Fighting off depression

[Deleted member 121863]

Edit: do you mind sharing your age? I couldn’t see you post that either if you did.. Don’t chew my head of Hogan lol

No worries. I know the phone gets weird with viewing some things.

Muscle is right around 40 y/o

 

[themuscle]

No worries. I know the phone gets weird with viewing some things.



Muscle is right around 40 y/o

Yep. 40 to be exact. And ty all for the messages. They really have put my mind at ease. “Normal” people don’t understand and doctors always just wanna keep you healthy and shit lol


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[blkhrt_jordan]

So long story short, after some testing they found my left ventricle to be slightly enlarged. I immediately drop all my “supplements “ that I had been blasting, 750 test, EQ, HGB. I dropped down to 250mg test a week, this is a super mind eff. I’ve been eating so much and so good I’ve made some quality gains and now I feel like I’m gonna lose it all. My mind it playing with me , I’m already freaking out how “average” I’m gonna be and not lose that “alpha” status and feeling that comes with it, which is the best part. And of coarse the unknown. How much will I shrink, will I still look dry and tight, will I still be super vascular, will I still be able to stay so lean even on a good diet, all the cosmetics that come with it. I know it’s for the best and health comes first, but man, this sucks lol.


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Basing your "manliness" on your personal steroid vanity bodybuilding project is about as non-alpha as you can get.

 

[maldorf]

Basing your "manliness" on your personal steroid vanity bodybuilding project is about as non-alpha as you can get.

I agree that it isn't a smart thing to do, but lets get serious and admit that many of the members on this board are very dependent on steroids. Most cant just stop taking them and be happy with life. I was one of those folks.

 

[NEMSZ]

Yep. 40 to be exact. And ty all for the messages. They really have put my mind at ease. “Normal” people don’t understand and doctors always just wanna keep you healthy and shit lol


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Oh I’m 28 lol so that and your history of use might be our difference as well lol I became real health conscious last year when I got sober and thankfully did no permanent damage (if any at all), so it’s just TRT doses for me and MAYBE a little NPP here and there at the same dose (100-150mg per week) if I’m feeling dangerous lol but only tried it once for about a month about 3-4 months ago..

Do you mind sharing a little bit of your history using?

If it makes you feel better, I’ve got a buddy who’s like a big brother to me and he’s also 41, he’s only been on TRT for like 8-9 years, literally only 150mg Test per week.. And I know this because I’ve been the one getting it for him from the forums lol (one of these paranoid guys that doesn’t trust online ordering and has been burned in the earlier days) and although he was 230lbs at 5’10 in his younger days of higher use (told me he used fairly heavy until about 32), he only went down to about 215lbs but looked WAY better and was still vascular as shit if not even more vascular, and was still able to throw up 405lbs on the bench for 1-3 reps depending on how he’s feeling lol.. But because of age and injury doesn’t do that heavy stuff much, only once in a while to see if he’s still got it lol

I’m sure if you take your health first, and still train heavy and hard (when you’re able to, not sure what limitations health has given you) you’ll look just as good and feel better while doing it...

Also.. Not many 40+ guys looking good these days so I’d say you’re already in the top 1% if you’re low bodyfat and have been training for some time now...

 

[nothuman]

Yep. 40 to be exact. And ty all for the messages. They really have put my mind at ease. “Normal” people don’t understand and doctors always just wanna keep you healthy and shit lol


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Just to clarify what I said on the last page about not being a bitch, I meant that as tough love. That's what I tell myself in these situations and it works more than just being sad about something.

 

[blkhrt_jordan]

I agree that it isn't a smart thing to do, but lets get serious and admit that many of the members on this board are very dependent on steroids. Most cant just stop taking them and be happy with life. I was one of those folks.

It is unfortunate it takes serious health problems to make bros realize where priorities should be. "Manliness" (i say that without sarcasm expected of modern sjw culture) is really how good of a son, brother, father, etc and provider for your loved ones, someone who can spread goodness. Taking steroids to assauge an ego or stroke vanity could never end well.

I have a good friend who has intense health paranoia after taking gear, we can talk and rationalize it and think about better ways to reduce harm but once he is feeling alright its on to the next cycle like all that stress and worry never happened. Dude is dependent on steroids to have an identity. I get it, and sympathize, but it is a problem.


Honestly, i think alot of people dont really think logically about mortality, or else why would they self abuse? I know young guys in their twenties on suicide cycles, this one really jacked mofo who has repreatedly says he doesnt care if he dies. I dont know if he understands dying of a health problem is not as quick and heroic seeming as on the battlefield etc. I am not above it all as i have self abused in many ways.

Anyways it speaks to a larger death cult/suicide culture our modern socieities faciliatate. Could write a thesis on this topic.

 

[jay_dub]

Dude, you realize this is ALL in your head, right? Stop worrying about pointless shit bro. I mean that respectfully. Ain't worth a second of thought bro, you keep eating right and killing it in the gym and at the end of the day, after knowing you did everything you possibly could do no matter the circumstances, you'll sleep peacefully, you'll stress less, and your body will respond to that.

