How to stop compere myself to others

Johan · Jan 21, 2005

In all areas of live I have hits IMMENSE drive to become the best. Not that that is a bad thing. But what is bad is that I get horribly depressed when Im not the best. I constantly compere myself to the best and feel like utter shit.
This concerns everypart of my life not only lifting(acctualy lifting is the area in life where Im the least concerned about beeing the best, all I care about there is improving myself not compete with others).
Its like if Im gonna date a girl and she sometimes tells me of some great guy she meet in the past I imidietly feel like shit cause I deep down think I will never compere to that guy.
If I talk to some chick about sex and she tells me about some wonderfull sexual experience she has had with some sex machine I feel horribly bad cause It feels like Il never be that good.
If I want to date someone and I know they have dated a guy before me that was in awsome physical shape I feel realy bad about myself.

This is realy draining me horribly, totaly. I get obsessed when I hear someone is better then me. Today for example I was talking to a 41 year old fuck buddy about sex and she told me about this guy that have total control on when he want to ejaculate. That made me feel realy bad cause I dont have much sexual experience yet and havent learned that trick. Now Il ALWAYS think about that in the back of my head when Im nailing her. It doesnt matter that she has said to me Im one of the best shes ever been with. Because if I know that Im less then the best in just ONE WAY thats all I obsess about. Usualy the only way for me to get rid of the obsessions is to become the best or one of the best. But I cant possibly become the best in all ways so how the fuck do I get rid of this urge to compere myself to others that are better then me?

I have a history of sever depressions(suicide attempts), social anxiety(havent gotten rid if it yet), phone phobia, warped sense of self worth and so on so this particular issue I dont want to deal with right now

I cant get any help from any shrink either. If I dont dish out 70bucks/hour and that I cant afford in my wildest dreams.

GerryT · Jan 21, 2005

It is very difficult to do this, but the day when you turn your focus inward and just strive to be the best you can be will be the day things turn around.

We cannot control what other people do, only what we do. I have coached several competitors in their presentation posing and this is the advice I give them: Just worry about yourself. If you are in your best shape and did all your homewrok, then you cannot ask more. You won no matter what the judges say. You can only control what you do, and worrying about others will only bring on anxiety and depression. And this applies to everything in life as well.

There are probably people thinking that if they could only be as good as you.
None of can do everything perfectly. We all have different strengths and weaknesses. Find and exploit your strengths and do the best to improve your weaknesses.

You can't change past history. Worrying about a girl's past boyfriends is just an exercise in futility. Live for the day and be your own good person.

Sigmund Roid · Jan 22, 2005

Thats sounds rough!

We all do that to some extent. Imagine if we all let ourselves begin to feel badly if we didn't drive expensive sports cars like Big A or have muscles as large as Ronnie Coleman!

GerryT: I agree....we can only control two things our thoughts and our behavior! We can't control the thoughts or actions of others, it is a waste of time to try.

How to avoid this pitfall? I would set up a plan of homework assignments. For example, make a list of things you have done well each day. Make positive self statements and repeat them. Work on the self defeating self statements and actively call bullshit on them!

Your selfstatement: I must be the best lover my partner has ever had or I am worthless!

Positive self statement: I may not be the absolute best lover at all times but I am still a very good lover. I have worth because I am also a good student, a great son and a hard worker!

These exercises sound lame but they work and as hard as you work telling yourself negative things....wouldn't it make sense to counter all that crap with some positive 'self talk'? I think so brother! For more self help exercises go to the book store and buy the book "HOW TO KEEP YOUR SELF FROM BEING MISERABLE ABOUT ANYTHING...YES ANYTHING!" BY ALBERT ELLIS. It will cost you about 15 dollars instead of 70$ per visit. I bought it and it gives you self help assignments. It is a good book.

Johan · Jan 23, 2005

Thanks bro's..

Trying real hard to kill of all negative thoughts but its hell. The thought patterns have had many many years to develop so I guess I wont get rid of them right away.

Have started meditating though and it seems to work. It has cured my insomnia

Thunder · Jan 24, 2005

That is not healthy. No matter what, you will always find someone better than you at whatever you do. That is just the way humanity is. You cannot compare yourself to others all the time, because realistically you will never be able to be better than everyone at everything as it simply cannot happen.
And you will always find people better than you so then you will always feel depressed.

Just look on this board and let's use Big A as an example.
The guy owns a few big time companies. He lives in a nice ass house. His hobby is collecting and racing supercars! At last count, he had two Lotus Esprits, a Lambo and a convertible Ferrari.
Not only that, but he has as close as a perfect fiancee as you can get, he's an established author and he has accomplished what most of us here try and hope for and that is to become an IFBB pro.
Now he has his autobiography being published and he has only just turned 30! Hell, I am much older than him and I haven't even written my first chapter of my biography yet!
Are you going to compare yourself to that? Shit, I myself get depressed now that I am typing all this. But that is life, there will always be people out there that have done better than you or me or even Big A.
If you constantly try to outdo everyone, you will burn down very quickly and you will die a sad bitter man.

Dave_19 · Feb 10, 2005

I think this is a genetic problem I have it also. As said earlier thier is always going to be someone better then you at something this applys to everyone in the world, just remeber how many billions of people are in this world dont feel bad, if your better then average at it, then your better then millions, accept this. its hard to just get over this.. but you can learn to cope with it better. just try to compete always with yourself, see improvement as an acomplishment, not being supperior..

Johan said:
In all areas of live I have hits IMMENSE drive to become the best. Not that that is a bad thing. But what is bad is that I get horribly depressed when Im not the best. I constantly compere myself to the best and feel like utter shit.
This concerns everypart of my life not only lifting(acctualy lifting is the area in life where Im the least concerned about beeing the best, all I care about there is improving myself not compete with others).
Its like if Im gonna date a girl and she sometimes tells me of some great guy she meet in the past I imidietly feel like shit cause I deep down think I will never compere to that guy.
If I talk to some chick about sex and she tells me about some wonderfull sexual experience she has had with some sex machine I feel horribly bad cause It feels like Il never be that good.
If I want to date someone and I know they have dated a guy before me that was in awsome physical shape I feel realy bad about myself.

This is realy draining me horribly, totaly. I get obsessed when I hear someone is better then me. Today for example I was talking to a 41 year old fuck buddy about sex and she told me about this guy that have total control on when he want to ejaculate. That made me feel realy bad cause I dont have much sexual experience yet and havent learned that trick. Now Il ALWAYS think about that in the back of my head when Im nailing her. It doesnt matter that she has said to me Im one of the best shes ever been with. Because if I know that Im less then the best in just ONE WAY thats all I obsess about. Usualy the only way for me to get rid of the obsessions is to become the best or one of the best. But I cant possibly become the best in all ways so how the fuck do I get rid of this urge to compere myself to others that are better then me?

I have a history of sever depressions(suicide attempts), social anxiety(havent gotten rid if it yet), phone phobia, warped sense of self worth and so on so this particular issue I dont want to deal with right now I cant get any help from any shrink either. If I dont dish out 70bucks/hour and that I cant afford in my wildest dreams.