Dads Death Anniversary./Mother still mourning

[JustWannaBeHuge]

I guess I just needed an outlet now and using this site as it hehe.

Today its been 1 year since my dad died. We(my entire family) was in the hospital with him when he passed. I was in there with Angie(former fiance) and his heart rate was steady. I was holding his hand and talking to him... then my cousins came in (we were never that close to his side of the family as we weren't able to visit them as often as he wanted to) but I told him the things I needed(he wasnt stable, so i doubt he even heard me, he was heavily medicated and we knew it was only a matter of minutes/hours before he would die), and then I walked out of the room. Angie was still in with my two cousins.

When I walked out, she came out after about a minute, and she told me as soon as I stopped talking and walked out, that his heart rate dropped tremendously. Two minutes later my cousins came out and said he passed.

it's odd, because the same thing happened with his mom. She was in the hospital and we drove to Va and right after he saw her, she passed away.

I wish I never lost the relationship I had with my dad. Before we moved to Baltimore, me and him would do everything together. He hated living in the city, and soon after I hated it too. because thats when my mom started working and I was now watched by my aunt and cousin.

Anyway, I just miss him so much. me and him would argue like cats and dogs sometimes in regards to politics and other things, he was southern baptist and he lived how he thought god would want him to. He'd always tell me that he hopes I find god, as he doesn't want to think about me burning in hell. hehe I'd tell him he was crazy for believing that heavan and hell stuff, and he'd tell me "you'll see how crazy I am when I'm looking down at you asking if you need a glass of water cuz you look a little hot in those flames" hehe.

He was a crazy stubborn bastard and I miss him like crazy. I remember before he went in for surgury, he asked me, "Bob, if things don't go right, your mom has a lot health conditions. You look after her and make sure that she's okay. You live your life, but she's your mom, you take care of her" I promised him that I would.... thats why when me and angie broke up, my mom thought it was because of her, because we moved in to help her out. It took me awhile to convince her it wasn't her fault, that me and angie were over with before we even moved back in.

Now my mom is ready to sell her house and I start my new job on January 12th. I worry for her, she's a manic depressive and has attemped suicide several times in my youth. I remember her being in the hospital.

Do I let her go and have her own place, alone? Or should I tell her that she can move in with me? I'm not going to be dating forawhile as i'm taking everyone's advice and just going to concentrate on myself... so it's not like I'll be embarrassed to tell a lady I live with my mama hehe. I could careless to be honest anyway. I've learned from my dad and mom, that family always comes first, blood is thicker than water.

I see her everyday. she looks at his pictures and just cries because of how she misses him. She sleeps at least 15 hours a day. I try to help her get out... but she only leaves the house now when she has a Dr's appointment. I think she wants to die, her eyes look so empty at times... I don't know how I can help her... She's my mom...and I promised dad I would look after her...


Just needed to get more off my chest. Man, am I the only one posting here? shit I prolly have started half the threads in this section haha. I'm starting to think I need to go back to therapy hehehe.

Rob

 

[JETHRO TULL]

ROB, IT'S NOT JUST YOUR FAMILY....

WE'VE ALL GOT FOLKS WE LOVE WHO AREN'T HEALTHY OR HAVE SOME PROBLEMS. MY SISTER IS BI POLAR....SHE'S REALLY PUT THE FAMILY THROUGH SOME UPS AND DOWNS. WHAT WE FOUND OUT IS...YOU CAN'T SOLVE ALL THEIR PROBLEMS....AND SOMETIMES THEY CAN DRAG YOU DOWN. MY SISTER IS LIKE A BLACK HOLE THAT YOU JUST THROW MONEY AT....YOU JUST GET HER ALL SET UP...GET HER RENT PAID...GET HER ELECTRIC BACK ON...FOOD IN THE FRIDGE AND NEXT THING YOU KNOW EVERYTHING IS ALL WRECKED AND THERE IS A NEW CRISIS.

I GET A LOT OUT OF READING THIS FORUM AS WELL.

 

[hughesy]

Your words were being heard

I am an EMT and I have alot of friends in the medical feild. And one of the things they teach is to always talk to the person no matter what. Hearing is one of the very last senses to go. So even though your father seemed really out of it he probably did hear you.

From personal experience I had an accident on my bike in which I was knocked out. And I vividly remember hearing all the voices around me and seeing the faces of the people whos voices I recognized, while I was unconcious. I don't know if this any help to you or not but I thought I would share the info with you.

 

[tbonus]

I see her everyday. she looks at his pictures and just cries because of how she misses him. She sleeps at least 15 hours a day. I try to help her get out... but she only leaves the house now when she has a Dr's appointment. I think she wants to die, her eyes look so empty at times... I don't know how I can help her...

Rob

my wife went through the exact same thing when her mom died. She would just sit in a funk all day. She would wake up and lay on the couch. Maybe get dressed in the afternoon. In addition, she had terrible migraine headeaches. Her doc gave her vic's and that just added to the depression. I think she was close to not pulling through and I was close to taking our two little ones and moving into a different house. Let her know that she is very important to you and see if she will go to grief counseling. She is still living and needs to let go. It's easier said than done, but keep trying to get her to get help to live life like its meant to be. Maybe wake her in the morning and get her to go for a walk with you every day? Anything to keep her moving and occupied.

 

[Kane]

My wife lost her father and grandfather on the same day... To say that her family was devasted is an understatement. My wife was actually diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress and took meds for short time because of it.
All your family can do is take care of her, talk to her and above all let her know how much you all love her. She may not want to discuss your dad at first but sooner or later she'll come around.