has anybody had success with marriage counceling?

[abolish the weak]

I never saw myself as the type of guy to do something like this, but right now I'm open to anything. I've had friends tell me that it really worked well for them, I'm just thinking that maybe if we had a professional mediary between us we could talk and it would not blow up. She is dealing with a lot of depression and post pregnancy depardom(I think thats what its called) I seem to have a habit of saying shit I shouldn't and things that are hurtful, things i wish I hadn;t said that I cant just take back. anyways, anyone had success with this sort of thing? Will insurance cover it?

 

[EVERLAST]

counseling...

It can give you an insight into yourself that you may never get otherwise...
A counselor can see things from outside. It makes it easier to fix than looking at your own problems.
Work on not just blurting out the first thing that comes to mind. THINK FIRST!
then speak. It will seem odd at first, but the experts say if you want to get respect and be heard...slow down. Move and speak more slowly. Dont get ridiculous but a two or three second pause is enough to think about it and not piss people off or appear insensitive to her depression. So pausing before speaking lets you think, and get your listener ready to hear.
Try it out at work and see if its not true.
Then try to get a good counselor and HAVE AN OPEN MIND.
Some of it may just be you not knowing the right techniques to "hear her"
Sometimes they dont want a fix, just someone to "hear" them.
I know it's odd...just roll with it. I always wanted to "fix" and that made one of my ex's nuts because she thought of it as trying to control her...WTF... I was just trying to HELP her.
NOT what she wanted.
She just wanted me to listen and "validate her feelings". OH!!!! is that all...hell... I can do that easy. Just listen and then say, "I can understand how you feel" BUT you have to listen and then mean it when you say it.

Its just a matter of having the right skill sets.

 

[notsobig32]

I agree 110% with everlast(as usual). For me marriage counseling taught me a lot about myself and what it is that drives me and causes me to act the way i do in some situations. I think that it definitely helped me to become a better communicator in almost all facets of my life.

As far as saving a marriage, counseling takes both people wanting to work towards that goal and there not being so much damage done in the relationship that you cannot overcome it.

It is worth a try abolish, and if nothing else, look at it as investment in yourself. You will definitely better understand yourself if you go in there with an open mind.

 

[hawkmoon]

I think the key to marriage counseling is both partners sincerely wanting to go and work things out. You can learn a lot about yourself, and your partner.

 

[abolish the weak]

thanx guys, we talked about councelling last night and I think we are going to see someone. Too many knock down, drag out fights lately. I had a suitcase packed and in my truck yesterday, it came that close to being over with. My problem is I'm verbally abusive, I say things that are hurtful and later I realize that. Yea, it aint just her I need some help myself. I realize that much at least. I think insurance covers councelling, I'm going to look into it, thanx again

 

[RexHead]

I think insurance covers councelling, I'm going to look into it, thanx again

Even if insurance doesn't cover it, counseling is SO MUCH cheaper then a divorse. Give it a few sessions and see what happens.

My wife and I do it. It has really helped us communicate better. You typically leave the sessions feeling better and with some tips to work on your relationship. It's also a fair playing field to bring up things that have been bothering you. I used to let things build up and then explode. I now try to bring them up when they happen or at most wait to our next session if it's a sensative subject and I don't think I can effectively communicate it (like my wife's weight).

My wife and I both have some personality traits that are hard to break and we see counselers individually also.

 

[EVERLAST]

everybody should go...

I think that all people have something they could work on.
Verbal abuse is a BAD thing. "talking doesn't hurt" so I can blow up and I feel better, right? Nope. The shit you spew doesn't go away it infects and contaminates the whole of your life. It permeates the walls and gets into the drapes. You deal with the residue until it gets bad enough that somebody has to leave...You need it out of your life as much as she does.

Go get that took care of.
Go to work on you.

Once you are good it will be easier to work on the two of you stuff.
Anger is the key to your problem.
Learn to master that.

think of it as a lagging bodypart.
You would never accept weakness like that right?
You would work on it and bring it up, or die right?

This is more important than that...

 

[Gators]

I paid for 3 yrs of counseling out of pocket, now that i'm divorced, i wish i had that $ back, my ex refused to work on herself, so unless both of you sincerely want to work it out, it won't help much. Good luck though, i know plenty that it saved their marriage, so absolutely it won't hurt, and just might be the ticket. I'll forewarn you, you'll get blasted for being verbally abusive, so get ready

 

[triathloncoach]

Verbally Abusive

This may be just my behavior:

Watch DVDs = Verbal Abuse

 

[EVERLAST]

yes...

Yeah my marriage counseling did NOT save my marriage.
(thank God...)
If you are in a "terminally ill" relationship...
counseling will only confirm the diagnosis.
In cases like that well...they shoot lame horses right?

As far as saving the marriage yes both BOTH have to work at it.
As far as getting some help with that verbal abuse thing, then hell... it's you! dude... go fix it.
Next chick will be sooo happy and so will you...

I did get alot of insights into my issues.
I learned alot about me.

 

[whiteknucks]

This may be just my behavior:

Watch DVDs = Verbal Abuse

dbol= cheating...or wanting too.

it cant hurt to try a counselor. women get better after the post pardom also, so that will get better. try complimenting her for no reason everyother day and see if her whole attitude changes. women are very simple if you can figure them out........hahaha... good luck

 

[MissyM]

It helps my wife communicate. I don't have any trouble saying what is on my mind.

 

[marilyn]

well

I dont have too much to add because you have received some really good advise as to moving forward with counselling.....

I will however say, if you are verbally abusive to the one you love, you will or may already have caused severe damage that may take a long time to repair.... one, or two sessions may not be enough if this has gone on for a while.....but if you are both open to working on it, and you both have to be, it may work....the message, be very patient and open.