Need input on relationship

[PainIsLove]

I am having trouble deciding if I did the right thing...

I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 months earlier this month. She is a beautiful, athletic, Jamaican girl that I met in one of my classes at college. We have had a lot of fun these last 5 months but I have always felt under pressure for these reasons...

1.) She broke up with her Jamaican ex-boyfriend 2 weeks before meeting me.

2.) Her ex-boyfriend still calls her and she will answer and talk to him. I have expressed to her that I don't appreciate this and she says she is trying to cut ties but that has yet to completely happen. The ex-boyfriend doesn't just small-talk with her either, he has even asked about our sex life.

3.) I feel that even if I would like to continue this relationship, it will end anyway because she is a Jamaican citizen and therefore has about a year left before her visa expires and she must go back to Jamaica. With that in mind, the only way to stay to together is to get married which I am not ready to do.

4.) We have completly different backrounds, she grew up in a family where her parents were not married and her father has kids from other women. I grew up in a blue-collar small midwest America town with parents who have been married for 30 years and I have never seen hardly argue.

5.) This ex-boyfriend was a boyfriend of 3-4 years and she was introduced to everything sexually by this guy. I am assuming these kind of emotions to this guy probably will never go away because he was her first in most everything.


I broke up with her in mid-April and got back with her the next day. I just couldn't do it because she seemed to act like she really does love me. She was crying and hugging me and I just could not take it because I wasn't sure that I wanted it over either.

This is my first real relationship and so I am not sure exactly how things should go but I feel serious trust issues with this girl because she cannot completely cut ties with this guy. Even after I broke up with her in mid-April and expressed to her the reasons why I did it, she still had a 30 minute conversation with this ex-boyfriend while I was with her no more than a week or so later.

I ended the relationship May 1st. We still talk occasionally and she is not over me and I am not completely over her even though it does feel like a weight is lifted off my back. She went home to Jamaica for a week last week and all that goes through my mind is if she did something with that ex or even some other guy. I just can't trust her.

I am meeting her this evening to hang out and talk about her trip home. Should I ask her if she did anything sexually with that ex-boyfriend? Am I in the wrong for breaking this off? I feel my life is a lot simpler and less complicated being single but this girl is really special to me and I do love her. I just don't want to get committed to her for life and still be worried that she will still faithful. I also don't want to make the biggest mistake of my life by leaving a girl because of issues that I may have. Do I have trust issues?

 

[notsobig32]

doesn't everyone have trust issues to one degree or another? If you feel that your life is simpler and better without her in it, then well you answered your own question. As far as asking her if she did anything with the guy back home, i don't necessarily think you have the right(you did break up with her) and she was single, so if she did will it do anything but cause you pain? They say don't ask any questions you can't handle/don't want the answers to.

No one can tell you if what you did is right, only you can make that decision.

 

[EVERLAST]

first off....

get a new ID...Painislove?
penislove? something else dude...

now the issues you have with the Jamaican are genuine. She sets off your bells on the trust issues... so go with that.
Make her earn it and prove she is the one for you.

And dont be a dick and ask about her sexual trysts on the trip. You got to cut the past loose and call it the past and say from here on... and then see if see does right.
She may not be "the one"...there may not even be "the one", but if you act like a dick and whine about her sexual past she'll think youre a pussy.

Act like the one who wins is the one who cares the least.
Let her do all the damn work.

Then if she does turn out to want you and you do get with her...OWN HER!
Make her forget that guy by being BETTER. You dont know shit the first times and most girls get better with practice. She been practicing since then so she knows a bit more...
ROCK HER WORLD...
LIGHT HER UP...(insert your metaphor here)!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If it is truly "the one"...then nothing you do CAN screw it up....
If shes not "the one" then EVERYthing you do will screw it up.

Watch and see what happens...

 

[PainIsLove]

doesn't everyone have trust issues to one degree or another? If you feel that your life is simpler and better without her in it, then well you answered your own question. As far as asking her if she did anything with the guy back home, i don't necessarily think you have the right(you did break up with her) and she was single, so if she did will it do anything but cause you pain? They say don't ask any questions you can't handle/don't want the answers to.

No one can tell you if what you did is right, only you can make that decision.

Thanks for the input. I guess I want to know (even though she probably wouldn't tell me even if she did) so I can better understand how serious she is about this relationship. My thinking is that if she decided to have sex with a guy less than 2 weeks after I broke up with her, than there wasn't much to our relationship of 5 months.

 

[PainIsLove]

doesn't everyone have trust issues to one degree or another? If you feel that your life is simpler and better without her in it, then well you answered your own question. As far as asking her if she did anything with the guy back home, i don't necessarily think you have the right(you did break up with her) and she was single, so if she did will it do anything but cause you pain? They say don't ask any questions you can't handle/don't want the answers to.

