Girlfriend Eating Disorder + Depression

[Deleted member 106824]

I would definitely recommend going to a counselor. Definitely want to treat the root issue whether it is a dramatic life event that shaped her current issues, or find out why her issues are being manifested. I think medication would only be a band-aid and an easy way to fix things. I have done counseling and it has worked wonders for me. My mom had eating disorders, among other issues, and they tossed meds at her. It did absolutely nothing but create more issues for her, and her original issue was only being masked..

Thanks for the input. It seems some people are very anti-medication and other's say they were a godsend for them. We will have to see how things play out but I'd like to start with counseling first.

I think she is getting quite stressed/worn out from grad school too. I just spent 40min on the phone with her and it was the most dull/lifeless conversation, I could just tell she wasn't the same person inside as she was before. She has a lot of sick patients in her rotations right now, not sure if being around sad/unhealthy people could at all be contributing.

 

[jlm25]

Thanks for the input. It seems some people are very anti-medication and other's say they were a godsend for them. We will have to see how things play out but I'd like to start with counseling first.

I think she is getting quite stressed/worn out from grad school too. I just spent 40min on the phone with her and it was the most dull/lifeless conversation, I could just tell she wasn't the same person inside as she was before. She has a lot of sick patients in her rotations right now, not sure if being around sad/unhealthy people could at all be contributing.

It definitely can be contributing, but with women, there is always an underlying reason. Medication can be used to help, but I do not like it as the first option. There is always a side effect to a medication, that is often treated with another medication. Slippery slope without a doubt. I really hope for the best. You seem like a good guy helping her through this. Please, let us know how it goes..

 

[Deleted member 106824]

It definitely can be contributing, but with women, there is always an underlying reason. Medication can be used to help, but I do not like it as the first option. There is always a side effect to a medication, that is often treated with another medication. Slippery slope without a doubt. I really hope for the best. You seem like a good guy helping her through this. Please, let us know how it goes..

Thanks, I'm praying for her.

She called me tonight and right away sounded upset/low. Apparently today was a bad day in clinic. I asked her if her mindset right now was more that this is a helpless situation and she feels lost, or if she feels like it will just be a matter of time until we find the solution and get her the right treatment. She said more so the former

I'm trying not to get super involved with the probing, as I've had some people mention it can be unproductive or even hurt things, and that a counselor/therapist is who she should talk to. But I did previously have her take these two little tests to test for limbic system issues and pre-frontal cortex issues and she scored high on the limbic system test (feelings of sadness, low energy, excessive guilt, low interest in things usually considered fun, low self esteem, forgetfulness, poor concentration, feeling overwhelmed by the tasks of daily living, lacking confidence in one's abilities) and moderately high in PFC issues (inability to give close attention to detail, trouble sustaining attention in routine situations, trouble listening, distractability, difficulty expressions feelings and emotions). She says she started noticing things more starting about a year ago, and I would say that's more or less when I started noticing a change in her as well.

 

[Dyr611]

I can relate, my fiance is also in recovery for bullemia and depression/suicidal ideation/etc. Everyone's different and there's no universal formula for recovery but what works for her is seeing a therapist, taking antidepressants, and just recently I got her to start hitting Narcotics Anonymous meetings with me. Drugs aren't a part of her story but they are of mine and I think that finding a support group is the best thing anyone can do if they're struggling from alcoholism/drug addiction/compulsive gambling/eating disorders. She's found a few other women who also haven't struggled too much with drugs but still use the NA meetings and 12 steps to help with their eating disorder demons. Best of luck bro, it's a long road back, just try to stay patient, loving and understanding

 

[Deleted member 106824]

I can relate, my fiance is also in recovery for bullemia and depression/suicidal ideation/etc. Everyone's different and there's no universal formula for recovery but what works for her is seeing a therapist, taking antidepressants, and just recently I got her to start hitting Narcotics Anonymous meetings with me. Drugs aren't a part of her story but they are of mine and I think that finding a support group is the best thing anyone can do if they're struggling from alcoholism/drug addiction/compulsive gambling/eating disorders. She's found a few other women who also haven't struggled too much with drugs but still use the NA meetings and 12 steps to help with their eating disorder demons. Best of luck bro, it's a long road back, just try to stay patient, loving and understanding

How is she doing compared to before the therapist and antidepressants? Do those two forms of treatment get her to the point of seeming mostly "normal" or does she still have noticeable issues?

