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Concerned about this girl I'm seeing...

loganb_football

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May 28, 2006
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Okay I'll try to make this very short... I have been dating this girl for a couple of weeks. She has had a job that is more seasonal with an opportunity to become permanent. She had worked very hard to try and get this permanent position, yet she ended up not getting the job. During this period she didn't seem to be herself (a total 180), and when she figured out she didn't get the job she really became withdrawn. Monday she stopped responding to my messages. She didn't even get on her facebook page (which she loves to do). I have called her a few times, and finally I did get a message from her apologizing for not answering my calls. Anyway I asked her if she would like to get together and talk and she commented that she, "Really wanted to just be alone for a couple more days." So I stopped by her apt. to check on her really quick, since I was close by for work. Her car was there, but no one answered the door. She could have been at the pool or with friends which is fine.

I'm probably just being paranoid, but I am really concerned. I hate that she takes this so hard. I know she is having some rough times, and I want to help her in any way that I can. Do you all think I should be concerned? I want to give her the space that she needs. But maybe it's the caregiver in me that feels like well I need to help her, and to be truthful I guess I'm being selfish because I feel like she doesn't need this time alone, instead, I can be there to help her through it.
 
I think you should be worried that she thinks you are stalking her. Not trying to be mean, but she told you to stay away.
 
Don't rule out that she lost interest in you.
 
You obviously like her, and is too bad if she doesnt feel the same :eek:, but if she wants you around to help in anyway she will let you know......otherwise, you may be setting yourself up for a let down, or disappointment...Stay back and stay cool, don't push and for goodness sake don't show up at her place uninvited...sorry, but it is not your place and you may not like what you find....I do hope it works out for you.
 
I think you should be worried that she thinks you are stalking her. Not trying to be mean, but she told you to stay away.

lol, I guess it will sound like that when you make the story short and pretty vague, I was at work typing this up, but it does sound like I'm a stalker (heck if you knew the whole story you may still think I was :) ). We actually talked last night, and she came with me to the beach, and everything seems to be good. Definitely did not feel comfortable with going to her place either. I guess it was kind of creepy but the concern kinda took precedent over what may be considered, "creepy."

Yeah I did think it may be another guy too, but I guess maybe that's not the case.
 
I guess I should have also mentioned that we have known each other and have been very close friends for quite a while. We only started dating 2 weeks ago though. I have seen her take things in a withdrawn sort of manner, but not to this extent. Then again, she hasn't had to cope with something like this before.

I guess my angle was approaching it as a friend. I have never really dated a close friend, but I'm thinking I need to understand there is a fine line.
 
Advice

It's a tough economy - go find a girl with a good job. They all get ugly, but the poor ones don't get rich. :p
 
TC, you're kind of like the Dad I never had... lol.

But I would follow Marilyn's advice, women, especially smart, cute, cool women give the best advice. Plus here's something to think about. The things I have learned in my experience with a couple gf's for extended periods is that small things soon, become big things later. You need to be on top of red flags. And a woman who receeds emotionally AND physically from you in these kinds of times, will only get WORSE as times go on. You have to be prepared to accpet this. Maybe you can, but when she may start having feelings about someone else, or feelings of not being that into you, then you're in trouble and withdrawing will be her first response. This is not a good trait... Just saying...
 

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