hi everyone new here alittle about me..

LIVING2DIE1981 · Apr 9, 2013

I have been bodybuilding seriously for 2years. I am 34 years old. I have had a eating disorder from the age of 16 on and off until I was 21. I was 100lbs at my lightest I am 5'7 and have a big frame so if you could imagine I was just skin and bones. I grew up with my grandparents my father was in jail since I was 6 years old and my mom moved out with her boyfriend at the time. When I was 13-15 I lost 3 of my grandparents so my anorexia was diagnosed from not being able to deal with the loss and the control over my food was conforting to me no matter how much damage it was doing to me because it was the only thing I could control. Needless to say I lost 7 years of my life to this disease and I do not even remember much. I still see a councellor to talk about this devistating circumstance but its hard for me to remember anything in those years of my life which made it difficult for me to even remember any education. Not to mention my sex drive which was at zero and my blood work came back with testosterone at 0. Not to mention that my body did not fully grow because i was so malnutritioned during puberty. The only thing that helped me get back into the real world was marijuana it made me less concerned about controlling my eating and just eat. I later found bodybuilding and got into it slowly but the discipline and dedication is good for me it keeps me occupied. I have alot of acquiantances but not many friends because I dont give them the time or open up to them. I have had 3 relationships in my life with woman but my innabilty to open up had drove them away. I dont regret any of my mistakes/choices in my life because I am a grown man and know it was me who made them. I am only going to try to live life to be as happy as possible. I have also bounced around from career to career once I get settled in Im already looking for another one. I dont have family besides my dad but he is not a great mentor with his sentence he will be in jail until he is in the ground. I dont have much passions in life but I do love building muscle and transforming my body in a positive way. My only downfall with this hobby is my marijuana use I am scared that if I stop I will become an emotional wreck and go back into the same patter. It is sad to say but I really feel this way.

That is the best description I can give of my self and that is by far the most I have told anyone but it is much easier when noone really knows who you are.

Thanks for listening

Incognito1 · Apr 9, 2013

Man all I can say is that I feel for you. Sounds like you have had a tough life!!! I heard a wise man once say this quote. I think it could help you out a little....
Success is not measured by what you accomplish, but by the opposition you have encountered, and the courage with which you have maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds.”

I think that you have done a big thing today by talking about your issues. It takes alot of courage. Weight training can be a great way of shifting focus from the negative in your life, into something rewarding. I hope you continue on your path with your training and eventually you may be able to have the strength to also give up the pot.
There are alot of people on this site that have struggled with addiction, myself included. There is even a thread on here members get together and help each other out. I encourage you to pop over and check it out. the thread link is....

http://www.professionalmuscle.com/forums/professional-muscle-forum/77737-life-support.html

Best wishes mate

FlexNyC · Apr 9, 2013

Hey my friend. I'm not one with words at all but great to see you here! Keep up the great work. Bodybuilding has saved many on here glad it's the same w you.

method2madness · Apr 9, 2013

Welcome to our community. Wishing you all the success with your bodybuilding and life goals. Your in the right place for the encouragement and support that you want/need.
Peace,
M2M

NinX · Apr 9, 2013

You have not had an easy life but you are here now and a ton of info and the BALLS to post your experience, Ya got my respect.

I wish you all the best.

NYMoto2012.

sma · Apr 9, 2013

Hi everyone I've been a food a nutrition manager for 3 months big company great pay but last two days I have been calling in sick and looking for another job . I don't know why I do this but I can't bring my self to go to this job anymore. Still in search of that job where I can be in a family type environment

Have a good day to all

way2tense · Apr 9, 2013

dont trip on the weed thing...shouldnt hold you back in the gym if your taking steroids.
i love pot.
but i gotta ask...
how are you passing drugs tests if your bouncing around from job to job?
oh and break up your sentences alittle...kinda hard to read that first post

LIVING2DIE1981 · Apr 9, 2013

sma said:
Hi everyone I've been a food a nutrition manager for 3 months big company great pay but last two days I have been calling in sick and looking for another job . I don't know why I do this but I can't bring my self to go to this job anymore. Still in search of that job where I can be in a family type environment

Have a good day to all

that is my problem as well once I get comfortable I look for something else to do. I feel like im never happy with whatever I do I am always much more happy with the chase.

