Contemplating Divorce

[Amazon Doll]

Did she even acknowledge that you asked for this?

Did you get a feeling that the therapist is aware that this is your core issue?

 

[OuchThatHurts]

"Stay strong my young friend" or something like that. My polish is not that good.

It was nothing very entertaining like smack her parents in the head or anything like that. LOL

LOL close enough brother. Close enough. You are in quite the Polish fix aren't you? Wow. Just like my folks. NEVER hire and electrician, build their additions, do everything. Polish men (not me LOL) can literally to ANYTHING. Need a new sink? A roof? Dry wall? Wiring? HVAC?

It's crazy. And ALWAYS half-assed. But you have to admire their skills.

But on the other side a good Polish woman will do everything for you. And I mean everything. Cook, clean, shine your knob, mow the lawn, parent the children (Polish fathers are too macho to mess with children).

A good Polish woman is like striking gold - as long as it's not the "family package deal" like I suspect DF101 got. Like I have. My girlfriends have had to deal with the guilt of not feeling like a real woman if she wasn't on her knees scrubbing the floor under the kitchen table after a simple meal. I'm serious. The women are cleaning literally before you've even finished your plate! It's like a ****ing pit crew in there!

 

[OuchThatHurts]

Ya I don't know what I'm going to do. Just tonight the wife went to yoga class with her mother because her mother wanted to go. Then it will be she had to do something else because her mother wanted to do it. It stops for a week or two if I say something then again starts. Maybe were to culturally different although we are similar in so many ways. Its very remarkable to me how that can be. I feel its because American or don't speak Polish. To me its ironic that her family cant accept other cultures and people here rin the US, but expect themselves to be accepted in this country when they isolate themselves from mainstream American society, culture and practices.

dzienkuje Sluchac

It's no problem. You're more than welcome. I'm just glad I have another pollack to complain to now. LOL

 

[dragonfire101]

Did she even acknowledge that you asked for this?

Did you get a feeling that the therapist is aware that this is your core issue?

He is aware. I went and talked to him for a couple sessions individually about all kinds of stuff first and told me to bring her in. The last session we had together she could not get what it is that I want. She so stuck in this Polish role with her parents that she stuck in a one track way of concrete thinking when it comes to it. The therapist finally couldn't get her to see and figure what was bothering me from his view he had to tell me to tell directly. She could not comprehend why it was in an issue with me.

 

[dragonfire101]

Update

-

LOL close enough brother. Close enough. You are in quite the Polish fix aren't you? Wow. Just like my folks. NEVER hire and electrician, build their additions, do everything. Polish men (not me LOL) can literally to ANYTHING. Need a new sink? A roof? Dry wall? Wiring? HVAC?

It's crazy. And ALWAYS half-assed. But you have to admire their skills.

Ya ...I admire it more skill than I will ever have. Sometimes though its pushed a little to far because they must know everything the whole common sense stereotype kicks in and something major gets "f" up. Like the time my wife's father had a friend with no insurance come by and cut trees down in the yard and one fell on my car. My wife thought I was going to break up with her then. Maybe it was a sign. Anyways I was nice enough because the car was older and I was getting rid of it in a year to have his polish friend do the body work on it which look horrible. He banged out all the smashed in metal and then used bondo and sanded it. I thought he was going to replace it. LOL

But on the other side a good Polish woman will do everything for you. And I mean everything. Cook, clean, shine your knob, mow the lawn, parent the children (Polish fathers are too macho to mess with children).

Ya accept she does not want to do any of them now and wants me to do more of them. I understand she is in school now part time and has a part time job., but prior she was complaining for me to help while she was just chilling for almost a year because she got laid off.

A good Polish woman is like striking gold - as long as it's not the "family package deal" like I suspect DF101 got. Like I have. My girlfriends have had to deal with the guilt of not feeling like a real woman if she wasn't on her knees scrubbing the floor under the kitchen table after a simple meal. I'm serious. The women are cleaning literally before you've even finished your plate! It's like a ****ing pit crew in there!

So you can imagine now her yelling at me to clean every little thing now since she does not have as much time to clean. Everyday its something.

She has been checking this post and yelling at me as well.

I TRIED TO TELL HER I WAS GETTING THERAPY OVER THE INTERNET BY A POLISH PSYCHOLOGIST AND SHE SHOULD BE PROUD! LOL

 

[dragonfire101]

It's no problem. You're more than welcome. I'm just glad I have another pollack to complain to now. LOL

bez problemu

 

[Amazon Doll]

She sounds like a spoiled brat.

 

[dragonfire101]

She sounds like a spoiled brat.

Not so much…Maybe I'm making her sound that way, but in the materialistic way she is not at all. She could care less if she has expensive cloth or things.She does not buy name brands or demand them. She does have fairly nice car because that’s what I bought, but now she says she will never go back to a regular sedan and needs a luxury car because there is a difference in how they drive.

I think she probably sounds spoiled in regards to compromise with us and stuck in these roles she's use to. It might not be spoiled , but just concrete thinking that she can’t change from these enmeshed roles with her parents and does not know you don't have to stay in them and can change to assimalate some new ones.

Maybe not regrds to spoiled again or just lazy to want reults. She was off form work over a year I pay for her gym membership and she hardly went the whole year and complain on how fat she got etc etc. I told I did not want to here it. She had a whole year to go to the gym everyday if she wanted to.

