My thoughts are with you brother
Gosh Brick, I cannot imagine what you are going through. You expressed your thoughts so beautifully. You put into words almost exactly what I have felt since heart failure but was unable to express so eloquently.
One thought that helped me through some tough times in regards to my thoughts concerning my family when things were pretty dire for me was this:
The odds of at least one bad thing happening to at least one person in my family or my close friends are pretty high over time. If something was going to happen to one of us, I picked me. I will carry the fight.
I don't know Brick, I guess it just helped me deal with things better. No one can walk this path for you, but you certainly have family and friends, (and us meatheads) to walk with you.
Day by day, step by step. That is how you got to where you are in life, and that is how you will get through this. When I am confronted with these life changing challenges, I try to find what I call "The Peace" in them. It is not a good description I guess, but it I know what I mean when a say it. From your first post on the subject I can see you are well on your way to finding "The Peace" in this among your battle.
PWood