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- Joined
- Dec 20, 2007
- Messages
- 578
SO i guess ill begin right where it started. OK so when i was young i was a chronic drug abuser being little (14-17) i thought drugs were the best thing since playstation at that age. well i thought i left that addiction years ago. a couple months ago at a buddies a blunt was going around and it was my birthday and i figured ya know what the heck why not happy birthday to me, i asked myself "ive been clean for years there is just no way tonight will be the end of me"............NEVER ASSUME. 2 months later chilling in some allley with some guy i dont even remember his name, 15lbs lighter, 15k poorer i realized i needed gods guidance one last time to get back on the road to greatness. i lost about 15 hard earned pounds these past couple months. when i made that phonecall to my girl tho i felt like this HUGE weight was lifted off of me because for the 1st time in my live i felt love through the phone, love turned out to be bigger and stronger than my addiction even tho it broke my heart to tell her everything that was happening. ive been clean about 3 days but have been vomiting daily and numerous times a day all i can manage to stomach is water i spike with glutamine (ANY OTHER TIPSS TO PRESERVING MUSCLE WHILE I DETOX BECAUSE I REALLY CANT STOMACH A THING). I pray to god I dont ever get off track again.
just to show you what drugs can do to ANYONE. let me give u an example of some pre addiction post addiction stats.
pre-
got promoted in my job
got a wonderful woman
eating my 7 meals a day
sleepin my 8 hrs
post -
lost my job
but i still got a wonderful woman
not eating
not sleeping
although the only real difference you see is my job, its a huge deal. my job was my life work and is very sad to be detached from what i love. but to be honest id rather be clean and homeless than have those dirty habbits every again. Luckily i have a very understanding beautiful woman, who is willing to fight this with me although i know she cant do this for me i gotta do this myself. maybe when the dust settles and i can honestly say i feel 100% i want to go to my job see if they are understanding as well i dont see why they wont. but has anyone else experianced what im going through. its been 3 days and this FINAL withdrawl is way worse than my first one.
the 1st day and a half i was out cold waking up every 6 hours to changes the sheets. now im up and hot and sweaty from head to toe BUT I FEEL LIKE IM IN A ICEBOX but i dont want covers on me,its like my body cant make up its mind. im sure you can tell by the words i choose and the way im talking things just arnt going to well right now. but i feel like i need to vent since me and my girl agreed not to live together while i battle this devil. because i told her i could never live with myself if i ever did something rude towards her or saying something mean when its just the withdrawl doing the talking. plus im a man and i know i can come clean i admit i have a problem and i cant go on living like this or else i just know a cofin is at the end of this road if i decide to continue to travel it which i DONT.
couple questions
what do you guys rec i try to eat in the mean time, because i really cant stomach anyyyything im trying to stay with a high fat and high protein low carb diet when i do eat because fats and protein are just easy to get down and dont feel so heavy in my stomach. but as of now nothing can be eatin. if it wasnt for the hrt dose ive been on i think i woulda lost A LOT more muscle. im sure give and take a few weeks my body will bounce back and i should be that charming polite guy i was before this mess. I feel the only i was gonna stop was hitting rock bottom. judging from before when i was younger and now both times i hit rock bottom. it just blows my mind how quickly i let things get outta control it really amazed even myself i coulda sworn i was a well mannerd polite gentleman than this beast who wanted to devor any drug in site emerged from nowhere. hopefully i can put the beast to rest for good... NO i WILL put the beast to rest for good, NVM im KILLING THIS BEAST!!! lol i like how i still have some sense of humor considering how i feel right now.
just to show you what drugs can do to ANYONE. let me give u an example of some pre addiction post addiction stats.
pre-
got promoted in my job
got a wonderful woman
eating my 7 meals a day
sleepin my 8 hrs
post -
lost my job
but i still got a wonderful woman
not eating
not sleeping
although the only real difference you see is my job, its a huge deal. my job was my life work and is very sad to be detached from what i love. but to be honest id rather be clean and homeless than have those dirty habbits every again. Luckily i have a very understanding beautiful woman, who is willing to fight this with me although i know she cant do this for me i gotta do this myself. maybe when the dust settles and i can honestly say i feel 100% i want to go to my job see if they are understanding as well i dont see why they wont. but has anyone else experianced what im going through. its been 3 days and this FINAL withdrawl is way worse than my first one.
the 1st day and a half i was out cold waking up every 6 hours to changes the sheets. now im up and hot and sweaty from head to toe BUT I FEEL LIKE IM IN A ICEBOX but i dont want covers on me,its like my body cant make up its mind. im sure you can tell by the words i choose and the way im talking things just arnt going to well right now. but i feel like i need to vent since me and my girl agreed not to live together while i battle this devil. because i told her i could never live with myself if i ever did something rude towards her or saying something mean when its just the withdrawl doing the talking. plus im a man and i know i can come clean i admit i have a problem and i cant go on living like this or else i just know a cofin is at the end of this road if i decide to continue to travel it which i DONT.
couple questions
what do you guys rec i try to eat in the mean time, because i really cant stomach anyyyything im trying to stay with a high fat and high protein low carb diet when i do eat because fats and protein are just easy to get down and dont feel so heavy in my stomach. but as of now nothing can be eatin. if it wasnt for the hrt dose ive been on i think i woulda lost A LOT more muscle. im sure give and take a few weeks my body will bounce back and i should be that charming polite guy i was before this mess. I feel the only i was gonna stop was hitting rock bottom. judging from before when i was younger and now both times i hit rock bottom. it just blows my mind how quickly i let things get outta control it really amazed even myself i coulda sworn i was a well mannerd polite gentleman than this beast who wanted to devor any drug in site emerged from nowhere. hopefully i can put the beast to rest for good... NO i WILL put the beast to rest for good, NVM im KILLING THIS BEAST!!! lol i like how i still have some sense of humor considering how i feel right now.
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