldn't. I just made a joke of it, but I was really wanting one very badly. I had worked too hard to eat one at that point.

Now what sent me through the roof was that... he had taken a job out of state. He was in W Virginia and I was in Georgia. He promised that he would be back in time to help me get ready for my competition. I'm talking about helping two days before apply my tan. He calls me about 4:00 pm that afternoon, and he hasn't even left work yet. There was no way that he was going to be there early enough to help me with my tan. I didn't want to wait up until the middle of the night for him to apply it. I was furious!!! He just didn't see what the big deal was or why we had to do it that night.

I had to find a friend at the last minute to come over and help me apply my tan, because I don't have any family living any were near me. Let's face it... that's not something that you just want any body helping you with.