This is no shit, and to be honest I remember hearing vets say this and say"what bullshit" but the fact is, the less worried and caught up in losing size and instead take a different view point of "I'm doing the best with what I can", you'll start seeing results you never knew possible.

That's no bullshit. I have personally seen it happen to meon extremely low dosages.

Are you as vascular and hard? Fuck no, but you can keep a very very killer physique on low dosages.

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[brutus69]

250 test a week is like, 2.5 times more than what you'd need on a trt dose.
you'll definitely keep gains on that, depending where it puts your test levels.
studies show that amount builds muscle on guys who dont even work out.
for me i go from 100 to 250 a week and for sure i see a difference.

 

[LK3]

Dude, you realize this is ALL in your head, right? Stop worrying about pointless shit bro. I mean that respectfully. Ain't worth a second of thought bro, you keep eating right and killing it in the gym and at the end of the day, after knowing you did everything you possibly could do no matter the circumstances, you'll sleep peacefully, you'll stress less, and your body will respond to that.

This is no shit, and to be honest I remember hearing vets say this and say"what bullshit" but the fact is, the less worried and caught up in losing size and instead take a different view point of "I'm doing the best with what I can", you'll start seeing results you never knew possible.

That's no bullshit. I have personally seen it happen to meon extremely low dosages.

Are you as vascular and hard? Fuck no, but you can keep a very very killer physique on low dosages.

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here is the reality... lol
no one cares!
thats right!
dirty little secret no one here likes to mention but you said it bro! its all in the head! no one out side of you cares how round your chest is or how "capped" your shoulders are

i realized this in during one of my all time lows...
as some chick was hitting on me at a party...
i was feeling all down and embarressad as i had let myself go quite a bit.

hard pill to swallow. lol
i try to say this 3 times a day while clicking my heels like dorithy...

no one else care
no one else cares
no one else cares... lol

 

[jay_dub]

here is the reality... lol

no one cares!

thats right!

dirty little secret no one here likes to mention but you said it bro! its all in the head! no one out side of you cares how round your chest is or how "capped" your shoulders are



i realized this in during one of my all time lows...

as some chick was hitting on me at a party...

i was feeling all down and embarressad as i had let myself go quite a bit.



hard pill to swallow. lol

i try to say this 3 times a day while clicking my heels like dorithy...



no one else care

no one else cares

no one else cares... lol

Funny story bro. I learned the same lesson but it hit me real hard.

I was out on a date with a total knockout, I mean this girl was stunning... This was the second time I had gone out with her and she was totally into me. Well bad timing cuz here I am with a complete bombshell and I'm at an all time low. But she didn't know that. Until I had to open up my stupid phone and show her me at my prime (she was a personal trainer so I wasnt just being a dumb meathead.) But I showed her this picture and immediately I felt so embarrassed and ashamed because I had quit lifting and gave up the lifestyle completely. I was skin and bones in my eyes, but only in MY eyes. After showing her the picture and expressing my insecuritie about it, things immediately went South. Never saw her again. If only I had repeated no one cares the three times.... [emoji1]

If the stress of CRUISING on ample amounts of test that keep you way above average anyway and you are feeling extremely insecure, well trust me, cuz I know from experience, get some therapy or find a legitimate way to figure yourself out. Until you do, you're holding yourself back in the gym, relationships, career and life. It's a mental addiction that needs to be addressed.

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[LK3]

Funny story bro. I learned the same lesson but it hit me real hard.

I was out on a date with a total knockout, I mean this girl was stunning... This was the second time I had gone out with her and she was totally into me. Well bad timing cuz here I am with a complete bombshell and I'm at an all time low. But she didn't know that. Until I had to open up my stupid phone and show her me at my prime (she was a personal trainer so I wasnt just being a dumb meathead.) But I showed her this picture and immediately I felt so embarrassed and ashamed because I had quit lifting and gave up the lifestyle completely. I was skin and bones in my eyes, but only in MY eyes. After showing her the picture and expressing my insecuritie about it, things immediately went South. Never saw her again. If only I had repeated no one cares the three times.... [emoji1]

If the stress of CRUISING on ample amounts of test that keep you way above average anyway and you are feeling extremely insecure, well trust me, cuz I know from experience, get some therapy or find a legitimate way to figure yourself out. Until you do, you're holding yourself back in the gym, relationships, career and life. It's a mental addiction that needs to be addressed.

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yup yup
getting out of your own fucked up head and personal insecurities is the ticket.

people find you much more likable when outgoing interactive and not obsessed with your own pettyness. lol

who knew!
imagine how you might feel sitting with some girl at dinner and her showing you like ow... i was so much prettier as a blonde.. or what ever blah blah superficial change there is.

for sure im not cured.
just keep clicking my heels!
:headbang:

 

[maldorf]

250 test a week is like, 2.5 times more than what you'd need on a trt dose.
you'll definitely keep gains on that, depending where it puts your test levels.
studies show that amount builds muscle on guys who dont even work out.
for me i go from 100 to 250 a week and for sure i see a difference.

I agree! My first cycle was 250/wk on Watson Cyp. I believe I put on about 10 quality pounds just using that for about 8 weeks. It is more than enough to look enhanced.