Need help asking this chick out

[Starkraven]

I suck with asking chicks out. I hate doing it. I think too much, sometimes i feel like im real boring for a girl, i have some flaws with my personality, etc. Im shy at first but then after a while I break out of it and can even turn into an asshole if i want. But talking to a chick at first sucks, i hate doing it. Anyway, im 23, very attractive so thats a huge advantage for me and women always want me to talk to them, hit on them, be with them, etc, its very obvious. There is this chick at the gym thats around my age. I've seen her there maybe years but noticably like since last year i think. This chick always looks at me from a distance. I noticed at first she would look at me alot in the mirror, and she ALWAYS goes near me cause i know thats her hint for me to talk to her. But I don't know how to go about doing it, I get too nervous and shy. (i definately dont look like it when im in the gym the way i carry myself, etc) I had to go up north for 3 months and when i moved back, today was the first time she's seen me in over 90 days. She was about to leave and then stopped, turned to face me, looked at me, and walked towards me. I got scared so I ignored her. when i ignore a chick, it sometimes works but only for a while. She went to use a machine near me and stayed there as long as I did. When I left to my car, i sat there thinking for a bit and then i noticed her walking towards hers (somewhere near mine) and i drove away and looked at her, she saw me but turned away. She probably thinks im a freak now. I gotta make a move because ive been real depressed about it for months. I was trying to do it before i left but couldnt have the balls. Someone help me find my balls please. If I could fix this part of my life, believe me, I dont think I would be depressed anymore.

 

[Starkraven]

Ive been showing no interest in her cause I dont want to look desperate and needy or clingy. So i ignore girls. Thats my biggest problem, my damn pride.

 

[hughesy]

Just relax and be yourself. Talk to her like you've know her for years. Don't try to impress her or put on a show. Because the truth will come out eventually.

 

[Starkraven]

Just relax and be yourself. Talk to her like you've know her for years. Don't try to impress her or put on a show. Because the truth will come out eventually.

I know about talking to them like ive known them for years but i have nothing to start from. like word for word how do i break it open? i think that if she likes me, then it doesnt matter what i say, right? i think she's hooked on my looks, too. i was thinking of walking up to her and intro myself (she has headphones, on, how unapproachable is that?), and then just be like "So....when are we going out?" i know it sounds weird but im a funny person (not goofy by any means, i act real serious in the gym, maybe too serious). they like upfront guys. i rarely ever meet girls like this but been out of work now and it gets harder and harder and in my mind i get more depressed each day. this chick has been on my mind for months and im tired of not knowing exactly what to say.

 

[Leviathan]

Go check out any and all materials by a guy named David Deangelo. Most notably at double your dating. This is good information for younger guys without a lot of practice dealing with women. I wish I had something like it when I was younger and I may have chosen better girls then, rather than the shot gun approach that I used when younger. Although I read his stuff a couple years ago, I found out that I pretty much use the same approach that he does, except I did it the long route through years of personal experimentation and dating lots of different girls. If I had this guy's stuff I could've cut my time in half and had more fun.

 

[Starkraven]

I read all that stuff. I had all the e-books. It doesnt help me because thats for dating like super hot chicks all the time, what to do and not to do (i know about not being mr. nice guy, not buying them dinners, calling them right back, acting needy, etc, i know all that, i only did it to 1 girl in my life, thank god). this girl is cute, but not super hot. my biggest problem is the actual starting the convo and HITTING ON THEM. i just need something basic instead of ruffling through hundreds of pages. it makes me think way too much and i end up not doing anything. thats what happened to me, i turned insane from worrying about all this and trying to learn from everyone instead of ever doing something about it. thanks though.

Go check out any and all materials by a guy named David Deangelo. Most notably at double your dating. This is good information for younger guys without a lot of practice dealing with women. I wish I had something like it when I was younger and I may have chosen better girls then, rather than the shot gun approach that I used when younger. Although I read his stuff a couple years ago, I found out that I pretty much use the same approach that he does, except I did it the long route through years of personal experimentation and dating lots of different girls. If I had this guy's stuff I could've cut my time in half and had more fun.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

but then after a while I break out of it and can even turn into an asshole if i want.

Congratulations on that. (???)

