my gril friends setp dad...

[SpudToStud]

hey ok, heres the thing. Im in the army and my girl friend lives about 26 hour drive from me. She has always been tellin me that he gets drunk and starts harrassing her and telling her what a POS she is what not. And just about 2 min ago she called me but wasnt on the line instead it was her and her dad going back and forth than i could hear a slap and a scream than the phone got hung up...

im going on leave here soon and will be seeing her on it. The only time she is out of the house is when she is with me, i mean for the night or something. she has no where else to go, and her mom dosent help the matter at all just kinda turns her head to it. I think this is the first time he layed his hands on her, not to sure though.

Should i be wanting to beat this dude with a louisville as bad as i do now, and what am i supposed to do i mean shit... thats my girl friend, who i have extreamally strong feelings for and now somone is laying his hands on her. HER FATHER... wtf. im going to be going home here in 20 days and i dont know if ill be able to control myself if i run into him but id imagine id have to being she has no where else to go?

anyone have a simmiler situation or any advice? im going crazy here... still waiting for a call back. i tryed her 2 times since the phone was hung up and still no luck.

thanks

 

[sadie]

i would call the cops and have that son of a bitch investigated.. if the cops arrive and she looks bruised or anything he gets arrested even if shes scared to press charges.. the state will

 

[SpudToStud]

i thought about this but i cant do that without talking to her shed loose her place to stay, her way into college. ugh its such a mess. its been 30 min and i still havent heard from her, ill give it another 20 and than step to this level i suppose at that point id have no choice, shes a tough cookie but wtf im so helpless all the way down here.. and shes...

i gotta get her out of that house, thats the only real solution...

 

[sadie]

honestly.. do you want to wait longer.. that call didnt end very well.. who knows what is going on over there..

 

[EasyEJL]

i thought about this but i cant do that without talking to her shed loose her place to stay, her way into college.

......

i gotta get her out of that house, thats the only real solution...

So then call the cops. waiting longer doesn't help any

 

[Iceman1800]

what type of mother would let a step-father slap around her kids? that woman needs to take a stand for her child

 

[SpudToStud]

what type of mother would let a step-father slap around her kids? that woman needs to take a stand for her child

thats what im saying, but shes all dopped up on happy pills all day, its terrable. i cant wait to be in a better situation to marry this girl and not only live happily for ever but be able to take her brom this god awful home shes got.

Ended up calling the police. She had scratches all over her back, a red cheek and a swollen kneee. they took a statement from HIM and left. go figure. Anyways, im yet to have met the pairents, even tho we have been going for a good 2.5 years or so now she has always kept me away thinking i might lash out on her step dad. damn right im going to. Finally get to meet him this leave commin here in june.

 

[SpudToStud]

but thank you all for your responces, they have helped me get through what seemed to be a hopless situation. <3's to all you guys

 

[sadie]

omg they didnt arrest him? wtf state is that? in cali if there is ANY evidence of domestic (family) violence SOMEONE goes to jail.. jesus christ i dont even wanna KNOW the stats of women being killed by their husbands in that state.. how horrible..

 

[EasyEJL]

what type of mother would let a step-father slap around her kids? that woman needs to take a stand for her child

the same kind that lets the father beat her

 

[triathloncoach]

Your Girlfirend

You never mentioned what level of involvement she wants from you. You have been together 2.5 years and you have not met the parents? Is she under 18?

Hopefully that visit from the police woke this scum up that hitting anyone will result in jail time. Best of luck. Be careful, don't end up in jail - or shot - yourself.

 

[EVERLAST]

ahhhh....I know how you feel

Look this is sudden, but let me say this...do not go to jail.
do not lose it. use the law. let them do the heavy lifting for you.

Having said that you need some guidance from a fellow traveler on this road...


families are weird. weird. You need to KNOW what level of commitment she has for you and you for her before you meet anybodys abusive stepdad.


My first wifes' dad raped her when she was like 13-14 and she didnt tell me untill we were married 2 years...
HEAR THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She didnt even TELL ME.....
I devoted myself to her, to us, it was all about us, and ours, and what all we (WE) would do and she didnt even tell me that.

SHE COULD NOT BE FAITHFUL. SHE WAS CONVINCED SHE WAS A BAD GIRL. HAD NO VALUE OTHER THAN SEX. SHE WAS AROUSED WHEN DAD DID THAT AND SHE WAS HAUNTED BY GUILT!
It explained so much and we were of course,... doomed anyway.
Like the documentary on Africa and the wildebeest migration...
the French narrator droning on about the one that turns away from the herd when the Lions are chasing them, "sadly...there can be but one outcome now"
She even went to therapy after our split and forgave him. They all get along like it never happened...


There is so much mental fucked-up-edness in that whole scenario that it hurts my heart to even remember it.

She was unable to have a decent relationship with ANYBODY because of it.
You need to know your level of commitment to this and hers because you need to know if she is ABLE. She may be hiding more than you know.
MAYBE NOT....My 1st ex and I ended badly because of the things her dad did and how she reacted to it later in her life.