I spent this past weekend with my gf (she's living in another state at the moment)...she seemed good. It was a generally good weekend, she didn't seem too low, more or less her old self. I know that she is still feeling low but during our time together it seemed ok.

When we talked Thursday on the phone though, the night before I came to visit, she was half crying and apparently she had another 'incident' after not doing so for a few months. Tried to comfort her as well as I could but obviously the issue is still there at the core of it all.

 

[Dyr611]

Before she started seeing a therapist and taking meds it was brutal. I could see every one of her ribs, her spine popped out of her back, shed randomly pass out, etc. Those two things plus a desire to change helped her to a point but then she just kind of plateaued in recovery, she wasn't getting better or worse for about 2 years. She was healthy and didn't use her behaviors but she was still very messed up in the head and had emotional breakdowns frequently. Meds and therapy are a start but the love and support of people going through the recovery process is what really made a difference. Check out some organizations like NEDA (national eating disorders association), they have resources like support groups and information for people in recovery and family members.
If you're familiar at all with drug addiction it helps to draw a parallel- I'm a former junkie, if I just saw a therapist once a week and went on Suboxone/methadone I might stay clean, I might not, but even if I do manage to stop using I'll still be a junkie just without the dope. To move past all that stuff (in eating disorders and drug/alcohol addiction) we need to recognize that there is no medical solution for what is a physical, mental and spiritual illness. I think in that regard you can't beat a 12 step program, it's just a matter of finding the right one for your girl. This isn't going to be an overnight thing, this will be a part of her life until death and yours for as long as you're with her, there is no "cure", only recovery. Through work and time and with support she can reach a point where she doesn't use behaviors and may not even think about her disease or have it effect her in her daily life but it will always be there, just waiting for a momentary lapse of judgement.

 

[Dyr611]

To clarify, I meant that there is no medical solution, but going on meds and seeing a therapist can certainly help a lot, I just don't think they should be the primary focus in recovery. I hope some of what I've said helps, if you want you can feel free to PM me, one thing I'd say you're both doing right is that she really shouldn't be competing right now, I'd imagine that would be very triggering. Just stay supportive, stay positive and do your best to educate yourself about her disease, the better grasp you have of what she's going through, the better you'll be able to support her.

 

[Deleted member 106824]

To clarify, I meant that there is no medical solution, but going on meds and seeing a therapist can certainly help a lot, I just don't think they should be the primary focus in recovery. I hope some of what I've said helps, if you want you can feel free to PM me, one thing I'd say you're both doing right is that she really shouldn't be competing right now, I'd imagine that would be very triggering. Just stay supportive, stay positive and do your best to educate yourself about her disease, the better grasp you have of what she's going through, the better you'll be able to support her.

Thank you for all of the info. We will have to find the right therapist / groups for her support.

I do have some grasp on it, but not entirely. I definitely have some body image issues. I used to make myself throw up, but as I think I mentioned earlier in the thread it wasn't really in the sense of typical bulimia...it was because I ate so much I was in pain so I threw up to get rid of that. And that was just on cheat days, so not really the same thing.

 

[chemjr]

As someone who has dealt with a lot of what's being spoken of, myself or otherwise, and all I can say is drugs may help- like cannabis, kratom, ssri's, anxiety meds, etc- I feel personally that a Good therapist will help.
Here's the catch- Finding a Good one! I searched for 10 yrs before I found one that helped a lot, and meds just helped me hang on. Best of luck and research your local area psych's on the Web and hopefully that'll get her into the correct person who can help.
Ps- usually you spend at least a few weeks regurgitating the painfully obvious. It's all part of the process. I'd say go off gut instinct and go from there. Best of luck.

 

[Deleted member 106824]

As someone who has dealt with a lot of what's being spoken of, myself or otherwise, and all I can say is drugs may help- like cannabis, kratom, ssri's, anxiety meds, etc- I feel personally that a Good therapist will help.
Here's the catch- Finding a Good one! I searched for 10 yrs before I found one that helped a lot, and meds just helped me hang on. Best of luck and research your local area psych's on the Web and hopefully that'll get her into the correct person who can help.
Ps- usually you spend at least a few weeks regurgitating the painfully obvious. It's all part of the process. I'd say go off gut instinct and go from there. Best of luck.

Thanks for the advice

Definitely an intimidating process. I feel like there is some formula to make her feel better again, but it will be difficult to find it. I can definitely see her getting very low in the future like postpartum depression, feeling low after various stages of life, etc