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- Joined
- May 2, 2005
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its been 6 years sincs my brother died. not sure how im gonna be feelin so im postin it now. ive been kinda down in the dumps for a few weeks now and im feeling that familiar pain right about now. thanks for listening:
Since my first ever memory he was there, always there.
H e watched over me and protected me even when nobody else knew I needed it.
He was so larger then life, big ,strong smart ,and always know what to do in every situation. A real life super hero.
As children he taught me right from wrong, even when he did bad things he made sure I knew they were bad and not to follow his lead and do them or he would “kick my ass”
Early high school was kinda tough for me.
But he was there. Always there. Making sure people in school knew who I was and not to mess with me. Even with my long hair and metallica tshirts the senior jocks would say hi to me and talk to me.
It was because of him.
One time I got beat up by 3 kids in the bathroom, over a case of mistaken identity. by the time I got to the principals office he was there already, ready to take action. We both got sent home.
On the way we saw one of the kids, he jumped out of the car and beat his ass.
That’s just how he was….scared if nothing. Scared of nobody.
No fear!!!!
One time I got suspended from school. As punishment he brought me in the basement and made me lift weights all day, the one thing he didn’t expect…I love it. I began training every day, getting stronger and bigger, and feeling that feeling of strength that he had. Well I have him to thank for showing me the iron in our grandmas smelly dark basement.
He got me my first real job….ahhh balascos.
The pizza place where we worked together. We cooked pizza and delivered them. But I was always around him…learning.
I went to collage amd when I came back became a personal trainer,
I got him a job as a lifeguard at the gym so we were together again.
I left there and worked at a gas station to persue bodybuilding, soon after he brought me on as a bouncer at the keg room where he worked. Together again,…..not long after he started working with problem and mentally chalanged children.
He always liked to be helping people. He was real good at it. Soon I was off to bounce at a strip club and we got so busy we didn’t hangout too much. One night he came in with some friends. After hours I got the owner to let him stay while we closed up.
He spoke of being close again and raisning families together and just getting to where we had been when we were young, it was the first time in a long time he spoke to me from the heart. It was late and he went on his way, but I was so happy to see him. Hr meant a lot to me. I had no idea it would be the last time I would ever see him again!!!!!! Had I known it I would have not let him go that night.
Then about 2 weeks later at about 4 am we got the call everyone dreads.
My little brother and girlfriend were arguing to who would wake me up and tell me. Neither wanted to do it.
They did. Chris was in a car accident, he was dead. He was drinking with some buddies and they were drunk and lost control. He was dead. WHAT??? HOW COULD HE BE SO STUPID. HE WAS SO SMART. NOT HIM!!!!! HE HAD ALL THE ANSWERS AND NEVER WOULD BE THAT STUPID. In one fell swoop my whole life came down. Then a big blur.
I was medicated for abit I was a paul bearer for him with his best friends and family.
Im not sure exactly what happened but no amount of drugs could make me forget him laying in that casket. His shaved head, he looked so much like vin diesel. The scratches on his face from the accident. The plaid shirt he was buried in.
Its so vivid I still see it today like it happened today.
On Sunday it will be 6 years now he has been gone. Damn 6 friggin years. That’s over half a decade already. But I still see him every day. see when I look in the mirror I see all the things he taught me, the lessons, he is very much a part of me. I am very much a part of him. He may not be here but he is not dead…he lives on through me. The mannerisms and lessons and knowledge he passed on. Many times I though I could have stopped all this .maybe I could have but its too late now. I went home for new years and saw our little niece. I said do you remember me ? she said yeah…uncle Christopher!! My heart sank and I began to cry. I had to smile ,kiss her and walk away.
So now with a heavy heart whomever reads this may have a small understanding as to whom he was ,and who I am. Im me but im him too. Family members need only to take one look and can see it. But im here to say,…
“Chris, im mad at you. You left us. I needed you, I forgive you but I will not forget you,
you will always live on through me and I will never let anyone forget you. I will take care of the family if they need me, just like you did, and I know you still would.