Anyway, im 23, very attractive so thats a huge advantage for me and women always want me to talk to them, hit on them, be with them, etc, its very obvious.

It would only be an advantage if you had the balls to APPROACH THEM!!!

If I could fix this part of my life, believe me, I dont think I would be depressed anymore.

So you're a very attractive guy who has no balls and is depressed to boot?

this girl is cute, but not super hot

Maybe before you start downgrading this girl, you could start getting over your issues. You probably judge the girls very harshly and assume they're doing the same to you. Maybe you should try and be a little kinder and gentler and really "break this open" by saying something like "Hello." - and if you really are feeling saucy maybe you could throw in a "I'm xxxxxx, what's your name?" If she's interested, she'll respond. If she's not, well there's one more thing for you to be depressed about.

 

[Starkraven]

thanks for the comments.

 

[marshall]

ya, kind of bizarre sounding.

but if you're really that socially inept around girls you find interesting, you're going to have to have a friend break the ice and act as a go between if the chick is interested.

it's not that hard to see a girl walk by and say "hey, how ya doing today"? there's something in your subconscious stopping you i think, not shyness.

once you say "how ya doing", if the girl is interested, she'll take it from there more than likely.

 

[Starkraven]

what's bizarre? me? im hitting on her tomorrow. no more lingering. im just gonna introduce myself nicely and ask her out. shes giving me the hints so im going to follow up on them. after months and months, she still tries. im stupid sometimes.

 

[marshall]

by bizarre, i mean you say you're a good looking guy, in shape etc...so it's not like you have a serious impairment that would contribute to your shyness or ability to be liked.

I say this, as I'm a shy person by nature myself and generally keep to myself and don't open up easily at first. But it's still not that hard for me to say hi to a girl if she's around me in the gym or whatever, ask her how she's doing etc...

I'm not the bold type to start hitting on them, but usually you can tell just by exchanging pleasantries if there's a mutual interest there.

it just seems bizarre that you would look down and ignore her totally, i'm pretty shy and i would've still looked at her and said 'hey, how ya doing'. Just seeing her response to something simple like that can give you all of the info you need to see if there is something to pursue.

good luck, just say hi when she walks by, her response, body action and eye contact level will tell you all you need to know at that point and if she's like most girls, she'll take it from there.

 

[marshall]

Congratulations on that. (???)
It would only be an advantage if you had the balls to APPROACH THEM!!!
So you're a very attractive guy who has no balls and is depressed to boot?
Maybe before you start downgrading this girl, you could start getting over your issues. You probably judge the girls very harshly and assume they're doing the same to you. Maybe you should try and be a little kinder and gentler and really "break this open" by saying something like "Hello." - and if you really are feeling saucy maybe you could throw in a "I'm xxxxxx, what's your name?" If she's interested, she'll respond. If she's not, well there's one more thing for you to be depressed about.

tough love

 

[Starkraven]

i dont do all that because i dont want to look like the wussbag appeasing women with flowers, expensive dinners, etc. no offense to any women here but i dont do any of that. when i was 18, i liked this one girl (she was a cokehead though) and i was real nice to her and got FLAT DENIED. since then i dont do that mr. nice guy stuff. luckily it was only 1 girl. it isnt me anyway. im kind of shy at first with things. when you say she'll take it from there, i dont get it. what can she possibly do? hit on me? i got enough hints from her for me to make a move but she wears headphones too, does she expect me to go up to her like that? well i will. (lol). i have no choice.

by bizarre, i mean you say you're a good looking guy, in shape etc...so it's not like you have a serious impairment that would contribute to your shyness or ability to be liked.

I say this, as I'm a shy person by nature myself and generally keep to myself and don't open up easily at first. But it's still not that hard for me to say hi to a girl if she's around me in the gym or whatever, ask her how she's doing etc...

I'm not the bold type to start hitting on them, but usually you can tell just by exchanging pleasantries if there's a mutual interest there.

it just seems bizarre that you would look down and ignore her totally, i'm pretty shy and i would've still looked at her and said 'hey, how ya doing'. Just seeing her response to something simple like that can give you all of the info you need to see if there is something to pursue.

good luck, just say hi when she walks by, her response, body action and eye contact level will tell you all you need to know at that point and if she's like most girls, she'll take it from there.

