Family member passing

[jackedsanta]

I was just notified my mom (88) is being placed on hospice. She's 1200 miles away up north I won't be able to make it due to work constraints.

I was able spend good time with her in Sept. I knew back then it was likely my last time seeing her.

I am to a degree mentally/emotionally prepared. Shes lived a good life but was very tired (suffering from COPD, and most recently CHF and was struggling to stay healthy due to her lack of desire to eat)

Happy i saw her and loved on her, glad she will not be suffering..

But damn, i fell helpless AF right about now...

 

[btails]

Do yourself a favour and go see your mom. Work can wait. If your work doesn't like it then they're not the type of people I'd want to work for.

Do not second guess yourself on the decision to get on a plane and go see her.

 

[jackedsanta]

Do yourself a favour and go see your mom. Work can wait. If your work doesn't like it then they're not the type of people I'd want to work for.

Do not second guess yourself on the decision to get on a plane and go see her.

Man i wish i could I really do, it's just not possible.

I've made the calls but she is not awake and when she is it's minimal.

 

[alfresco]

 

[SABAGOY]

I don’t want this to come off wrong…but you just started your first thread on a bodybuilding forum about this…are you sure you are as mentally prepared as you think?

 

[jackedsanta]

I don’t want this to come off wrong…but you just started your first thread on a bodybuilding forum about this…are you sure you are as mentally prepared as you think?

Your not coming off wrong, i am but its still hard and i appreciate the comment

 

[ZaddyZonar]

I am to a degree mentally/emotionally prepared. Shes lived a good life

Happy i saw her and loved on her, glad she will not be suffering..

Like you said, she lived a good life and won’t be suffering anymore. Stay strong and look back on all the good memories and years you all spent together. It’ll be tough but keep your head up

 

[marssel]

My grandfather was 92 and we got the call he was mostly “gone” I didn’t make it, he had a bit of dementia too. My dad told me it was best I didn’t bc my memories of him are all of him pretty solid. So there’s different ways to view it plus if you already said goodbye. It’s funny I wish I’d seen him but I’m glad I don’t have the memory of him all fucked up. When a parent passes you already get slammed with your own mortality depression if you’re 100% right about not being able to go, I agree with Luki that it’s clearly on your mind but maybe we’re giving advice when you’re venting and just want that. Either way good luck bro, I assume you’re gonna make the funeral, I think you’d regret that for sure.

 

[Tiny Too]

So sorry to hear about this. She’s an old bird and was fortunate to have a long life. Even in poor health, it’s not a privilege that many get.

From my perspective, if you have a good relationship with your mother, get your ass on a plane and be with her. Regardless of her awareness, this is your last opportunity with her. Work can wait, they can figure shit out without you. If they can’t comprehend that, tell them to fuck off. They should never expect you to put work duties above your blood.

Best to you and your family.

 

[pupu]

Prayers.

 

[cage99]

My man, you’re positive you’re 100% good with not taking time away from work to say your final goodbyes? Only you can answer that one, but I strongly suggest you think long and hard on it.

I get being tied up with work, but it shouldn’t get in the way with you seeing a dying parent. Any company that doesn’t understand this isn’t worth working for in the first place.

It’s tough I know, I hope you’re able to make time for the trip. No need in having regrets later down the road. Best wishes to you and your family.

Cage

 

[UnholyAlliance]

Sorry for your impending loss so why not go take the time off to go see your mom before she does go? You can get a lot off your chest and mind then find closure.

My prayers for you and the family.

 

[buck]

I visited my mother in hospice. And in her final week i don't think it did anything positive for either of us. She was unaware i was there. And she was not who i knew all my life. It did nothing for closure if there is such a thing. I had already planned for the end before the time came. My brother did not go and i doubt it harmed him not to see her. As who she was at that point was nothing like who she was during her life. How people were towards the end tend to be how they are often remembered. But that is just my experience. We all end up living with our choices in life.

 

[Sectør]

Sorry to hear man that’s rough

I agree with the others about going to see her before. That’s not a regret you want to live with

Nobody ever went to their death bed wishing they worked more. It’ll be there when you get back, and if work can’t accommodate you during your difficult time then fuck those people.. honestly

Again, sorry for your impending loss

 

[360]

This is slightly off topic, but I have great memories of my friends and their parents from when I grew up in the 80’s. I remember them when they were young, like from 40 years ago because that was the last time I saw them in person.

I have frequently thought about going back to my old neighborhood and seeing them but I know that if I did it would drastically taint my good memories of these people. I don’t want to see my grade school buddies father all old, bald, and in a wheelchair. Or one of my friends who is now frail and gray.

 

[UnholyAlliance]

I lost my dad to cancer 20 years ago and I wasn't aware he was in hospice till I got a phone call out of the blue one day from my half-sister about it as haven't spoken with my dad in like 20 years prior. Quickly made arrangements to fly to FL but he passed the morning I was due to arrive. I came to grips with his passing as I had a falling out with my dad then stopped speaking with him so I never got closure but have forgiven him in my heart.

Good to keep memories of people you know as they were way before they passed.

 

[01dragonslayer]

Sorry ta hear this my friend. I cannot imagine what you are going through.

Wishing you the best.

 

[WeakFNG]

I am sorry to hear of this.

I lost my mother unexpectedly last month. She was 74.

I get feeling helpless. Its natural to feel that way in this situation regardless of you being able to be there or not. But I do encourage you to be very honest with yourself about being there with her. Regardless of being able to do anything, if you want or feel you need to be there. Go. I know that's easy for me to say. I don't know your work situation. But regret is a much longer term issue for you to deal with than a pissed of boss.

As for being emotionally and mentally prepared, its natural to feel that way given you saw her recently and now know this is a hospice situation. Grief hits everyone different regardless of how prepared we feel we are. I never want anyone to feel they missed something. Realizing something was important to you when its too late is a difficult place to be.

I empathize with your situation and wish you the best in however you decide its best for you to handle this. Peace brother.

 

[Hatchet]

Sorry to hear... 88 is a good run, though, life is always too short... All the best to you and yours..

 

[marssel]

This is slightly off topic, but I have great memories of my friends and their parents from when I grew up in the 80’s. I remember them when they were young, like from 40 years ago because that was the last time I saw them in person.

I have frequently thought about going back to my old neighborhood and seeing them but I know that if I did it would drastically taint my good memories of these people. I don’t want to see my grade school buddies father all old, bald, and in a wheelchair. Or one of my friends who is now frail and gray.

Yea I’m still not 50 and my classmates on FB all look 20 years older than I do, some not, some worse. It’s insane how dudes I looked up to on the football field, literally, now are just fat, bald, limp dick dudes dressed like the work in the library it’s so weird. And people tend to post their best pics so in real life fuck man……..