how to live a new life

big c · Jul 17, 2011

I know im new here but ive seen the help and advice that people have given oneanother . I m just wondering if anyone has gone through the same change i have. I spent most of my life well the first 38 years living kind of rough . Now i have a wife and married into two kids, i have a huge family that ive never had before and lots of money. Everything that your suposted to do if your doing things the right way.....I feel like a caged animal is it normal to feel like this... i guess this is stupid to ask a bunch of strangers .maybe my old friend Jason will see this and give me one of those old pep talks like back in the day ... Jason, iabadman, hit me up

1badboy · Jul 17, 2011

J might be needing a pep talk too right now- you should hit him up with a PM as it might brighten his day... just sayin'

AJW91 · Jul 18, 2011

If you're not happy with your life, then why don't you change the things about it that you don't like?

Amazon Doll · Jul 18, 2011

While you are in that cage or slowed down by that 'ol ball and chain.......take some time to learn grammar, sentence structure and punctuation.

Juiceboy44 · Jul 18, 2011

Hey bro, this is Jay.
Be thankfull for where you are and what you have in life.
Others have it much worst, especially in this bad economy.
Why do you feel caged or trapper?
Is someone or something holding you back from doing the things you enjoy?
Are those things positive or negative and would you want to go back to the way life was before you got married?

triathloncoach · Jul 18, 2011

You perfectly expressed the cliche mid life crisis. Join the club.

Maybe you need chaos to be happy. So you are in big trouble.

Wishing you and your family the best my kindred spirit. Be smart. There are real consequences lurking out there.

Steem · Jul 18, 2011

Things that you mentioned are very materialistic.

To be in the harmony with yourself you have to be wealthy both materially and spiritually. What bothers you is spiritual side - or the true you. You can figure it out. Meditation is known in helping to find inner peace and harmony, finding true self, knowing yourself is the greatest thing that one can achieve.

Trip to Asia might help, see the other part of the world, see different angles of life.

Read some good books:

Osho writings

The Way Of the Superior Man by David Deida

The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

These are just a few... there are much more great reads about self growth.

big c · Jul 19, 2011

Amazon Doll said:
While you are in that cage or slowed down by that 'ol ball and chain.......take some time to learn grammar, sentence structure and punctuation.

yeah not my strong point

big c · Jul 19, 2011

thanks good advice all good points to work on

rock75 · Jul 19, 2011

Bro, i've had a revelation recently - nothing in life is worth losing your wife and kids over - NOTHING!!!! If you are unhappy in your marriage, seek counseling - if that doesn't work then go your separate ways but don't tarnish or ruin your marriage.

jasonleonard · Jul 19, 2011

I too am 38 with a wife and two kids.

I was in a similar situation. I had a wild wild life like many of us out there. Nothing would hold me back from doing ANYTHING I wanted.

In my marriage, I too felt the same way as you currently do.

Now rewind to May of 2010, the Flash Crash. That wiped me out of millions. Everything we had and just a bit more.

Sold the house, no more trips, fancy cars....etc... Now we clip coupons, wish we could have grass-fed beef, free range eggs. The people that get that are our kids

It has been the most humbling experience in all my life. There's no longing ever for what I enjoyed in the pre-marriage past lifestyle. I am ever-closer to my wife and children and always will be.

Strip yourself of EVERYTHING YOU AND YOUR FAMILY have, except each other and the ESSENTIALS, for a month and see how you're handling your current new life.

Deepsouth · Jul 20, 2011

This quote was given to me long ago by my Pastor and I say it regularly-
"The value of a man is not measured by the dollar amount of the things he has, but rather by the things he has money cannot buy"

Poleshaker · Jul 20, 2011

I can relate

I to had a rough time until I was in my late 20's early 30's. Took me until I was 35 to lose that feeling you describe and I had to do a few things first. Alcohol and drugs dont help the issues. If thats part of it they gotta go. In my case it was so I learned to live clean. It took the grace of God and the love of a good woman to facilitate this. I made 1 good decision at a time and learned new ways to live that didnt mean chasing skirts, drinking, and wasting my time and money. Soon good decisions stack up and become good habits. I became very comfortable and stable in my life. I became addicted to fitness and really it was always a part of my life but now it really keeps those anxious feelings at bay sometimes. I still have urges sometimes and have to get away but not destructive to myself or family.
Work your way through it and you will be surprised. Do the rite thing every chance u get in all areas. Be honest and trustworthy. Good things will fall rite in line. Im very happy and comfortable and couldve been long before now had I got my shit together.
Feel free to PM me if you ever want to BS.

RRR · Jul 20, 2011

ericraven2003 · Jul 20, 2011

jasonleonard said:
I too am 38 with a wife and two kids.

I was in a similar situation. I had a wild wild life like many of us out there. Nothing would hold me back from doing ANYTHING I wanted.

In my marriage, I too felt the same way as you currently do.

Now rewind to May of 2010, the Flash Crash. That wiped me out of millions. Everything we had and just a bit more.

Sold the house, no more trips, fancy cars....etc... Now we clip coupons, wish we could have grass-fed beef, free range eggs. The people that get that are our kids

It has been the most humbling experience in all my life. There's no longing ever for what I enjoyed in the pre-marriage past lifestyle. I am ever-closer to my wife and children and always will be.

Strip yourself of EVERYTHING YOU AND YOUR FAMILY have, except each other and the ESSENTIALS, for a month and see how you're handling your current new life.

Good post. Same with me. It took the market crash of real estate that took away the easy, big money to make me see how important my wife and kids were. Thank God she gave me another chance.

Hopefully I will make the big money again, since it would make things easier for them, but I wouldn't give up the relationship we have now for nothing.

WarMuffin · Jul 21, 2011

Good advice from everyone. When everything goes to hell, who do you fall back on?

I just got a Facebook message from the sister of a friend of mine who died 20 years ago. His birthday is tomorrow, and she asked if I, their mom and dad and some other old friends of his could meet at the cemetary where he is buried, tomorrow evening. She would like us to bring a helium baloon to release, forty in all, for his fortyith birthday.
I feel this is only relevant because I can only think of being a parent myself and what if I lost my son at such a young age? Any feelings I have of being caged are meaningless in the larger picture. I am a very small piece of my family unit that I helped create, that I am responsible for. My family is my life, I hope you can find a way to be happy and proud of yours.

BTW, I am 38 married with two kids also, bro. It's normal to feel this way, but you can't be young and wild forever. If you try, you will end up alone and miserable. Look into the Masons, they have a pretty good message.

PeterBobJohn · Jul 21, 2011

i have to add my brief story of my life
Had child at 24 with girlfriend, finished my BA the next year then went to law school, got out in $100,000 in debt and a law degree.
did a year of personaal injury, went to private sector then out again,
did some crazy deals, made tons of money and then woopss....got indicted!!!
and lost everything but the house
I fought for 4 years and then it was resolved favorably but only because we fought hard!
had 4 kids in the interim and got married to same woman.
just filed divorce 4 months ago, left her in beautiful home with beautiful kids and moved intio apartment
have girlfriend now who is 8 years older
just today I saw how much the divorce has hurt the kids and my wife, who I still love, I realized I was so stressed out from fight with the govt that I ended up running away.
well I am home now, today is the first day.
I have nice house, hot wife, 4 beautiful children and a job paying six figures with percs a plenty, bought my new car and my wifes as well, as bonuses. I landed on my feet.
I was facing 10 years in FPC 4 years ago and now I am truly blessed!!!!!,,
it isnt easy there are a lot of bad memories, trial, depositions, govt agents harassing me, realy changed me into a cynical almost paranoid person.

that is me!