WAY2TENSE > I have never had a drug test in my life. I know marijuana might not be that bad but i feel it is still a crutch of mine that I need to let go

Incognito1 · Apr 10, 2013

Training takes a lot of discipline buddy. Hopefully over time this discipline can carry over into your work life and set you on the right path.
What is it that you don't like about your previous jobs? Is it that you didn't feel welcome or felt alienated. Or was it more like the jobs didn't give you satisfaction.
I'm not for a second claiming to be a professional and I'm sure that there are better qualified people on this forum but maybe you need to de construct your thoughts to try to work out what upsets you with your work etc....
It's tough to ask these questions, but I've been in a bad state before. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

luckyone · Apr 10, 2013

Glad to have you join us. ProMuscle is the place to be. I am sorry for the rough times you have gone through but at 34 you can have many good years to make up for that. My advice would be to see a good mental health counseler if you are not already and to explore with your MD the possible use of psychotropic medication. Just my 2 cents worth of advise. I'll keep you in my prayers.

your brother in CHrist,

Lucky

geoff68 · Apr 10, 2013

Same boat here also

Good luck man on your journey. I myself am starting back also. I have been reading this site for awhile now and must say THERE IS A WEALTH OF KNOWLEDGE HERE!

lax23576 · Apr 10, 2013

LIVING2DIE1981 said:
I have been bodybuilding seriously for 2years. I am 34 years old. I have had a eating disorder from the age of 16 on and off until I was 21. I was 100lbs at my lightest I am 5'7 and have a big frame so if you could imagine I was just skin and bones. I grew up with my grandparents my father was in jail since I was 6 years old and my mom moved out with her boyfriend at the time. When I was 13-15 I lost 3 of my grandparents so my anorexia was diagnosed from not being able to deal with the loss and the control over my food was conforting to me no matter how much damage it was doing to me because it was the only thing I could control. Needless to say I lost 7 years of my life to this disease and I do not even remember much. I still see a councellor to talk about this devistating circumstance but its hard for me to remember anything in those years of my life which made it difficult for me to even remember any education. Not to mention my sex drive which was at zero and my blood work came back with testosterone at 0. Not to mention that my body did not fully grow because i was so malnutritioned during puberty. The only thing that helped me get back into the real world was marijuana it made me less concerned about controlling my eating and just eat. I later found bodybuilding and got into it slowly but the discipline and dedication is good for me it keeps me occupied. I have alot of acquiantances but not many friends because I dont give them the time or open up to them. I have had 3 relationships in my life with woman but my innabilty to open up had drove them away. I dont regret any of my mistakes/choices in my life because I am a grown man and know it was me who made them. I am only going to try to live life to be as happy as possible. I have also bounced around from career to career once I get settled in Im already looking for another one. I dont have family besides my dad but he is not a great mentor with his sentence he will be in jail until he is in the ground. I dont have much passions in life but I do love building muscle and transforming my body in a positive way. My only downfall with this hobby is my marijuana use I am scared that if I stop I will become an emotional wreck and go back into the same patter. It is sad to say but I really feel this way.

That is the best description I can give of my self and that is by far the most I have told anyone but it is much easier when noone really knows who you are.

Thanks for listening

Do you want to stop Smokin the ganja? Ever been to a self help meeting ? I myself wasted years of my life to drugs and alcohol. I didn't think I could ever get out of it. If there's a will, there's a way. We can do anything we put our minds to and we are the only ones holding ourselves back from anything in our lives. I am a firm believer in this.

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