Im proud to have been your lilbro, and am proud to have you as part of me.
I will always love you………”
Dub
Since my first ever memory he was there, always there.
H e watched over me and protected me even when nobody else knew I needed it.
He was so larger then life, big ,strong smart ,and always know what to do in every situation. A real life super hero.
As children he taught me right from wrong, even when he did bad things he made sure I knew they were bad and not to follow his lead and do them or he would “kick my ass”
Early high school was kinda tough for me.
But he was there. Always there. Making sure people in school knew who I was and not to mess with me. Even with my long hair and metallica tshirts the senior jocks would say hi to me and talk to me.
It was because of him.
One time I got beat up by 3 kids in the bathroom, over a case of mistaken identity. by the time I got to the principals office he was there already, ready to take action. We both got sent home.
On the way we saw one of the kids, he jumped out of the car and beat his ass.
That’s just how he was….scared if nothing. Scared of nobody.
No fear!!!!
One time I got suspended from school. As punishment he brought me in the basement and made me lift weights all day, the one thing he didn’t expect…I love it. I began training every day, getting stronger and bigger, and feeling that feeling of strength that he had. Well I have him to thank for showing me the iron in our grandmas smelly dark basement.
He got me my first real job….ahhh balascos.
The pizza place where we worked together. We cooked pizza and delivered them. But I was always around him…learning.
I went to collage amd when I came back became a personal trainer,
I got him a job as a lifeguard at the gym so we were together again.
I left there and worked at a gas station to persue bodybuilding, soon after he brought me on as a bouncer at the keg room where he worked. Together again,…..not long after he started working with problem and mentally chalanged children.
He always liked to be helping people. He was real good at it. Soon I was off to bounce at a strip club and we got so busy we didn’t hangout too much. One night he came in with some friends. After hours I got the owner to let him stay while we closed up.
He spoke of being close again and raisning families together and just getting to where we had been when we were young, it was the first time in a long time he spoke to me from the heart. It was late and he went on his way, but I was so happy to see him. Hr meant a lot to me. I had no idea it would be the last time I would ever see him again!!!!!! Had I known it I would have not let him go that night.
Then about 2 weeks later at about 4 am we got the call everyone dreads.
My little brother and girlfriend were arguing to who would wake me up and tell me. Neither wanted to do it.
They did. Chris was in a car accident, he was dead. He was drinking with some buddies and they were drunk and lost control. He was dead. WHAT??? HOW COULD HE BE SO STUPID. HE WAS SO SMART. NOT HIM!!!!! HE HAD ALL THE ANSWERS AND NEVER WOULD BE THAT STUPID. In one fell swoop my whole life came down. Then a big blur.
I was medicated for abit I was a paul bearer for him with his best friends and family.
Im not sure exactly what happened but no amount of drugs could make me forget him laying in that casket. His shaved head, he looked so much like vin diesel. The scratches on his face from the accident. The plaid shirt he was buried in.
Its so vivid I still see it today like it happened today.
On Sunday it will be 6 years now he has been gone. Damn 6 friggin years. That’s over half a decade already. But I still see him every day. see when I look in the mirror I see all the things he taught me, the lessons, he is very much a part of me. I am very much a part of him. He may not be here but he is not dead…he lives on through me. The mannerisms and lessons and knowledge he passed on. Many times I though I could have stopped all this .maybe I could have but its too late now. I went home for new years and saw our little niece. I said do you remember me ? she said yeah…uncle Christopher!! My heart sank and I began to cry. I had to smile ,kiss her and walk away.
So now with a heavy heart whomever reads this may have a small understanding as to whom he was ,and who I am. Im me but im him too. Family members need only to take one look and can see it. But im here to say,…
“Chris, im mad at you. You left us. I needed you, I forgive you but I will not forget you,
you will always live on through me and I will never let anyone forget you. I will take care of the family if they need me, just like you did, and I know you still would.
Im proud to have been your lilbro, and am proud to have you as part of me.
I will always love you………”
Dub
