Ever lost "the one"?

jay_dub · Nov 17, 2011

I'm once again in a bad place right now trying to deal with losing the only girl I've ever loved.

She was my dream girl, everything I've always wanted, absolutely gorgeous in every way. We knew each other inside and out. We've been through basically anything and everything together, highs, lows, and everything else.

I'm not going to get into any of the details, but its over. I lost her trust long ago with one stupid kiss and never regained her trust no matter how hard I tried. Its been 3 years and the trust is still broken. I always had the hope that I could fix it and it would all work out.

It was a false hope. Its done, its over, and theres nothing I can do.

My question is this, have you guys ever lost a girl who was absolutely EVERYTHING to you? If so, how did you cope? And one more question, is there any of you out there that no matter how long it was, and how many girls you had been with, that you still think about that "one" that you lost?

Right now I look around at all these skanky ass bitches and all I can think is "I'm so fucked".

No one will ever compare to her.

max5000 · Nov 17, 2011

Hey bro, I recon everyone thinks they lost "the one" at one time or another. Until you find someone else and they became "the new one" and you forget why you were hung up on the last one.

So stay strong, keep busy, go hang out with your mates and don't sit around moaping. Time heals all wounds....

Parsifal09 · Nov 17, 2011

yes bro, i did a few months ago

the night before our engagement, she ended our relationship

im not exaggerating, literally the night before our engagement she ended our relationship

she then proceeded to delete and block me on fb, change her number and speak badly of me. All within a day or two of ending our relationship

it hurt bro, and only time will heal it

id try to find another one, will make it easier

pars

mich29 · Nov 17, 2011

if you lost her she wasn't the one.be strong your find a new girl in time and she will help you forget your ex.

Aliendogstar · Nov 17, 2011

I though I did. For many many years...she was the one that got away. The relationship ended because I fucked up and couldn't stop using drugs at the time. So, here we are many years later....I made amends and we're even friends on FB but we're two totally different ppl today. I am glad we didn't stay the course because it wouldn't have worked. And now...I have actually met someone that I do feel is "the one". There are plenty of good ppl out there....it may take you ten years to find her but you'll be more mature, wiser, and your priorities will be different..but in the end, it will be worth it.

Cerberus777 · Nov 17, 2011

when my first wife left...i was crushed...my grand mother told me...most of the time "the one" is just the "practice one" for the "real one"

tmuscle · Nov 17, 2011

Wow bro...

I saw when you posted pics of her...I thought to myself..." you better keep that one u lucky sumabitch..."

it sucks man... i lost one myself... all that you can do is let time heal the wound... and pound the iron even harder...

hemipower · Nov 17, 2011

Cerberus777 said:
when my first wife left...i was crushed...my grand mother told me...most of the time "the one" is just the "practice one" for the "real one"

I like this Cerberus...

But Jay - I have lost "the one" several times...which tells me, there isn't JUST ONE. There are hundreds that will be a fit...

Keep your head up, invest your time in reading and friends and put your frustrations into the weights at the gym. Once you are recovered and ready...my suggestion is always be ready (not expecting, but prepared) to meet the next "one" which might be the last "one" also. I made the mistake of being unshaven and letting my diet go for months after my last BIG breakup and I ran into a girl I hadn't seen in YEARS that I was friends with when I was in a prior terrible relationship and always thought she would be a great girl to be with...well I looked like HELL. Luckily I'm charming enough to close the deal anyway and still together a year later...LOL. But recover first and take time to be selfish...I usually buy a muscle car or a motorcycle, take a trip, etc. LOL
Wounds heal in time...just keep moving forward, doesn't matter how slow...just forward!

bapperfan · Nov 17, 2011

Someone once asked me what would I do if I lost my gf due to an accident or something...I said - I'd probably find someone else (although naturally, I'd be devistated).

Everyone is special in their own way, but there is BOUND to be more than one person out there for each of us. My first fiancee cheated on me and I cried like a baby, but now I am engaged again and have been with this girl over 7 years. So I know that there is always more than one person for each of us!

Keep your chin up buddy, and as others have said - time heals everything, it did for me

bigcat56 · Nov 17, 2011

i don't know how much I agree with the comments that only time heals... I've been there and time didn't do shit. I didn't stop hurting or obsessing until i loved someone else to the level that i loved the first person. Even then, the hurt stopped, the obsession stopped, i didnt think about the first girl ALL the time, but i still think about her every now and again. I dont wish to be back with her, I love the person I am with now more than anyone, but i will never truly forget that first "one"

jay_dub · Nov 17, 2011

I truly appreciate the responses guys... I really do.

For those of you who says time heals, I just dont see this happening.

I've been in this position before, we've been off and on for the pasts couple of years... The longest we were ever broken up was 5 months, and she was dating another guy. Everyday that went by it only made things worse for me, not better. My dad once told me "if you love her, then you have to fight for her". I lived by that shit. I refused to give up on her and eventually I got her back. And it wasnt easy. I literally had to sit down with her father one day while he questioned me about my lifestyle and how much I loved his daughter. And its not like me and her dad were close by any means. He's the hypocritical "christian" type to stand up in front of the church and tell his story about how Christ has changed his life yet mentally abuses his wife and daughter at home behind closed doors. I've always wanted to be there for her to protect her from his bullshit and mental abuse. And its one of the main reasons why she has such big trust issues with me... He tells her he loves her one day and then says shes a piece of shit the next.

Anyway I'm getting off topic now. My point is that I've never healed with time. And the only reason I felt decent day to day back then was the thought of one day getting her back in the near future. I no longer have that, and it makes things that much worse.