No one can tell you if what you did is right, only you can make that decision.

get a new ID...Painislove?
penislove? something else dude...

now the issues you have with the Jamaican are genuine. She sets off your bells on the trust issues... so go with that.
Make her earn it and prove she is the one for you.

And dont be a dick and ask about her sexual trysts on the trip. You got to cut the past loose and call it the past and say from here on... and then see if see does right.
She may not be "the one"...there may not even be "the one", but if you act like a dick and whine about her sexual past she'll think youre a pussy.

Act like the one who wins is the one who cares the least.
Let her do all the damn work.

Then if she does turn out to want you and you do get with her...OWN HER!
Make her forget that guy by being BETTER. You dont know shit the first times and most girls get better with practice. She been practicing since then so she knows a bit more...
ROCK HER WORLD...
LIGHT HER UP...(insert your metaphor here)!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If it is truly "the one"...then nothing you do CAN screw it up....
If shes not "the one" then EVERYthing you do will screw it up.

Watch and see what happens...

Everlast:

My bad on the ID: I didn't even think about that obviously.

Thanks for the relationship advice, I'm going to use it.

 

[BOOMSHAKER]

Any girl that constantly answers her ex-boyfriends phone calls and for hours on the phone and then says "but I'm trying to break it off with him", or "he just won't take no for an answer" is a girl who I would kick her a$$ to the curb in a heartbeat! If she is not 100% into you by now she will NEVER BE as long as he is around. Let her go back to her homeland, FIND ANOTHER GIRL that has no exboyfriends calling her at all times of the night. Believe me there are plenty of good girls out there!

 

[PainIsLove]

Any girl that constantly answers her ex-boyfriends phone calls and for hours on the phone and then says "but I'm trying to break it off with him", or "he just won't take no for an answer" is a girl who I would kick her a$$ to the curb in a heartbeat! If she is not 100% into you by now she will NEVER BE as long as he is around. Let her go back to her homeland, FIND ANOTHER GIRL that has no exboyfriends calling her at all times of the night. Believe me there are plenty of good girls out there!

Thanks for the advice I am definately considering it.

 

[notsobig32]

Thanks for the input. I guess I want to know (even though she probably wouldn't tell me even if she did) so I can better understand how serious she is about this relationship. My thinking is that if she decided to have sex with a guy less than 2 weeks after I broke up with her, than there wasn't much to our relationship of 5 months.

If you broke up with her and decdided to end things does knowing really do anything but make you bitter? My advice is that you have made a decision, stick with it and move on.

 

[notsobig32]

get a new ID...Painislove?
penislove? something else dude...

now the issues you have with the Jamaican are genuine. She sets off your bells on the trust issues... so go with that.
Make her earn it and prove she is the one for you.

And dont be a dick and ask about her sexual trysts on the trip. You got to cut the past loose and call it the past and say from here on... and then see if see does right.
She may not be "the one"...there may not even be "the one", but if you act like a dick and whine about her sexual past she'll think youre a pussy.

Act like the one who wins is the one who cares the least.
Let her do all the damn work.

Then if she does turn out to want you and you do get with her...OWN HER!
Make her forget that guy by being BETTER. You dont know shit the first times and most girls get better with practice. She been practicing since then so she knows a bit more...
ROCK HER WORLD...
LIGHT HER UP...(insert your metaphor here)!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If it is truly "the one"...then nothing you do CAN screw it up....
If shes not "the one" then EVERYthing you do will screw it up.

Watch and see what happens...

Everlast,

I just gotta say i love reading your posts in the counseling forum. They seriously speak to the experiences you have had and shit you have been through. You bring a no nonsense way of looking at things to these situations.

I do agree with everlast, turn her out and she will forget about the other guy. Whine about him and her relationship with him and you will drive her right back to him.

 

[CHUCK U. FARLEY]

I say file her in the plan B(Backpocket pussy for a rainy day) catagory. Go out and get yours, cuz this chick sounds emotionally weak. I f**k other guys chicks like this all the time. Unless this guy is a new found homosexual, if he can keep himself in her mind and heart, then he definitely can get in her honey pot. You think everytime you break her heart she doesn't go running right back to him. Please, how many times have you got phone calls from exes freshly broken up? Quite a few, right? He's a bi**h cuz he can't let her go. She's a bi**h cuz she can't let him go. Don't be another bi**h that let can't let go. Wear a condom and keep greazin'.

 

[EVERLAST]

Everlast,

I just gotta say i love reading your posts in the counseling forum. They seriously speak to the experiences you have had and shit you have been through. You bring a no nonsense way of looking at things to these situations.

I do agree with everlast, turn her out and she will forget about the other guy. Whine about him and her relationship with him and you will drive her right back to him.

thanx man...doin my part to help light the pathway for the others that follow.
This trip is hard enough already, anything that helps someone along the way.