I am MENTAL from test, going to true HRT. need advice

[Thebigone]

Been on gear since I was 21 years old. I turn 30 this summer. The past few years its been a base of 500mg test with usually another compound and peptides/gh.

I recently got engaged and I have treated her so poorly. I cannot control my emotions. My ocd is bad and I was prescribed lexapro at 10mg. Worked wonders the first 2weeks then basically felt like it went away. Dr. bumped me to 20mg and same thing happened. Felt great for about a week and then I just lost it. Lately I have just been on 500mg test, 50mg proviron everyday and peptides/gh and he told me thats way too much test and when I get angry about something ocd related I cannot control my temper due to too much test. I naturally had anger issues as a kid so im sure the test can increase them. So the past 3weeks i bumped the test from 500mg to 400mg to slowly work my way down to a true hrt dose of 150mg test and i'd like to stay on 50mg proviron if possible. Maybe 25mg. i also use hcg at 250iu 3x per week b/c I want children in the future. Anyway its getting so bad now my fiance said if I have an outburst again she is leaving. I have said sorry so many times and I just continue to slip up and when I get angry I blow up. for example she posted something on facebook I didnt like so I took her laptop and basically ripped it in half. This isnt good. Do you think the test is causing me to lose control and possibly effect my lexapro? I want to lower it to 150mg and im just going to do that now.

So obviously the bodybuilder in me has some questions. i dont want to lose the way I look. When i went from 500mg to 400mg I didnt notice much but going down to 150mg I know things will change. Im still going to use 4iu gh per day with peptides b/c i know they cannot effect anger and it should help keep me lean but im just wondering how much of an impact lowering my test from 400mg/wk to 150mg/wk is going to have on me? How many calories do you suggest I take out to make up for it? Or maybe keep it the same and add some extra cardio? I'd like to do whatever I can to maintain how i currently look at around 5'11" 230lbs roughly %10 bodyfat. Thank you for your help.

 

[itrain]

seems like you have some quick temper issues which can be from testosterone useage..

I will tell you that I personally cannot function with test over 175mg HRT.. I get moody quick tempered, hot flashes, and do not feel well ,, (get colds, stomach flu too frequent)... However I can run any other compound in addition to this hrt dose without any side affect at all.. It took me many years to figure it out.. As far as appearance the only thing different would be intracellular muscle water retention so you will look alittle deflated... in terms of diet you can keep it the same and maybe dose 1 synthroid in the am along with your gh ... That "COULD" <<< COULD<<< (emphasis on COULD) be a solution to your problem.. another COULD simply be controlling your temper..

 

[carneasada]

I feel like 500 mg/wk should not be creating such sides. Not to sound abrasive but maybe you should seek some help with anger issues.
Good Luck bro.

 

[LATS]

yeah.. test is not for everyone in large doses.. anything over 300mgs a week and i get ed issues and even if it is estro related aromasin ect does nothing to help it.. so after decades i am now surrendering to 300 mgs max of test..

 

[Kaladryn]

Sounds like PMS, an AI should cure it, might lower the HCG frequency and/dosage also.

Remember, you can control yourself in EVERY situation, you CHOOSE not to, whether that choice is conscious or subconscious...

 

[mac83]

500mg is a hell of a dose to cruise at. in all seriousness see if your doc will prescribe you androgel or testim, they won't give you the same muscle building effects of the injectable product, but they will keep your levels much more stable. That stability should be a priority especially given the symptoms your expressing. As long as you've been that size for a while, and you continue to eat right and train you shouldn't drop that much size. You will probably lose some strength but unless you're a power lifter who cares..good luck

 

[Trenboxolone]

Testosterone does not create HUGE assholes, Insecurities do..

 

[1bigmofo]

in the bigger shceme of things...what do u want, maintianing ur current size, or having a possible wife that will care dearly for u. Not flaming bro, it just sounds like u need to do some sole searching. I am a big advocate of counseling too.

 

[Thebigone]

in the bigger shceme of things...what do u want, maintianing ur current size, or having a possible wife that will care dearly for u. Not flaming bro, it just sounds like u need to do some sole searching. I am a big advocate of counseling too.

I would sacrafice size for her in a second. I was just trying to see what I can do. Regaurdless if i can maintain it or not im definately lowering the dose.

Also is not estro related b/c I take .4mg adex everyday and my estro is always at around 30 and range is 0-49

 

[ohio9]

It doesn't sound like you're competing so like most of us, the whole point of this is to look better and feel better. Find cycles and doses that do both for you. We all respond different. You might just need to balance your AI better but you should try lowering your test as well. I spent years on high androgens but feel and look a lot better on low dose anabolics, a little test, along with GH and peptides.

