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Competition: Win a free cycle!

This guy bursts into the house and yells, "Pack your bags, Honey, I just won the lottery !"

She says, "Oh, wonderful! Should I pack for the beach or for the mountains?"

He replies, "I don't care....Just get the FUCK out !!!!"
 
Why doesn't Mrs. Clause have any kids?

Cause santa only comes once a year and when he does its down the chimeny.
 
A Lawyer from New York is hunting duck in Texas. The Lawyer shoots a duck and it goes down in the field next door. As the Lawyer gets a leg up and over the fence a tractor idles up and a farmer says WHOA WHOA WHOA, what do you think you're doing? The Lawyer smiles and says I shot a duck and was just going to retreive it. The Farmer says I don't think so, that duck is on my land so its my duck, get off my fence. Pissed, the Lawyer says old man, I'm the best trial Lawyer in New York and if you don't let me get my duck, I'll sue your ass for everything you're worth. The Farmer lifts his brow and says that very well may be true sir but you're in Texas now and we do things the Texas way, we settle disagreements with the Texas Three Kick Rule. The Lawyer get a WTF look on his face and says what the hell is that? The Farmer explains that because we have a disagreement, we take turns kicking each other three times each until one of us gives up, and because the duck is on my land, I go first. The Lawyer sizes up the Farmer and thought, shit, this old man has to be 60, I'll fuck him up. No sooner does he say 'yeah' and the Farmer lands his first kick right in the balls. The Lawyer loses his breath and drops to his knees. He's thinking that dirty fucker and the second kick hits him square in the face. It damn near tears his nose off. He flops over and is thinking I have to quit, this old man is gonna kill me and the third kick drills him in the kidneys. He pisses himself and the pain is excruciating. He's going to quit and then he thinks, hey, thats three! Its my turn! I'm gonna kill this mother fucker. He gets to his feet and says alright old man, now its my turn. The Farmer looks at him and says, Nah, I quit, you can have the duck.
 
:jumping;s :jumping;s :jumping;s ok the competition is over...:jumping;s :jumping;s :jumping;s

the voting will be in this thread only...one vote/person and you cant vote for yourself...the one with the most votes wins...ill announce the winner in 24 hours or so from now...good luck...Alex









 
KIDS!

We got a call the other night from my sons friends parents. They said after they came over and picked up my son they were on their way home and the boys were ridding in the back of their car together. My eight year old son asks his friend in the car, "What is the worst food you have ever had" His friend says "Oh I hate spinach! I will never eat that again." So my son says "Would you rather eat spinach or my balls!!"
So needless to say he is not alloud to go over to that friends house for awile. And when his friends parents were telling me this is was so hard not to laugh.


Im too late but still wanted to share
 
Last edited:
Thanks Justin, I'm going to use that. ......and from an 8 yr old
 
I really liked my own, it made me laugh out loud the first time I heard it.

So yeah, 1 vote for me :)
 
Sesshomaru said:
I really liked my own, it made me laugh out loud the first time I heard it.

So yeah, 1 vote for me :)

haha you cant vote for yourself.... aint nobody beatin my joke anyway hahaha
 
My Vote

Toopowerful4u

:D
 
Mine wasnt a joke, but its hands down the funniest true life story.
 
My vote goes to Toopowerful4u
 
SO....ARE YOU GOING TO SET UP A PLACE TO VOTE?

LIKE A POLL OR WHAT? LOL.....ANYWAY...MOST OF THEM WERE REALLY FUNNY.

I VOTE FOR POST 40.
 
and the winner is...

toopowerful4u

congratulations!


toopowefull4u check your pm and thanks to everybody else for taking part...Alex
 
joke

A father and his son and daughter live in west virginia. One day the daughter asked to borrow the car. The father says you know what to do. The daughter starts performing oral sex and stops and says, dad this tastes like shit. The father says, Oh that's right, your brother has the car.
 
Malic777.com said:
and the winner is...

toopowerful4u

congratulations!


toopowefull4u check your pm and thanks to everybody else for taking part...Alex
LOL...I posted the same joke on Alinboard...granted I read it on the net but I didn't even win 1 of 3 prizes offered...guess I should have posted it first here huh...wtf:D
 

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