 

[OuchThatHurts]

what's bizarre? me? im hitting on her tomorrow. no more lingering. im just gonna introduce myself nicely and ask her out. shes giving me the hints so im going to follow up on them. after months and months, she still tries. im stupid sometimes.

GOOD MAN! Good to hear. But as far as being the nice guy, you are going to have to put the past behind you. Fact is, girls want nice. You can be the bad boy but they still want nice. If you can't be sweet to a gal you can bet she'll get tired of that real quick.

This is another thing I should have included in my post regarding relationships. Do NOT use former relationships as an excuse to treat a present person in a way YOU KNOW is wrong!

If your ex-girlfriend did something that you thought was unbearable, and your current girl did the same thing unwittingly and you flew off the handle, Who were you really yelling at? This is a real question. Who?

a.) your new girl
b.) your ex-gf
c.) yourself

It's obviously not 'a'. But 'b' looks a little closer. How fair is that? You just dumped on an innocent girl for something someone else did to you. And 'c'? This means that you yourself have issues and it's just as unfair to dump on someone for this reason.

I wasn't trying to beat up on on you in my previous post but rather give you a quick jolt back to reality. I meant no harm in it. I really wish you the best. If you ask this girl out though, treat her nice. I don't care who screwed you up. This girl doesn't know her (or care). If you can't treat her nice, let her find someone who will.

 

[strongmind]

i dont do all that because i dont want to look like the wussbag appeasing women with flowers, expensive dinners, etc. no offense to any women here but i dont do any of that. when i was 18, i liked this one girl (she was a cokehead though) and i was real nice to her and got FLAT DENIED. since then i dont do that mr. nice guy stuff. luckily it was only 1 girl. it isnt me anyway. im kind of shy at first with things. when you say she'll take it from there, i dont get it. what can she possibly do? hit on me? i got enough hints from her for me to make a move but she wears headphones too, does she expect me to go up to her like that? well i will. (lol). i have no choice.

Starkraven, you are so young and it is quite apparent by your posts that you still have so much to learn about women and relationships. I mean no offense by that. I have NEVER in my life thought of a guy as a "wussbag" if he bought me flowers or took me out to dinner. If I'm into the guy, that's damn impressive. And sweet. And there's nothing wrong with sweet. Despite what you might have heard, girls DO NOT want guys who are assholes. Please do not base your insight about women and what they want based on one bad experience with a coked up loser chick.

Being shy is OK. Being nervous to talk to a girl is OK. I think it's kinda cute the way you described this girl (until you downgraded her... which sucked, btw, and you should reread OTH's post about that - good stuff there.) When you decide to talk to her (not "hit on her," you don't know anything about her yet... she may even have a boyfriend and not want to be hit on), just TALK. You do talk, right? To like guys and stuff? You shouldn't try to be anybody but yourself. Especially not some cocky asshole "I'm so attractive at least I have that going for me" guy. HUGE TURN OFF!!!!!! Just say something like this:

"Hey... how are ya?"

And she'll probably say something like: "Good. How are you?"

And then you can say: "I'm (insert however you're doing - I'll help: Good)"

And then say something like this: "I've seen you in here a lot, and I've wanted to talk to you for the longest time, but you always have your headphones on so I wasn't sure if you wanted to talk to me... (you might laugh a little, she'll probably giggle or at least smile)

Then, hold out your hand and say: "I'm (insert your name here)." And if she's cool, she'll shake your hand and say: "I'm (her name)."

At this point, she'll either pick it up and ask you a question or you may even be able to come up with one on your own, but if it doesn't seem like you guys will be able to carry on a conversation for whatever reason, or if you're not feeling it, or if you're about to spontaneously combust, just say: "Well, it was nice to finally meet you (insert her name here). I'm sure I'll see you in here again and maybe we can talk some more sometime."

Please, for the love of God, do NOT say something like: "So... when are we going out?" I don't care how funny you think you are or how cocky you want to come across as, that's just LAME.

Good luck, kid. Just breathe. Relax. Don't beat yourself up. You'll be fine. If you decide not to do it, that's ok too. There will be plenty of opportunities to meet girls. If it's too hard to talk to this one, maybe she's just not the right girl for you.