I need to get out and meet people but I dont even know where to start. Most people in my age group just party at the bars and I dont want anything to do with that anymore. I've been there and done that, its not my thing anymore.

And as far as friends go, I have few. Other than my family, I trust 2 people in this world, my ex, and my best friend who lives an hour away and who I rarely see. I've made bad choices as far as friends go. I've been taken advantage of, walked on, and stabbed in the back too many times. My ex roommate (who i once considered my best friend) is currently in prison. I recently found out that he had been telling my ex that I was no good for her, texting her and saying things about how he had been dreaming about them having sex, and secretly trying to talk to her behind my back. She showed me the texts herself. Oh and if you guys remember a while back how I got into legal troubles with AAS, it was because of this guy. I even forgave him for it (and many other things) and yet I still get walked on yet again.

I sound like a whiney little bitch, but I know this is my own doing. I dont feel sorry for myself one bit, I'm just kind of lost on where to go from here.

renewlyf · Nov 17, 2011

Jay Dub
Let yourself grieve a little, just a little. It's natural. I've lost the one so many times I lost count. I even was able to get a few of them back only to loose them again. The reason they left was my partying and that is what I reverted to for comfort when they were gone. Here is what I've come to believe through all the shit I put myself through. No matter what, as long as I live my life right and do the right things, everything turns out for the better. The girl I'm with now is amazing. I had lost her before also.
Just trust that the pain you feel now will fade. All things happen for a reason and the reason you're going through what you are now is to open the door for something greater! Hang tough maybe use this time to work on yourself and friendships.

djdizzy · Nov 17, 2011

You should try and check out a book called "how to survive the loss of a love" Pretty cool book that helped me thru a bad break up and the loss of a family member.

Hang in there man, I know it seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel but it will come.

leanbody · Nov 18, 2011

Yeah you sound like a whiney bitch, but that's part of the grieving process. i got dumped about 8 years ago (emotionally) by my wife and stuck it out loveless until last March then went for the divorce. Time does heal and you have to look at this as an opportunity. If she cant trust you for one indiscretion, just wait till there are babies and mortgages - she would have never trusted you. And it's not your fault - some people cant trust others. Everybody makes mistakes and if you really love someone you forgive and move on.

My wife had huge trust issues, resolved them enough to get married, but then they popped up again after kids and got bigger. So consider yourself fortunate to have had good time with her, but look to the future - the best is yet to come!:headbang::headbang::headbang:

BTW - bitch initiated the divorce after she inherited money - I ended up just a paycheck and driver!

jay_dub · Nov 19, 2011

I want to thank you guys again. I knew it would help to get some of your advice, even though its much of what I expected, it still helps tremendously.

I'm done feeling sorry for myself and bitter/unforgiving towards myself that I wasnt the perfect boyfriend she wanted. I've really been lacking in certain areas of my life while I was striving for this unrealistic "perfection" that she wanted of me. And the past couple of years I've been constantly beating myself up over it and that I was never good enough.

Theres many things I would like to improve in my life. Now is the time to start. I just got done ordering a few books to get me on the right track. One of those was "how to survive the loss of love" so thanks djdizzy for the recommendation.

I've always wanted to move out of the Midwest and get down south where its warm. Now would be a good time to do it. Its time to reevaluate, set goals, and take action.

Thanks again

lemmyswart · Nov 21, 2011

jay_dub said:
Its time to reevaluate, set goals, and take action.

Thanks again

Jay your on the right track!

gcherry87 · Nov 21, 2011

good luck to you bro!

Designbuilt · Nov 21, 2011

Yeah, a few times...

I'm kidding, in all seriousness... Yes, This was back in 1997, I was 23 and she was everything to me, absolutely beautiful in every possible way... Our sexlife was unbelievable, we communicated very well... We too went through a lot of things, I had problems with my family and she was the only one there for me... I was going through financial troubles and she was there... Also when things went well and I'd wake up singing, she was there... I was on top of the world at one point...

Everyone thought we were a married couple, but I fucked it up and started doing a lot of drugs, mostly x and coke, plus I was on lots of AAS, I was living in Mexico at the time and became a bit paranoid, so I kept accusing her of things, when she was just trying to go to school...

At any rate, we broke up for about two months, I dated lots of other girls and made friends (I didn't really have any friends since I was not from there and just really on an extended vacation (over a year) but would fly back every once in a while, but to Miami to hang with friends not to Chicago, so it was like I wasn't quite back to reality yet...

But soon, the things I was working on went bad, I started running out of money and got very lonely and depressed over there started drinking and taking lots of pain killers, sleeping pills etc... I'd just hang out with a few friends and dated random girls, it was a lot for me to handle by myself...

Then I got back with my ex for about two weeks, but then I broke up with her again...

A few months of my abusing my body passed, until I moved back to Chicago, (actually I was deported, I was locked up for three days for overstaying) but came back voluntarily on plane...

So I got my shit together and finished school and got in with a good firm for my internship and after two years, I was given vacation time...

So I returned to Mexico for my vacation... I didn't look her up, I wanted to, but I stopped myself, truth is that I never stopped thinking about her ih those two years that had passed; but at the time I was dating my ex-wife...

A friend from my brother's gym in Mexico (where I met her) said that she was doing great and was a model for Pepsi and Superior beer, he told me where to find her, but I never looked for her again...

After a 12 year marriage, I still thought about her, after my divorce, I'd wake up alone and on presrciption or OTC sleeping pills, still groggy and find myself reaching for her, looking for her next to me in the bed...

I still think about her to this day ever once in a while... But I guess in a way, I don't regret not going back with her because if I would have, I wouldn't have my son and he's the most important and best thing in my life... He is the reason I keep trying...