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i am almost ready to reurn to PM

Tony you have come a long way in such a short time, which really means that from denial to acceptance is a long road and you took it.

I would like to share this with you and you may want to copy and print this and keep it with you.

Serenity Prayer
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Tony what you posted is all covered in this prayer. The hardest part is to know the difference of what you did and what you can do.

Take things slow step out of self if you feel you are trying to control everything and listen to those trying to help you. When things get gloomy say this prayer as it should get you back in focus of what needs to be done which is your recovery.

God Speed to you my friend and my prayers go out to you, Marilyn and the children may peace and serenity be found and had by all of you.

BTW, welcome back to your internet family.
 
Tony, You will get through this and come out of the tunnel a better and happier man. I don't know what you did to your wife to cause the split but one thing I do know is that people CAN change if they want to and you really seem to want it.

Don't give up the fight and don't give up on your marriage just yet, you still have a lot going for you and she may decide to give you another chance once she can see that you are changing.
 
For some of us, the hardest goal in life is to take what's in our heart and put it in our head.
Stay up brother.
 
Don't be too hard on yourself...

You are just a man. I have made many of the same mistakes and will continue to make mistakes. I can tell from what you have written that you are a caring father and a good man.

Flaws are what make us human. I think you sound logical and are doing the responsible thing right now. I think good things are in store for you brother.

Even though I have never really talked to you, I have enjoyed reading your posts and have much respect for you.

Good luck to you and peace to you and your family!

Emery
 
Well bro..i sincerely hope you have grown from these obstacles you have had come your way.

..admitting to having these "emotional problems" etc. and criticizing myself and many others on here in a pretty disrespectful way in the past is pretty interesting to me..Dude you are on a bodybuilding board and have been more successful than most and you should be a role model for some of the younger members especially.

I hope you come back and continue to contribute. You have alot of knowledge and hopefully you can conquer any of these emotional demons.
And I sincerely hope everything works out with your personal life man.

Best of luck in whatever you do
RJ
 
Tony, nice to have you back. Be the best dad and supporter(ex husband) you can be. And life will toss you a golden bone for sure brother. I hope all works out for you my friend.
 
First step to recovery is realizing your flaws. You know something bud,
We all have defects that can be fixed as long as the desire is there.
Your a smart man Tony, I'm sure you know what to do.
 
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much respect for coming here and airing your laundry to a group of strangers. i mean we are all brothers on a bookmarked page but most of the people on here you will never actually meet in person and all we know about one another is what wee allow others to see in our words. so i give you credit for your honesty.

i was a bit thrown by how you went from talking to candidly about these awful things and this tragedy that has caused insane amounts of pain and ruined not only friendships but also a marriage and seriously damaged young children who had to witness it, then you slid right into your bodyfat testing?!?!? i am going to be straight and get flamed by your supportors probably here but dont you think its time to stop worrying about your bodyfat and your muscles for a little bit and work on your inner demons? concentrate on the things that have RUINED your life first. im not saying give up bodybuilding or anything. but everyone here is well aware of the pressure, stress, anxiety, discomfort that training for a show and dietting for a show can put on you. if you are trying to go outside your comfort zone and change who and what you are then perhaps it isnt wise to put yourself through such difficult things on the road to recovery.

I dont know. i dont mean to sound rude or ignorant. i dont know you like the others here do. but as i read it it was like "i ruined my life. i ruined marilyns life. i destroyed my marriage. i hurt my relationship with my children who watched me abuse their mother. i lost my home. i have no car. i live back home with mom. but hey i got less than 10% bodyfat and im going to compete!!!"

see what i mean? anyway, thats just my opinion which since you posted on a message board you must be open to hearing. doesnt mean i dont respect what you just did. it took serious balls to admit it all. you just took step one. the rest are far easier. its the first one that is hardest.

