Divorce and child custody

[moparfreak360]

So me and my wife have finally about had enough of each other, we tried avoiding it but it was inevitable, it must end.

To all the divorced guys out there, how much trouble did you have getting split custody of your children? Im away from home 6 months out of the year and I'd really like.to be able to spend my time off with my son. I doubt she will be very civil about the matter though

 

[Psych069]

Good luck. If it ended on bad terms its most likely gonna be a pain in the ass. I had joint legal with her having physical custody. Rules are different depending on the state you reside in.

 

[Jello]

My advice to you from watching my friends deal with this, be as civil as you can to her and remind her at every chance you get that you just want things to be as easy on the kids as possible. If you get into any knock down drag out arguments with her she will do everything in her power to make sure you don't get anything you want.

You may not want to suck it up like that, but unless you want to get ass rapped in court I suggest you suck it up. Unless she was a bad mother, which it doesn't sound like, she'll win.

 

[keith1569]

My ex and I had to go to court regarding everything. We couldn't agree in shit.
We had to go to court for custody.
I ended up with having my boy on my days off every week (wed, thur) and every other weekend.


As jello said do all you can to stay calm. I got off all aas for 6 months during all this so I would be less agitated. When she was sniffing for a fight I would just tell her I have to go goodbye. I did that a ton! Also watch out because she was trying to record phone calls and stuff and get me to explode on her and stuff.

 

[gogotren]

take the high road. All the bad feelings you had for her, the relationship, check em at the door. Make it about your son having a father, a leader, a role model in his life. Appeal to what she believes or wants.

 

[matt1164]

So me and my wife have finally about had enough of each other, we tried avoiding it but it was inevitable, it must end.

To all the divorced guys out there, how much trouble did you have getting split custody of your children? Im away from home 6 months out of the year and I'd really like.to be able to spend my time off with my son. I doubt she will be very civil about the matter though

sorry to hear this. I have joint legal custody of my daughter because my ex agreed to it. but to be honest it doesn't mean shit, she never consults me and just does whatever she wants, lol. I have learned to live with it.

I have my daughter every weekend- getting joint physical custody is hard. in the end one of you will have to be custodial parent and the other one will be non-custodial parent unless you agree otherwise. from your schedule you will most likely be non-custodial parent- which basically means you are a nothing.

My ex was very easy to get along with before she met her current husband. So I would be as nice to your ex as possible and try and get her to consent to as much time as possible. If your ex gets remarried to some insecure shithead (like my ex did) things will get worse and it will be even harder to deal with her.

I've read that courts are awarding joint custody more but I think it's bullshit, I know guys that have gone through a custody battle and ended up with less visitation than before.

The "standard" visitation is one dinner night a week and every other weekend. Dinner nights are a hassle especially if you live far away.

My advice-

1-try and get your ex to agree to joint custody- it will make it easier and once it's signed off on by the courts its very hard to change.

2- Never give your ex an opportunity to get a restraining order against you.this will really fuck up your chances to have joint custody- always stay calm.

3-always stay calm- remember when you get angry or upset about anything find someone and talk it out. never argue or yell at your ex.

 

[matt1164]

take the high road. All the bad feelings you had for her, the relationship, check em at the door. Make it about your son having a father, a leader, a role model in his life. Appeal to what she believes or wants.

this is great advice- really listen to this.

 

[richiec]

Have a buddy going through this right now. They are both being very civil about the situation. They have 2 children together. Keep your kids in mind when you talk to her, when in court etc. Judges typically side with the mother, so if you can show that you are most worried about the kids well being (not attacking her or saying she's a bad mom or anything like that) and wanting to be an integral part of their upbringing, you may get more time than you expected. The legal system sees what fatherless homes do to kids and if a father genuinely wants to be in his childrens lives, and he appears to be a good father and respectful to the mother, they are more apt to give you more time with them. My buddy and his soon to be ex are very civil and are keeping their childrens best interest at heart. Just no mom bashing to the kids, as it will get back to her. If she wants to do it, let her, makes her look bad

 

[AshopRep]

Take the high road. Even if she gets nasty and says mean things, don't retaliate. You will feel good about it in the long run.

 

[jonnierockett]

Google voice!!! Minimize calls, resort to text messages and emails. Google voice records every phone call, vm, and text message, free of charge, accessed from any computer, smartphone, ect. I am 2 1/2 years into a modification because 50/50 split and being civil did not work! You can use anything as evidence that a 3rd part can see or hear...ie, vm and text messages. Get a calendar, record everything. And by all means, in mediation, do not fold!!

 

[Gators]

take the high road. All the bad feelings you had for her, the relationship, check em at the door. Make it about your son having a father, a leader, a role model in his life. Appeal to what she believes or wants.

about the wisest thing i've read in this forum! And as someone who went that route (it was not easy), i can tell you it pays dividends, and some!