 

[scrray]

I feel for you

not qualified to give you advice. my opinion is it starts in the head. counseling may do some good I'm not trying to judge you bro maybe our resident the could help you. might be a good thing to have someone with this type of experience and a medical background
lay it out for you. Good luck and take it lite. I have ruined my ability to have children after my first son. I got lucky I guess. I will say a prayer for you though

 

[TrenBrah]

Get some counseling bro, you sound like you just have an anger issue.

 

[notsonaturalANYMORE]

I can understand where you are coming from. But seriously look at why you are so angry. Not just hey I have a quick temper. There is a root to every evil lies deep in us.

When I was younger about ages 10-16 I was so angry and had high BP and kidney stones. My dad beat us pretty bad. One time I was yelling and screaming at my little brother and I was about to hit him (he was about 7 shame on me). I felt a hand on my shoulder. I looked back it was my dad , he pulled me off the ground by my hair and popped me twice in the face. As I lay on the ground I thought to myself why did I let myself become this. From then on I myself have controlled my rage.

You don't have a excuse to hurt people for any reason no matter what wrong was done to you.

Everytime you become angry detach your self and go to a happy place in your mind recall a special event in your life where you can't feel anything but happiness.

NO EXCUSES my friend.

 

[1bigmofo]

I would sacrafice size for her in a second. I was just trying to see what I can do. Regaurdless if i can maintain it or not im definately lowering the dose.

Also is not estro related b/c I take .4mg adex everyday and my estro is always at around 30 and range is 0-49

you can have it all. Proper diet, training properly, some HRT and the MISSES. You won't loose that much mass. I've been where u are, u may need some counseling...but i don't know u that well, but i promise you, it won't hurt.

 

[BFHammer]

Find a EFT(emotional freedom technique) practitioner near you. It's fast and effective. It's one thing that works even with vets with PTSD.

 

[Thebigone]

I do go to a physc and he said I have ocd over certain issues which cause me to dwell about them and then I can get extremely angry about them. He said my solution is lexapro to control the ocd and then the anger will go away but he told me if I keep my test too high and im already prone to anger then the lexapro will not do as good as it can and I can still have outrages. He suggested I go to hrt and not even mess with stuff like cabergoline as lexapro can already increase dopamine and with caber as well I can have too much dopamine which can cause one to go manic.

 

[1bigmofo]

I do go to a physc and he said I have ocd over certain issues which cause me to dwell about them and then I can get extremely angry about them. He said my solution is lexapro to control the ocd and then the anger will go away but he told me if I keep my test too high and im already prone to anger then the lexapro will not do as good as it can and I can still have outrages. He suggested I go to hrt and not even mess with stuff like cabergoline as lexapro can already increase dopamine and with caber as well I can have too much dopamine which can cause one to go manic.

Umm...Lexapro is not used for OCD. Typically Luvox is used.Ur also talking about 2 different issues bro. When u talk about mania thats an indicator of bi-polar, so im just trying to get clear which on it is.

 

[Thebigone]

Umm...Lexapro is not used for OCD. Typically Luvox is used.Ur also talking about 2 different issues bro. When u talk about mania thats an indicator of bi-polar, so im just trying to get clear which on it is.

Well here is my problem. I hate when she talks about ex boyfriends. we have discussed there is no talking about ex's. So she may say something one day about something and im like "who got that for you" "was it one of your fucking ex's" and i'll drill her for hours, sometimes days and i'll obsess over it until I get the answer I want to hear. And if I dont get the answer I want to hear I will go crazy and start screaming and yelling and breaking things. I've never layed a hand on her but I will be very verbally abusive and I want it to change. The lexapro seemed to work great for like a week but then just wore off, then when my dr up'd the dose it just wore off again a few weeks later. Now they put me on 30mg instead of 20mg and i've been on 30mg for maybe 2-3days now but blew up really bad today.

 

[Aliendogstar]

Well here is my problem. I hate when she talks about ex boyfriends. we have discussed there is no talking about ex's. So she may say something one day about something and im like "who got that for you" "was it one of your fucking ex's" and i'll drill her for hours, sometimes days and i'll obsess over it until I get the answer I want to hear. And if I dont get the answer I want to hear I will go crazy and start screaming and yelling and breaking things. I've never layed a hand on her but I will be very verbally abusive and I want it to change. The lexapro seemed to work great for like a week but then just wore off, then when my dr up'd the dose it just wore off again a few weeks later. Now they put me on 30mg instead of 20mg and i've been on 30mg for maybe 2-3days now but blew up really bad today.

Sounds like a scary place to live.

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[Aliendogstar]

Hope you get the help you need. Sounds like a volatile relationship. She has every right to walk out on you. Just because you don't lay hands on her, doesn't mean you're not engaging in abuse. Do yourself and her a favor and get help quick or you're going to cross a line you wish you hadn't. IMO, you already have.

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