Good post. I agree here. I was surprised by that part of your post too. In my mind, the last thing you should be worried about is your performance in bodybuilding. I think that your energies should be directed at other areas of your life. Noway should you give up bodybuilding, but dont let it be overly important in your life.
I know for me personally, the more stress I was under the more I would rely on bodybuillding as an outlet. Sometimes is gets to the point where its not healthy and other areas of your life degrade. Personally, I would take off at least an entire month or more from lifting. Spend the time you would normally at the gym doing something else in your life. Discover other things in life that give you pleasure, satisfaction.
I just read how youre seeing your children a lot and doing those things you need to do to heal. Sounds like youre doing well. I went through a divorce once, but I was only married 2 years and had no kids. She had an affair and fell in love with another man, and that was a very hard time in my life. I felt like I was walking around in a haze all of the time and I began to feel like it was all just a bad dream and I would wake up from it. That time in my life ranks up there with my heart attack as the worst time in my life.
Youre a strong guy mentally and physically and youre going to come out of all this a better man. You have shown us by making this post. That post took a lot of "guts". When I was going through my divorce I just withdrew and then later rebounded by going out and partying all the time and blew my master's degree and a full ride scholorship/assistantship.
 
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Look forward to you coming back

Aeliop,

A lot of people are saying focus on what is important etc. You do what it takes to get through this time and come out the other side a better person. As someone who has been through a few life changing events, you might need bodybuilding to be your stable point. You can only see your kids so much, see your therapist so frequently, etc so for me, in the spare time, bodybuilding filled the gap with a structured way of life that allowed me to regain self-confidence by constantly beating goals etc. I doubt you are letting it run your life but if it is helping you to stay focussed on getting better and fixing your life, pursue it as the hobby it is and take all the positives from it that you can. And honestly, as shallow as it is, the better you look to yourself, the better you will feel about yourself which will help you recover.

just my .02
 
you're not "almost ready". You wrote a thread, apparently you are ready
 
Update

I wanted to give an update on how things are going for me here in Jacksonville. I am having a really nice time with the kids and my Mom. We are spending a lot of time at the beach and the pool. My Mom has been wonderful and we have done a lot of old fashioned cooking in the kitchen wwith the kids, lots of laughter and love. Every morning at sunrise I take the dogs for a long walk on the beach. We have been staying up late watching movies and just hanging out.

My therapy today was very painful. My therapist is doing a lot of fact finding and she is getting into some really deep sensitive areas that have never been visited before. Todays session was almost like the movie The Exorcist. I dug deep, told someone things I have never told anyone before. I broke down and cried in the office, I clenched my fists, and I gritted my teeth. I left the office exhausted and sweaty. It was by no means a pleasant experience but I am ready to do whatever to fix myself once and for all and to become a productive human. Right now the most important thing in my life are these sessions and getting the assignments completed in between the sessions. I felt an instant connection with my therapist, I feel she gets me and I trust she can show me the way.
 
Tony it is refreshing to hear what you are posting as you are into YOUR recovery. You are no longer trying to control things and yes I know that it is hard but you are doing it which is to trust someone else with running things. Your therapist is getting you to let go of all your demons and skeletons from your past as to hide and keep anything will certainly come back to haunt you.

Good for you, you are doing it, keep at it as recovery is a life time thing, but you can do it. I for one am very proud of you.
 
All the best AP. You are fortunate be be allive to correct things to the best of your ability. Some people die in this state of thinking it was someone else who was the problem. If this is solved in the right manner (and not all therapists are good) you will be a much better person and you will enjoy you new wife and run things much differently, without going to deep into the Bible for when you may remarry and when not (3 reason for getting divorced and abuse is not one...well, in the new age they call it life over limb but I need someone to show me where that is statted in the Bible. And yes, you do have a mind to take action, but action in own hands? What about prayer? Belief?). Just something to think about in general.
(Not sure if you are a Christian and it got nothing to do with me)
 
Welcome back AP.

It takes a big man to admit to their flaws. We all have them and it takes a bigger man to address them and deal with them appropriately, which it sounds like you started taking the right steps to get back on track.

I wish you and your family the best.
 
Hey bro',an

This really brought a sober feeling within my heart. I have stood on stage with you and I had no idea you were going through so much. It pains me even more to know you and your wife cannot repair the marriage. I remember you introducing her to me at DJ show a few years ago. I know the stresses bodybuilding can also have on the marriage. My nephew, and you know who he is, was going through some similar issues with his marriage. I know you will return from this as a better man.

Although I am not a member down at World, for my own reasons, I hope we can one day get together to train. I am at Powerhouse and I love it there, beside there are more of them in Jacksonville than there are Walmarts.... Peace.
 

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