Let us know how it goes, ok?

 

[Starkraven]

thank you very much for helping out. i didnt mean to downgrade the chick. so now i dont know if i should just talk to her or ask her out after i intro myself. ill let you guys know what i decided to do.

Starkraven, you are so young and it is quite apparent by your posts that you still have so much to learn about women and relationships. I mean no offense by that. I have NEVER in my life thought of a guy as a "wussbag" if he bought me flowers or took me out to dinner. If I'm into the guy, that's damn impressive. And sweet. And there's nothing wrong with sweet. Despite what you might have heard, girls DO NOT want guys who are assholes. Please do not base your insight about women and what they want based on one bad experience with a coked up loser chick.

Being shy is OK. Being nervous to talk to a girl is OK. I think it's kinda cute the way you described this girl (until you downgraded her... which sucked, btw, and you should reread OTH's post about that - good stuff there.) When you decide to talk to her (not "hit on her," you don't know anything about her yet... she may even have a boyfriend and not want to be hit on), just TALK. You do talk, right? To like guys and stuff? You shouldn't try to be anybody but yourself. Especially not some cocky asshole "I'm so attractive at least I have that going for me" guy. HUGE TURN OFF!!!!!! Just say something like this:

"Hey... how are ya?"

And she'll probably say something like: "Good. How are you?"

And then you can say: "I'm (insert however you're doing - I'll help: Good)"

And then say something like this: "I've seen you in here a lot, and I've wanted to talk to you for the longest time, but you always have your headphones on so I wasn't sure if you wanted to talk to me... (you might laugh a little, she'll probably giggle or at least smile)

Then, hold out your hand and say: "I'm (insert your name here)." And if she's cool, she'll shake your hand and say: "I'm (her name)."

At this point, she'll either pick it up and ask you a question or you may even be able to come up with one on your own, but if it doesn't seem like you guys will be able to carry on a conversation for whatever reason, or if you're not feeling it, or if you're about to spontaneously combust, just say: "Well, it was nice to finally meet you (insert her name here). I'm sure I'll see you in here again and maybe we can talk some more sometime."

Please, for the love of God, do NOT say something like: "So... when are we going out?" I don't care how funny you think you are or how cocky you want to come across as, that's just LAME.

Good luck, kid. Just breathe. Relax. Don't beat yourself up. You'll be fine. If you decide not to do it, that's ok too. There will be plenty of opportunities to meet girls. If it's too hard to talk to this one, maybe she's just not the right girl for you.

Let us know how it goes, ok?

 

[Godless]

your in a gym ... perfect for interaction. not like going up to a stranger on the street.

how about waiting till she starts on a particular piece of equipment, ask her if she minds if you work in... ice broken.. introduce yourself after a set or 2 ..be nice, but don't ask her out.

after a few days of saying hello to each other in the gym in passing, or a bit of contrived working out near her or using the piece of cardio equipment near her you'll get a feel if she likes you or not (does she take off her headphones to talk when you come around?) then maybe give it a go

it's not as hard as you think, as long as you don't let anxiety work you up

good luck

 

[Starkraven]

i let the anxiety work me up. i didnt do it. i worked out right near her and stuff and tried to make eye contact and smile but she was too close she wouldnt. and her headphones were on, too. she usually wont make eye contact with me when im too close. or she did many times before and then stopped i guess. i feel so shitty. hopefully i dont wait a year to talk to her. i hate myself.

 

[Starkraven]

also i did notice sometimes she will take her headphones off when im near her. she didnt today. god dammit.

your in a gym ... perfect for interaction. not like going up to a stranger on the street.

how about waiting till she starts on a particular piece of equipment, ask her if she minds if you work in... ice broken.. introduce yourself after a set or 2 ..be nice, but don't ask her out.

after a few days of saying hello to each other in the gym in passing, or a bit of contrived working out near her or using the piece of cardio equipment near her you'll get a feel if she likes you or not (does she take off her headphones to talk when you come around?) then maybe give it a go

it's not as hard as you think, as long as you don't let anxiety work you up

good luck

 

[Starkraven]

i just wanna die