I’m pissed because she acts like I’m the one with the problem and can’t even comprehend why I get upset even when I explain it to her because anything that has to do with her family can’t be wrong. Maybe its not wrong? Maybe she just should have married some polish guy so she would not have to adopt to other ways of life and culture being with an American and just stay in her parents and families polish world.

Then again the phrase POLISH PRINCEE may have some truth to it .

 

[Amazon Doll]

Well she wants everything her way.

Look at yourself in this thread and go back and read what you wrote. Over and over you are trying to bend, to understand and to give. She on the other hand can not open her mind and see the other side like you do. She may never. She may just be so stuck in her beleif system that there will never be another way to her.

Hopefully the therapist will have ways of opening her mind up.

 

[dragonfire101]

Well she wants everything her way.

Look at yourself in this thread and go back and read what you wrote. Over and over you are trying to bend, to understand and to give. She on the other hand can not open her mind and see the other side like you do. She may never. She may just be so stuck in her beleif system that there will never be another way to her.

Hopefully the therapist will have ways of opening her mind up.

I here ya hopefully he can. I seen your point in the previous thread, just wanted to point out it was not materialistic spoiled cause that's what many people think of a lot when they see that word. I wanted to explain it was more of a spoiled with her ways of thinking and limited ability to see past her own thoughts and beliefs, but made it seem like a question because I wanted to here what others thought, which you just gave me and I appreciate.

 

[lineman]

Was she born and raised in Poland? If so, how long has she been an American.

 

[dragonfire101]

Was she born and raised in Poland? If so, how long has she been an American.

Yes, She cam here at 14 and been here also about about 14 years.

 

[dragonfire101]

Just seen this post from few years ago...Well I guess I seen it coming...She got her degree and job the past 2 months after I supported her last several years after she got laid off. She left and filed for divorce 8 weeks ago...

 

[SecondAct]

Just seen this post from few years ago...Well I guess I seen it coming...She got her degree and job the past 2 months after I supported her last several years after she got laid off. She left and filed for divorce 8 weeks ago...

I guess she assimilated, but not in a good way. You got all the bad of a foreign bride, and none of the good from what it sounds like. Her family ways were old world enough to be annoying, but new world enough to turn into a hustler.

Keep your chin up. I went through a divorce in my 30's, which I'm guessing you're on the very low end of. No kids, 14 years together, and the reality is with no children, it's not all that different than a non-married break-up. I have never been happier, and after the first 6 months, you couldn't have paid me $1 million untaxed to live it for another year of my life, and she wasn't a bad girl, just a bad fit. You'll absolutely love having your time be your time, and now you know what you don't want on the next go round.

You learned patience, and you'll be a better partner, and the next one's little quirks won't be nearly as annoying after dealing with all that nonsense.

 

[triathloncoach]

Sorry DF. That must really hurt. But atleast the torture is over. You will eventually recover, don't be a tough guy and just motor thru. Take some time to heal.

What should give you comfort is that you really don't have a choice. You have to move on. But my subjective opinion from hearing only one side of the story says you will be much better off without her. Imagine her family if you ever had kids.


It's been 8 weeks, I hope you are taking care of yourself. Get plenty of sleep.

Bummer.

 

[cavdude]

dragonfire-i am sorry to hear about your painful breakup--some1 once said that when you marry some1-you're also marrying their family?-i have 2-failed marriages as a result of my mates not wanting to let go of their past 'old world' familia connections!

the third failed marriage was my mate having an unquenchable desire/ambition to make it on her own so as not to be relient on any1--no i'm not excusing myself from any responsibility for those divorces but what i'm trying to say is that oft-times a couple is just 'not on the same page'.

i've heard it said that a failed releationship can be likened to the death of a loved one which often takes several years to come to terms with.

i'm 65y/o now and have gotten thru many depressing/discouraging events by continueing my workouts and a few other hobbies i love like gunsmithing writing etc.

i hope that you can emerse yourself into an activity that you really enjoy so as to better cushion the negative effects of your situation?


best of luck to you,
cavdude

 

[dragonfire101]

Sorry DF. That must really hurt. But atleast the torture is over. You will eventually recover, don't be a tough guy and just motor thru. Take some time to heal.

What should give you comfort is that you really don't have a choice. You have to move on. But my subjective opinion from hearing only one side of the story says you will be much better off without her. Imagine her family if you ever had kids.


It's been 8 weeks, I hope you are taking care of yourself. Get plenty of sleep.

Bummer.

Just trying to get back into a routine has been hard...but I' trying.

 

[Amazon Doll]

Well no one can say you didn't give it your all, you were dedicated to this woman right up till the end....that was very noble of you.

 

[BigChef]

Dragonfire, I am sorry to hear that. I know exactly what it's like to go through. It's not the end of the world mate, just hang in there and take one day at a time. If you need advice or anything just pm me ok!

Take care mate!

 

[Gators]

Sorry to hear, i've yet to experience anything as emotionally painful as a divorce, it's brutal, no way to sugar coat it. BUT, BUT, it does get less painful with time, this is fact, no way to shortcut feeling all the bad emotions, they just have to work their way through. I've gone thru 2, well, almost, 2nd one is dragging out a bit.

I am a BIG believer in things working out the way they should, i've seen it time and time again in my life. Sometimes we never really see the reasons things happen the way they do (in cases of really tragic stuff), but often we can look back and go "ok, i get it, i see how it worked out for the better".

Hang in there. Keep busy, rediscover your passions and throw yourself into them, and the worst thing you can do is isolate.

That's my experience, strength, and hope.