That F@$%#^^ me up because I was hunting w that bastard two weeks later. I admit I looked at his head through the scope too. He was facing away from me on a clear cut grown over head high in honeysuckle and briars. Both of us in platform treestands...little 180 yd shot on a cold morning. Finger on the trigger and watched the breath float away from him in the cold air...I couldnt.
It wouldnt give her back to me
It wouldnt take back the betrayals.
It wouldn't fix the hole he tore in her...
It wouldnt even stop the hurt in me.


I got a nice 130 lb spike buck instead and ate a piece of his heart cooked over the fire, as is our custom.

see...like I said...families are weird.

 

[BOOMSHAKER]

hey ok, heres the thing. Im in the army and my girl friend lives about 26 hour drive from me. She has always been tellin me that he gets drunk and starts harrassing her and telling her what a POS she is what not.

Because I didnt read anything here yet about her, I'll ask you. What is the reason why he calls her a POS? Why does he seem to pick on her a lot? And what did "SHE" do to escelate it from a verbal abuse to a physical abuse? Is there something "SHE" is not telling you about herself? And making it seem that dad is that bad guy here all the time? ( again, just asking cause too many blanks are left out on your original post)

 

[SpudToStud]

Because I didnt read anything here yet about her, I'll ask you. What is the reason why he calls her a POS? Why does he seem to pick on her a lot? And what did "SHE" do to escelate it from a verbal abuse to a physical abuse? Is there something "SHE" is not telling you about herself? And making it seem that dad is that bad guy here all the time? ( again, just asking cause too many blanks are left out on your original post)

i asked these questions to her and by her responce there was something she was hiding. what ever there is always 2 sides to everything but no matter what a 5"2' girl who is 110lbs does you dont beat her... lol. But yeah she lives in RI.

I have not met her parents yet beacuse ive been in the army our whole relationship, i come home once a year, we get a nice hotel and stay in it for the week im home and then ill fly her down here once a month. works out alright, except for when i was deployed but thats a givven.

 

[mikeyt869]

if your only seeing her that often bro idk how you know that she is wife material? What i would do is meet her step father and get his side of the story if you see that he has been beating her for no reason then wait for him to get drunk. Then get him irritated over something stupid once he starts coming toward you agressively beat him down, if the cops come explain what happened in your defense.

 

[abolish the weak]

its very hard to act on this because you have not met her parents yet. And from the sounds of it, you dont know her as well as you think you do. If the circumstances were different I'd be on the next flight down there to beat his ass, but this just sounds like something you may not want to be involved in. There has to be a reason she never leaves home, or is hiding something. Maybe it wasnt even her stepdad, maybe it was her boyfriend? I'm not trying to get you down, but your 26 hrs away. And there is one thing I know about relationships with military, alot of chicks stray, big time. Find out more first, you dont wanna end up in jail over something that may have been much deeper than you thought

 

[SpudToStud]

yeah i hear what your saying and the sad thing is i know. I know how it is being 26 hours away, ahha trust, this i know. idk, shes had a fucked up life, like her parents are split, her mom tells her that her real dad used to touch her so she is all kinda skiddish around him, i had actually gotten to meet him and he is cool beans, i just think her mom said this to kinda keep her in the house she is in.

there is always the chance that it wasnt her step dad and her boyfriend, but i try to trust her, i mean shes a good chick, idk about marrige material, although i would love to get her out of that house, not to sure if i want to be with her for ever and ever and ever.... on the other hand she's a good person, nice to talk to and great to go home too. hahah

anyways, were still talking about this all trying to get the other side of the story out before i make my decision of what im going to do about this girls step dad.

 

[BOOMSHAKER]

SPUD, there are some really disturbing signs here my friend. IF I were you (and of course I am not) I would step back and wait till you got home for good. If you truely believe this is the girl you want to go out with and maybe marry one day. Wait and see the whole picture for yourself.

The step dad calls her a POS, BUT as you put it " i come home once a year, we get a nice hotel and stay in it for the week im home and then ill fly her down here once a month. works out alright, except for when i was deployed but thats a givven.

And you wonder why the step dad flips out at her. Putting the slapping aside for a minute. Lets just say this step dad is a not too bad of a guy. AND he is trying to keep her in line as best as possible. Did you ever stop to think that by taking her away for a week at a time or however else longer you may be contributing to her problems at home???? Because the step dad drinks doesnt mean he is a bad or violent person. BUT, when coupled with a step daughter that he really may be trying to raise right and she is running around with you may be leading him up to exploding on her when he does drink.

There are a lot of step dads out there that contribute more to their step childrens lives then their actual fathers do. If I were you I would find out very quickly what it is that she is hiding from you. And secondly ask to speak to her step dad directly next when you call her just to say hello.

Wich leads me to a question. "How is it you say you have never met the parents when you have to come home to see your girlfriend and pick her up at her house I am assuming"????? If you dont pick her up AND she meets you at the hotel. Do you see how that may lead the step dad into freaking out? It makes it look like you don't even have the desency to pick her up at the house. That she just meets you at the hotel for a week long F@CK.

Way too much drama going on for a young man like yourself.....